Marvel High
by TheBellafonte
Summary: School is starting again at Marvel high, and Natasha is trying to move on from her colorful past. Loki is a new student with delinquent tendencies. Both their worlds change when they meet and collide. Adventures and craziness ensues. High School AU, but NOT happy-go-lucky. All Avengers included. Give it a try.
1. Prologue: Welcome Home

**Author's Note-**

**Hello everyone! So this is the first fanfiction i'm writing that I have actually published. I've been working on it since June, and I finally got around to posting it :)**

**I don't find this story to be M rated, so I chose T. But as a fair warning, there will be some cursing, sensuality, and HINTED at adult themes, including alcohol, sex, and partying. (I mean, they're in high school, not preschool. Stuffs gonna happen, am I right? BUT! If anyone feels otherwise- that I should bump the rating up, then I certainly will. Whatever makes everyone comfortable.)**

**Other than that, please enjoy :) also, review! please please please review please.**

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Prologue: Welcome Home

Loki stepped out of the car once it pulled into the driveway, the moving truck close behind. He scowled up at the house he now had to live in- the new life he had to start.

Granted, it was enormous. A house that loomed over them in glory, as if it were a palace meant to house a king. _Leave it to his father to pick this one out,_ he thought bitterly, raising an eyebrow as he gazed over their new street.

It was lined with beautiful houses and green lawns, each having the window shutters and flower beds that one would think only existed in movies and shitty TV shows about happy and unrealistic families. The sky was cloudless and pale blue, the sun shining so bright it seemed obnoxious and mocking. He had to shield his eyes from it. Loki knew the entire town would be like this from when they had first entered it while driving.

Quaint.

"Excited, brother?" Loki heard the other car door open, and felt a strong hand clasp on his shoulder, shaking his very tall but slender form. He turned to see Thor, his older brother, grinning from ear to ear. "The neighborhood seems great."

"Yeah. Great." Loki repeated, suddenly having the desperate need for a cigarette. The box was in his back pocket, but neither Thor or his father, Odin, knew he smoked, and he intended to keep it that way.

"I feel things will be good here." Thor continued, moving across the long and winding driveway to the moving truck that had pulled in, already helping the movers carry boxes and various pieces of furniture into the house. Their mother and father- Odin and Frigga, stepped out of the car after speaking in quiet tones with each other.

"Loki, go help Thor with the boxes." Odin ordered, giving his younger son a look Loki noticed that he only used for him. It wasn't distaste or dislike- but it wasn't really kind and loving either. He had gotten used to it as the brothers had grown older into teenagers together. Frigga gave him a soft smile as she always did, but somehow the gesture didn't shake the feeling of failure and guilt that Odin's disapproving gaze produced. Frigga then walked inside the new home with Odin- most likely to sign the last of the paperwork.

Loki sighed, and turned to follow orders.

"Here, take this one."

Loki took the box Thor handed to him, noticing how it was considerably smaller than any of the other boxes. He felt that familiar pang of anger at the assumption that Thor always made- that he was not as strong as him. It seemed to be the only thing anyone ever thought of him.

Loki watched after Thor's hulking figure as he walked into the house, holding boxes of their possessions and belongings they took with them. His brother was a giant for a high school student- pretty much raw muscle and blonde hair. And yes, Loki wasn't exactly that, but he was still just as tall and almost as strong.

He gazed down at the only pair of shoes he owned- his black combat boots, held together by a couple pieces of duct tape, and his black denim clad legs, feeling the usual jealousy and bitterness that came with the daily judgements made about him. It was even worse knowing it would happen all over again at the the first day of his junior year tomorrow in a new school.

He forced himself to turn back to the moving truck. Looking at the numerous boxes, Loki grabbed two more, and huffed out a frustrated breath of air as he lugged them inside the palace of a house.

Loki did not notice the house across from his street, and the curtains slightly cracked open on a second level window once he made it inside. A pair of cunning blue eyes caught sight of the moving truck, and the different cars parked in the driveway. They missed Loki by only a moment.

Still, Natasha Romanoff was not stupid.

Her eyes narrowed in curiosity, inspecting the scene.

She had new neighbors.


	2. Chapter 1: Dread and Anxiety

**Alright, Chapter 1!**

** whoo! things are gonna start happening! please review, please? :) I want to know what you think.**

**Also, while writing this- I listened to this one song, Roni by Chikita Violenta. I think it sets the mood for a back to school kinda vibe. **

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Chapter 1: Dread and Anxiety

Natasha laid on her bed in her room, staring at the ceiling as she kicked her bedsheets of her legs in irritation. The morning sun shone through the open curtains, and in its view she could see the house of her new neighbors and the moving truck that had not yet left their driveway.

She groaned when she sat up from her comfortable position, and stretched as a cat would, flexing her limbs in all directions.

Today was a day she dreaded every year.

First day of school.

She tried to summon true anger towards the concept, but found herself too exhausted to feel anything. Many people have told her that Junior year is the best year of all four. All of her friends have been excited, happy even. This was the first year they get to have prom, and it finally separates you from the underclassmen.

So why did she feel so indifferent towards it?

The answer came quickly as Natasha stood up, and walked lazily towards her bathroom.

She was different. Changed. Not the same as she was last year.

Thinking of the past couple years when she was a freshman and sophomore made her feel queasy. Natasha hated thinking about it now- especially now since she had to endure the same people again, the same faces who knew her past actions too well, who knew of the accident. At least there would be a different principle this year, one who could only judge her from the words in her record. _Fury, was his name?_

The only thing that made her feel slightly better about the upcoming school year was the group of friends she managed to gain when she finally broke free from her bad habits a while back. They remained to be the one framed picture she had in her room on her desk, since they seemed to be the only people she had.

Sure, she still had her adoptive parents- but they both had important jobs that made them travel, and they were almost never around. They called her almost every day, just to make sure everything was alright. They did their best- Ivan and his wife seemed like the type who shouldn't really have kids. Natasha accepted this, though- she was always alone and took care of herself, but she was good at it. She was grateful for them taking her in as a child after everything that happened to her in her birth country- Russia- but nothing compared to her friends. Clint, Steve, Tony, Bruce, Pepper, Peggy, Jane, and Maria.

_I owe them so much,_ Natasha thought constantly.

_Letting me in when I needed them most._

As she finished brushing her teeth, and putting a brush through her fiery red curls that were angled at her jaw and fell down her shoulder blades, Natasha hoped this year would not start too terribly.

She moved from the bathroom to her closet and stared inside at the clothes that ranged from the brightest and deepest reds, plums, browns, greys, and blacks. Smiling at her favorite colors in every way she wanted them, Natasha looked between each hanger until she found a deep burgundy tee shirt dress. It zipped up in the back and hugged her body, but was still appropriate for school. Since the fall weather was chilly, she also slid a pair of black stockings on her legs, and settled her feet into her favorite black combat boots.

Before she left her room, Natasha gazed in the mirror at the girl who used to be so wild and uncontrollable. She seemed so much more reserved now than she was then.

There was no animal in her eyes, no sense of power.

Her eyebrows scrunched together, and Natasha frowned at her reflection before she grabbed her black messenger bag and swung it over her shoulders. When she headed downstairs, she tried to ignore the nagging feelings of nervousness and worry.

She did not even try to smile- not when no one was around to believe it.

* * *

Loki woke up on a bare mattress- blinking the blur of sleep away.

His new room was empty of everything except a bed frame, mattress, and a shelf. Even pillows and bed sheets were absent, but he didn't care. Everyone in their family was supposed to set up their rooms as they pleased once all of the boxes were unpacked- and after arriving yesterday Loki did not have any energy or need to settle in. His old sheets were still in a box in a corner- with only three more boxes to accompany it. Even those weren't much.

The smallest box was just his clothes- which was mostly just black denim and darker colored shirts, maybe a couple with band logos on the front of his favorites.

The other two considerably larger boxes were his books and music- the only things he really cared about owning. One would not assume this, though. By the looks of him- Loki guessed people thought he was somewhat of a delinquent, which, he could technically be sometimes- but not a boy with stacks and stacks of books and old records stashed in his room.

Loki loved to learn, but kept the impulse to himself most of the time. His father never seemed to value that trait too much. Odin never seemed to understand the concept of Loki not doing whatever Thor does.

He scowled at the thought of the judgement he would receive at a new school- it would be no different from anywhere he went. Whether at home or elsewhere. Thor would always be the golden boy who did everything- football, skateboarding, surfing. Charisma was something he was born with. He glowed, he was charming and kind, and that was just who he was.

Loki was not, and he knew it too well. He probably wouldn't last half an hour on a football field. He wasn't sports. He wasn't a jock, as everyone else would say.

People looked at him like he was scum, trouble.

Loki didn't want to face any more of it, but he had to.

He rose from his so called bed, unknowingly mirroring the same dread his next door neighbor with fiery red hair did. Gazing into the mirror of his bathroom, he ran a hair through his raven colored hair, the long pieces falling to the sides of his head. It had gotten long- ending halfway down his neck. He shrugged at his pale and sharp reflection, accepting the fact that taking a shower was necessary.

Loki shuffled out into the hallway, passing Thor's room as he headed to the bathroom, still wiping sleep from his eyes. Thor was already awake and being... well, Thor.

"MORNING LOKI!" He shouted, already dressed with his long blonde hair dripping wet from having taken a shower before. The grin on his face was stretched wide, and his eyes glinted with excitement towards going to school, expecting his brother to share the same feelings.

Loki simply grunted and kept walking.

He always showered in cold water. His family found it strange, but for Loki it was perfect. Standing under the water for a while, he felt his tensions and nerves calm down, as well as the physical toll from travelling for so long grow less.

Walking out from the bathroom in just a towel, Thor was already bounding down the staircase with his skateboard and books in hand.

"Hurry up, Loki. We have to go soon! New students have to meet with the principle before school starts."

Ignoring his brother once again, Loki took his time in getting back into his room, shaking out his dark and wet black hair on the way. It stuck to his jaw and a little part of his neck, falling in every direction.

Figuring it might be better to not go to school in the clothes he travelled by plane and slept in, Loki ripped open his box of clothes on the floor, and yanked a sex pistols tee shirt over his head. He also grabbed his favorite thing to wear- his leather jacket, and tugged it on.

He saw Thor's new silver jeep backing out of the driveway and driving off.

Only moments later, Loki strode downstairs, refusing breakfast from Frigga, and walking out the door. Sitting down inside his familiar black junk car, Loki could still see the silver jeep speeding away, and he reluctantly began to drive and follow it. They both arrived at Marvel High at the same time, parking next to each other in the lot in front of the entrance.

Taking a deep breath before he walked off into a new high school he was sure he would hate by the end of the day, Loki attempted to plaster the grin on his face that he usually had.

It didn't reach his eyes.

* * *

Once they got there, the two brothers were ushered to the waiting office to be formally welcomed to Marvel High with all the other new students. There were heaps of them- all looked either terrified or bored. Or excessively cheerful, like Thor.

The brothers were the first to get called in to see Principle Fury.

The secretary pronounced their names slowly, as if the whole three syllables were like a goddamn obstacle course. Her voice was raspy and high pitched, and Loki could not help but be bothered by the bright red lipstick she wore getting smudged on her teeth.

As they entered his office together, Loki felt his nerves start up again when he saw the man turned away from them, in a tailored black suit.

"No need to sit down boys, this will be quick."

When Fury turned around, he tried not to look surprised at the eyepatch he donned. Their father was the only other person he'd ever met with a patch. Loki looked down at the floor instead, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I have both of your schedules ready for you, along with your locker number and combinations."

Pieces of paper were handed to both of them, with their classes and the locations of where things were. Loki was in all advanced placement, as usual, and Thor was not.

"If you need any changes made with your schedules, your guidance counselor can take care of it," Fury went on, sounding bored but intimidating at the same time. "Welcome to Marvel High, boys. We organized tours for all of the new students during your first period class. You are each assigned a student who already goes here to show you around, and you may now go to wait in the lobby for them to get you."

Both boys nodded, Fury making the air thick with tension, as if he would have no problem expelling or suspending any student who so much as got in his way. With quiet goodbyes, they turned to leave the office.

Thor made it out the door already when Fury spoke once more.

"Loki, isn't it? Wait for a moment."

Loki froze and turned around slowly, coming face to face with their tough as nails principle again. Anxiety pounded in his ears to what Fury could possibly have to say to him, and if it was possible, he turned paler. His one eye dissected him from behind his desk, his face serious.

"I read your record... it's quite long."

_Shit._

"I see you have quite the talent for mischief."

For only a moment, Loki did his best not to grin or laugh, beginning to remember all the pranks he's pulled at his last school. He screwed over a lot of people. One prank that distinctly stood out to him was one he played on a girl, Sif, who never treated him well- along with a few others. One day he rigged her bottle of hairspray with black paint. It was not a pretty sight, but Loki found it very amusing, you know, until she realized her hair was no longer the beautiful blonde it was before.

He had a black eye for a month after that.

Although the tone of Fury's voice made a terrible twisting feeling in his gut occur when he talked, and the nostaligia for the past was now gone, and Loki was wishing for once that his record was squeaky clean.

"I will not tolerate any funny business around here, know that now." After delivering that line, Fury's face changed into somewhat of a smirk. "Good day."

Taking that as his cue to leave, Loki rushed out of the room and back into the waiting room. A group of new students still sat there, and Thor was waiting so they could both go to the lobby together for their guides.

"What did he say to you?" Thor asked curiously, still smiling.

"Nothing." Loki replied, his lips in a thin line. It was so natural for him to lie. "He said nothing."


	3. Chapter 2: Saints and Glitches

**Yeah, so, chapter two is up! And it's kinda long... Yay!**

**And I believe our favorite man of iron (or should I say teen of iron?) Will be making his appearence! And more stuff happens. whoooo**

**Thank you to those who reviewed, seriously, you guys are the best. I can't even describe how it's the greatest feeling in the world not expecting any reviews and then getting them. Please review more! I know how I see my story through my eyes, but I want to know how you see it through yours. **

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter 2: Saints and Glitches

As Natasha made her way to her locker, the hallways were packed with students. Seniors- who clearly wished they were still sleeping, sophomores, who were strangely chipper since they were no longer freshman, juniors, prideful they were no longer underclassmen, and freshman- struggling to find their way and so much as walk in the right direction.

She should have known things would not run smoothly- and sure enough, as Natasha walked by a group of girls she used to call her friends the year before, they stared, whispered, glared. They were the alleged queens of their school, and they acted like such. If Natasha had continued with her old ways, she would be beside them now- laughing and looking down upon anyone who crossed her. The idea made her feel queasy.

She could only imagine the shallow things they would say about her later.

_Look at her clothes, look at her hair. Freak._

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore their laughs as she kept walking.

She only felt anger and disappointment towards herself for ever hanging out with them.

Following the bitch squad came the usual rounds of hormonal teenage boys. They stared- they always did.

Natasha wasn't stupid.

She knew very well that her body was... well. Developed for a seventeen year old girl.

Since the seventh grade when she grew a couple inches taller and very noticable curves, things had never been the same. It was part of why she did all of the shit the years before: she could get away with that kind of thing because of the way she looked. Natasha had grown so used to this kind of treatment from boys, so much that she simply disregarded them and continued walking.

After turning through the multiple halls, Natasha finally made it to her destination. Although when she got there- she found a different surprise. A familiar mess of dark brown hair, sticking in different directions as if it had just rolled out of bed, big brown eyes, and a devilishly handsome face.

Stark.

He was waiting for her at her locker in a Black Sabbath tee shirt and jeans. In his hand he held an enormous folder- with what she presumed was sketches of his latest ideas and inventions.

Tony Stark was the genius and flirt of the school, quite possibly the district or world, and everybody knew it. He was the son of Howard Stark, an incredibly wealthy man who made money off of some kind of engineering- nobody was ever sure. Something big. Something expensive. Stark Industries.

Howard Stark donated so much money to the school every year that Tony pretty much could do anything and get away with it here. He was often never actually in class, but always skipping to be in shop or tech draw- just continuously creating and building. He didn't even flunk out or anything, because he would simply look over any school material within ten minutes or less, and know it off the back of his hand. It was remarkable, really.

"Out of our entire group of friends, you're the first I have to see?" Natasha teased him- faking disappointment. She could already feel her mask working to cover her anxiety, her discomfort for being in school. Stark did not so much as notice her real feelings, taken with Natasha's skill.

"Well if it isn't my favorite Russian, my dear Natasha. You look smashing today. Really. Did you do something different to your hair?" Tony said, speaking to her in a manner that seemed dramatic and indifferent at the same time.

"What do you want," She asked as she turned the combination and opened her locker.

"Do you always assume people have ulterior motives? What if I just wanted to see you?" He pouted.

Natasha snorted. "Yeah, alright."

Tony feigned shock. "Natasha, I'm hurt. Wounded, even."

Natasha rolled her eyes as she grabbed the books she needed for her morning classes. She assumed Tony enjoyed hearing the sound of his voice since he continued in his flippant and cheeky way.

"I was just wondering if you've seen Pepper anywhere." He said honestly. "But it's not like I didn't want to see you or anything, I totally do."

Natasha smiled. "No, I haven't seen her yet. She's probably around here somewhere though-" She was cut off by none other than who they were discussing.

"Tony! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Pepper Potts scurried down the hallway in her usual practical but preppy clothing, her orange hair straightened, and ending neatly below her shoulders, with bangs cut in a perfect line over her eyebrows. Natasha smiled at one of her few friends that was actually a girl. She loved Pepper.

More than often Natasha wondered how they became such good friends- seeing that they were so unbelievably different. Pepper was part of numerous clubs- even student council and honor society. While they were both excellent students academically- Pepper always seemed so involved in school matters and community service.

Natasha tended to stay in the shadows now.

Tony whipped his head around towards the girl everyone knew he loved, just as Pepper loved him. The two of them were quite the pair, having known each other for forever. Pepper was always making sure Tony had all of his makeup assignments and homework for classes he didn't attend, because she would not allow him to fail of flunk anything. They bickered constantly, and teased each other- but it was easy to tell that they relied and cared for the other.

Natasha and the others have been waiting for them to get together for a while now.

"Principle Fury wants to see you." Pepper said, quirking her eyebrow at Tony who was now rolling his eyes and sighing deeply. Leave it to Pepper to already be on good terms with the new principle by the first day.

"I don't get it. I haven't done anything to piss him off yet... I don't think." In a single motion, Tony shifted off of the locker he was resting on to face the girls. "I'll see you guys at lunch! And Tasha dearest, remember to smile! It's the first day of school!" He called back in a sing-song voice, winking at the girls before he turned around and strode away. The crowds swallowed him.

Pepper smiled as she looked after him- in the way she only ever did with Tony, and Natasha quietly admired the relationship they had with the other.

"So what's going on? Have you talked to the others yet? How have-"

"Natasha," Pepper laughed, cutting her off. "I hate to stop you- but Mr. Fury wants to see you too."

"Within the first ten minutes I'm here? Really? Before the first bell has even rung?"

"I don't think you're in trouble. Tony definitely is, but I don't think you are. He's kinda creepy, but he's not a bad guy. Maria's met him already too and thinks he's awesome. You better go now though. It took me awhile to find the two of you and he's probably waiting. Besides, I gotta jump and find some kid."

Natasha sighed. "Fine. I guess I'll see you later at lunch too." She began to walk down the hall and away from her friend, feeling paranoid about getting sent to the principle already. She wondered if it had anything to do with her record, and worried thoughts and horrible scenarios played out in her head.

"Oh and Natasha!" The sound of Pepper's voice snapped her out of her internal turmoil. Natasha turned around to her, curious. "That dress looks fantastic on you. That color with your hair makes you look incredible." A grin graced Natasha's features, hiding her inner terror, and Pepper winked before turning and walking in the other direction.

* * *

"Whatever you've heard, I didn't do it. I swear."

Natasha heard Tony's voice from inside Fury's office as she sat in the waiting room, and smiled to herself as she listened in. There were multiple other students sitting with her, ranging from the top ten ranks in the class, to geeks and burnouts.

"I don't know the 'it' you're talking about, and I don't ever intend to. I just called you down to make sure we are on clear terms. I hear you are quite the class skipper." A man's voice told Tony calmly but seriously.

"I just wanted to make sure you would get to all of your classes this year, no matter what kind of special privileges you have." Although Natasha did not see Fury talking, she could tell he meant his words in a threatening manner, one that did not need to even mention consequences because of the power it held.

Natasha heard Stark sputter, and she smirked.

"I also hear you're quite the inventor. I expect a lot from you here, Mr. Stark. You may go to first period now."

A moment later Tony stumbled out of the door, slightly wide-eyed. He looked to Natasha and shook his head vigorously. He muttered some choice words underneath his breath as he hurried out into the hallway.

The bell rang, and Natasha cursed silently. She would need to get a pass.

"You're next, Natasha." The secretary told her from behind her desk.

She approached Fury's office door with caution, and knocked nervously on the hard surface. His voice beckoned her in, and she swallowed the last of her nerves as she opened the door and stepped inside.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Fury?" Natasha asked.

"That I did, Miss. Romanoff. Have a seat." He stood with his back facing to her, but somehow Natasha felt as though he could still see her. On the wall there was a framed set of military medals behind glass, and she noticed the only photograph on his desk was an older picture of Fury and other soldiers in uniform.

"I see you have quite the colorful record." He began, turning around to face her. Fury had dark skin and a bald head, and to Natasha's surprise- an eyepatch.

"Yes, sir." She said quietly, feeling all of her nerves come back, but refusing to let him see anything. She was a master at hiding how she felt anyway.

"Breaking and entering, bullying, coming to school intoxicated, drunk driving..." Fury stopped reading directly from her file to look back up at the girl who turned the shades of her crimson hair.

"I'm not doing anything like that anymore, though."

"That's what I've heard, and I can see. Luckily for you, I don't really give a damn about what you've done in past records. Only what you do now."

Natasha couldn't hide the shock from her face- and stared at her new principle as he slapped her file shut, and tossed it to the side on his desk.

"Even when you were doing stupid things, you somehow managed to keep up a 4.0 grade average." He gazed at her with his one eye thoughtfully. "So I expect nothing less this year- mostly more. You are not your record, Miss Romanoff."

Natasha stuttered, trying to find words. It would not have mattered if she did, because Fury kept talking anyway.

"You can start by giving a tour." He chuckled at her eyebrows raising in confusion. "We have many new students this year. They are all gathered in the lobby waiting for their assigned tour guide. Your friend, Pepper, is one of them. As are you."

Natasha smirked at the thought of Pepper, scurrying along and helping the new kids find their way.

"Who's my student?" Natasha asked, suddenly feeling comfortable around Fury. Tony probably hated him already, but she didn't find him bad at all.

"His name's Thor. His family moved here because our school offered his father a job as the new football coach."

_Thor? Bizarre name. Then again, you don't see Natasha on every roster either,_ she thought to herself.

"He's waiting for you. I've already spoken to your first period teacher, and missing Forensic Sciences is not a problem. You may go now."

Natasha nodded and smiled at her new principle, feeling like this year wouldn't turn out being so horrible after all. The person in charge believed in her.

The lobby was only around the corner from Principle Fury's office, and when Natasha eventually got there she found a handful of new students, sitting and waiting around for their guide to arrive. She put her best face forward- knowing whoever this student is deserved to have a great guide who was open and sweet. Playing a part bothered her, but she found herself doing it so often with different people that it didn't matter anymore anyway.

Many of them turned to gaze at the beautiful red head that entered the lobby, and a good number of the desperate and horny boys hoped she would be their guide- and lead them to a deserted classroom or janitor's closet. The girls just sort of looked on in awe, praying not everybody in this school looked like she did.

Loki stood in the corner, his fingers drumming against his leg impatiently. Thor stood apart from him- but not at a distance. He seemed more interested in looking around at different people, at different things. Loki couldn't bring himself to care, that is, until the girl came.

She skidded around the corner and into the lobby, her leather combat boots leaving a mark on the flooring. She gazed around the lobby with pale blue eyes, as if hoping to find something. Her eyes easily passed over Loki, not so much as giving him any slightest attention. It made him feel even more bitter. There was no denying she was stunning- the one girl every high school always has to treasure. The type of person that would always remain beautiful, even through age and stress. Deep red curls fell down her back, and a face that had too many incredible features to be fair.

"Thor?" She spoke up, waiting for her assigned student to step forward.

The sound of her brother's name leaving her lips made anger burn within Loki. Of course. Who else would get to talk and most likely befriend her, maybe more?

Thor stepped forward, a smile on his face. "That's me!"

Natasha observed her guidee, taking in his enormous and muscled frame. He was a giant- no doubt, and she felt like a dwarf near him. He had a rugged but handsome face, and long blonde hair that ended past his shoulders.

Other students who were hoping to have her grumbled, and slumped over more than they already were, continuing to wait for their guide.

Natasha smiled, and it made her whole face light up. She waved her hand for Thor to come and follow her. "I'm Natasha," She said kindly, everything about her being the spitting image of an angel. She said it towards Thor, but everyone was listening. "Come on, I'll show you around a little bit." That beautiful face held all the care and grace of a saint. It was almost sickening.

Thor nodded happily, and strode forward in the effortless and confident way that he always had, grinning from ear to ear. He was outlandish- Loki admitted he was too- supposing it was just some way in which the brothers were raised. "It's nice to meet you," Thor told the girl politely, and they both began walking away together.

Loki would have completely dismissed her from his thoughts despite her ridiculously attractive appearance if it weren't for the glitch he saw. As they turned, he caught sight of a slip on her part. Thor was looking in another direction, already yapping on about God knows what. As he did so- Natasha looked to the ground, her sweetness and amiability completely disappeared. The smile and glow distinguished, in replace the true girl behind the mask.

It was unsettling, seeing how easily she slipped between whoever she felt she needed to be. As Thor looked to Natasha again before they disappeared around the corner, she turned her gaze upward and once again- the saint was back, smiling and showing a perfect set of white teeth.

Loki couldn't keep the blatant curiosity off his face. No one else even noticed, none of the other kids caught on to her act except him. It would take a liar to know a liar. For the first time in days, a true grin came to Loki's lips, the redhead who didn't even notice him suddenly adding color to the world he looked at in greyscale.


	4. Chapter 3: Lunch Assembled

**BACK ONCE AGAIN WITH CHAPTER 3! whoohoo! I don't want to say this is a filler chapter- cause it's not.. not really. But there are introductions and stuff that just has to happen to keep the story moving along.**

**Once again, i must thank those for reviewing. you guys are the wind beneath my wingss! Seriously though. I love you all, and if I could i would hug you all and bake you cookies. And pleaaaaaasseeeee continueee reviewiingg pleaaaaaaseee! **

**Feedback is like the greatest thing since sliced bread.**

**Also- I saw one of you finally mention the name of the story. oliviathecf, it is kind of tacky, haha. I didn't even intend to call it "Marvel High" at all- and the reason it took me SO LONG to actually post this story was because I could not think of a name. I considered song lyrics for a title, something... but none of it fit right. I still am not completely satisfied with "Marvel High" and I fear that the name turns people off from so much as clicking the story, but I needed something that could be adaptable, in case.. you know... the story does well and there could be a possible sequel on the horizon? *wiggles eyebrows suggestively* Marvel High is a corny name... and it's especially ironic since the story itself was not written to be a corny story at all... It will have to do though, but i feel ya. Hopefully it will grow on us, haha.**

* * *

Chapter 3: Lunch Assembled

Natasha was surprised to find how comfortable it was showing Thor around the school. She liked him. He didn't make things uncomfortable as so many boys would. In fact, he seemed pretty oblivious to Natasha's attractiveness, unlike all other teenage hormonal time bombs, and if he wasn't then he did not show it. He was polite and respectful, and for once Natasha got the comfort of being around someone who treated her like a human being. It wasn't hard for her to keep up her cheerful and kind mask- Thor acted that way naturally and it was contagious.

They were strolling down the hallways and making their way to their last stop, Thor's locker. Natasha had already showed him the cafeteria, the gymnasium, and everything else he needed to know.

"Here it is," She said triumphantly, stopping in front of his locker as she read off of his schedule. "B-124."

"Thank you!" Thor exclaimed, already testing out his new combination and opening it to put his few books inside. He resembled somewhat of a puppy, happily trotting through the halls and gazing around. It was amusing. "This school is a lot smaller than the last one." He commented.

"That's Marvel high for you." Natasha sighed, leaning against the locker next to his.

The bell that ended first period rang through the halls loudly, and students poured out into the halls to get to their next class. Their tour was over- and it was time to move on. An awkward quiet settled over the two of them.

"Alright, so... we both have to get to second period now," Natasha said, standing up and preparing to leave. "You know how to get there, right?"

"I remember," Thor smiled. "Chemistry is in D hall. Do we have any classes together in the rest of the day?" He asked hopefully, shutting his locker and holding a couple books at his side.

"No, I don't think so." Natasha already memorized his schedule after looking at it a few times, and was sad to say no and leave him alone.

Thor just wished he could have a familiar face with him since he knew already he would have no classes with Loki. His brother was always in advanced placement, and Thor often wasn't.

She was about to turn and walk away, before quickly deciding to do something she normally would never do.

_Thor seems like a really great guy... _

"But we do have late lunch together..." She began. "You could eat with me and my friends if you want. They're all really great- I think you'd get along."

Tony would get a kick out of him, she could see it now.

Thor looked overjoyed by the invitation, and nodded vigorously. "That sounds fantastic!" Although he did not look it- Thor had been worried about the change of a new school. However, as time went on- especially as he gained a new friend- his confident stride grew stronger.

Natasha laughed at his enthusiasm. "We eat in the courtyard. It's right outside the back double doors. I'll see you then!"

Hurrying so she wouldn't be late to second period, she waved and rushed off into the crowds to advanced calculus.

* * *

Marvel High wasn't large, and somehow when the fifth bell rang Thor managed to find Loki as he was walking to lunch.

"Brother," He said happily, clapping him on the back. "How's your day been so far?"

"It's been fine." For one of the first time, Loki wasn't lying. His day had not been spectacular, but it wasn't tragic either. For his first period tour he somehow managed to get stuck with a football jock, who tended to talk more about the upcoming football season than the school. Loki dealt- mostly ignored him as they walked around. He took in the surroundings himself, observing and coming to his own conclusions. After a while the jock just stopped talking, and seemed slightly disturbed by Loki's indifferent attitude. By the end of the end of the tour the guy had practically ran to second period.

The only thing that truly irritated him was the constant looks of surprise he got from the advanced placement teachers, shocked that a leather clad, sex pistols shirt wearing boy was in their classes. He knew he didn't fit the profile of the usual students in those classes, but they could at least try to be less obvious.

"Do you remember the girl, Natasha from this morning? My tour guide?" Thor asked as they walked down the hall together.

_As if I could forget._

A feeling of dread overcame Loki when he replied, "Yeah." He hoped he would not have to sit through a story of how the tour was really just a make out session in some closet.

"She's very kind, and invited me to eat lunch with her friends. You should join us!"

Not what Loki was expecting.

"Was I invited?" He inquired. Thor frowned.

"Well, no... but I'm sure they won't mind. You'll be with me!"

Loki thought of the possibility of sitting with the girl, Thor, and her friends. He thought of having to watch her talk with Thor, laugh with Thor. Most likely do things with Thor down the line, all the while not noticing him like most people do. That's what always ended up happening, and Loki always ended up watching from the sidelines. This time it was a disturbing thought, and made him feel uneasy.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I don't think I'd be comfortable."

He knew very well it was a shitty reason to decline the invitation, but for some reason it just bothered him. After seeing her lying in front of every like a pro, after seeing the chameleon the girl really was- he didn't want to be disappointed in her. He didn't want to lose the closest thing he felt he could relate to here.

"Alright," Thor didn't hide his disappointment, and Loki hated how he looked like an abused puppy. "But if you change your mind, we eat in the courtyard."

They both walked outside the same doors near the side of the school, entering the courtyard and the grassy lawns that only Juniors and Seniors were allowed to eat. Thor branched off from him, giving him a wave as he strode off towards a group of people in the center of the courtyard, which Loki could only assume was Natasha's friends.

He watched, amused, as Thor greeted himself in the loud way he always did to the people there. They nodded and greeted him too, each in their own individual ways. A few boys and a few girls, but Natasha nowhere to be seen.

Loki looked around for her as he continued walking farther away, but lost his balance when someone bumped into him, running in the other direction. He felt a small hand on his arm, steadying him.

"Sorry!"

_Of course. _

When she looked at Loki, she didn't actually see Loki.

It was just another guy.

She was in too much of a rush to notice him. Natasha quickly removed her hand once she saw he was fine, and he didn't have any chance to say any words. She was already running again, her black messenger bag bumping against her hip and her red curls whipping back and forth. The vague Loki completely slipped from her mind as she spotted her friends.

Maybe in a chick flick or another teen movie their eyes would have met and something would have happened between the two of them. They would not have been able to keep their hands off each other- entranced. Maybe then could he talk to her, try to understand her.

But this was not a shitty chick flick or a teen movie.

This was reality.

Feeling even more sour than he did before, Loki continued walking past students until he found a deserted spot under a tree. It was a distance away from the school, totally across the parking lot and lawns, but he didn't care. Grabbing his box of cigarettes from his back pocket, he took one out and lit up, sitting on the ground against the tree trunk.

He took a long drag, and exhaled the smoke, shutting his eyes. Loki began his usual routine: hating everything and everyone else around him.

* * *

When Natasha got near her group of friends in the courtyard when lunch had started, she was encased in a giant hug by Maria Hill and Peggy Carter. She laughed as she wiggled from their grasps, easily forcing her anxiety down under once again.

"It's nice to see you guys, too." Natasha hadn't seen either Peggy or Maria in a couple weeks. Maria quirked her eyebrow.

"You didn't think you could hide from us, did you?"

Maria was tall- as tall as most of the guys, but thin. She had dark hair that she almost always kept in a messy bun behind her head, and usually kept a simple style of jeans and a tee shirt. Her face was pretty though, and it didn't really matter what she wore. No matter what she looked great.

Peggy was a lot more edgy- possibly the most of all the girls. She was really into vintage stuff, almost borderline obsessive, and always sported red lipstick. Her hair was a warm brown, and always fell in those classic 1940's curls to her shoulders. She pulled if off well, though, and had that glam beauty to her.

Unlike so many of the girls they all attended school with, Peggy and Maria were unbelievably capable of kicking serious ass, along with Natasha. They were a few of the toughest chicks at Marvel high, and people knew not to mess with them or the people they cared about. The three of them had grown to be damn proud of it.

Suddenly Steve appeared, hugging Peggy from behind. "Hey Natasha," He smiled, and leaned down to kiss Peggy on the cheek. Steve was the golden boy of the school- captain of the football team, and the polite and good-natured guy all the girls swooned over. Him and Peggy have always dated though, and it was clear to see that the two had no intentions of ending it any time soon. They both had grown together- and respected each other. Steve loved Peggy for her unwavering and unyielding attitude, and Peggy loved Steve for his kindness and compassion. They simply worked- just like how Pepper and Tony worked.

Natasha left the couple to be, well- a couple together, and branched off towards other parts of the group. She was surprised to see Thor already there. Moving to stand next to him, she addressed the group "Guys, this is Thor. I invited him to eat lunch with us. He's new."

"Oh, we've already met." Tony wiggled his eyebrows at him. "We go way back, to like... a couple minutes ago."

Everyone greeted him, and Thor sat down next to Tony, Pepper, and Bruce in the giant circle that their group created in the center of the courtyard.

They were the group of friends that people would assume could never get along with each other- but over time they had grown incredibly close despite their differences. People around watched them all- but none of the group paid any attention to the world outside of their awkwardly shaped circle.

Bruce was shy at first around Thor, but Tony was talkative and loud enough for the both of them. However, as lunch went on, Bruce eventually grew to talk and laugh too.

Bruce Banner tended to be more quiet than the others because of his anger management issues. He was kind to everyone and normally would not hurt a fly, but he has had instances in the past when he's gotten incredibly angry- and there was hell to pay. You would not assume something like that from him- someone who was kind of geeky and smaller, a genius student in the sciences. But Bruce could sometimes hold a lot of power over others- simply with the threat of his reputation.

Natasha was the last one left standing- seeing that everyone had already taken a seat except for her. She unconsciously moved to sit next to Clint Barton, easily her best friend out of everyone. Sure, she was close to all of them in special ways- but Natasha trusted Clint more than anyone. He had always been there for her, even through the roughest times. He was the closest she had to family.

"Hey Tash," He greeted, his face keeping its serious expression that it always held. Clint was like this- all solitude and pensive. It wasn't to say he was a bad or humorless guy- because Clint was easily capable of having fun and goofing off. He just didn't do it often, and when he did, it was only with people he really trusted and cared about. His seemingly tough guy look attracted a lot of girls, though. Like moths towards a light.

"You doing okay?" Clint asked her quietly, watching her with his hawk like eyes.

Natasha smiled. "Yeah, I am."

She couldn't really figure out if she was lying or not. Her friends often made her feel so much better, and she loved them to bits- but there seemed like there had always been a gap, and that there was always a sense that she was acting around them. Clint was the closest to her, but even he couldn't get past the wall Natasha kept between herself and everyone. This point was even further proved when Clint just accepted her answer easy, not questioning her at all.

Conversation started easily, and soon they were all joking around and laughing, Bruce even did a spit take when drinking water at something Tony said at one point.

Thor was enjoying himself in their company, overjoyed that he had made friends so easily. Him and Steve chatted about the upcoming football season, and Tony made things more comfortable (and uncomfortable at times) by asking him questions to make sure he was always involved in the talking. One instance that stuck out in her head was when Tony asked Thor if he conditioned regularly, which only ended with a very confused new student and Tony being shocked none of the guys knew was conditioning was. "It keeps your hair healthy!" He exclaimed.

The girls had laughed for a good ten minutes straight.

"So where did you move from, Thor?" Tony asked some more, taking a bite out of his shawarma. For some reason he was obsessed with it, and no one else understood why. It was good, but for _christ's sake_, he ate it almost every day.

"We moved from a town called Asgard," Thor told everyone. "It was very different from Marvel.. I miss it, but it's nice here too."

"The guys are probably all gonna hang out after school. Wanna join? We can pick you up." Natasha was happy at how well everyone was accepting Thor. She knew first hand how terrifying it can be to come to a new place.

"That would be great! I live on Popplar." Thor replied, his bright blue eyes shining with excitement.

"You're kidding!" Natasha said, speaking with her mouth filled with her lunch. She was sure she didn't look either attractive or polite in doing so, but she didn't really care. Her friends wouldn't judge her... except maybe Tony. "I live on the same street!" Natasha remembered seeing the moving truck in the driveway of the house across from her, and felt stupid for not realizing earlier.

Thor brightened instantly at this news- a friend would actually be near him.

That was when Jane Foster came running towards them, her oversized flannel flying behind her like a flag in the wind. Her soft brown hair was messy, more or less how she kept it regularly. She wore her usual jeans and enormous puffy boots, and looked beautiful without any makeup. Jane was one of those people that could care less about what she wore. Natasha had been wondering where her other friend had been, but once she got to their group she was already rushing to explain herself.

"Hey guys! Sorry I'm late... I was talking to Professor Selvig about astronomy next period..." She collapsed next to Bruce, who smiled at his fellow genius student.

"I have astronomy next period!" Thor spoke up, gazing at Jane in the same way Steve would look at Peggy and Tony would look at Pepper. Natasha caught on quickly, raising an eyebrow at the interaction budding before her eyes. Jane turned at the voice, her eyes widening slightly at the new boy sitting with them. Natasha jumped in at the chance.

"Jane- this is Thor. He's new. Thor, this is Jane Foster."

Jane peered over at Thor with a growing smile on her face, and she pushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear. "Hello Thor."

Thor grinned at the mousy girl, and replied back, "Hello Jane Foster."

Lunch continued for its last fifteen minutes, Thor and Jane shooting glances at each other throughout. Natasha couldn't help but feel prideful about her sort of playing cupid- especially when the two of them walked off together to Astronomy once the bell rang. It was cute- seeing Thor's huge figure walking slowly next to Jane's tiny one so they could keep the same pace.

While it was nice to see, she also realized she was the only one out of the girls who did not have someone to walk to next to like they did. (She was almost sure Maria and Clint had a thing for each other.) Even though the thought stung, Natasha had come to a conclusion a long time ago.

She was much better being alone.

After sucking up her natural and teenage reaction to all her friends being in relationships except her, Natasha headed off with Clint and Maria to their next class together, listening to the two of them talk about their days so far.

* * *

After watching them the entire period, Loki eventually stood up from his spot on the ground under the tree when the bell rang. He dragged his feet along as all of the other students ran to make their next class, knowing the rest of the day would be long and rough.

Loki wished today, the next day, this whole year, could just be over already.


	5. Chapter 4: Scum Of The Earth

**Chapter 4: Scum of the Earth**

_"__Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?_

_Soy un perdidor, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"_

_~ Beck, "Loser."_

* * *

Months passed by without anyone so much as noticing.

Winter was coming around again, and you could no longer walk outside in just a tee shirt or sweater. The New York weather grew much colder, and the sky grew dull and pale as the season changed.

Marvel High was exactly as it had always been- high school. Horrible, Hormonal, and quite often boring. Students had officially adapted to the change in their lives- and by adapted that means already growing bored with the routine of waking up every morning for six hours of learning. Everyone was antsy for something, anything to happen.

The school had never experienced a principle like Fury- he kept everything in line, did his job phenomenally, and whipped the delinquent students into shape.

Well... all except one.

Loki had picked up the habit of getting detentions... every day. Half of the time he did not mean to get them, half of the time he could admit he provoked. Teachers did not like him- mostly because he was too smart for his own good. More than often he would argue with them, defy and trick them- and they resented him for being right much of the time. He also had the tendency to screw with a lot of people he felt deserved it. The students at school that knew who he was tended to fear him because of this. Loki barely talked, he kept to corners, to shadows- and when he did come out, it was to ignore the authority they had all been taught to follow obediently. When he did choose to speak- it was with a silver tongue.

The only person who had defended him from people labeling him as the school psychopath was Thor, who won the Marvel High football team States with his new friend Steve. Loki was thankful for Thor's defence, but remained bitter from how well he adapted to their new life. Thor was officially in Natasha's group of friends, sitting with them every day at lunch and always invited to their outings after school. Everyone loved him... as usual. He even had somewhat of a girlfriend- the Jane Foster girl.

Thor would always speak of it all to Loki when he would sit with him in his room, and it sometimes felt like Loki was there with them in spirit because of how much he knew about them. He knew, for instance, that the girl of his interest lived across the street from him. He knew how much everyone wanted Tony and Pepper together, stuff like that. Thor had tried to include him by inviting Loki to their outings- but Loki constantly rejected him.

The friendship and love Thor had found with these new people seemed unfair to him. Sometimes Loki even wished he was in his place, being adored, talking with everyone, but always pushed down the feelings before they could truly be recognized.

Despite this, he liked to observe from afar. Their group was a curious thing, but he found Natasha the most interesting.

She had something in her that he had seen in no other person but himself. He loved sitting underneath his tree during lunch, and watching her smile and laugh and lie to everyone around her. It wasn't creepy, it was more like admiration. He had decided that eventually he would speak with her when the time was right, really talk to her- not her mask.

_The mask must come off_, he decided.

Even though he loved trying to figure her out, Loki knew he needed other things to occupy him. To keep his mind from it, Loki took a job at a local garage outside of school. He got it after the first couple weeks of school, and now it was December. Loki never knew it- but he had a real knack for fixing things complex, for unweaving the biggest of problems.

When he first told Odin and Frigga he had gotten a job, they simply looked at him for a few moments. Frigga told him that it was very nice for him. Odin just grunted, muttering something about how it was a good thing for a boy like him to get to work.

The job kept him from thinking about Thor, about his home life that never felt like home, and most of all, Natasha, who still had no idea he existed.

Loki had to work a lot lately- the cold winter had been quickly destroying many people's cars, and he had kept getting called in to solve problems the ice and growing worse weather was causing.

It was a Friday after school during his shift when they came in the shop.

The preppy girl that always seemed to have too much energy, what was her name, Pepper? Her billionaire Tony Stark, the bumbling Bruce Banner, Natasha's claimed to be closest friend Clint Barton, Captain Steve Rodgers, his feisty girlfriend Peggy Carter, tough as nails Maria Hill, and Thor's science geek Jane Foster.

Loki couldn't figure out it he wanted them to see him or if he should just hide away. Until then it had never occurred to him if Thor's friends even knew who he was or not.

At the moment he was particularly filthy, laid down on the dirty cement ground underneath someone's car to fix their broken brakes. This was his last car for the day- and once it was done he would be free to leave. Loki was in his work clothes- a pair of old, worn down jeans that were ripped at the knees and made of dark denim to hide the oil marks and stains. His shirt, however, did not do the same. It was white, or should I say, used to be white. It showed all of the grime he worked with that day, even sporting some holes.

"Hello, I'm here to pick up my car." The prep scurried over to the main counter to where Loki's ogre- like boss happened to be standing at the front desk, in the tiny, less dirty room before you enter the actual open garage where the cars get fixed. "Pepper Potts? P-O-T-T-S.."

Loki's disgruntled and asshole of a boss did not seem to phase or intimidate Pepper at all. She stood out more than anyone there, wearing a soft pink pencil skirt and a pale cream blouse tucked in at the waist. Tony chuckled at her from behind, elbowing Clint and Bruce. Maria punched him in the arm and Steve shook his head disapprovingly.

His boss shuffled through a couple pieces of paper on the desk.

"Yeah, it's just bein' fixed up right now. Hold on, ma'am."

Having been secretly listening in on what they were saying, Loki was surprised and slightly embarrassed when his boss turned around towards the clearly visible garage, hollering his name.

"Loki! You done with that car yet?"

He froze as he laid there on the ground, wondering if they could see him there.

"A couple more minutes!" He yelled back, grabbing a wrench next to him to finish the job. He heard a quiet murmur from Jane, and the group grew silent for a moment after hearing his boss call his name. Loki tilted his head back on the ground to see the upside-down image of them standing in the other room, attempting to see where he was. They did not succeed, however- but only because he was laying beneath the car.

_So Thor has mentioned me, has he?_

_Or maybe they just know what the rest of the school thinks._

He heard his boss tell the group how they were welcome to wait, and that it was probably the right time for Pepper to pay the price for the broken brakes. After they seemed to get over the fact that the school freak was fixing Pepper's car, they all began to chat and Loki couldn't help but listen in.

"So where's Nat? I thought she'd be coming with us tonight."

"She told me she's working till close." Clint answered.

"And Thor?"

"Thor has this dinner with his dad and um..." Loki supposed Jane gestured to where he was as opposed to saying his name out loud. "It's this thing they do a lot, going out to a nice restaurant or something."

_Shit._

Loki grumbled to himself as his arm pulled on the wrench, gritting his teeth as he worked with a particularly difficult part of his job.

He had forgotten about that dinner.

Odin always insisted he take Thor and Loki out to dinner every now and then, it had become somewhat a tradition. And when the word tradition is used, it really means Odin talking to Thor all night about football and sports, while Loki sat and listened.

He had come to dread it. At this point he tried his best to avoid even being put in such positions with his family because he knew Odin would not really care or notice if he wasn't there. It was Thor who always convinced him to stay and to attend these things.

Loki knew Thor cared about him- and Loki loved Thor for it.

But sometimes, it didn't seem like enough.

Sometimes Loki just needed a father's approval.

"Hurry it up, boy, they're waiting!" His boss yelled from the waiting area.

Loki felt his face burn in humiliation, wishing it was anyone but them who were picking up the car. It was awkward, just like almost every other human encounter Loki ever had with anyone.

He finally finished a moment later, sliding out from under the car and stretching with his back faced to the where the group watched him tentatively. Cracking his neck to each side, he turned around to face them, greasy wrench still in his hand.

"It's done." He said, gazing at each person in the friend group with a stare before turning to his boss. "And I believe I am too, for the day."

His boss scowled at the worker he often treated like shit without really realizing, and replied in a hoarse voice. "Get out, then."

Loki ignored the harshness of his words, and grabbed his keys out of his pocket.

The room had grown incredibly awkward.

Jane was trying to figure out what to do. She was not sure if she should say anything to the brother of her boyfriend- she had never really talked to him before. Only seen him once or twice around their house when Thor brought her over. Despite her slight disturbance towards Loki's aloof presence, Jane's kindness always overcame her.

"Hello Loki," She squeaked, waving nervously at the outcast.

Loki looked up at the voice, his head tilting at an angle.

Jane instantly regretted saying anything.

"Hi?" It came out more like a question than a greeting, and Loki knew he sounded like a dick. A serious dick. He hadn't meant for it to be like that- but in all honesty, he had never had anyone ever say hello to him before. Even acknowledge him.

Maria Hill stepped forward threateningly, anger in her eyes at the guy that came off as an asshole to her best friend, who was now blushing and backing away. Clint grabbed Maria's arm and held her back, simply shaking his head soundlessly when she looked to him for an explanation.

"Come on, let's head out..." Steve said firmly, giving Loki a look somewhere between confusion and distaste. "Pepper- take your car. We'll all meet back at Tony's."

For once Tony Stark was not making a snide remark.

Pepper nodded and hurried away past Loki and into the open garage, eager to get out of the room that had turned quite hostile in a matter of moments.

_I only said hi,_ Loki thought bitterly, not noticing when his face contorted into an ugly scowl. As the rest of the group of friends began to scatter and leave, shooting nervous glances back at him, a high pitched bell rang when the door closed behind them. Pepper's car engine hummed to life, and she drove out of the open garage to follow their lead. Loki felt a rough hand grab his shirt by the collar and yank once they were gone.

"What d'you think you're doin' boy?" His boss growled. "Losing me customers. That's money that might never come back again! You hear what I'm sayin'? Don't be screwin' everything up here, boy, even though it seems it's all yer good for."

Suddenly Loki was free again, and stared at his boss who was still baring his teeth in anger. Clutching the keys to his car in his palm, Loki turned and walked away. "Worth nothin' scumbag," He heard his boss snarl again from behind his back.

Loki finally breathed again once he made it outside and to the parking lot near the back. An inexplicable rage rose within him, eating him away. The image of Jane's innocent and hurt face flashed before his eyes, and the looks of dislike from everyone else too. The sound of his boss rang in his ears.

_Why can't I just do anything right?_

_Like Thor, he always does everything right._

_Everything I ever do is wrong._

_I am wrong._

Loki stumbled as he walked to his car, blinking his eyes and trying to get his face to change from the terrible expression that was there. On his way there he paused, noticing the beautiful red sports car that belonged to his boss. It glistened in the sun, looking so nice and new- it only pushed Loki over the edge.

The parking lot was not in view of the garage at all, and he felt no remorse as he popped the hood and grabbed at the wires and plugs with his bare hands. Loki knew the spots and certain chords that were necessary, and he knew exactly how to fuck them up for good.

When his mischief was done, a huge grin had stretched across his lips but his eyes remained full of malice. Loki sighed and rolled his neck, pleased with the chaos he channeled his anger into.

His boss would not have a pleasant ride home.

In fact, he might find his entire engine leaked of gas.

Walking forward to his junker of a car and leaving his work behind, Loki began to prepare himself for dinner that night.

* * *

**So, a little peek into our favorite God of mischief's world, hmm? ) I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I felt "Loser" by Beck really suits it well- along with Loki's obvious difficulties. **

**The next chapter will be very Natasha centric- and it will be one monster piece of writing. The moment of truth is coming! And yes, I mean when Loki and Natasha meet. I can't wait to see what you guys think of it.**

**Please review please my lovesss**


	6. Chapter 5: Compromised

**Chapter 5: Compromised**

* * *

**"****_I'll seek you out, flay you alive. One more word and you won't survive_**

**_And I'm not scared of your stolen power, I see right through you any hour._**

**_I won't soothe your pain, I won't ease your strain._**

**_You'll be waiting in vain. I got nothing for you to gain._**

**_I'm taking it slow, feeding my flame, shuffling the cards of your game._**

**_And just in time in the right place, suddenly I will play my ace."_**

_~Blue Foundation, "Eyes On Fire"_

* * *

As time passed Natasha floated by more than anything. School was easy for her- always had been, and her advanced classes were not a challenge. She was with her group of friends often, whether it would be going out or being with friends. Principle Fury had grown to like her- and often gave her extra assignments on the side that she didn't mind doing.

The people of her school had begun to leave her be, push her aside and out of their minds, including her past, and she loved it this way. It was easy for Natasha to blend and fit perfectly into the mass, giving the impression that nothing was wrong. As if she did not feel a part of her missing. As if her past was more or less forgotten.

She could have acted and made herself believe her world was perfect if it weren't for the bitch squad. They had not forgotten her.

Sandra, Colleen, and Jess.

Quite often they would play pranks, if that was the word for them, on her. Natasha would come into school, and open her locker to find pictures glued to the metal interior of herself from a year ago. Humiliating pictures of her doing terrible things, being trashed, _with_ a guy, stuff like that. It was embarrassing to know the pictures even existed, but constantly being reminded of it was terrible. They would murmur crude remarks to her whenever they would pass in the halls, and on occasion there would be words written about her by them on the bathroom stalls.

It bothered Natasha, she wouldn't lie. It was hard not to be bothered by it.

What really got to her was how easy it was to revive her past, and how the Bitch Squad held it in their hands so easily. It wasn't fair.

Outside of school and being with her friends who remained slightly oblivious to the bullying Natasha experienced daily (because she hid it from them), she worked at a popular restaurant near her house. It was close enough to walk every day, which was what she did to save gas money. The cold was harsh, but she forced herself to deal with it anyway.

Over time Natasha had learned the art of being a waitress.

It took more skill than anyone actually knew. Well, if you wanted good tips at the end of the night it did. Natasha had grown to be an expert at knowing what personality each customer would want most, which smile would leave a ten or a twenty, what they found most charming on an individual level.

She did what she did best.

Even if it meant listening to the middle aged men call her darling after many drinks, and tell her how she reminded them of their ex wife. She would play the part and laugh, let color rise to her cheeks, slap them lightly on the arm and giggled. Be modest. They would wake up the next morning and barely remember her, but she would be the one who woke up fifty dollars richer.

On a particular Friday night it was dead, only a few people passing through to either pick up food to go or get a quick drink. Natasha didn't mind- in fact, she was pleased. She hadn't finished her calculus homework, and she sat on the steps by the back entrance, writing equations vigorously in a notebook with a textbook splayed out on her lap. It was freezing in the middle of December, and she could see her shaky breath as a white mist as her hand shivered while she wrote, hurrying to get the work done.

Her friends were all hanging out at Tony's that night for a movie marathon, but she didn't mind missing it. Usually those get-togethers almost always ended in everyone throwing popcorn at each other, although it was always amusing to watch Steve and Thor's expressions during classic movies that both have them had never seen. For some reason they completely lagged behind humanity when it came to pop culture, and Tony almost went into cardiac arrest when he first found out neither of them had ever seen star wars.

She believed tonight was a superhero film marathon, which all the guys salivated over. Natasha never really cared for such things- they seemed silly and unrealistic to her.

She almost cursed aloud when she heard the back door screeching open, taking her out of her thoughts, and one of the other waitresses telling her there was a table to be waited on in her section.

Closing her book with a bit more force than she intended, Natasha stood up tiredly, walking back into the quiet restaurant. She moved to grab her notepad for taking orders out of the back pocket of her black pants, clicking the pen in irritation as she walked towards the single booth in her section. Before she reached it, though, she quickly masked her frustrations, and she felt a smile tug at her cheeks.

_Doing what she did best._

She didn't hide her surprise when she saw Thor sitting there. He was in all of his glory, his long blonde hair brushing against his shoulders as he grinned and conversed theatrically with the other people at his table. She couldn't help but notice the enormous muscle of his arms as he unrolled the fork, knife, and spoon from the napkin. They were just so abnormally large, and she suddenly understood the football team's early obsession and utter joy towards him joining the ranks.

"Natasha!" He said happily, his eyes lighting up at seeing his friend. "I didn't know you worked here!" Natasha restrained herself from laughing at Thor and how amusing he was when he was happy. Almost like a child given a new toy.

"Hello, Thor," She said, her lips quirking into a smile. She looked at the other man seated across him and she let her eyes widen in curiosity. He was older, with longer white hair and a white beard. The man looked like the spitting image of Thor except with many years added on, except for the patch that covered his eye. She wondered how it got there.

"Natasha, this is my father." Thor said happily, taking the menu she offered him.

The man looked at Natasha in a way of judgement, as if he were sizing her up. She nodded in politeness, almost too worried to speak casually with him. He had power with the way in which he held himself. She could only imagine how it would feel to have him yell at you on the football field, let alone have him be your father.

"Hello," She smiled, handing over a menu.

To her surprise, Thor's father smiled in return, a sudden warmth showing in his eyes. "Call me Odin." He told her.

Natasha allowed her smile to grow larger, and she even let it reach her eyes. She carefully tucked a loose curl behind her ear shyly, blinking a few times and looking up from her thick eyelashes.

She felt bad knowing she was only playing a part with Thor's family, but it had become something so natural for her that she just filled the void with whatever seemed right.

Thor snapped her out of her internal guilt, still talking.

"And this is my brother, Loki."

For the first time, Natasha noticed the third person sitting at the booth. Once she did, she understood why. He was unlike Thor and Odin. Not only was his physical looks the negative version of his father and brother, but the boy did not have that glow- the energy they gave off in unison. Instead the shadows stuck to him- played with the sharp features of his face and kept him slightly hidden.

It was clear no one really paid any attention to him. Thor was the only person to actually acknowledge him by introducing him to Natasha, but aside from that, Odin and his golden son did not seem to realize their obvious habit of ignoring Loki.

Suddenly she vaguely recognized him- remembered bumping into him on the first day of school. Seeing him in the halls, in the corners, lurking, smoking cigarettes in the courtyard alone, he was even in her gym and english class. He was one of those people she had never really put thought into. He was always alone... isolated.

Her smile slipped for a moment, but a moment was enough.

Thor and Odin took no notice, but he did. He knew.

Loki tilted his head to the side as he looked at her, as if he were trying to find something or figure out the answer to a riddle.

It felt as if he could see right through her.

Natasha kept on her mask again despite the green eyes that continued to gaze at her, knowing what she was doing. For the first time she felt compromised, uncomfortable. It was not him, but it was the way he understood her act.

She handed him a menu and she was acutely aware of his slender fingers taking it from her hold. "Thank you." He said, grinning, and leaning back into the booth once again.

Natasha nodded, trying to ignore the odd feeling settling in her stomach. "You're welcome." She said, not bothering to give him any grins or golden smiles. He knew very well what they really were.

Her nerves buzzed with him near, making her feel uneasy while she took their drink orders quickly and dashed off to retrieve them. Once she was in the back kitchen at the soda fountain, Natasha exhaled and shut her eyes.

_Oh god... _Thoughts swam in her head, drowning out everything else around her. _He knows, he knows... how could he?_

She filled their glasses with what they ordered, and her shaking hands placed them on a tray for her to carry out. Natasha had never been affected by anyone like this, and she was angry at how she could not control her emotions and the feeling in her core.

Natasha lived for control nowadays, she was no longer the wild girl from her past. But Loki was different from her. He seemed to bring chaos and insanity wherever he went... it was in his nature. What Natasha feared most.

Seeing one of the waitresses standing around bored as she talked with the chef, Natasha rushed up to her with the drinks in hand.

"Wanda," She addressed the woman, feeling frazzled and frantic. Since she'd been found out, she couldn't tell if she was actually being real or not. "Table five, please, please take them for me?" The middle aged woman looked at the young high school student and frowned, but took the tray.

"Yeah, sure... you okay, sweetie?"

Natasha nodded, and a ran a hand through her hair. "I... I just need some air."

Wanda seemed to understand, and the two girls walked out of the swinging doors of the kitchen, Wanda turning right to serve Thor, Odin, and Loki their drinks, and Natasha in the other direction to the back exit. She vaguely heard Thor question where Natasha went, and Wanda explaining how she did not feel very well.

Stepping out into the freezing air was like a slap in the face, and Natasha shuddered as she collapsed down on the steps, putting her head in her hands as she pulled her knees up to her chest.

_Why was she acting this way? Why couldn't she handle him?_

_How does he know?_

Her acting was a part of her past- something dark that she kept hidden from everyone. She used to use it as a tool to get whatever she wanted... she was known for it. Natasha Romanoff, the first class liar, who for the longest time was not even a person- had no identity. She would mold and adapt to get what she wanted, and she had hurt so many people because of it. But when you've got a smile as sweet as hers, how could you possibly refuse?

Of course, now since she's reformed, everyone was still wary, but accepted her. Her friends had grown to trust her unconditionally, but what they didn't know was that it remained the one thing she continued to use and have now. They all believed she was past it, but in reality, she was just so good at covering herself up that they didn't even know most of the time.

She wasn't hurting any people any more, of course. But Natasha could not help but wear her mask that she had learned to put on so well.

It was like her own protection.

_And now some random punk figures it out._

She was so distracted that she didn't process the smoke in the air, or the slender figure poised against the brick wall next to her. Loki gazed down at her, knowing she had no idea he was there. He flicked his cigarette to the dirty, wet ground before grinding it with the heel of his boot in silence.

"You know, it's incredible what some people are capable of."

Natasha jumped, turning to look up at where the voice came from. She stared up at Loki as he towered over her, much taller than what she assumed seeing him sitting in the booth. As tall as Thor- but did not have his build. He was more lean, more slender, and resembled somewhat of a panther when he slouched.

"Especially you," He said thoughtfully, pulling out another cigarette from the carton in his leather jacket's pocket. "You have quite a skill set." Natasha felt something between them, a crackling of tension of some sort.

Little did she know, Loki was holding back. Natasha did not understand the magnitude of him finally speaking with her after months of watching. This was something Loki had been waiting for, and knew it was time when he first saw her walking towards their booth with the three menus in her hand.

Natasha expected him to be cruel and nasty to her about how she was using his family, playing them for tips- but he did not even mention it.

"I didn't know Thor had a brother." She ignored what he said before, keeping her face resolute and solid.

"No one does." Loki said bitterly, flicking his lighter until a flame rose.

Natasha stared at the fire. "You hide."

He smirked. "So do you."

They lapsed into a silence. The simple words they spoke held power, and they both felt something abnormal in the air when they were near the other, or when they looked at each other. Almost like looking through a mirror of some sorts.

"How do you do it?" He asked finally.

She shook her head numbly before speaking. "I don't know," It was silent for a few moments after that. "I just do."

Natasha could not help but observe him.

Loki seemed completely unaffected by the cold or the darkness of the night, in fact, it seemed to suit him. His pale skin was stark against his jet black hair that fell off to the sides. That was when she noticed how handsome he was. It was more cutting and dark, but one could not deny the intensity of his many features put together as one. She didn't think he noticed this, though.

And his eyes- his _eyes_. Natasha felt strange, as if she were totally exposed when he looked at her. There was no need to smile or pretend. She could be honest around him.

Bare.

This thought terrified her.

"Oh, I think you do know." Loki pressed further, appearing slightly amused, pulling another cigarette from the carton in his leather jacket and lighting it up again. "Why you wear a mask..." She watched the embers burn with a scowl on her face, glaring at the emerald eyes behind the wafts of smoke. He exhales through his nose, and the hollows underneath his cheekbones expanded and contracted. A soft snow had begun to fall, and the little white flakes stuck to his jet black hair, standing out before melting completely. The winter weather seemed to suit the both of them too well, as if the freezing cold was only in their nature.

Loki loved merely being in her presence, even though he knew very well that she most likely did not feel the same way at the moment. He couldn't help but grin at the way she pouted, and the way she stuck her chin out in aggravation as he kept speaking.

It fascinated him.

When she was around him she was no longer what everyone thought she was- he saw _her. _Talked to _her_. What he found was a hardened and solemn girl, surrounded by so many walls that she built herself as a defence to those around. The world had made her tough- indestructable. Until he had come around.

"...Is it because you're afraid?" Natasha's eyes narrowed in anger. "Afraid that everyone will see what's underneath like I do?"

She stood up, facing him with her hands balled into fists. He was almost a foot and a half taller than her, but Natasha appeared to hold the same amount of power as he did despite this difference. They were both dominant and stubborn people- and when they stood up against the other, the world would have to pay for the damage the two of them were capable of.

"You don't know me." She spat. He found pleasure in getting a reaction from her. Anything to show that she felt something.

Loki grinned and moved closer to her, and her nose wrinkled when the strong smell of smoke reached her. "Scared one day I might?"

Natasha stared up at him, speechless for the first time, before feeling an anger build beneath her skin, and she backed away. It was a feeling way too familiar, too similar to what she was in the past.

He made feelings arise that she had strategically locked away in a cage.

Grabbing her textbook that remained soggy and on the back steps with her homework, she turned away from him and walked through the back door, slamming it from behind. She felt that maybe if she physically put space between them, she could avoid Loki and what he brought with him.

From there she stormed to the managers office, and put on a weak smile and heavily lidded eyes. He ate up her act about not feeling well, and gave her permission to leave early. The restaurant was pretty much dead anyway.

Not looking back at Thor's table and the newly smirking Loki seated there once again, she ran all of the way home, completely numb to the bitter cold against her skin.

* * *

**Oh man, so it happened. THE WORLDS HAVE OFFICIALLY COLLIDED.**

**AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ODIN AND ALL NORSE GODS ESPECIALLY OUR FAVORITE WITH REALLY BEAUTIFUL CHEEKBONES REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! LETS GO! AIM FOR 20 REVIEWS! LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN! WHOOOO! GO GO GO!**

**Tell me what you guys think will happen next! Predictions, predictions! Go go go!**

**I hope it was exciting for those who have been reading so far. This was actually the first chapter I ever wrote for the entire story, so everything kind of stemmed from it. Stuff is officially gonna start happening now! WHO'S PUMPED, I'M SO PUMPED! **

** oliviathecf GAH I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THE NAME MIDGARD! -slaps self- oh well. I think it's too late to name it something else. just to avoid confusion, you know? but midgard would have been great!**

**ALSO, I might start posting some of my own artwork for the story :) I'm talking teenage Loki and Natasha, that kind of thing, just to get a better idea of the story and their physical appearences. Anywho. Hoped you enjoyed!**


	7. Chapter 6: 1984

**Chapter 5- 1984**

* * *

"-Tash?"

It was Saturday afternoon, the day after Natasha's encounter with Loki at work, and she blinked when she heard Jane's voice.

"You okay? You seem a bit... distracted."

The girls were all at the mall together, Pepper deciding that shopping was the ideal thing to do on the weekend. After the movie night, the girls had apparently been inspired by the female leads in the superhero movies to buy clothes. As Pepper claimed, "Lois Lane wore the cutest dress suits."

Marvel was a small town, but they did have one large mall. It had a huge range of shops for every type of person, even a yankee candle shop, but it had become a hot spot for teens and students to hang out in. The food was cheap and fattening and one could roam for hours through the stores.

The girls had been there for a while- now in the dressing rooms of a mega boutique.

Pepper and Peggy were trying on clothes, each in the stalls next to the other.

Maria, Jane, and Natasha all sat outside on a bench to judge whatever clothes they wanted to model for them. Maria only came along because she liked being with her friends, she did not care much for clothes or material things. Jane tended to opt for tee shirts with dorky prints on them and over-sized flannels. Usually Natasha loved finding new clothes to create her wardrobe and image, but today she felt different.

Natasha shook her head at Jane , smiling. "Me? Yeah... yeah, I'm fine."

"You haven't bought anything at all." Jane grinned, nudging her playfully. "Something on your mind?"

"Someone?" Maria jumped in, teasing.

_If they only knew._

She had only laid awake all night thinking about _someone._

Natasha tried to sound as casual as possible. "What? No. Of course not."

"Did I just hear someone mention Nat's love life?" Pepper shouted from her stall, the door suddenly flying open and her scurrying out in a misfitting black dress. Her grin was huge, making all the freckles on her face spread out to her ears.

Natasha groaned, and slammed her head into the wall behind her.

This was the last thing she needed.

"No. You guys. No. No. Just no."

"Is there someone you haven't told us about?"

Loki and his mischievous grin flashed before her eyes, and she felt nauseous at the thought of him ever being a part of her _love life._ What scared her was that she wasn't quite sure what kind of nausea it was.

He was pretty much making her entire world spin after speaking with him once, and he brought out everything Natasha wanted to avoid. She was still at a loss at how he could have possibly known her tricks- how he could see through her so easily.

Now Peggy was out of her stall, donning a quirky smile and wiggling eyebrows.

"If that person is completely nonexistent, then yes." Natasha said dryly, instantly souring. But, not wanting to dampen the mood, she attempted to stay upbeat. She knew it should not bother her, but the people she had always known as best friends prying into her business was making her angry. It stung to know she did not trust them enough to really tell them what she was thinking about.

_It's incredible what some people are capable of..._

_Especially you._

_You have quite the skill set.._

Natasha wanted to change the subject, and push it away into a hole where they would not find it again. Thinking quickly, her mind jumped to the first thing she noticed around her. "Pepper, that dress is way too big on you."

Pepper sighed dramatically, looking down at herself. For the time being, Natasha had averted her attention... but if anyone knew Pepper, they knew you could not hide from her for long. "I know. It's because I have no boobs."

"Tony doesn't seem to mind," Peggy muttered, skipping back into her stall and shutting the door with a click.

"What?" Pepper looked up quickly at what Peggy said.

"Nothing!"

All the girls smirked as Pepper stood up, frowning. She always got like this whenever anyone mentioned anything of the sort regarding her and Tony, her best friend. Seemed like it was no different from Natasha changing subjects- Pepper had some things she did not want to talk about either.

"Well, it's a great dress anyway... Natasha, you should try it on. It's made for someone with curves. Besides, you haven't tried on anything yet."

Natasha played along and tried on the dress only to keep them off the trail of her recently found paranoia. It fit perfectly, and they freaked out- claiming she had to buy it. She had to admit it looked nice, and when she twirled in the mirror it only looked better... but Natasha ended up putting it back on the racks despite her friends' dismay.

The more they walked around, the more Natasha wished she had not come with them that day. She was in no mood to smile and play along, and she worried that it showed. This mood of hers kept growing stronger and stronger. For some reason she Natasha weird around her best friends- as if hanging out with them was somewhat different after what happened the night before.

Something wasn't the same.

And she hated it.

Natasha hated how only after one single encounter, one person was all it took to rearrange everything. How she felt, how she reacted to things. She was slipping- and her mask now held a few cracks. Natasha was showing too much, revealing too much to those around her. Everything was changing now.

Natasha's life was brought up again when they were in the food court eating lunch together. Natasha had not touched her food yet, but found it much more interesting to poke it with a fork.

"Okay, you really aren't telling us something." Maria said, leaning closer to her from across the table. "Seriously, is something up?" To her friends, they had never known Natasha to be like this. She always hid it from them before they could notice.

"No," Natasha lied, acting as if she were somewhat victimized. "I just feel a little off today, is all... probably PMS." She knew she wouldn't have her period for another couple weeks, but no one else knew that. Maria sighed and nodded, understanding, and backing off.

But it would take much more to get someone else off her case.

Pepper had noticed the slight difference in Natasha's behavior, and she was bent on finding out what it was. As of now she was acting innocent, gingerly taking sips from her peach snapple. _She is hiding something,_ Pepper thought, knowing that distracted look anywhere.

"Tash, that guy is totally checking you out," Pepper piped up, tilting her head towards a table near them. They all gazed over and sure enough, a group of guys were sitting and eating, laughing as they watched the girls. One winked to Natasha when she gave them her attention.

"Not really my type." Natasha couldn't help but grimace at how country-club oriented the boys seemed. She knew girls loved that kind of thing- polo wearing, charming, will open the door for you and pull out your chair for you to sit down. Something about it turned her off- as strange as it seemed. It just was not attractive to her... in the least bit.

"He seems to think you're his." Peggy smirked, her red lipstick leaving a stain on the straw from where she drank her coke. The guy had stood up now, walking towards their table with all of his friends watching and wolf-whistling. Natasha groaned.

Pepper watched in curiously. "Come on, Tash. You could use a guy in your life." She said, watching for a reaction. Something else- or should one say _someone _else was in Natasha's head when Pepper spoke those words.

"I don't need one at all." She replied flatly, her face turning cold as the guy approached her.

When he got closer- it was clear the guy was cute. Combed hair, slightly tanned, a white smile. Even dimples. He was the dream boat package most girls would fall for.

Except for one.

"Hey," He greeted, using his charm. "I couldn't help but take a chance when I saw how beautiful of a girl you are."

Natasha stared at him blankly, twirling her fork in her lo mein.

_I could play him, _she thought. _I could smile and laugh at his shitty jokes and inflate his ego. It could be fun. I could even try to convince myself that I really cared for him, that I actually liked listening to him talk about football and golf and the politics his family force fed him to believe in._

_I could._

_But..._

Something kept her from playing the game. This feeling.

As he grinned, standing there, all Natasha could see was an entirely different person. She saw beat up combat boots, leather, dark denim that hid grease stains. A lit cigarette with its embers burning. The pent up emotions she forced away was ready to implode.

_That stupid grin..._

"Do I really seem that vapid to you?" Natasha tilted her head and narrowed her eyes.

Confusion grew in his eyes, as if rejection had never happened to him before. As if he did not expect someone with as pretty of a face as Natasha to so much as have a thought in her head or a bold enough voice.

"I... excuse me?" He asked, the pretty boy facade dropping.

"No, really though. Did you expect me to fawn over you? Over a shit pickup line? Did you want a quick hook up in some hidden place?" The edge Natasha had been feeling all day was now coming out of her system in a rush, the one Loki had created. She could still see the smirk on his face. "Sorry, but I know now that you couldn't keep up if you tried."

Her friends stared at her in shock.

Pepper had watched the scene calmy, getting the answer she needed. Natasha's defensiveness, her distraction, the complete difference in her behavior. She would normally never act so harsh to anyone, even if she did have PMS. _Something's happened... and_ _she's hiding something... _Pepper already had every intention to figure it out.

"Damn, Tash." Peggy muttered, her eyebrows raised in surprise. Jane was looking on in awe, not understanding how Natasha could so blatantly reject someone with so much venom. Maria chuckled, the only one of the group amused by the situation.

"Someone's tampon is shoved up too high," The guy said, suddenly not seeming as cute as he did before, and he turned to stomp back to his friends who laughed and teased him. Natasha watched them leave, suddenly feeling cramped.

Too close, too many eyes on her.

Too close to them, to people.

After he left, everything crashed down within Natasha- all of the inner turmoil, all of the lies and the realization of what she just did. "Oh god.." She murmured, raking a hand through her hair. It felt just like the vulnerability from the night before when she had handed Loki the menu. When he tilted his head and grinning, knowing her too well.

_ And this is my brother, Loki..._

"I'm sorry you guys..." Natasha squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again only to see she was still there. _Why can't you disappear when you want to?_" I shouldn't have come out... I'm sorry, I have to go..."

Grabbing her bag off the back of the chair, Natasha practically ran out of the food court, leaving her friends behind.

* * *

The next day Natasha had called up her friends again, apologizing for how she acted. They took it well, especially Pepper- who had begun asking her strange questions at certain times that did not seem to pertain to anything, as if she were suspicious or digging for something. Natasha would know- since she was pretty much the patron saint of probing and manipulating.

Having learnt her lesson from forcing herself to hang out when in a fragile mood, Natasha stayed in for the rest of the weekend. She had found that her friends were now hard to stay around. There was a piece missing whenever she was with them.

When she was first with Loki- she felt bare. She was completely exposed, and was honest. At first it scared her- but the more she was not around it, Natasha secretly craved it. The knowing and understanding Loki had for her, not needing to hide. Now she was bothered by being with anyone who she still wore her mask around, even though she could not help but wear it by default. It was like a natural setting for her... autopilot.

But now Loki had screwed with her controls.

Part of her turning into a hobbit over the weekend was also because she felt the need to prepare for whatever Monday would bring. She did not know if Loki would approach her, talk to her, maybe he would forget she existed. If she was lucky the third one would ensue.

When Monday finally came, Natasha found out that the third option would not ensue at all.

It was in English class when it happened- the class Natasha had only realized on Friday that they both share together. He had sat across the room from her, after all of this time. Natasha could not believe she had never noticed him before.

At that time they were reading 1984, an older piece of literature that happened to be Loki's favorite. 1984 was about a dystopian future where the government controlled everyone to the point that no individuality is left for them. People are watched and controlled every minute of their day. The lead character, Winston Smith, gradually feels the need to rebel after secretly meeting a girl, Julie, who feels the same way as him.

Natasha liked and disliked the novel, often finding that the nightmare world resembled her own world sometimes, and it was disturbing. She could so easily see the horrible events happen before her eyes with no difficulty, even in high school.

"Winston Smith is alone in his world, where everyone is scrutinized and watched at all times, ready for judgement. Winston must hide all of his true emotions, his real feelings towards everything, simply to protect himself... or else he would be penalized. He represses past memories because of how painful they are, and because the government and the people will not accept it."

Their english teacher, Mrs. Saahrs, rambled on. Most of the kids were tired and close to passing out on their desks, but Natasha was focused... along with another certain dark haired and leather clad boy in class.

"Winston's life changes when Julia comes along- and confronts him. Julia secretly feels the same way as Winston, and she because of this, Julia helps Winston show what he feels and express himself..."

Loki stared at Natasha from across the room, all of the desks shaped into a U around where Mrs. Saahrs stood at her podium. His 1984 book laid closed in his hands, not even caring enough to open it.

Loki had read it a couple years ago anyway, three times.

Natasha was trying hard not to get caught up in his penetrating gaze, keeping her eyes stuck on their english teacher at the center of the room instead.

"Tell me class," Mrs. Saahrs said, with a crooked smile on her face. "How does the book make you feel so far? Is what Winston feels right, or wrong? Is he justified in keeping quiet for so long? Or should he act differently against his government? Against Big Brother?" Everyone remained silent, and their ancient teacher spoke again. "Come on, don't be shy..."

The surprise on her face was evident when her normally quiet and passive student spoke up. "I think Natasha has some strong feelings towards the book, Mrs. Saahrs. Ask her." Loki grinned and watched Natasha's head snap up from looking at the floor, infuriated at what he'd just done.

Mrs. Saahrs, forever oblivious, looked to her with an expectant smile. "Miss. Romanoff?"

Fighting the urge to flip Loki off, who was now laughing silently in his seat, Natasha sat up straighter and cleared her throat.

A sweet smile curled on her lips.

"Well... I think Winston had reason to stay quiet," She said carefully, trying to ignore the numerous pairs of eyes that had suddenly turned to look at her. "I mean... he was afraid, and rightfully so. Those around him wouldn't accept him. The government would have killed him, it was only natural.. They would hurt him..." Her voice trailed off.

What everyone expected to happen was for Mrs. Saahrs to nod, and continue rambling for a few more minutes until the bell rang. Instead, the eyes swivelled to the other side of the room when Loki spoke up.

"You think it's alright for him to hide? Not show what he feels?"

The two of them stared each other down, and Natasha's eyes narrowed.

"He had no other choice. He was protecting himself."

"There's _always_ a choice. He _chose_ to hide." Loki said, tension building in the room from their back and forth banter.

"Loki-" He cut her off before Natasha could speak again. There was something strange and unsettling about her saying his name out loud, as if it clarified something between them.

"When Winston hides, he isn't living. Isn't _feeling_. Nothing is real or worth it. When Julia comes along, he begins to feel and live when she pulls him out of his shell. That's how it _should be_." Loki stared at her, an anger rising in him that only she could manage to summon.

The bell rang. Everyone but the two of them got up and rushed from the room, eager to escape. They stared at each other for a few short moments, the grin off Loki's face, and the sweet smile off of Natasha's. Mrs. Saahrs looked at the two of them in surprise, two students who normally would stick to corner and out of the spotlight.

After a minute passed, Natasha picked up her messenger bag from the floor and slipped it over her shoulders, saying her last words to Loki with an angry scowl.

"Maybe _he_ doesn't _trust_ anyone enough to truly show himself."

She stormed from the room, not bothering to hide her rage. Natasha refused to look back at him, refused to turn and see if he was following despite her curiosity.

Loki watched after her as she strode out the door of their english class, still taking in what she had said, and the raw power and emotion he had just risen out of her. The more he saw of her, the more he found the need to confront her, to talk to her and understand her nature. He could tell that they clearly weren't just talking about 1984 just then... it was something much more.

For now he had stripped a little more of her mask away, and he felt prideful for the small goal he had achieved. It was what he wanted so badly. But he knew, when the time comes, it would not be his goal to reach. When it was truly time for the mask to come off... she would be the one to do it.

* * *

**Phew, thank god i got that one out of the way. It was so hard writing this chapter after what happened in the last one, and it still kind of bothers me. but hey, Natasha and Loki interact again! sort of. Anyone out there read 1984? fantastic book, beautiful literature. One of my favorites. If you have not read it, I highly suggest it. George Orwell is my spirit animal.**

**BUT ANYWAY**

**21 REVIEWS! WHOOOO! WHOOWHOOOWHOOHHOOOO**

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**Tell me watchaaa think! And can i also say that you are all fabulous people and I love you all like seriously. **

**You gave me such feels the other day when you guys said that you loved the story! I honestly just couldn't stop giggling behind my computer screen, IT WAS AWESOME. I WANT TO MARRY YOU ALL. Like when I think of this pairing and what is going to happen next in the story I get crazy excited to see how you guys will react, it makes me fangirl so hard.**

**Anywho;**

**Read, enjoy, fangirl! Go!**


	8. Chapter 7: Cramps

**Chapter 6- Cramps**

* * *

**"****_You give me just a taste, so I want more  
Now my hands are bleeding and my knees are raw.  
'Cause now you've got me, Crawlin', crawlin' on the floor,  
And I've never known a girl like you before.  
You've made me acknowledge the devil in me,  
I hope to God I'm talkin' metaphorically, I hope that I'm talkin' allegorically,  
Know that I'm talkin' about the way I feel...  
And I've never known a girl like you before.  
Never, never, never, never, never known a girl like you before."_**

**~Edwyn Collins, "A Girl Like You"**

* * *

It had been a week since that English class.

Loki realized, that in this short span of time, he had officially put Natasha on edge. When he would watch her in school, around other people, she still wore her mask. They took no notice, and saw nothing wrong, but Loki could see the cracks. When no one was looking she would slip up completely, losing that sugary sweetness or amiable smile.

After school every day, when he would make it home and walk upstairs to his room and look out the window, he would always see her already there. Dressed in all black, leggings and a tee shirt despite the freezing weather, and he'd watch as she would run.

Flying down the sidewalk, disappearing for hours, and then coming back to her driveway before the it got too dark out. She always kept the same speed- a sprint. And whenever she would finish, he could always see the stress and paranoia in the deep crease of her brow, in the twist of her lips. Sometimes she would lay down in her driveway; her back pressed against the frozen pavement with her fiery red hair sweaty and fanning out around her head until she could catch her breathe once again.

It was impossible to run for so long- it had to be. Yet she did it, every day. He wondered what kind of emotions she must feel to be so disturbed, so empowered to run as she did.

Natasha did everything she could to distract herself from Loki. She decided to screw the idea of being a hobbit and keeping herself on check- whenever she found herself alone she found herself thinking about it all. Now since he barged into her carefully executed lifestyle, she saw him everywhere. The past week when she wasn't forcing herself to be with her friends at all times or slaving over her job, she was sprinting or putting a ridiculous amount of time into her homework. It had gotten to the point that waking up in the morning was painful- and she had to literally haul herself out of bed because of the soreness in her legs. Despite of the rage she should be releasing, though- she was still frustrated. Still angry. Most of all, still confused.

She knew he would come back for her, and that the two of them were far from finished.

It was Friday in their gym class when he took the chance to speak with her again.

The period began as usual- those who followed the rules of gym class would change into their gym uniforms, black shorts and a white shirt embellished with the Marvel High Chargers symbol. Loki, of course, did not change.

Every day in gym class he would simply walk to the bleachers that were on both sides of the enormous gymnasium, and sit at the top row.

Their gym teacher had completely given up on getting Loki to participate, and just let him be alone for the period and fail. The rest of the class, including Natasha and a couple of her friends, were not so lucky.

Loki would watch as the enormous group of awkward students would get paired off into teams, and forced to play basketball, kickball, volleyball, hockey, even indoor soccer. Natasha was actually quite talented in the athletic department, along with her other friend- Maria, was it? Those two had no trouble participating in the activities and looking good while doing so.

It was her other friends- Pepper, the ginger haired girl, and Jane, the tiny one that Thor was smitten with, that weren't so good with sports. They often hid away from any contact with the ball, and went out of their way to avoid doing anything.

This day was different, however.

Once Natasha walked into the gym and looked to the bleachers to see Loki sitting there, watching her, instead of beginning to walk laps around the gym with her friends, she put a hand to her stomach and hunched a bit. Her friends nodded in understanding when she spoke a few curt words to them.

Loki stared as she walked towards their gym teacher with a slight limp, one she didn't have before when he saw her in the halls. She was doing what she did best- her blue eyes looking like a deer caught in headlights, huge and blinking slowly. Natasha spoke softly, blushing, as if she didn't want the other students to hear.

Before he knew it, Loki was standing, and striding down the bleachers quickly, before rushing over to Natasha and his gym teacher- knowing her intentions all too well. He caught on to the last of their conversation.

"-Cramps." Natasha said innocently, feigning embarrassment. "Could I please go to the nurse this period? I don't think I could play today..."

Loki smirked at their gym teacher, who had pity and understanding in her eyes. "Of course, darling. Can you get there on your own?"

He decided to step in here, butting into the conversation as he put an arm around Natasha's waist, as if supporting her from her "pain." She tensed under his touch.

"Don't worry, I'll help Natasha get there." Loki grinned, already saluting his surprised and confused gym teacher at his sudden interest in helping someone. The two of them were already walking towards the double doors of the gym, passing by other students who gave them strange looks.

Pepper narrowed her eyes when she saw the freak of their school wound his arm around Natasha. That kid never spoke or interacted with anyone- _so what the hell was this? _Jane noticed this too, and looked to Pepper, expecting an answer. But Pepper didn't have one- not yet.

"What the hell are you doing?" Natasha whispered viciously, no longer the sensitive and fragile girl she was pretending to be as she kept up the cramps act by hunching over and holding her stomach.

"I'm helping the poor and defenseless Natasha Romanoff, too weak to even walk alone to the nurse's office." Loki said innocently, and Natasha ground her teeth and dug her nails into her palms to keep from lashing out at him.

"I hate you." She muttered.

Loki laughed. "No, you don't."

He was right.

Once they got out of the gym and the doors swung shut, Natasha pushed him away, striding off down the hallway with no sign of injury. The warmth of his hand still lingered near her ribs. She had been preparing for this- because she knew he would come back to talk to her again. Natasha made sure she wouldn't lose it like she did before- wouldn't be compromised by him.

It was _her_ turn to compromise him.

Loki followed, grinning, and began to clap slowly with his hands free. "You really are a pro." He laughed gleefully, his long legs easily catching up to her pace. "And no one else even knows."

"Just leave me alone." She told him, giving him one last chance to back off before he really felt what she's capable of. His smile sparked some sort of fuse within her.

"You've got everyone wrapped around your finger... Trapped in your web, but not even knowing their stuck." He only grinned more and continued to walk beside her. "Were you telling the truth? In English that day?" Natasha grew more frustrated the more he spoke with her.

"I don't know what you're talking about. We only discussed a book." He kept pushing, hammering against the strategic walls Natasha had built over the years.

"Discussing a book my ass. Don't you know by now that it's futile to lie to me?" Loki rolled his eyes to look up at the ceiling, chuckling. "You know damn well what we were really talking about."

She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Yes, alright? I meant every word." Natasha hated the fact that she was even conversing with him, and he seemed to recognize this and milk it further, that grin still gracing his lips.

"So you're afraid? That's why?"

Natasha scowled. "No. I'm not afraid."

"Says the girl who ran away in a panic when I even questioned her about it."

Her lips pursed, the color of rose against her fair skin.

"Maybe it's all just habit."

"Habit?" He asked curiously.

"I grew up in a place where you did what you had to to get by. To protect yourself."

Natasha thought of their past banter, and then her mind flashed back to her childhood in the orphanage, desperate and dark. It wasn't a pleasant thought. It was always underfunded, and over populated with parentless children. Survival there meant not letting anyone in. It meant building walls, it meant doing whatever you could to get some more food, another pair of shoes in the Russian winter. Natasha learned to use her gifts the hard way.

She was surprised when she told Loki something like that so easily. The words almost seemed to roll off her tongue whenever she was around him.

"A place where you had to lie to live?" Loki asked, quirking his dark eyebrow. "Couldn't have been the 1984 world, could it? What place are we talking about?"

Natasha stopped suddenly, and turned to face him, her eyes and face remained completely passive. "An underfunded orphanage." She stated dryly. "Not all people are as lucky as you and your brother to grow up treated like royalty."

Natasha felt the tides of their conversation shift, not even noticed by him. She waited to see how he'd reply, and from there- she would work everything else to her will.

The grin slipped off his face, replaced with an angry scowl. "You have no idea how I'm treated in my house."

Footsteps were heard down the hallway, and Natasha's body once again moved to hunch over, weakly grabbing onto his shoulder as if she could barely stand. For a moment, Natasha's eyes were devilish, her fingers slightly going down the neck of his shirt to press against the bare skin where his pulse was.

"You're right, I don't. Everyone here seems to like Thor a lot more than they like you. I can only imagine what it's like at home." She purred, and Loki was speechless at how unbelievably harsh and biting her words were. He couldn't even manage to defend himself, he was too caught up in her trap. Her eyes glinted as buried pieces of her rose to the surface. "You should have just left me alone."

His heartbeat quickened, and the closeness of her was dizzying. Their noses were inches apart, and the sweet smell of her breath was on him. Loki narrowed his eyes in confusion at his body's reaction to her, even more so when her eyes tore away from his, expression changing back into the helpless little girl, looking at something over his shoulder.

Trying to ignore her creeping hand which had sunk lower to his ribs, Loki turned around to see the school nurse. Natasha still clung to him but turned her head away, her body pressing against his in all the right places, and gave the nurse a soft and hesitant smile.

"Miss Smith, we've been trying to find you," She said sweetly, her features working with every word. "I've got really bad cramps..." She blushed and gazed at the floor. Loki was distracted by how well she fit into him. To the nurse, it was simply a girl who couldn't stand on her own.

Mrs. Smith's face contorted into concern before hurrying to Natasha's side.

"Here sweetie, let's go to my office."

The nurse gently took her arm as Natasha faked pain. Gradually she was removed from Loki's tall frame, and the two of them continued to walking down the hallway, leaving Loki to stand alone. He felt slightly empty without Natasha attached to him, without the warmth of her body and hands.

Loki burned with humiliation when Natasha gazed back over her shoulder, completely indifferent, her eyes knowing exactly what she made him feel. She was not so much as affected by what just happened, the closeness they just shared. Loki was the one who figured her out how well she could play people, but he didn't even consider how easily she was capable of playing him.

The brightness of her blue eyes was visible even from a distance, and an anger boiled beneath his skin, not liking the game when she turned it back to her favor. The words she said about Thor and his home was like poison in his veins. He wasn't sure if she meant it, or only said it to gain an upper hand. A smirk graced her lips as the nurse supported her, and for the first time, Loki did not grin and admire Natasha's unbelievable talent.

* * *

For the rest of the day Loki thought about their second encounter.

He still felt slightly bare, and felt cranky towards her effortless violation of him.

Needless to say, sitting through the rest of his classes that day was not comfortable in the slightest. The last thing he ever expected to happen between the two of them was for her to make him sexually frustrated. While it made him feel belittled, which he _hated_, after thinking about it, he could laugh at the irony.

It seemed so fitting.

He also thought about the how coldly and emotionless she delivered the truth about how and why she did what she did, but it only gave him more questions. Thor had mentioned to him once about Natasha's true origins- about how she was born in Russia, but was eventually adopted as a child and brought to the United States to live here. Nothing more was said about it- and Loki was sure Thor, and even the rest of her friends, did not truly know about her life in Russia before it changed.

Her assumptions about his life infuriated him, and never once had he felt for a moment that he hated her until then. It quickly disappeared, of course, but it bothered him nonetheless.

_Everyone here seems to like Thor a lot more than they like you... _

_I can only imagine what it's like at home._

It had always been a nagging paranoia for him, and her words somehow made it more solid. By the time school ended, it had already begun eating away at him. _If only she knew..._. he hoped one day she could understand. Natasha had managed to weave her way into becoming a shadow on him as he had grown to become a shadow on her.

* * *

When he came home that day, Thor was already there. They were in the same grade, but Thor was a year older- held back when he was a baby. This didn't stop the administration from giving people like him and the other star football players privileges, including 10th period study hall that allowed them to leave early.

Once he walked through the door after his boring two hour detention, the first thing he heard was the television. The sports channel was on, loudly blasting some football game. Odin and Thor were in the den watching it, shouting at the screen and somehow being mentally affected by random men tackling each other and throwing a ball. Frigga sat on the couch next to them with a book in her hands, shaking her head in amusement at the two men.

Loki instantly felt annoyed.

He moved into the den, and nobody looked up the greet him except Frigga. She smiled, but then turned back to her book. Loki moved quietly, sitting in a separate arm chair, apart from the couch with the rest of his family.

"Where were you, Loki?" Frigga asked, her eyes still reading the pages of her book.

"Detention." He replied, hoping to see some sort of rise out of anyone.

"Again?" Frigga asked, disappointment lacing her tone. Loki exhaled a breath of air that he had not realized he'd been holding.

"Yeah. Again."

Odin and Thor both looked up from the screen that moment, annoyance clear on their features. "If you two want to talk, do it somewhere else. The game is on."

Nothing more was said about Loki's life at school, and the room's darkened walls were illuminated from different tones of blue to green to red from the television. Frigga rolled her eyes at them and stood up gracefully, moving to another room to read in quiet.

Loki wanted so badly to move to her empty spot on the couch and join his father and brother, maybe even cheer on the team, but a force in the room made him feel he could never do such a thing. As if he were separate from them.

"Who's playing?" He asked, despite his complete lack of interest in the game. Loki only hoped for Odin to talk to him.

"The Vikings and the Giants, of course." Odin said shortly, not so much as turning to look at his younger son. Instead, he turned to Thor, already pointing out game strategies and certain skills the players were showing.

"One day, we can get you and the team to play like them. You could take nationals!"

After a while, Loki gave up. Standing without even saying a word, he began to walk towards the door. They barely noticed when he left the room, but as he walked in the hallway past the study, Frigga did.

"Loki, where are you going?" She asked him, not understanding his need to be out of the room with Thor and Odin, to be out of this house.

"Out." Was all he said.

Before he knew it, he was out the door and in his car, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He ground his teeth together, and tried to ignore the anger burning within him. This always happened, and he hated it.

_Why couldn't Odin for once, just acknowledge him?_

_Why couldn't he at least try to show interest or approval at what Loki could do?_

_Not Thor, not football?_

_Him? Loki. _

_His other son._

Natasha flashed across his mind, her bright blue eyes shining as she murmured words to him with a sickening smile.

_Everyone here seems to like Thor a lot more than they like you... _

_I can only imagine what it's like at home._

He tilted his head back and shut his eyes, turning the keys in the ignition forcefully.

Loki drove out of town and to a spot where he knew a few people through connections he had grown to make, but none were friends. Well, not real friends. Friends were a luxury, where one could trust another and smile and laugh with. These people were not that for him. They were mere companions.

He sat at the bar alone, had a couple beers and shots without getting checked for ID. It was the type of hole in the ground that didn't really give a shit anyway. More other kids like him often came here- the kind too accustomed with hating everything else around them to go anywhere else. Loki thought of his life at home, he thought of Natasha and his growing desire to be around her despite her wrath, and he thought of school, which turned more similar to a prison as the days stretched on.

Pushing it all aside for a night, the alcohol buzzed lightly in the blood of his veins. He gambled and played some pool with the scum of the world. They were the type of guys who weren't intelligent enough to so much as realize what they were doing with their life, and who were too stupid to feel any emotion towards it.

That was what separated Loki from them.

Loki always would feel, always. Even with all of the beer and vodka he consumed, with every miniscule gaze of disapproval and disappointment from those around him, with every act of apprehension towards his worthless, delinquent self. His house that never felt like a home. He could not ignore these things, and every time they would dig deep into him, leaving their own special kind of scar. Loki loved his family no matter what, and he hated how he was only desperate for them to love him in the same way as he did. His emotions were a constant tide within him, always being pulled and pushed by everything around him. As much as he wished he did not feel, did not care, he did.

He never could let go.

* * *

**Another little look into Loki's world, because I have come to notice that you guys reaaallly love that haha. AND I LOVE YOU GUYS.**

**26 reviews, let's go for more than 30!**

**What did you guys think this chapter, and Loki and Natasha's interaction? A lil different than what we've seen so far, more of Natasha being the black widow, ya know.**

**The song I used is a little dorky and i only know it because it was in the charlies angels sequel from my childhood, but whenever I listen to it I think of Loki and Natasha, because I think it suits them so well. Quite literally, actually. Loki has never met a girl like Nat before. **

**ALSO, another one of you asked about it Natasha's past has been told- and it hasn't. Not yet. It had been briefly mentioned, but in a chapter coming up it will be explained in much much more detail by her. And guess what gorgeous cigarette smoking angsty teen will be with her? ;)**

**Anywho, enjoy! Review!**


	9. Chapter 8: Vindicated

**Chapter 6- Vindicated**

* * *

**"****Hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption-**

**Winding in and winding out, the shine of it has caught my eye,**

**And roped me in, so mesmerizing, so hypnotizing, I am captivated.**

**I am vindicated. **

**I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, I swear I knew it all along.**

**And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well.**

**I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself."**

**~Dashboard Confessional, "Vindicated"**

* * *

Loki woke up on a dirty couch, with some of its surface ripped with stiff black spots, as if someone had held a lighter up to it until it burned. He was still in his clothes from the night before, his jeans, shirt, boots, and leather jacket. The ceiling above him was made of cracked plaster and had some stains on it too, with a tacky lamp hanging from the center.

He was in an apartment, a shitty one at that, and realized he was not alone once he sat up. Random people were around the room, or walking in and out of the doors. There was one couple stripped to their undergarments, passed out on a different couch. There was another guy waking up from being completely baked the day before in the corner. Another was some chick with a serious hangover.

They were all people from last night, scummy people or people with nowhere else to go. Loki smiled bitterly when he realized he was not sure which category he really fell into.

Through a doorway across the room he was in there was a kitchen, and he made out a familiar face making breakfast at a stovetop. The guy was in his mid twenties, with floppy hair and a lopsided grin.

Loki sat up, groaning at the stiffness in his bones, and shuffled over there, running a hand through his black hair that had turned greasy overnight.

"Hey Tino," He muttered to the man at the stove, who grinned and greeted him cheerfully.

"Hey man. One too many beers last night?"

Loki replied with a glare, opening the ancient fridge and grabbing a water bottle. His cranky behavior and the dull pounding in his head was enough of an answer for both of them.

Tino was the guy who lived in the apartment above the bar, and it was normal for groups of guys and girls to crash there at once when they couldn't get home. He was a funny guy- pretty laid back and was happy to house them all. Loki was convinced he was almost high all of the time- because there was no way someone could be as chilled out as him.

Loki had only crashed there once before, on a particularly bad night at home when Odin decided to take notice for once of his after school detention activities. The fights didn't end, and it didn't blow over even after a couple hours. Loki had left the house.

The memories were vague, but he distinctly remembered Frigga crying, and the loud slam of the front door when he stormed out. That night he drove out here, a place that was only rumors to him at the time, and had drunk himself delusional. That was the first time he met Tino, who had somewhat become an acquaintance over time.

"You gonna go back to your folks? Or was it bad?"

"I'll go back. I just didn't want to be around them."

With a swig of the water bottle that tasted disgusting against his tongue, Loki looked over at Tino and nodded a thanks.

"I'll catch you later, man." Tino called as Loki walked from the kitchen.

As Loki walked into the living room, he was suddenly grabbed by the collar and pushed against the wall, a guy seeming to be a few years older than him baring his teeth. He had the stench of alcohol on him, and Loki vaguely remembered playing pool with him the night before. He may or may not have cheated when playing. Other people in the room turned to look at the scene, but most too stoned or too cowardly to cut in and stop it.

"I know what you did, kid. I want my money back!" He snarled, a few inches shorter than Loki, but with a bigger build. "Son of a bitch, think you can cheat me?"

Loki stared down at the man with a bored gaze, before grabbing onto his wrist that held on to his shirt and twisting it. The man gasped when they both heard a small snap of bones, but Loki didn't flinch. Grabbing him by the neck in one swift motion and spinning him around to slam him against the wall, Loki decided to bare _his_ teeth, and looked much more intiminading than the nameless man did when angry.

"Actually, I don't _think_ I can cheat you. I _know_ I can cheat you. I would give you your money back, but it seems you don't really have the capability of holding it anymore." Loki said thoughtfully, gazing at him with his penetrating and terrifying gaze. The man's now broken wrist made his hand dangle by his size, motionless.

"Jesus christ, man-" The guy sputtered, shoving Loki off of him and backing away. "What the hell! You freak! You're a monster!" The man cradled his injured wrist in his other arm, looking at Loki as if Loki was the most disgusting creature to walk the Earth. Loki turned away from him, what he had just done suddenly dawning on him. Other people in the room backed away from him too, withering under his gaze or looking away from the sight of him.

Tino walked in from the kitchen after hearing the noise, and saw the scene before him. The man with snapped bones and Loki standing before him. The kind and low-key apartment turned to Loki with disappointment in his eyes, a spatula still held in his hands. Loki felt most uncomfortable under that gaze.

_You're a monster._

Loki wanted to tell the man he cheated that he was sorry, but could not manage to get the words out from his throat. Images of an x-ray showing broken bones and the image of his mother's confused face, the disproval of his father, it all crushed him as it flooded his system. Trying to focus on his breathing to make it more steady, Loki walked out of the apartment's door, desperate to escape. It led to a stairwell that led down to a different hallway, which led to the bar. The horror on everyone's faces after seeing what he had done was branded behind his eyes.

It was nine in the morning and dead, the bartender wiping down glasses and cleaning off the counter and stools. "Better get yourself home, kid." He said gruffly. Loki nodded to him, having known the man for a while now, and shoved his hands in his pockets, digging for his car keys.

The December morning was bright and pale, blinding him once he stepped outside into the fresh snow. It covered everything in a thin layer, and he wiped down the windows and top of his car of it, his hands unaffected from the cold. His hands that had just destroyed a part of someone with a simple wring. Winter weather never seemed to disturb Loki as it did others. In fact, he often seemed to enjoy it. It was his favorite season out of the four. When he finally moved to climb inside his car after everything that had just happened, the bartender's words echoed through the slight pain of his hangover in his head.

_Better get yourself home._

Home.

Loki scowled, wishing he did not crave the presence of his brother, his mother, even his father. But he did. He just wanted them to feel the same as he did.

With a sigh he began to drive home, dreading the weekend he knew he'd spent alone.

He had to stop for gas along the way home, and paid with the stolen worn down fifty he had earned the night before. Loki winced when he pulled it out of his wallet.

* * *

Natasha's weekend was very eventful. She single handedly called all of her friends together, and they all went out and had fun, completely distracting her from everything. She purposely make herself struggle with time constraints with her homework and job, making sure she would not have any time for herself to think about things.

The stress had made her extremely vulnerable.

It would not take much to send her over the edge, and with her terrible control issues, Natasha should have known.

On Monday, once the weekend was over, she was shocked at her own strength when she did not break over what the bitch squad put in her locker.

Pictures lined the walls of something she had forgotten up until then.

It was this little freshman girl from a year ago, innocent, and terrified of high school. It had been the first week back to school, and Natasha and the Bitch squad were pleased with the idea of no longer being freshman. To exercise their new power, they had convinced Natasha to pull a prank. It seemed like such a joke, something so funny. They had art class with the freshman girl, and she sat in the seat in front of them.

Natasha had taken red paint, and had put a small amount on her chair, not enough her the girl to notice when she sat down in it. They all laughed as the girl walked around, unknowing of the red spot on the back of her beige colored khaki pants.

She had earned some cruel nicknames because of Natasha, and some ruthless bullying from the spineless and bored of Marvel High.

The girl had transferred to a private school a couple weeks later.

Inside her locker were all of the pictures they took with their phones of her backside, the red spot taunting and bright crimson. In the center was a different photo- one of herself and Loki. She was against his side as he helped support her with an arm around her waist, faking pain. Written in red lipstick on a blank spot of the locker's backside was "got cramps?"

So they must have seen her on Friday.

Natasha felt her cheeks burn in humiliation and guilt, a horrible feeling tugging on her heart. She thought of that poor girl they tortured, and how embarrassed she must have been. The stain probably never left those pants, and Natasha felt tears brim her eyes as she sincerely hoped the girl burned them.

"Tash? What's that in your locker..?" Steve had approached her, a confused look in his eyes as he tried to peer inside to see the pictures.

Quickly pulling herself together, Natasha shut her locker with the flick of her wrist and spun around to face him, smiling.

Doing what she did best.

"It's nothing. What's up?"

Steve left the topic of her locker in the dust, a look of distress crossing his face. "I have this paper due today, but the computer in the library won't let me print it... I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

Natasha laughed. "Technology really hates you, doesn't it?"

Steve shook his head in exasperation. "I just don't get it. I would ask Tony, but I know he would never let me down for it."

The two of them walked together to the library so Natasha could help print his paper. She tried to forget about the pictures in her locker, the terrible feeling in her bones, and the bright red spot on the girls pants that matched the same exact hue of her flaming red hair.

* * *

During lunch that day, Natasha was bent on a mission.

She still felt uneasy and bogged down with guilt over what was in her locker, but did her best to hide it from the others. Once she made it to the courtyard she bee-lined towards Thor, and made herself comfortable at the spot next to him.

Thor and Jane were already talking together in the wide-eyed admiration new couple way. It seemed like they were perpetually in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Her tiny frame fit perfectly in his lap, holding her books in her arms with Thor seeming more than pleased with this seating arrangement. She wore his red flannel, which looked more like a blanket wrapped around her. The two of them giggled and laughed, sharing a lunch. Too often they seemed to be in their own world.

_They really like each other, _Natasha thought.

The group was slightly surprised at her new seating choice since she almost always sat with Clint. Natasha hoped it wasn't noticeable when she began to question Thor, and casually pry for information.

"So Thor... you never told me you had a brother."

_Bringing it up wouldn't be strange, right?_

The rest of the group barely paid attention to her asking, leave it to Natasha to slip in undetected. Thor did not seem surprised or put off, he actually brightened towards the subject brought up. Jane, on the other hand, didn't. She seemed nervous towards the mention of the other brother in Thor's family.

"Yes, Loki! I always try to invite him to lunch or to our nights out, but he always refuses."

Natasha was relieved about how easy it was to talk with Thor. "Why is that?" She asked innocently, deciding to dig deeper while taking a sip of her water.

"Well..." Thor's face saddened and she almost doubted he would answer. The subject of Loki probably was not a pretty one, and could possibly be upsetting to Thor. It made Natasha wonder if their home life was as great as it seemed, and another pang of guilt hit her when she remembered what she had said to Loki before. What she had_ done_ to him before. It was cruel, and she knew it too well.

"Loki is a bit different... he doesn't usually get along with most people." Natasha restrained herself from snorting at that. "I want him to join us. He really is not so bad, once you hang around him for a while. He just comes off as very..." Thor searched for the right word.

"I know what you mean." Natasha helped him. Thor nodded, giving up.

"He quite often isolates himself, and doesn't let anyone in. "

_Just like me... _Natasha felt strange thinking this way.

"He seems so lonely." She thought out loud, never having seen him have human contact with anyone but his family and herself. She said this more to herself than to anyone else.

"He is. He thinks I don't notice, but he is. I wish I could be enough for him.."

Natasha nodded, having heard enough. She did not want to push any further, because Thor was already looking more downtrodden than before.

He had not mentioned any sort of idea that Loki was ignored or neglected at home, but that begged to question, did he realize it? Loki was obviously affected by her words about it, and it was clear to see how they treated him at that dinner. Thor was probably a part of it without even realizing.

Natasha did not know which side to chose.

When lunch was over, she was surprised when Tony quickly moved next to Natasha as she began to walk to her next class.

"Heard ya talking about Thor's brother," He said, eyeing her curiously. Natasha decided to play the casual card.

"Yeah, I was. Why?"

Tony looked ahead, and shrugged innocently. His wide brown eyes flickered over to her again. "He's in a couple of my classes. Grade A freak, trust me."

Without another word, Tony strode off to catch up with Pepper who walked like she was on a mission. Natasha stared after him, knowing he was listening during lunch, but talked to her now so that Thor wouldn't hear him. She felt her anxiety, guilt, and worry bubble to the surface again, badgering her.

Natasha didn't know how she should feel about Loki, and the fact that her emotions weren't concrete only made her feel more nervous.

* * *

Pepper had of course told Tony about her suspicions and worries about Natasha.

Normally if Natasha had been hiding a guy from them, she would feel too happy to feel angry at her keeping it a secret. But this... this was something different. She understood why Natasha would hide this from them.

Loki was dangerous.

When Pepper saw him helping her out of the gym that other day, she had told Tony then. He couldn't believe the guy would go near her, so much as touch her- and Pepper agreed with just as much distaste. Tony was on Pepper's side of course- they wanted what was best for Natasha. That was why Tony had gone to Natasha after lunch to talk after they both heard her speaking about Loki with Thor.

To them, Loki was an asshole who was rude and a delinquent- the worst kind. The kind that doesn't feel or care. The only things they ever knew about him was from their direct interactions with him, and the rumors that floated around about him. One of the most popular included how the reason his family moved to a new town was because he destroyed the last one. Most people believed he was put in jail for a while, or one of those delinquent centers that houses the criminally insane youth. Seeing that Loki never talked to anyone, nobody could have possibly known how false the rumors were. Tony and Pepper were no different from the school's population.

They both approached Clint at the end of that day, serious, by his locker when he was alone. "Hey, guys... what's going on?" Clint was calm- he always was. Although seeing Tony serious for once made him falter as he took his books from his locker.

"Has Natasha told you anything... about what's going on with her?"

Clint's eyebrows dipped a fraction, but he still kept a cool face. He loved Tasha- she was his best friend. He considered her to be one of the most cleverest, most intelligent people. They trusted each other. _Didn't they?_

"What are you talking about?" He asked them.

Pepper looked to Tony and wrinkled her nose, her freckles clumping together. Tony sighed, and rolled his huge brown eyes to the ceiling before they darted back to look at their friend. Clint waited, patiently as he could be. Pepper was the one who spoke first.

"Well... see, we kind of think she's hiding something..."

* * *

**back again, with chapter 8! whoop. there it is. literally. Loki bein all delinquent-like and such. Natasha bein all sneaky and such.**

**review review review! please please please go go go**

**and the next chapter... oh man. You guys are going to realllyy like the next chapter. I can already see it. PREPARE YOURSELVES! **


	10. Chapter 9: Revelations

**Chapter 6: Revelations**

* * *

**"****_I know you suffered, but I don't want you to hide._**

**_It's cold and loveless, I won't let you be denied..._**

**_Soothe me...I'll make you feel pure._**

**_Trust me, I can be cool and you can be sure._**

**_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart,_****_I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask._**

**_I want to exorcise the demons from your past,_****_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart._**

**_You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine,_****_You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine."_**

**_~Muse, "Undisclosed Desires"_**

* * *

A naked barbie.

That's what Natasha found hanging from its plastic neck on a string in her locker that Friday. There were no pictures on the wall, no writing, just that. A doll with a painted face, china blue eyes, and fiery red hair.

"Nat? What is that..." Clint came up beside her, trying to see inside the locker that she had been staring into for the past ten minutes.

"What? I.. nothing. It's nothing." She shut the door quickly, ignoring the books she forgot inside. The image of the barbie would not leave her head, and it took everything inside of her to smile when she turned to Clint. "What's going on?"

He looked at her, and it took a few moments for Natasha to realize it was in concern. "Natasha, are you alright?" He asked seriously, in that usual quiet tone of his. "Is everything okay with you?"

_No, not at all._

She thought of the doll, and understood that hanging from a noose was exactly how she felt then.

Suffocated.

Clint kept talking when she didn't answer.

"You know I'm here for you right?" He asked her. "So are the others. You can always talk to us, Tash."

Natasha bit her lip, no longer smiling. She wanted so badly, more than anything, to hug her best friend. She wanted to feel- to show she had emotion, to release everything.

But she couldn't.

The mask held her back.

"Clint, I have to go," She said. "I'm sorry..."

Turning and rushing down the hall, Natasha did what she always does in these situations. She felt herself shutting down, piece by piece. Every part of her brain bottled itself up and away- feeling, seeing, understanding. Her body would soon follow. All Natasha knew was that she needed to get out, somewhere else.

She turned the corner in the hall, squeezing in between different students when she bumped into them. The impact sent her stumbling backwards, and she heard a few choice words come from their end.

The Bitch Squad had nasty grins on their faces as they stood over her, cackling with laughter. "Natasha, you look a little worn down," Jess joked, tilting her head as she stared at Natasha whose eyes were tearing.

Natasha wanted to yank Jess's head back from her hair, slap her, leave bruises in places that would show when she wore her cheerleading uniform. Her former friend looked down at her so easily, as if she were some child. Natasha hated it, and she hated them. She knew how easily she could take them down if she really wanted, she was strong for her size, but she knew Principal Fury would have her head if she tried. Sandra spoke next. "Looks like she found the little surprise in her locker we left."

More laughter.

Rage boiled in Natasha's system, and she gave them a cold glare as she pushed them out of her way, aggressively, causing them to bang into the lockers at the sides of the hallways. She did not wait to see their reaction, which was probably less than pleased. Some people stared at her as she ran away, but Natasha didn't care. She needed out.

Soon she was at the entrance of the school, yanking open the double doors to the outside parking lot. She heard the first bell ring from inside, but didn't care. She needed air, and inside the school walls seemed to have none of it.

The look on Fury's face Natasha knew he would get when he would find out she skipped out of class made her feel more sick, more upset than she already was.

Natasha stood in the parking lot taking ragged breaths, holding her hands through her throat as if she really were tied up in a noose. The urge to just sit down and lay on the pavement was strong, but she resisted- as if standing was the only thing left from keeping her from collapse. Natasha knew it was him the moment she heard footsteps behind her.

"Why won't you just leave."

It came out more as a statement than a question, as if she knew he would never leave anyway.

"You know why." He said, and she turned around to see him only a few feet behind her. Loki was not sporting his usual grin. Instead, this time, he looked darker, more angry. Smoke wafted from the open slit of his mouth as he slouched against his parked black junk car. "We need to get it out into the open. All of this shit."

"Want some more of what I gave you last time?" Natasha teased, narrowing her eyes even though she knew very well that wasn't it. It was as if when he was around her power just boosted, as if she felt... alive. She should have known he would not be pleased when she brought up the time she played him. He only used words to his favor as much as she did.

"Tell me, how does it feel when you lie through your teeth? When you see everyone believe you?"

Natasha did not answer, feeling angry and not in the mood to deal with Loki today. He always manages to push her buttons somehow, and was the only person who had this affect on her. After what the Bitch Squad left in her locker, Natasha felt vulnerable, not capable of compromising him if she wanted to this time.

"Shut up." She bared her teeth, spinning on her heel and beginning to walk away.

Of course he followed.

"Oh, kitten's got claws." Loki grinned. He wanted to really crack her open, to bring the girl behind the mask out into the open. Not just whenever he was around. Still angry from her playing him before, Loki decided she would not escape this time. "What about your friends? My brother, the rich boy, his assistant, the geniuses... how does it feel knowing you don't even trust them enough to really show them how you _feel?_" Natasha turned and lashed out towards him within a single swift moment.

"You want to know how I feel?" Tears brimmed in her eyes, her chest feeling tight from the anger she felt. "You _really_ want to know?"

She had snapped, shouting out the words.

Loki stopped short, suddenly quiet at Natasha's outburst and the rage growing in her eyes. A voice in his head snickered and told him this was what he wanted.

_You wanted to get under her skin..._

_He only wanted her to come to terms with who she was... to drop the mask._

That was when he understood- the person that she was, after hiding for so long... was broken. Fragmented. Even if he did take off the mask, something that hid her away, it would bring her pain to do so. The last thing he expected was to feel pain when he saw her in agony.

"I hate it!" Natasha was crying now, hot and bitter tears falling down her cheeks and freezing against her skin in the winter weather. "I hate it..."

Loki wanted to move closer to her to try an stop what was happening, but was sure she would turn violent if he took so much as a step closer. Natasha was at her worst- insecure and showing weakness. It only made her more angry.

"What? Is that not what you wanted to hear? Did you want to hear how I love what I do, how I love isolating myself? I love building walls because I can't help but not trust anyone? Is that what you wanted?"

Loki was silent, in slight awe at her raw power.

Natasha thought of the first night they met, the same place they were now, with him being so strangely fascinated with her and trying to urge something out of her. She thought of what Tony had said about Loki before, and in her blind anger, she used it to her advantage.

She wanted to hurt him.

"Well I'm sorry." She continued with venom in her voice. "I'm not a psychopathic freak like you!"

Natasha regretted the words the moment they slipped out of her mouth. When she finally got the last of her anger out of her system, guilt quickly replaced it.

Wiping her eyes of the wetness that surely made her cheeks blotchy with color, she looked down while she ran a shaking hand through her hair. The look on Loki's face after she said that was something she could not even describe. If she was who she used to be, she would feel nothing towards it- but she was not that person anymore. Seeing Loki lose that edge he always had at those words made something else rise in Natasha.

"Loki, I..." _How do you even explain yourself?_ "I was angry..." She stated lamely.

Before she even saw his movement, Loki had yanked open the door to his car, took his seat behind the wheel, and slammed it shut again. He stared straight ahead as his hands moved to grip the steering wheel, and his spoke the words in a throaty command.

"Get in."

Natasha stared at him, thinking of all of those silly advertisements for children about how you should not talk to strangers or get in a strange man's car.

_But was Loki either of those things?_

Figuring she'd find out the answer soon enough, Natasha walked forward to the passengers door, and sat down inside.

Without a word, Loki slammed down on the gas pedal, and they sped off out of the parking lot. It was completely deserted this early, and no cars were on the roads anymore since everyone was either at work or in school. There was silence in the car as he drove, neither knowing exactly where they were going. Eventually they passed the "You are now leaving Marvel" sign, entering the highway surrounded by tall trees. After what felt like the longest ten minutes of her life, Loki turned off the main road they were on and they found themselves on a side exit. It was curved along a hill, and Loki parked the car at the tip of it, overlooking the dark New York forests and underneath the pale sky.

Neither of them talked for awhile until Loki broke the silence, strangely calm and unsmiling. "Do you know why I even talked to you? Why I found interest in you at all from the start?"

Natasha did not answer, only turned to look at his sharp profile.

"When I first saw you," Loki continued carefully. "I saw a girl wearing a mask, but underneath she wasn't happy. I had never seen anyone else like that... except for me. I wanted so badly to talk to you because of it. Know why. How. I don't know what made me care about it at all. It was incredible, but sad to see... because nobody should live that way. I wanted to make you drop the mask, stand alone... I never meant for this to happen. To hurt you. I only wanted you to show your true face, not the different acts or the innocent girl. To be honest. Something I've never been able to do."

Loki did not know why he was saying so much, all he knew was that everything he felt was coming out. There was something about the other's presence for the both of them that made it impossible not to be honest, to expose yourself.

"I grin, and I joke, and I play pranks, but it doesn't change how I feel. I'm still alone. I'm still ignored. I'm still hated."

Loki felt tears burn behind his eyes but he refused to let them fall. That same anger he always felt when he thought about these things came around again, and he gripped the steering wheel, making his knuckles turn white.

Guilt weighed down on Natasha as he spoke, pain clear in his voice as he told her everything. Silence engulfed them again until she chose it was her time to talk.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly, looking down at her hands. "I never meant to call you that... I didn't mean it. You're not... you're not a psychopath. And what I said before about your family, what I did..." Natasha had never apologized for anything, and she felt awkward. The words felt foreign on her tongue. "I'm sorry." It took her awhile before she started again. "It's just that the mask is all I've ever known. No matter how much I hate it, I can't just get rid of it. Not so quickly. "

"Do you want it gone?"

"Yes," Natasha admitted, wiping her eyes. "God, yes."

Loki wanted to tell her that he would help her if she wanted it, that he didn't have to play the villain in her life, but part of him felt he did not need to say it. Instead, he simply reached out his hand, and, softly brushing her cheek, tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

Natasha did not tense under his touch like she did before, just shut her eyes. For one of the first times, she let someone come close without pulling or pushing away.

The two of them sat together after they had each imploded, quiet. The fact that they were both skipping school did not matter then. Something much larger and much bigger than anything in their lives had just happened to each of them, and the tension they once felt before had fallen apart.

Hours passed, and neither of them felt the urge to move or leave. At this time school had probably been let out, and it was already starting to get dark since the winter's sun set early. Hoping he would not break something sacred, Loki gently put the car into drive and began on the road again.

Natasha opened her eyes from resting on the seat, and just watched him as he drove. Loki was very aware of her blue eyes on him, but just let her have her own time to observe him. It was not a look of hate at all, not any emotion of that sort. It was something else entirely- as if she now saw something she had not seen before.

It was not long before they were back on the familiar streets of Marvel, and without any discussion, Loki had come to a stop on their street in front of her house. She still looked to him, curled into the leather seat of his car, her long red hair curling around her like a blanket.

Loki stared out at his house from across the street. For a moment, the tough overture was lost, and behind there was only a boy. He was pained and lost- given no direction and no idea how or what he should believe.

"They ignore you." Natasha broke the silence. "Don't they?"

At first he didn't reply, but soon enough he put his tough facade back up, his mouth remaining a thin line. "I don't think they know it." He sighed, shutting his eyes for a moment, before opening them and staring off into the distance in front of them.

A road that led into the maze of their lives.

"What about you?"

He jerked his head to her house that they were in front of, giving her his now usual and common stare. It was as if he bore down into her, and she could not help but reply.

"They're never there." She shrugged, suddenly feeling sad at the idea of going home for the first time. "They just leave me here alone."

They both grew silent again, and Loki didn't even care that his car was running out of gas as the engine hummed. The air was cold, but they didn't mind- they were accustomed to it. By now the sky had turned the pale but beautiful colors of a sunset.

Natasha felt as if some kind of wall had broken between them, something that made them much closer. The barricades had crumbled, and now there was no avoiding the fact that they had been bonded in some way. She didn't really understand how or why or when exactly.

Loki had never talked about his life before to anyone- not even Thor. It was a strange experience for him, letting someone in past his grin and mischief. No one had ever really seen this part of him until now, up until this redhead with the same problem as him came into his life.

Eventually Natasha opened the door after half an hour passed of them sitting there together, and she climbed out of the car gracefully. Without a single word to him, she walked up to her front door and retired into the house.

They had said all the words they had needed.

Loki accepted this, and spun the wheel around to pull into his driveway. Frigga was setting the table for dinner when he walked inside, and Odin was talking to her about something that was probably important. Thor greeted him, but Loki could not muster any words to answer him. He walked upstairs to his room instead.

Loki's mind felt fluffy- hazy. As if he weren't sure of what actually happened. He realized then that from this point on- nothing would be easy anymore. There would not be games, at least not ones that were black and white. There would not be feelings he could simply label and cage up anymore. The girl had brought out a different side to him- a different way to function.

_I wonder if she feels the same way._

He thought vaguely as he climbed onto his bed still dressed in his clothes.

It wasn't until another few hours when the night came that he actually fell asleep. His family did not even try to call him down for dinner. Despite his exhaustion he still remembered every thought that ran through his head that night.

* * *

**... Well.**

***lays back and listens to bohemian rhapsody on repeat***

**It is now out there. **

**Reviews make the next chapters be uploaded faster... :D let's shoot for more than 40 this time my loves! Predictions? what you think? fangirling? tell meeehhh**

**also, i'm just saying that i love clint. LOVE HIM. HONORABLE MENTION FOR CLINT. Also, try not to hate Pepper and Tony TOO MUCH haha. They really just love Natasha in the end, and they have good intentions.**

**Also Also, the song lyrics I used- "Undisclosed desires" was actually a huge influence for the story. helped inspired it. I like to think that no matter what universe Loki or Natasha are in, it is a beautiful and excellent song to describe their relationship.**


	11. Chapter 10: Waking Up

**Chapter 10- Waking Up**

* * *

**"A glass, a view, a mirror, which one distracts like open windows in the gusts,  
A calm day will come, a calm day will.  
This dream is, this dream is, this dream is in a telescope now.  
Fever in bedtime covers go unknown,  
This fright, it grows and misses, sinks and floats,  
A calm day will come, my calm day will."**

**~The Joy Formidable, "The Greatest Light Is The Greatest Shade"**

* * *

"You skipped school before first period began with another student..."

Natasha sat in Fury's office that Monday, silent as the principal reprimanded her.

"And not a model student at that." Fury said flatly when Loki both crossed their minds. Natasha bit her lip, and began to speak to the man in charge.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Fury. It's not what it seems like-"

"Miss. Romanoff, I don't give a damn about who you befriend," He said befriend as if he meant something else. "But if it means disrupting the rules of this school, then I will not have it."

"It won't happen again, sir."

"You've been on a good track, Miss. Romanoff. Don't stray off it. You may go now."

Fury was always blunt with her, and Natasha took his honesty. She nodded, picking up her messenger bag from his office's floor, and swung it over her shoulder quietly. With a quick nod in his direction, she slipped out of his office's door and into the waiting area. Fury's secretary eyed her as she walked out, slightly miffed that two students could get out of the school under her watch that Friday. Natasha gave her a guilty smile.

When she got back into the halls of Marvel High, she was surprised to see Clint waiting there outside the door.

"Hey," Natasha said, giving him a small smile. "What are you doing here?"

Clint watched her, a light frown on his face. "I was looking for you, actually. Maria told me you were at Fury's."

Natasha's eyebrows raised, and she looked around at the rushing students. "It's almost first period, I should probably go-"

"No." He said firmly, giving her one of his stony stares. "I need to talk to you now."

"Clint," Natasha said, exasperated. "We can later, I just finished talking with Fury about following school rules, I really can't afford-"

"See that, that right there!" He pointed to her. "You keep avoiding and avoiding. I mean come on, Tash. You have criminal forensics first period, and you know that teacher's a flake. They wouldn't care if you even showed up or not."

"Is that what you wanted to talk about? How I try not to be late for my classes?"

"No," Clint took a step closer to her and lowered his voice, his eyes turned softer. "We're worried about you, okay? I'm worried about you."

Clint and Natasha were closest to the other out of everyone in the group, mostly because they were so good at getting along. They both respected the other and did not need to talk all the time to know what the other meant. Clint had always known Natasha was not one to share everything with anyone- whether it was the past or her emotions, and he was not one to invade her privacy. This always kept somewhat of a gap between them, but it didn't change the fact that he cared about her.

"Listen, I don't know what's going on with you. I just know that ever since a few weeks ago you've been acting different. It's like you're here but you're not here." Natasha listened quietly as Clint went on. "I know you aren't the type to tell someone everything. But please, Natasha- just tell me what's happening."

Natasha looked at her best friend, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sadness.

He was right.

Ever since Loki had come along, things have changed. _She_ had changed, still changing. Knowing what it felt like without a mask kept her from enjoying anything with her friends, who she still felt the need to hide from. She thought maybe she could dance around the situation and never really touch it or have to confront it, but she should have known Clint would wonder. The thought of telling him everything seemed so nice- so comfortable. But she still couldn't. He would always listen to her... but there was only one person who would actually _get it._

"Clint..." She began, biting the inside of her lip as she tried to find the right words. "I know that lately I've been... um... a bit weird. And I wish I could tell you what's going on, but you just have to understand that I don't know how." Natasha was taken aback by how honest she was being without actually being honest. "But I swear, I'm okay. I'm doing a lot better than I was before, actually..."

It was true. The terrible emotions that accompanied losing the mask were starting to not be so terrible. She had actually grown to really yearn for it, the feeling of being lose and bare. With Loki came chaos- but in Natasha's case, chaos was what she needed to let go of all the control she had. In fact, she had been hoping to find a bit of this chaos in the form of him when she had walked from Fury's office, but to no avail. She had not seen him yet since the that Friday, when she finally started feeling better for once.

Free.

As if one of the heavy burdens she carried on her back had been lifted.

"I just..." Natasha shut her eyes and opened them again. "I need you to trust me on this, okay?" Clint was silent, observing her while she spoke to him. "Please tell me you understand?"

"For now." Clint gave her a hard look, but it was not mean or angry. He sighed, and repeated the same words that he told her the other day. "You know I'm here for you right? The others are, too. When you need to talk... if you need to talk, or if you want to- we're here for you."

For the first time in a while, Natasha smiled. Really smiled.

Her friends cared for her so much. Even Clint, who knew what she was capable of, always had this trust in her. It was overwhelming, and Natasha felt lighter when she thought about it. This wonderful feeling only grew stronger since that Friday. It was if what happened had taken away part of her mask, and in return gave back another piece of her essence. Some part of her she desperately wanted back.

Even though she could not tell him about it, Natasha still wanted to show Clint that she felt something.

Seconds before the warning bell rang for first period, Natasha moved forward and hugged him.

"Thank you," She told him into his tee shirt, and Clint was too surprised by Natasha's intimate gesture to even have time to hug back before she pulled away. Hugs had never really been her forte- Natasha was not the touchy feely type of person with anyone. When she broke the embrace, she was already backing away.

"Still my P.I.C.?" He asked her, one of his rare smiles coming to surface that only his close friends and Natasha could summon.

"Partner in crime? You know it." Natasha grinned at the joke they have together before running off to first period.

* * *

That Monday was the first day Loki had ever come to school on time.

It was a strange experience for him to pull into the parking lot and actually encounter people on his way walking through the double doors. They shied away from him when he got too close.

He looked around for her when he first got there, hating the way he felt like a desperate puppy dog, but his desire to see her outweighed his pride. So much, in fact, that he started heading to where he knew her locker was once he got inside the school.

Loki could not explain himself.

He had no idea what he would say to her when they eventually found each other- all he knew was that he needed to _see_ her. It was almost as if he feared what happened on Friday did not really happen- he needed to see her as a reassurance that it was true. That he really opened up to someone, and that he really pieced more of her together.

Loki felt so stupid, and tapped his fingers against his leg in impatience as he walked. This was something he swore he would never, ever do.

Rounding the corner to the right hallway, what he didn't expect at Natasha's locker were three girls, laughing as they taped something inside the metal box. Loki had seen these girls around the school some time, but never gave so much as a care about them or what they did. Now he wasn't so sure.

Narrowing his eyes as he stalked over there, Loki stood before them, his head tilted to one side. "This locker doesn't seem to belong to any of you."

One of the girls flipped her hair back as she turned to him, smirking. They looked at him in a way that someone would look at a bug or a toilet.

"Do you _know_ who _we_ are?" The one girl asked, not close to Loki's height but acting as if she was.

"Do you really think I give a shit about who you are?"

The one girl looked taken aback at his words, almost like a pissed off bird whose feathers were ruffled. These were the type of people who assumed people knew who they were- as if the world was literally built around their existance. If he weren't trying to intimidate them, Loki would have laughed. A different girl in the group of three spoke then.

"Wait, I remember you. You're Natasha's pet freak. You were the one who helped her to the nurse." Loki guessed that calling him a freak was supposed to faze him somehow, but he had become strangely accustomed to the name.

His menacing grin stretched across his face, and suddenly the girls did not seem as amused and uncaring as before. "I suggest you run off," Loki purred, taking a step closer to them. "Before the _pet _gets a little angry."

The three girls looked up at him in disgust, already starting to back away. One dropped the tape they were using to put god knows what in Natasha's locker. "You really are a freak, you know," The leader of their pack had called back to him, an ugly scowl on her face. They had a hard time stumbling away in their heels. Loki ignored the sting of her words, and instead turned to look inside the locker to see what they put there.

What he found was photographs, slightly curling at the edges from age. Natasha was in every single one of them, another guy _with_ her in the most humiliating of ways. Loki could not imagine anyone getting away with taking this kind of picture unless Natasha was drunk at some party, and unaware of what was going on. It was the shocking kind of images that could not just slip the mind. It seemed the more he found out about Natasha, more questions arose. He knew one thing for sure- the girl in this picture was not the same girl he knew now.

Loki thought of the girls who taped these terrible things in Natasha's locker to see and a rage grew within him. He wondered if this was the first time they had done this sort of thing with her, if her friends even knew. He was one for pranks and mischief, but this was something else entirely. It forced his natural aggression to the surface.

Before he knew it, Loki reached inside the locker and ripped the pictures down. He stuffed them into his pockets when he heard a voice coming from the other end of the hall.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" It was the rich boy Tony Stark, accompanied by Pepper Potts. They hurried towards him, as if the ground underneath Natasha's locker was something sacred to be guarded.

"This is America, is it not? I can stand where I want."

Tony was much shorter than Loki was, but it didn't stop him from facing off with the school's finest rebel.

"Is it Tasha? Is that why you're here?" Pepper asked him with narrowed eyes, remembering Loki from gym class before. This was the Thor's brother, the one Natasha had asked about during lunch... and now he was waiting at her locker. The dots of Pepper's suspicion were officially connected.

"Forget it," Loki looked to the thin ginger-haired girl. "I can see I don't belong here." The way Loki talked made Pepper feel uncomfortable, and she fought the urge to flinch under his gaze. Loki turned and sauntered away from them, the horrible pictures still stuffed in the pockets of his leather jacket. The two loyal friends watched after him, confused and distraught over what had just happened.

Loki headed to the boys bathroom, knowing exactly what he had to do.

When he entered the blue tiled hideout, every other guy who was in there looked up at him, and in haste, hurried to leave. One boy even forgot to zip up his fly. Loki watched them all scurry in a frenzy to leave his presence. He gave them each a glare that would give them nightmares.

Once he was alone, he took all the pictures from his pockets and put them in the metal garbage can. Taking out his lighter, Loki felt no shame when lit them all on fire. The flames ate at the paper, and he watched them burn. The images of Natasha and the men blackened, crumbling away to ashes. He felt satisfied to see them gone from this world.

* * *

Natasha arrived at her locker to find Pepper and Tony there, talking together in hushed tones. She felt slight disappointment that a certain boy with raven colored hair was not present, but made sure it wasn't evident on her face.

"Hey, guys." She said, aware of how strange the two of them seemed when they talked together. Tony was never serious. Really, never. Ever. It was even stranger to see her locker was already open, and for a moment Natasha felt true terror of what could be inside.

_Please, please tell me Pepper and Tony didn't see anything..._

But once she got there, she found the insides of her locker were bare. Natasha frowned, feeling relieved but confused. Usually there would be pictures, some kind of reminder of a terrible thing she once did. Today... nothing.

_So what are these two so serious about?_

"Hey, Tashie. Is there something interesting about those blank walls of your locker?" Tony joked about her befuddlement.

Natasha smiled and punched his arm playfully. For the first time, she felt alright as she put her books away. She didn't have to hide the insides of her locker from her friends around, because there was nothing there. It seemed there was only one person that could somewhat make her day better at this point, and she hoped she could see or talk to him at some point between classes or maybe even at lunch.

"So... that Loki kid was at your locker before." Pepper said casually, watching Natasha for her reaction.

Inside of her, Natasha felt like something imploded. Questions raced through her mind as she shut her locker calmly, but the master manipulator still had enough of her mask to cover it. She widened her eyes in surprise. "He did? That's weird." Her voice was indifferent, as if she did not even know what Loki they could be talking about.

"Yeah. It is weird." Tony said flatly, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

Natasha shrugged and lied. "It's not like I ever talk to him. I don't know why he would have been here."

That was when the fire alarm went off.

The kids around all looked up, dumbfounded as the sprinklers above them went off. The girls panicked, desperately trying to cover their heads of perfectly straightened hair, and the guys just laughed and pushed each other around. The floors grew slippery, and it got hard to walk. Teachers came out of their classrooms shouting, trying to herd everyone in an orderly fashion at the sound of the unpleasant wailing.

Natasha took the chance to slip away from Pepper and Tony as everyone walked out the school's doors and onto the football field near the school, waiting to see what had happened. The fire trucks even came, and people were shocked to find it was not a drill.

The students all sat in the bleachers, Natasha somehow had gotten roped into sitting with her group of friends, Pepper and Tony still suspicious of her. The others seemed somewhat oblivious.

She tried to look for Loki without being noticeable, and eventually spotted him at the bottom of the bleachers they were sitting in, apart from everyone else. It looked as if people went out of their way to not be near him. Smoke wafted from his head, and she could not hide a smile as he tapped the ashes from his cigarette onto the football field's impeccable grass. Those around him wrinkled their noses in disgust, but he did not so much as look at them.

That was when Fury came onto the field, and pointed to him, a look of pure anger in his one eye.

Two police officers approached Loki then, grabbed him by the arms and hoisted him up. They began to escort him away, and Loki did fight. He walked ahead of them, seeming somewhat bored as he continued to smoke his cigarette before flicking it off somewhere in the field.

Some of the students began to cheer and whoop for the kid who got them out of class, but most simply looked at each other, shaking their heads about how they just _knew_ it was him all along. A lot were angry that he was the reason they were wet and freezing- somehow finding reason to hate him more than they already did.

"Him? He's the reason we're all out here?" Steve looked furious, as if setting off the fire alarm was a crime against humanity.

Bruce shrugged as he wiped water out of his glasses. "I don't really know how you can be surprised."

Natasha wanted to laugh, but held back. She could feel Pepper and Tony's stare from behind.

While walking away to his punishment, Loki turned around for a moment, finding Natasha in the crowd. His wide grin could be seen even from the distance, and it took all of Natasha's skill not to turn the color of her hair when he winked.

* * *

**I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I may or may not have recently gotten obsessed with the show Supernatural. (and DAMN, I can't believe what i've been missing. those winchester boys, just... whoa. *fans self*) ANYWAY.**

**Excuse my language, but this chapter was a bitch to get through. But now it's up, so whoo! Try not to hate Pepper and Tony too much... they just have good intentions. And Loki is sort of a bad boy, if you know what I mean. ;)**

** I will post again very soon, because I am pumped for the next chapter to finally get up- it's one i written a while ago. and i have many feelings towards it.**

**AND AND AND 44 REVIEWS! SAWEET. You guys are awesome! I loves you.**

**Also have some crap news. In a week I go back to... DUN DUN DUN... high school. :( :( :( but no worries. I already have this entire story plotted out, and there is no way I'm bailing on it. I think that if anything, I'll post more since I do everything possible to procrastinate on my actual work. but it does not make going back suck any less.**

**Anyway. Enjoy!**

**and review review review!**


	12. Chapter 11: A Blast From The Past

**Chapter 11: A Blast From The Past**

* * *

**"****What if this is just the beginning, we're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming.**

**Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?**

**Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?**

**It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it.**

**So tell me, why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?"**

**~Liz Phair, "Why Can't I?"**

* * *

A couple days had passed since that hectic Monday, and things had calmed down to an extent. The school was no short of paranoid, but it was nothing in comparison of Natasha's friends.

While she had managed to settle things with Clint, who decided to trust her this time around, the Tony and Pepper continued to be the fool-proof duo. They were constant- like a mother and father who were frantic to make sure their child was safe and alright. This child being Natasha.

She did not know what they knew- but it was as if they were doing everything in their power to keep her away from the crowned bad boy of their school that only Natasha knew was not as bad as he seemed. Pepper and Tony would walk with her everywhere, and she was almost never alone at school. Natasha was itching to find Loki and talk to him, but the two of them never seemed to be together at the right time. It was starting to make her question if they had been meddling with the natural way of things- as in the two of them interacting.

It was a Thursday afternoon when Natasha finally walked out of the school after helping Fury with some paperwork, and everyone had left already. She was tired and just wanted to get home, but found herself facing a problem.

Her car wasn't anywhere to be seen.

She was standing in the center of the parking lot at the spot where her car should have been, and found panic bubbling inside her stomach.

_You don't just lose a car, _Natasha thought frantically. _A car!_

There was only one car in the lot- a black junk car, and in her worry, did not process who it belonged to. Just then, she heard laughter, and the revving of an engine. Looking up the black pavement, she saw a car flying towards her at forty miles and hour.

For a moment she was horrified, but the car swerved before it came near her, laughter echoing in the empty parking lot. She saw long hair whipping around from the open roofed convertible, and a couple pairs of middle fingers flipping her off from the backseat.

Sandra, Colleen, and Jess. The Bitch squad.

"Good luck getting home!" She heard one of them scream, eventually getting drowned out from their engine and high pitched laughter. _You've got to be kidding_, she thought angrily. _They hid my car. They HID IT._

Natasha raked a hand through her hair in frustration, not knowing what she should do. She needed her car, obviously. Her house was not even remotely close to the school.

"Need a ride?" A voice said from behind her, and Natasha whirled around wildly to see Loki, hints of his infamous smirk on his face.

_O__f course... the black car is his._

Although the guarded and secretive Natasha would never say it outloud, she was unbelievably excited to see him.

"I guess I do." Natasha admitted lamely, glaring at the ever receding convertible in the distance as they drove out of the school's winding road and out into the regular streets of town. She was bothered by the idea of needing to rely on someone.

Loki had just finished serving detention for being pulling the fire alarm a few days ago. Suspension was discussed when they took him to Fury's office for punishment, but Odin had pulled a favor for Loki to just have detentions after school for the rest of his trouble-prone life. It had not been a nice experience at home that night.

He had been walking out of the school when he found Natasha standing in the center of the parking lot, looking more lethal and venomous than she usually did.

"You okay?" He asked carefully, pulling his car keys from his back pocket. It was easy to tell she was angry. It felt like he'd been waiting for the time when they'd finally talk again. After all the things he had been hoping to say to her about since when he encountered her Friday was not this. It was strange how things never quite go as planned like you want them to.

"They jacked my car," She grumbled as they both began to walk side by side to his car. "Hid it somewhere."

Loki didn't need to ask who. It was those girls, the same ones who were at her locker earlier. "They hid your car? I didn't think people pulled that kind of shit anymore."

"Me either."

Loki gazed down at her as she looked off in another direction, clearly worried.

It was supposed to rain tonight, and she had left her windows open.

"Come on, we'll drive around and find it." He said, opening the side passenger door for her. Natasha narrowed her eyes at his kindness, as if she didn't believe it could be so simple, that _he_ could be so simple. "Seriously." He added, gesturing for her to get in.

Still slightly suspicious, Natasha climbed into his car. It seemed to fit him well- old and used but clean. She found quiet pleasure since it smelled like him, leather, cigarettes, and gasoline. The black inside matched the black exterior. Multiple CD's cluttered the car's floor and compartments, along with a couple random books.

Loki climbed in after her and shut his door, already turning the keys. The engine purred once it came to life.

"Where to first? You know the town better than I do. Just tell me where to go."

Natasha shrugged at his question, feeling happy towards their new adventure of finding her car. It was weird knowing that the two of them were easily capable of doing something moderately normal, as opposed to their usual mind-bending time together. "Let's start with the recreational park across town. I mean... if I, in their low IQ brains were to hide a car and screw with someone, that's where I'd put it."

Marvel was a small town, and it didn't take the duo long to get to the park. It was an enormous grassy plot- containing four soccer fields. There was a path circling around the field where people could walk their dogs and go jogging. Loki pulled into the dirt parking lot, and Natasha groaned at what she saw. Smack in the center of one of the fields was her car, battered and out of place.

"That's lame. They take your car and hide it in a place that takes us ten minutes to find?" Loki commented, raising an eyebrow at the Bitch squad's immature attempt at a prank.

"I doubt that's all they've done." Was all Natasha said as she opened the car door and stepped out, practically running to where her car sat. Loki followed suit.

Grabbing her keys from her bag, Natasha sat in the driver's seat once she reached the car, turning them in the ignition. "Moment of truth," She muttered, and Loki stood to watch the agitated girl. It sputtered, made some noises that sounded like a suffering animal, and died. The car horn let out a long beep as Natasha slammed her head into the wheel in failure.

Loki would have laughed if the situation wasn't so shitty. Instead, he moved quickly to the front of the car and yanked up the hood. He peered inside, and immediately saw the problem. The girls jammed part of the engine, but it was an easy fix. He heard Natasha ask him what he was doing when she stumbled out of the driver's seat, walking around to look at whatever it was he saw.

"They jammed it. But it's an easy fix. I'll do it."

Before Natasha could process what was happening, Loki stripped off his leather jacket, standing in a thin wife beater with his black jeans and boots. It was a surprise, and she sure had not expected to see muscle under there.

_Damn, _she thought, hoping no color showed on her cheeks.

"I... what?"

He was much more fit than anyone believed, mostly because he only ever had Thor to compare to. But Loki had definition, but it was the nice kind of muscles, the long and lean kind with flawless pale skin. _His arms looked so strong,_ Natasha thought as she looked at them. _As if he could easily lift me up._

"I work in a garage, I can fix it. Could you run back to my car and get the toolbox I have in my trunk?" He was already bent over the hood, tugging at some part of metal with his bare hands. Looking over at Natasha when he got no reply, he asked, "What?"

"Nothing." She said immediately, turning away from him and speed walking to his car.

_Why'd he have to take off his jacket? _

She cursed to herself, shaking her head and trying to force the image of him from her mind. Natasha had never been at a loss for words before.

When she got back from getting the toolbox, Loki took it from her hands with greased and blackened hands.

The sun was already setting, and the sky was turning a pale gray. It was getting chilly, and Natasha was only in a tee shirt and jeans. She thought she wouldn't be outside at all today. Loki noticed her shivering, and stopped his work. Picking up his leather jacket from the ground, he tossed it to her. "Put it on. It'll keep you warm."

She accepted it gratefully, and slid her arms through.

It was bewildering.

For the second time, Natasha was forced to recognize how much bigger Loki is than her. The jacket wrapped her in a leather cocoon, the length of the arms going way past her fingertips. It was warm, and smelled just like his car, just like him. She sat down on the grass and laid back, and her red hair splayed out underneath her. She gazed up at the clouds and watched as they moved by.

"So why did they do this to you?" Loki's voice floated to her from her side.

"We used to be friends." She replied sourly, scowling at the thought.

"_You_ used to be friends with _them_?" The shock in his voice was apparent.

"I used to do a lot of things..." Her voice trailed off and became silent. Loki remembered the pictures he took down from his locker, and he lifted his head and settled his eyes on her. The green was bright.

"We've got time. Start from the beginning."

Natasha considered telling him to back off, but knew it wouldn't work. Loki doesn't back off, ever. Part of her was desperate for him to know, and she felt the need to tell someone who would listen and actually _get it_. Despite their strange relationship that Natasha stopped trying to define, Loki always understood. It's not like she hid anything around him, because he just saw through any mask every time. Maybe it was time she really let someone in, at her own hand.

"I used to be a much different person last year and the year before," She began. "When I came into school as a freshman, my world exploded. I was originally more quiet and reserved- I stayed apart from others because all I knew was my life in Russia still. I was foreign, and was almost like an alien looking in on Earth. But high school was when I realized I could get away with a lot more things than I did before. Easily. I could have the world at my fingertips if I wanted." Loki remained quiet as he worked on the engine. "So I fell into their group. Colleen, Jess, and Sandra. They began to take me to this club- the Red Room. It's not near here- but they loved it. You could go there, and no one would ID you, no one would question you. Girls like us were free to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. Together we were horrible... I was especially. I partied, drove drunk, fucked guys every night, tortured people like they are to me now. I destroyed everything around me. I was brutal and merciless. I didn't care what or who I hurt."

Natasha finally exhaled, realizing she had spewed everything out. The silence hung in the air for a few moments until Loki spoke.

"What changed you?"

"I... I'm not exactly sure." Natasha paused, turning her head away to the side when she felt any sign of tears come. "I don't know what happened... I guess one day I just started to feel again, even if I didn't show it to anyone... I guess I realized what I was doing was wrong. From that point on, I stopped talking to those girls. Ignored them. Stopped going to The Red Room. I completely isolated myself. Removed myself from all radars, and tried to get better, and it was hard. That was near the end of sophomore year, and when Clint found me. He was my first friend, and he helped me through it... and now I have all the others, too."

"So now those bitches just torture you and pull pranks all the time?" Dark strands of his hair fell in front of his eyes as he worked.

"I wouldn't really call it torture... it's more like leaving terrible pictures in my locker of me back then, like when I was at parties or doing bad things. As if they want to make sure I never forget, as if I could. Sometimes they would interfere with me in public about it. Or, you know, they'd steal my car, hide it, and fuck it up. I guess they don't take rejection well." Natasha told him tiredly. "The day we... uhm... _talked_ to each other," The day their boundaries broke. "They had left a terrible thing in my locker... a barbie with red hair hanging from a rope... I already wasn't feeling so great by the time you talked to me."

Loki understood... he always did.

There was a lot more going on underneath the surface during that day other than him approaching her. She was upset long before he broke her down.

Natasha was surprised when Loki snarled, angry from her words. "That's terrible." The thought of them singling her out- her especially, infuriated him. Many thoughts crossed his mind about what he could do to screw them over. Too many.

"I would have done the same thing if I had not changed." Natasha said honestly, a bitter smile gracing her lips. "They used to call me the black widow. It was my nickname."

"The black widow?"

"Yeah, you know, the deadly spider? They're known to mate with another spider, and then kill it right after. I kind of used to do the same thing. I'd hook up and sleep with guys, make them fall in love with me and pretend like I loved them back... you know I can. Then I'd crush them the next day. Completely tear them apart. It was my specialty." Even though it was horrible, Natasha couldn't help but shake her head and laugh. "Lame and really low, I know."

Loki grinned, knowing all too well what it felt like to be simply toyed with by the Black Widow. "Spiders, huh? That's what they came up with?"

Natasha shrugged. "I'll take it, knowing what they've called other girls."

She blushed when Loki seemed to talk more to himself than to her. "Those poor boys."

Suddenly Natasha's phone went off, buzzing inside her bag. She sat up from her comfortable spot in the grass, and searched for it inside the pockets and compartments. That was when she noticed she had 5 missed calls, all from Pepper.

"Shit," She muttered, picking up the call now. "Pepper, I'm so sorry..." Gazing over at her broken down car and an astonishingly sweaty, greasy, and sexy as fuck Loki, Natasha chose the best words to describe her situation. "...stuff kind of happened..." She just remembered that Pepper was supposed to pick her up once she got out of school, and the girls were going to all go out to dinner together.

"It's fine, just tell me where you are, I've been trying to track you down for an hour now!" Pepper always sounded louder on the phone, and Loki chuckled at her voice. "Where are you?!"

"The recreational parks..."

"I'm on my way." Pepper stated, and soon enough the phone line went dead.

Natasha sighed, and stood up.

"Loki... I'm sorry, but-"

"It's alright," He said, wiping his hands with a rag. "Duty calls, right? The car is finished anyway." He reached up and closed the hood. "Can't keep you waiting from your friends." It wasn't intentional, but the way he said friends stung, and it hung in the air awkwardly.

_Were they not even friends?_

"Loki..." Natasha began, taking a few steps towards him. "Thank you, for everything. Really... I would be screwed if it weren't for you." He smiled, and it was not the mischievous one he so often wore. It was softer, something she had never seen before on him, and Natasha grew a feeling deep in her gut that she swore she'd never feel with any guy.

"No problem." Loki couldn't help but smile when he looked at her in his jacket. It could have been a dress on her, stretching down to her thighs and well past her hands. The stark contrast between her red hair, fair skin, and the black leather was incredible. Walking closer to her, Loki reached out and brushed a couple pieces of grass from her hair, silently pleased when she didn't complain or pull away.

"Natasha!"

Pepper Potts honked the horn of her car before jumping out of it, scurrying over to where they stood. Her eyes widened when she saw Loki with her, blinking a few times as if trying to process it. "What happened?"

Natasha figured Pepper meant the entire situation, as in why she was only standing inches apart from Loki in his leather jacket, and not only why her car was in the center of a soccer field. She internally cringed, distinctly remembering lying to Pepper only days before about how she never interacted with Loki.

"The bitch squad stole my car and hid it here, and Loki helped me find it. The engine was fucked up, but Loki works in a garage so he also fixed it for me..."

Pepper stood still for a few minutes, listening and observing Loki, trying to decide what the hell she should do. Loki felt the same. It was obvious the two of them were not comfortable around the other. Everything they had ever experienced with the other was never good.

"Right..." She said slowly, before launching into her get-things-done mode. "Well come on, we're already late. All of the others are there already. You can follow me in your car."

Natasha nodded, sudden sadness overcoming her at the thought of leaving Loki behind. She wished he could come along and be with her friends, and that they could still talk. Pepper already started walking to her car, motioning for Natasha to get to hers.

Turning back to him, she sighed.

"I guess I have to go..." Loki nodded, understanding. "Thank you again." She began to walk past him, reluctantly, back to her car, but stopped short. "Oh! And your jacket. Here-" Beginning to shrug it off her shoulders, Loki shook his head, and put one hand on her arm to stop her. His other hand rose to tuck a loose curl behind her ear.

"Don't. Give it back to me later. It's still cold out." A mischievous grin slipped onto his face, and Natasha's stomach twisted. "Besides, it looks better on you anyway."

Natasha could have playfully punched him in the arm, but decided not to. It seemed that would make the words he just said somewhat unreal. She gave him a smile instead, a real smile- not just one she fakes for everyone else around her, and walked over to her car.

Turning the ignition and smiling wider when it turned on with no problems, she gave Loki one last glance before turning with difficulty on the field of grass and following Pepper out onto the road.

After she was long gone, Loki stood in the field for another twenty minutes or so.

His arms were freezing, but he could not so much as care. Shutting his eyes as he remembered the smile she had given him only a moment before, Loki heard his heart pound frantically in his chest. It had not been what he had in mind for their next encounter, but somehow it was better than he could have ever imagined.

_Damn, _he thought. _I need a cigarette._

* * *

The next day at school after the car incident and going out to dinner with the girls, Natasha was heading out of the schools main doors once the last bell rang. She smiled as she saw her newly fixed car in the distance. A bunch of other kids were in suit with her, making their ways to their cars and driving home or to their friends' houses. As she walked Pepper popped up besides her, something Natasha had become accustomed to since she first became friends with her.

She had (miraculously) not seen Pepper all day, mainly because Natasha had only been slightly trying to avoid everyone. She had hid out under Loki's tree during lunch instead of sitting with the group, which, was a completely other story of him being ridiculously flirtatious and giving Natasha the constant impulse to giggle.

"You're wearing his jacket." Pepper stated dryly.

Indeed she was, over a simple black dress and her boots. Natasha had not taken it off since he had given it to her the day before. Pepper, of course, had to tell all the girls at dinner where Natasha had been- and who she had been with. They all seemed shaken by it, and Pepper would not let it go. Probably because Loki was the closest this school had to a criminal. He was a freak to them.

"Yes, Pepper, I am." She said exasperated, a blush slowly raising to her cheeks. "I don't get why you're freaking out over it."

"Because Tash, It's not everyday when I'm searching for my friend who I then find out was having real _quality_ time with the tall, dark, greasy and handsome delinquent of the school! Tash, I hear he's like a psychopath... I hear that he's into some really crazy shit.." As she said quality time, it sounded like she was implying other things.

"He's not a delinquent..." Natasha paused and thought for a moment. "Alright, well he might be a delinquent but he's not a psychopath-"

A sudden scream in the parking lot stopped them short from walking and talking. Natasha and Pepper weren't the only ones- many other students turned to observe where the sound came from.

It was the bitch squad, the three of them each at their cars that they always parked right next to each other. The convertibles and range rovers that their filthy rich parents bought them. However nice the cars were though, they screamed and backed away from them immediately after they entered them. The girls grabbed on to each other, one crying, as they stood at a distance from their rides.

Not thinking of what she was doing, Natasha broke into a sprint to see what it was. Pepper hurried behind as best as she could, along with multiple other kids who wanted to see what was wrong. But Natasha was the fastest out of all of them. She gasped when she got close enough to the cars to see what they were screaming about.

Hundreds amongst hundreds of them, some enormous, and some tiny, were filling their cars. Crawling out from every crack and crevice, buried in the fabric of the seats, on the dashboard and wheel. They all poured out and onto the pavement, and Natasha backed away quickly before they could reach her feet.

Spiders.

Turning her head to look around the parking lot, she spotted who she desperately wanted to find. Loki stood resting against his black car smoking a cigarette, and she watched him exhale smoke as the Bitch Squad continued to scream and panic.

He met Natasha's eyes and grinned.

* * *

**DAT MISCHIEF. **

**LOL PEPPER IS SUCH A COCKBLOCK.**

**Please excuse my use of the buffy/angel "it looks better on you" line with the jacket. I just couldn't help it. I had to. I just had to.**

**Anyway, here it is, yay. I really love this chapter. Hope you guys do too! Enjoyy**

**And ughkshgjkdsh school in three days. UHGDSFKHGKJDFH**


	13. Chapter 12: The Harsh Light Of Reality

**Chapter 12: The Harsh Light Of Reality**

* * *

**Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear,  
And I cant help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.  
It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague haunting mass appeal.  
Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel  
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes...  
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there.  
So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive, will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?  
It's driven me before, it seems to be the way that everyone else get around.  
Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found.**

**~Incubus, "Drive"**

* * *

Natasha had forgotten about Pepper's presence when she had run to where Loki was in the parking lot. The shouts and shrill screaming from the bitch squad eventually toned down after a couple teachers ran outside to calm down the situation. Most students were too busy involved in that scene than to pay attention to anything else.

When she got close enough to him, Natasha grabbed Loki by the collar and yanked him to meet her eyeline, not exactly on the gentle side.

"What did you do?" She asked firmly, her face serious and hard.

"I did exactly what they deserved." He replied just as calmly, the grin still in place as his eyes flickered down to where her hand remained grabbing his shirt.

"Loki," Natasha said, exasperated, dropping her hands. "You can't just screw with people like that!"

"Why not?" He laughed. "Don't tell me you think they didn't deserve that. You know what they've been doing to you all this time."

Natasha looked up to him in frustration. He was just so incapable of following rules and staying in order- something she had gradually learnt to be incredibly good at. Loki looked at the girl worried by his actions before him, and smiled, reaching out to brush a finger on her cheek. "Just consider me your personal revenge service. Like karma, except faster."

Pepper had ran after Natasha, but stood off awkwardly to the side when the two first began talking, and was still there as she listened. The interaction between them was strong- as if they were bonded to each other somehow, and they barely seemed to be aware that she was standing there. Pepper was taken aback. She knew Natasha was hiding something with Loki, but she didn't know it was this big. _The way they looked at each other..._

"Wait... you did that?" Pepper stepped into the conversation, shock evident in her tone as she tried to find clarity in the time of chaos.

Loki tore his gaze from Natasha's with reluctance, not smiling anymore. "Yes." He said flatly, his hand still on Natasha.

"Are you serious? All those spiders?!"

Natasha could tell that Pepper had that hysterical tone in her voice and that things had a big potential for getting messy. It was often heard whenever Tony would drink too much from his dad's liquor cabinet or when he would do something else just as stupid. Natasha turned slightly, giving Pepper her most pleading look.

"Pepper, can I meet you later? I need to talk to Loki alone."

Pepper gave her an incredulous look, and took a step towards them. "Are you serious Tash? Did you just see what he did?!" She pointed to the mass of spiders across the lot as if to further her point. Natasha looked to Pepper sadly as her friend gave her a look of disbelief. She felt Loki's touch vanish from her, and the sound of his car door opening was heard, and then the start of the engine.

"I'm sorry, Pepper." Natasha backed away, moving around to the other side of Loki's car. "I'll talk to you later, okay? I promise. I just have to go now." Before Natasha could see the disappointment on her friend's face, she quickly moved to get in the car. He had been waiting for her.

"The jacket looks great on you, by the way," He purred as he pulled out of the parking spot and began to drive out of the lot.

"Don't even start." Natasha said angrily, crossing her arms over her chest. She was still furious and slightly appalled at Loki's actions, and her obvious irritability with the subject made Loki nervous. He thought the two of them were sailing smoothly, seeing as they were unbelievably similar to the other- he had not realized until then how different they could be. She was excellent at taking orders... Loki wasn't. Natasha being angry with him was an idea he felt strangely sickened to ever pursue.

After a car ride of terrifying and eerie silence for him, Loki finally made it to a quiet road and pulled over to the side. It was just a neighborhood street, somewhere that would not pay any attention to two teens parked in a junk car.

"What were you thinking?" Natasha asked, her voice low and filled with restrain, as if she were talking with her teeth gritted together.

"Natasha, you know what I was thinking. Those girls were terrible-"

"It's not about them!" Natasha said fiercely. "It's about you! If they find out you did this, you'd get, suspended, maybe even expelled. There's only so many detentions they'll give you. Acting like this is going to destroy you!" The grin slipped off Loki's face.

"They have no proof I did it, Natasha." He murmured, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"But someday, with some other stunt, they might." Natasha did her best to ignore his slender fingers lingering near her neck. She thought of Fury. "There are rules, Loki. Stuff we have to live by. Even if they did deserve it... you can't just act out like this. Pulling the fire alarm, the spiders... you just can't. You shouldn't... no matter how tempting it is."

"I only did it because of how they treated you. It just... it drives me crazy," Loki replied. "You know what they did was wrong. They deserved worse than that." The dark look in his eyes make Natasha nervous, and hold back from speaking for a moment. It was something she'd never seen in a person before. "You know that what I did won't even stop them. They'll still treat you and others horrbily. It's not me who should be doing something, it's_ you_._ You're_ the one who needs to stand up to them. Only _you_ can stop them and you _know_ how."

Natasha hated how right Loki was, and the irony was apparent. The only way to stop the Bitch Squad from torturing her was to use her own skill set, the one they had given her, against them. "I know," She said tiredly. "And I will. But I still need you to try not to be a delinquent."

Loki sighed, pushing his head back on the head rest of his seat, dropping his hand from Natasha's skin. A paranoia was eating at him, until he couldn't help but ask.

"Are you afraid of me?" Loki had a desperation in his voice as his green eyes penetrated her the way they always did.

Natasha's eyebrows raised in surprise. "No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

He shrugged when he looked down, now feeling embarrassed. "Everyone else is."

Natasha turned fully in her seat, reaching a hand out to brush against his jaw and turn his head towards her. He shuddered under her human touch. "I'm not afraid of you, Loki. But sometimes people might have reason to. You can't keep acting out through these pranks- all of this mischief. It hurts other people, no matter how much of a bitch they are. It'll hurt you."

Loki was not sure how to react to this. He had never really met someone outside of Thor who cared for his well being. It was a strange experience for him- to see Natasha honestly and genuinely worried for him, not scared of him like mostly everyone seemed to be. It made feelings he had never felt before arise in him- and he had no idea what to call them.

"Do you think that we'll never really escape it?" Loki sighed. "You know. My mischief. Your mask..."

The two teens who had come to always feel alone, confused, and misunderstood, did not want to think of an answer for the question posed. Natasha turned away from him.

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not... maybe one day we'll finally live without it."

Neither of them wanted to admit how terrifying the thought of living without their safety blankets would be, no matter how much they would want them gone. They both quieted then, simply finding comfort in the closed in space of his car.

"I should probably go find Pepper." Natasha said after a while. "She's probably freaking out somewhere..."

Loki smirked, raising his hands to rest them on the wheel. "They really hate me, don't they?"

Natasha sighed. "They really do."

Loki glanced at her slyly as he put the car in drive. "Are you going to take their advice? Stay away from the school's bad boy?" He could not even figure out if his question was serious or not- but it did not waver his nervousness. No matter what he did, he always felt, especially now since he knew he had someone else who felt for him.

Natasha smiled. "Not sure yet," She teased him.

Loki grinned as he began to drive.

* * *

Natasha did not text or call Pepper, but she knew that she'd be at Tony's- so that's where her and Loki went.

Loki whistled when he pulled into the Stark's driveway and looked up at their family mansion. "Jesus christ, at least now I know why Stark's ego is so big..." He muttered, staring at the fountain in the front foyer. Natasha chuckled.

"Try not to leave scum on the ground," She joked, quirking her eyebrow.

Loki scowled. "Ha, ha. Very funny." He said sarcastically, glaring at her.

"What, you pull all these pranks and can't take a joke?" Natasha opened the door and slipped out, shutting it behind her. Before she walked away, she leaned down to look through the window.

Loki wanted to just touch her then like he did sometimes, with her fiery red curls tumbling down her shoulders and a sassy smirk on her lips. But, with the door and space separating them, he felt he should let it be this time. What he didn't know, was that with Natasha's teasing and ways of flirting, she was only giving him the permission to tuck that loose curl behind her ear, run a hand along her jaw, her cheek.

He didn't.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay?" It was like the two of them had only just begun some kind of couple relationship where they simply expected to see the other constantly. Neither gave thought to it, though, because neither of them minded.

"Try not to do anything criminal until next time I see you." Natasha smiled before turning on her heel, and walking up to Stark's front doors in only slight disappointment. She tried not to think about how much she had actually wanted Loki to give her one of his goodbye touches, how she wanted to get that feeling it would give her. Natasha had never actually _wanted_ a boy before like this, and the thought bothered her to no end as she walked through the main foyer and up to the mansion's doors.

It was a normal thing for Natasha and all of her friends to just waltz into Stark Manor at any apparent time in the day. No permission was needed- Howard Stark was often never home, leaving Tony in charge of things. This ultimately led to a lot of missing alcohol, pieces of scrap metal and half finished inventions tossed in corners, and all of their friend group almost always at the house and in the fridge.

"Good Afternoon, Miss. Romanoff." Tony's electronic butler Jarvis welcomed her, something he had worked on for years before he finally perfected him.

"Hey Jarvis," She returned the greeting. "I'm guessing they're in the den?"

"Correct as always, Miss. Romanoff," Jarvis chirped as Natasha made her way through the house that she had by now recognized. The group always chose to hang out there after school or on weekends for obvious purposes, and the den was mostly where they chose to lounge. It was an awesome room- huge couches and a fridge that was not exactly mini, an enormous flat-screened TV with high definition. A ping pong table, a pool table- the list went on. Only the best of luxuries for the Stark family.

Natasha felt nervous, she could not deny it- but she could still hide it. She knew Pepper and Tony would be waiting for her, and who knows what they'll say... she only sort of ditched them to be with the guy they hate most.

What she did not expect when she entered the den was the entire circle of her friends- who stopped in mid conversation once she walked into the room. Pepper was sitting on one of the couches looking frazzled and worried, with Tony by her side who looked slightly buzzed. As he always did. Steve sat up straight on a different couch, looking serious and unwavering. Peggy was propped up on the other side, picking at her nails nonchalantly. Maria, Jane, and Bruce sat on the third couch, Maria looking cold, as usual, Jane looking distressed, and Bruce looking nervous. Thor was absent from the meeting. Clint stood in the corner of the room, his arms crossed across his chest, looking stony and grim.

Natasha felt her stomach clench, but kept her chin up. "...hey guys."

Everything felt awkward, and it was obvious what topic they were speaking of before Natasha had entered the room. Finally, Tony spoke in his typical sardonic manor.

"I would ask you where you've been, but... this time we actually know."

Natasha frowned at the sting of Tony's words, her mask slipping off the show the girl underneath- a girl who was unbelievably strong and confident, and knowing what she wanted. "We're just friends." She stated firmly. "I'm not asking you guys to get involved, or to follow me around and be friends with him too."

"_Just friends_? Natasha, he's dangerous!" Pepper exclaimed, waving her hands around. "It's because we're worried for _you_!"

"I heard he broke some guys wrist just for talking to him, a couple towns over." Steve said solemnly.

Natasha opened her mouth to deny such a thing, but paused.

_Breaking someone's wrist..._

_Well... _

She sighed knowing it was not something outside of Loki's range. She honestly would not be surprised if Loki told her it was true.

"And all of those spiders!" Pepper added, as if the bugs were the reason there were problems in the world.

They all continued jumping in and adding to the list of terrible things Loki had done, not giving Natasha any kind of chance to speak. She wanted to yell and scream about how they just did not understand- how they did not know Loki, and it showed on her unguarded face.

Clint was silent the entire time, watching as everyone panicked and spoke ill of the school rebel. He watched Natasha, who seemed to grow much darker and fiercer as the backlash continued. Clint could see she was upset, and, even though he personally felt Loki was definitely not all there in the head- he knew Natasha. She was incredibly intelligent, one hell of a woman no matter what she faces. All he could think of was from the other day, the sound of her words echoing in his head along with everyone else's.

_I need you to trust me on this, okay?_

_Please tell me you understand?_

Just then Tony belted out what was on all their minds. "Natasha, we just don't think it would be good for you to see him anymore."

Natasha was about to open her mouth to respond, but someone else spoke first... surprisingly in her favor.

"Guys, back off of her." Clint stepped forward from his corner. "Natasha's a big girl... and as much as I don't like Loki either, she can make her own decisions."

Natasha looked to her best friend, having never felt so touched by what Clint had just done. For that moment anger left her system, and she only felt happy- proud even, as she stared in awe at Clint. Tony raised his eyebrows in shock, and Steve looked taken aback by his choice to defend Natasha. They all grew silent towards the change in the intervention, and Natasha took the chance to finally speak for herself.

"I'm not going to stop seeing him or talking with him." She said steadily. "I know what he's done, and I'm aware that it isn't... what an ideal person should be doing..." Natasha's gaze faltered and her eyes met Clint's, who nodded to her despite his distaste in the boy she was speaking of. "But I'm going to be his friend. And you guys are just going to have to accept that."

Pepper's mouth turned into a thin line- something it always did when she was disapproving something... but she said nothing. For the first time in his life, Tony was not talking. Jane looked somewhat disappointed. The rest seemed somewhat accepting but not pleased. The minutes passed and stretched longer after that, and the awkward feeling in the room did not disappear.

"So... why don't we just leave this behind, do something else for tonight than argue and disagree?" Clint gave every individual in the room a hardened look after the bout of weird silence.

Tony sighed, and rubbed his eyes, standing up. "Well if that's the case... I'll need another drink." Before anyone could blink he was over by the fridge, grabbing a bottle. "What are you all waiting for? Someone go order pizza."

Pepper scurried around the room, looking for a phone. "Tony, maybe we could if you actually ever cleaned this place!"

Tony mimicked Pepper as she talked.

The tension from the room before had gradually left, and the topic of Natasha and her social life had been pushed to the back of everyone's minds. Still, it did not keep from Natasha walking to the other side of the room to get to Clint. "Thank you," She murmured to him as they stood off to the side together.

"Don't." He said quietly.

"No, really Clint. I-"

"Natasha, stop. Just because I stood up for you doesn't mean I still like that you're hanging out with that kid. I still think he's dangerous... I trust you, and I know you can make your own decisions, but it doesn't change the terrible things he's done."

Natasha sighed. She knew nothing could have ever been perfect.

"I know, Clint... but I've done some terrible things, too," Natasha peered up at him, a soft smile on her lips. "And you gave me a chance."

He frowned and have her somewhat of a sad look. "_You_ were willing to change."

Natasha knew Loki was worth more than anything anyone gave him credit for. He was intelligent, funny, and when someone really got close to him as Natasha had- sweet. It was unsettling to know there was some sort of truth behind Clint's words, that she was the one who was willing to change... and how Loki might never be.

She turned away from him and walked to another one of the couches without a word as laughter echoed through the room at Steve being naive to something. Natasha remembered all of Loki's pranks and illusions, some cruel and some merely a joke- and felt heavy even in the newly fun atmosphere. She had grown to care for him... but she had begun to see a small crack in their relationship.

The only thing she could do was hope that one day he would be willing to leave behind his inner anger and rage, and that maybe, just maybe- she could be the one to help him do it.

* * *

**FJHSAGJHDJGHJKHDGD OH MY GOD AHFJDHGDJFGHKSDF I'M SO SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG LIKE HOLY SHIT JFDHS IM SO SORRY AHHHH I THOUGHT I WOULDNT EVER MAKE THE 6 DAY GAP MEHH I FEEL SO TERRIBLE GJHFDJK IM SORRY**

**so that's out of the way. but really, i am so sorry it took so long to update. school was pretty much the biggest bitch slap in the face EVER. it was RIDICULOUS. all my teachers assigned me like essays after the first day, just ugh, i can't even. And then the entire time while sitting in school i kept thinking "hey, i could be writing more of marvel high right now filled with sexy loki scenes and angsty natasha and everything BUT I'M NOT" and i hate everyone there and I MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH and jkdfhsgjhgjfsdhgjhjsdkhg**

**it has not been fun. and then outside of prison- whoops! did I say prison? I mean outside of ****_school_****, i had to work all the time and then do other stuff and ugh it was a major bummer.**

**but anywho- it's here! it's here! yay yay yay chapter 13! **

**And I promise I will update as much as I can. I think teachers just want to try and break you in to the new school year at the beginning- you know? as in hammering you with work. but on a brighter note... THERE IS TOTALLY AN ATTRACTIVE NEW KID AT MY SCHOOL AND LIKE WHAT THIS SORCERY I ALWAYS HOPE THERE'S AN AWESOME NEW KID EVERY YEAR AND IT NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENS IN REAL LIFE BUT THEN IT DID OMG and he actually reminds me of Thor cause he has long blonde hair and unf he's mad attractive. Weeeiirrddd.**

**ANYWAY.**

** Review! REVIEW I SAY! tell me whatcha think. TELLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**


	14. Chapter 13: The Deadly Bite

**Chapter 13- The Deadly Bite**

* * *

**"Should I close my eyes and prophesize, hoping maybe someday come?  
Should I wet the ground with my old tears, crying over what's been done?  
Should I lift the dirt and plant the seed even though I've never grown?  
Should I wet the ground with the sweat from my brow and believe in my good work?**

**Hey there, I'm flying up above, looking down, on the tired earth.  
But I can see, I can see potential speaking through you from all of heavens possibility.  
Power, hey do you know how it work? Hey do you know that the meek... they shall inherit the earth.  
But you should work, you should work, yeah for yourself and the family.**

**Should I hit the water or stay on dry land even though I never swam?  
Take machete into the brush, though at first there is no plan.  
Taste the warpaint on my tongue as it's dripping with my sweat,  
Place my gaze in the futures path seeing things that ain't come yet.**

**Hope to watch the victory dance after the days work is done,  
Hope to watch the victory dance in the evening's setting sun.  
Hope to watch the victory dance over many lives to come,  
Hope to watch the victory dance in the evening's setting sun."**

**~My Morning Jacket, "Victory Dance"**

* * *

"Are you sure you're alright? Nothing is happening over there?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Really." Natasha replied to Ivan as she spoke on the phone with him. It was noon on the following Sunday, the time Natasha usually had her every other day phone calls with her adopted parents.

"Where are you guys now?" She asked, but not really feeling any need to know. This was how it always was- disconnected. Natasha liked her adopted parents just fine, but there was never an actual bond between them.

Natasha tended to blame herself sometimes, thinking it was her fault because of how closed off she was to everybody. She could have a friendly nature with people, but never something deep- even if it were people who pulled her out of a horrible childhood. This was part of why she was alright with them leaving and travelling for their jobs- there was nothing much for her to say to them anyway. The ties and power of family was something she had never had- the only closest thing being her friends.

It didn't help that it was too easy to tell that they no longer trusted her after her past mistakes. Natasha still felt terrible for putting them through that- watching a daughter they gave a chance to screw everyone over, including themselves. How many times did she total the car, have house parties and destroyed so many of their things? Their hopes for her? It must have hit them the worst... now their entire relationship was something broken that was hastily glued back together.

"We're in europe now, you would love it here..."

He gradually tuned out as Natasha walked around her house, their voices echoing on speakerphone. She took her time folding her own laundry, doing some of her schoolwork, making lunch. Taking care of herself, as she always did.

"Natasha? Are you still there?"

Looking up from her textbook on the kitchen table, Natasha replied quickly.

"Yes, still here."

Confirming that she had not fallen asleep to the sound of his voice, Ivan continued, something about their hotel and the food there. Natasha pulled her legs up to her chest in her chair, putting her head down onto her knees. She couldn't think of her advanced college math homework with him rambling. So, in defeat, she lounged there in her favorite black leggings and tee shirt as he talked about things she didn't care about.

Natasha jumped when the doorbell rang, confused. She narrowed her eyes as she stood gracefully, and padded down the hall quietly to her front door. Ivan kept talking, oblivious to her walking away for the moment.

When she opened the door, she found no one there.

Instead, a small piece of paper held down by a rock from her garden was there on the concrete walkway. Natasha crouched down, picking it up gingerly, as if it could be something bad or painful.

It wasn't.

Her lips quirked up, and she smiled as she looked down at the piece of paper in her hand, knowing exactly who it was from.

"Natasha? Natasha are you there?"

Natasha stood, and looked out at the house across from hers, the black junk car missing from the driveway on the soft winter day.

"Natasha? Natasha?"

Closing the door behind her, Natasha rushed back into the kitchen.

"I'm here." She said, the smile still on her face as she sat back down into her chair. Ivan still continued, but now it was nothing but the same as silence to Natasha. She placed the receipt on in front of her on the table, staring at it with her math analysis textbook and her adopted father much forgotten.

* * *

"You have no idea who could have _possibly_ done such a thing?"

Principal Fury's one eye stared down at Natasha, who shrugged innocently the next morning once the weekend ended.

"No..." She said, her eyes wide and angelic. "It's just so _crazy_, who could ever do something like that?"

_A downright sexy bad boy you sort of crush on..._

Natasha blatantly ignored the little side comments in her head that had grown to be common, and idly wondered if covering up for Loki made her an accomplice to what he did. Fury sighed and shook his head, staring down at one of the students he had grown to trust the most in the school.

"Fine... you may go now. But if you find out anything, tell me immediately."

Natasha felt guilty for lying to Fury, the only adult who actually seemed to moderately believe in her. She was surprised she even managed to lie so easily- it seemed that recently she had a hard time keeping it up. Loki and his influence brought out the real emotions in her- the raw and honest person she kept inside. Pulling on the mask again was surprisingly not too difficult- she supposed old habits die hard, an idea that kept her in perpetual turmoil.

She thought of the terrible phone calls Fury would get from the bitching mothers and fathers of the Bitch Squad, and about how the monster who jacked their cars had not been brought to justice, and the heat the administration would put on him. Natasha did her best to bottle it up inside as she walked out of his office, through the waiting room, and back into the hallways.

That Friday before was like a flare that had been set off, and the weekend and Monday were the smoke left from the explosion. Things had managed to calm down a bit for Natasha. Her friends had reluctantly dealt with the fact that she still intended to keep in contact with Loki, but they never mentioned it. It was an enormous and obnoxious elephant in the room, but so far things had been going smoothly. Pepper and Tony had also taken the hint and stopped escorting her everywhere, which would now allow her to talk to Loki sometimes, even if it was still slightly under the radar to keep another flare from going off.

Loki had been better since Friday, better implying that he had filled anyone's cars with spiders... from what she knew of. It was a relief for Natasha. She had found herself always worrying and alert for any kind of trouble he would cause at the school- she had grown to befriend Loki, but it did not change the fact that he had a problem.

Speaking of problems, Natasha was also trying to figure out her own.

Nothing was put in her locker that morning, and it was an eerie feeling. No pictures, no dolls. (Thankfully no spiders in retaliation.) She knew that the girls would come for her, and she'd have to end this war once and for all. Loki had made a good point before- and it kept crossing her mind as she floated through her classes.

_You know that what I did won't even stop them. _

_They'll still do what they always do. It's not me who should be doing something, it's you. _

_You're the one who needs to stand up to them... _

_Only you can stop them, you know how._

He was right. As if she didn't already use enough of her skill set with Fury when she covered up for a delinquent- she would probably need it again to take down the Bitch squad.

The entire day felt like a time bomb, scarily calm. Anxiety crept up within Natasha, and she began to remember everything the Bitch squad had done to influence her in the past. Images of wild parties where they would move through guys and humiliate girls came back, the red room- torturing the weaker kids at school just because. They had fueled the fire for all of the terrible things she had done- it was as if they had complete control over her, as if she did not even have her own mind. It was something she could never forgive anyone for.

Natasha held her hand in such a tight fist that her nails dug into her palm, making small slivers of red appear. She had no reaction to the pain.

* * *

It was around lunch when they had found her.

Natasha was at her bare locker, about to get the bagged lunch she makes herself every morning when they approached her, a viciousness in their eyes that most people could not even reach. What they did not realize when Natasha put on a blank and expressionless face was that, if she wanted to, she could show them a viciousness much more lethal than the three of them combined.

With her back against her locker, they surrounded her.

"You didn't seriously think we'd let you go after what you've done, did you?"

Most looked at those three, Sandra, Jess, and Colleen, and think of what beautiful girls they were. But in that moment- with their faces contorted into nasty scowls and the coldness in their intentions- it only made them resemble something more like a creature than a person.

Natasha slid her hand into her back pocket casually, gently pulling the receipt out, but keeping it hidden in the closed palm of her hand. There were some students hurrying through the hallways to get to lunch, but none even paused to stop the obvious display of the Bitch Squad ganging up on Natasha.

These girls held this kind of power in the school, this fear. Natasha knew it well, because she used to hold it, too. She wouldn't tolerate it anymore.

"What? Here to teach me a lesson?" She asked vaguely, her face not even the slightest of emotions. Her gaze was unwavering, unnerving, and the Bitch Squad never faced off with anyone who came off so strong towards them other than Loki had. It made them uncomfortable, and this was only the tip of the iceberg for Natasha.

For the Black Widow.

"You, you and your pet freak are going to pay for what you've done," Colleen hissed, moving closer to Natasha, who did not flinch. "My car is still getting cleaned out from you're little prank!" Natasha felt no need to tell them how it was not her who did it, at this point it barely mattered.

"Daddy knows some powerful people," Jess snarled after Colleen. "And even they can find a way to put a pretty face like yours in some facility or clinic for disturbed teens, for someone who would do something as twisted as you!"

Natasha stared at them for a while, before a sinister smile graced her lips. All of the anxiety within her from before morphed into something much more powerful- anger. These were the girls who tortured her, who forced her to keep secrets, who helped build her mask even stronger before. She lifted up her hand and held the receipt out casually, tilting her head to the side as she showed it to them.

"Really? Because it seems like it might be a hard case to prove when the purchase for all those spiders from the local pet stores came from your own credit card..." Her eyes widened in mock innocence, a face too many have fallen for over the years. "Looks like someone must have gotten to one of the many cards Daddy gave you, the ones you all keep in your lockers. Seems like you have somewhat of a security problem..."

Natasha thought of Loki then, his gentle murmur from when they spoke in his car.

_They have no proof I did it, Natasha..._

She should have known Loki would never let himself be so careless. Even if he was being a criminal, he always thought things through. It was his art, just like how Natasha was working her own then. The girls stared at the crinkled piece of paper in shock, their malicious expressions changing quickly.

Natasha was still unbelievably calm, this time with a disturbingly pure look to her. "I wonder..." She said curiously, her face much too beautiful to be so deadly. "I bet there would be a lot of people who would believe you'd pull a stunt for attention..."

A look passed over Sandra's face as she stared at the girl before her, now showing what she was really capable of. "You haven't changed at all..." Sandra said in disbelief, wearing an expression that resembled something of fear. The other two girls were the same in thought and looks.

"I think you've forgotten how deep the widow can bite." Natasha ignored the sting their words gave, and instead bore her teeth when she spoke, which now seemed more like fangs. The girls were struck with silence at the image of what they once thought they could control like a puppet... what they helped create.

The Black Widow.

"I'm going to be clear," Natasha purred. "Come after me, my friends, Loki, if there are ever any more surprises in my locker or if I ever find my car hidden and fucked up again..." She eyed them each individually with a sickening sweetness. "And this evidence will be on Principal Fury's desk by the hour, handed to him by his most trusted student. And I'll make sure that everyone in this school, this county, they will know about it." Before she began to walk away, she felt the need to add more. "Jess... Daddy's a senator, isn't he?"

They just stared in awe as Natasha easily broke free from their circle surrounding her, swinging her bagged lunch by her side. She felt as though a weight had been tossed from her shoulders, the piece of her past that always haunted her was now no longer any threat. Natasha did not have to hide the insides of her locker from her friends, did not have to be reminded of everything she once did with them at the Red Room. From here, she could move on. Walk away.

"You bitch," Colleen muttered from behind her, still standing with the others by her locker as if they couldn't bring themselves to move.

Natasha smiled when she stopped and turned around to them, saying her last words before going to join her friends at lunch.

"Thank you, for your cooperation."

* * *

Loki knew Natasha would know what to do with the receipt once he left it on her doorstep. He would not have pulled the prank if he wasn't capable of breaking into their lockers to get to their credit cards.

That weekend was quiet for him. He wanted more than anything to ring the doorbell of Natasha's house and talk with her, drive around with her, maybe even take her somewhere, but he could not summon the guts. There was something about her that made him feel the need to impress her- and often times he did not feel good enough at all.

So instead of seeking her out like she secretly wished him to do, Loki would go to the bars. He kept his word to her though, about not causing trouble, so he did not drink. He would play pool, gamble and not cheat, and not break anyone's bones. It was still better than being at home, where his family continued to obviously ignore him. Loki tried his best to ignore his desire to see Natasha most of the time.

_Because there was no way she could want to be with me as much as I want to be with her... there's no way she could care as much..._

His insecurities never failed.

The two of them had agreed about how Natasha needed to end what was going on with those girls in his car, but he did not realize she would do it that Monday.

He had walked to her locker that day at lunch to maybe talk with her, if only for a moment (because in all honesty, the withdrawal was killing him), before she would split away from him and eat lunch with her friends. What he found was something else from just the fascinating girl he had grown to like too much, but instead the girl surrounded by her enemies, her back against the locker.

Loki's first instinct was to get them away from her, even if it meant aggression. But there was something he saw in Natasha's eyes, this glint, as if she anticipated them to come closer. He decided to stay back, watching from behind the turn of the hallway from a distance. Loki watched as the three girls snarled and put forth their nastiest, and it was easy to understand that anyone else would have withered under them.

But not Natasha.

Loki stared, breathless, at the sight of her.

Red hair like flames licking her shoulders and back, she stood with her shoulders back, unflinching and unyielding. While the other girls mastered the art of simple intimidation, Natasha had mastered something much more incredible than them- raw power.

This was her time.

He watched as she held the receipt in her hand, moving with a grace and effortlessness that could not be found in any other person, the horror and shock on the other girls' faces as she showed them exactly what the Black Widow was capable of. There was a fire in Natasha's eyes, a woman so strong and so fierce revealed from behind that mask.

The pathetic bullies of their school stood aghast when Natasha's chilling last words left her mouth, "_Thank you for your cooperation._"

Natasha walked off with a newfound liberty, Loki could see it.

He wanted so badly to run after her, talk to her about it. Hug her, even though the thought of physical closeness with most people usually tended to freak him out. He wanted to hold her.

But he didn't.

Loki stayed where he was, and let her walk alone to lunch without seeing him, right now it was not the two of them that mattered. He wasn't even sure if he would be capable of forming full sentences after witnessing what a hell of a woman she truly is.

This was a turning point, and it was important for her. It was so much more than a simple standing up for yourself, it was taking her oppression, and breaking away from it, and paving a path for others too. Those three girls would not just leave Natasha alone, but everyone else they had ever bullied- from here on and out, the wind had changed.

It was taking back a part of her that had been violated for too long.

It was freedom.

* * *

**OH GOD IM SO SORRY AGAIN**

**UGGGHHH JKDHFJSKGHKJDG HOLY SATAN JFDJKGJSDJ IM SORRY**

**I guess now would be a good time to clue you guys in that I am literally the biggest flake in the world. And I kept forgetting to write this chapter, and then when I remembered to write it, I had writers block, and meh. I'm so sorry again for the big gap. **

**BUT. Thanks to the jewish holiday, I totally have off from school tomorrow. So guess who has two thumbs and is gonna get ahead of schedule and write more chapters in bed while eating frozen pizza and grape juice tomorrow? THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE.**

**On a side note, it has become very clear that mad attractive new kid will never, ever talk to me. S'ok. I'll just die alone with many, many cats while still writing fanfiction for you guys. **

**ALSO. The song I used for this chapter, "victory dance" is fantastic. It is one of my favorites, along with this chapter. I just find it to be such a kickass song, because it's so eerily mellow and just too cool. Like when I listen to it I can just SEE Natasha being a bamf, and just unleashing her inner Black Widow, which, i enjoy writing way too much than a normal person would.**

**What did you guys think? tell me tell me. review review review! PREDICTIONS! TELL ME PREDICTIONS! and 84 reviews holy balls i love you all so much LETS GET TO 100 SHALL WE?!**


	15. Chapter 14: The New Year

**Chapter 14- The New Year**

* * *

**"****Last drink of a lonely night and all I wanted was to hold you.**

**I wrote some lonely lyrics to paint a picture to let you know.**

**Bleeding to death, laying in your bed I realized that I'll always need you.**

**You've always been the only one and I need you to know, I do live everyday without any regret of falling back into you.**

**We hold heads high while bullets fly.****And I know that I've been asking a lot but, would you run away with me right now?**

**I've got the whole world figured out, and I know, I've got the whole world figured out."**

**~Man Overboard, "Dear You"**

* * *

Christmas was Thor's favorite holiday.

And it was not because of the spiked nog.

It was because Christmas was always with family.

The end of December had come, along with the Holidays. School was out for the time being, and the weather had only grown colder as January approached.

Every year Thor always went out of his way- working hard to bring his family together for Christmas. He helped Frigga cook dinner. He decorated the house and front yard even if no one would help, or if no other houses did it. There was one time when he even convinced Loki to bake sugar cookies with him, which he found to be a success in itself, even if it did end with Loki purposely burning all of them as a joke. (The two of them still frosted and ate them anyway, despite the smoky flavor.)

Thor wasn't stupid. He knew his family wasn't perfect.

There were too many nights when he would watch Loki leave the house after a fight with Odin and come home days later, too many nights of Frigga crying, of him being stuck in the middle of everything. Thor never let it show how much their dysfunctional family upset him, or how much he wished things could be different.

Christmas was the one day that he could help make things different.

One day where they could all sit down at the table for dinner together, gathered around for the sake of the holiday and not at all filled with hatred or anger. This was why Thor would spend most of his own money on decorations, on baking ingredients, and on pine fresh scented candles. He only wanted so desperately his family to _feel_ like a family, together and whole, and for him that meant his brother whom he loved no matter what, his mother, and his father. Not grabbing at each other's throats for once.

It was Christmas eve, and Thor had helped Frigga prepare dinner, getting ingredients a week in advance. He made sure they got the largest ham, a sack of potatoes, quality bread, only the best. Odin made a fire in the normally abandoned fireplace while he and Frigga made the food. Well, Frigga cooked while Thor made lame attempts, which usually ended in Frigga showing him how to. Usually she was the one to dice vegetables, since Thor's hands were too rough and large to do such precise work.

He was so excited for dinner to begin, around seven. Thor could barely contain it. Meanwhile, upstairs, a much darker and grim brother of his was dreading the upcoming family gathering.

* * *

Loki had always hated Christmas, passionately. He thought it was silly and childish, and could never quite grasp Thor's vapid captivation with it.

_Then again, why does Thor do anything..._

It was like a reminder to him every year on how much he did not belong there with them at the dining table. How Odin barely looked or listened to him when he would actually say something. Not to mention how bloated you always feel afterwards.

He could not even believe he was feeling this way, but he even missed being in Marvel High. At least then he could talk to Natasha and strategically "run into" her without feeling like a creep. Outside of school, despite how close they had grown, Loki still found it hard to approach her and be with her. He knew too well her friends still hated him, and the last thing he ever wanted to do was scare her away, alarm her with his perpetual desire to talk with her.

The last time he talked to her was the Monday she stood up to the three bitch girls, a few days before vacation. It was in English after he witnessed her do it, and when the bell rang, signalling the class to leave- he jumped at the chance to walk with her out into the hall.

"Hey," She greeting him, giving him a rare smile.

"Hey," Loki replied, suddenly not knowing what to say. _Why had he ran over to her?_

She looked more beautiful than she did regularly, maybe it was the glow that came off of her after her victory, her new found freedom? The burden of a haunting past finally lifted of her shoulders? Either way, Loki could not handle it.

"You're staring, you know." She had teased, her eyebrow quirking up as it often did when she would wear that sassy smile.

"Oh, I know." He muttered, looking away, itching for a cigarette then in the rush of the hallways. Some kids stared at them walking together, and he suddenly felt insecure. Surely they must know, they must understand how much lower beneath her that he was. Loki vaguely remembered the voice of his boss, calling him scum.

She frowned then. "What is it?"

The image of her power and strength would not leave him, the way she so easily took hold of herself and took back what was rightfully hers. That woman under the mask... and how he had a horrible feeling he could never deserve her.

"Nothing. It's nothing." He had said, raking a hand through his raven black hair. "I'll see you later, okay?"

With that he rushed away from her.

Since then he had been too caught up with Thor's borderline obsession with Christmas. It seemed like all he'd been doing was walking through lowly hung tinsel in his house and suffocating on the smell of peppermint and cookies. And no matter how hard he could try never, _never_ will he ever get the image of Thor in a green and red apron out of his head.

Now he was sitting, barricaded in his room with the window open and clothing lining the crack at the bottom of his door to keep the smell of Christmas Eve dinner out. He was taking small sips from a bottle of vodka he kept hidden in his closet with his clothes, but not enough to get drunk, or even tipsy. It just softened him for what was to come- which he was sure was going to be a painful and lonely Christmas, even with family around.

He heard Frigga's call from downstairs a couple hours later, beckoning him for dinner.

Loki groaned, putting a cap back on the bottle, and hoisting himself up from the carpeted floor. Hiding the bottle back in its secure spot underneath his tee shirts, Loki began to shuffle down the stairs and to the dining room.

Thor frowned when he saw Loki. "Where's your sweater, brother?"

Thor had bought the two of them matching christmas sweaters, his in red and white and Loki's in black and green, their favorite colors. The only problem was that they were horrendous- stitched with miniature wreaths, ornaments, and snowflakes.

Loki just stared at him in disbelief. "You can't seriously expect me to wear that, Thor."

Thor once again, had that slapped puppy look on his face as he stood there in his sweater and festive oven mitts, holding a basin of mashed potatoes. Loki sighed, unable to reject him, turned around to head up the stairs again. "Fine."

When he came back downstairs, he was indeed wearing his own green sweater, and feeling unbelievably foolish. It ultimately made him feel frumpy, and was too short on him- the hem of his tee shirt stuck out at the bottom.

"Excellent!" Thor hollered, approaching Loki with... _something_... in his hands. "There's only one more thing to make it perfect."

"No.. no, no, no. No! NO!" Loki shouted, beginning to back away from his older brother, but to no avail. The football team's biggest player grabbed him from the collar, and stuck the reindeer antler headband on his head.

"There. Now we're all in the spirit of Christmas! Those suit you, you know."

Loki boiled in the felt costume, feeling more like an idiot than he did in just the sweater. He muttered some inaudible and highly colorful words underneath his breath as he sulked to his seat at the table. Frigga was already sitting there, a soft smile on her lips as she observed her two sons. Odin sat at the other end, silent, much more keen on the food about to be served than anything else.

Once all the food was on the table and gradually piled on their plates, soon the scraping of knives and forks filled the silence. Conversation started tentatively with Thor grinning from ear to ear and Loki scowling in his reindeer antlers. Odin asked innocent questions about school that Thor would answer. It was only a matter of time until a nerve was hit... until the cheerful family facade shattered. Odin was the one to pull the trigger.

"How is Principal Fury doing?" He asked, to which Loki stiffened and Thor replied.

"He's doing well, I think."

"We're lucky to have him as a principal. He's very generous."

They all knew when Odin said generous, he implied Fury's choice of sparing Loki from suspension for pulling the fire alarm. This was a problem that the family had still not let go of, and it was a hot topic conversation. Odin had not necessarily meant to offend- but a tension formed almost immediately.

Loki, who was on the receiving end, could feel his usual rage building in him at the thought of the fire alarm incident. He remembered when he first came home after that day, the strict yelling and harsh words that came from his father's mouth meant for him, without any remorse in his eyes. This was when Christmas for their family took a turn for the worse- when the broken hearted, misguided boy felt the urge to destroy everything around him once again, not aware of the vodka in his veins helping him.

"What do you mean, generous?" Loki asked dryly, staring down at his full plate of food. Odin looked to his youngest son in surprise.

"Well, he's willing to work with different problems and mistakes."

"Problems and mistakes like me?"

Loki stared up at him, a lethal look in his green eyes. Odin put down his fork and knife, and Frigga froze in her seat, looking up in fear, as if she knew exactly what was coming. It was obvious there was no return from there, once Loki said the one thing to turn all of the tables. Thor's grin faltered, because he knew it too well.

"You twist my words." Odin said, disturbed by the darkness growing in his son's eyes.

"No," Loki spat bitterly. "You know that I don't. Ever since we've moved here all I've ever heard from you is criticism and disapproval."

Odin remained calm. "Loki, you pulled a fire alarm as a joke. You've been going out at night and been gone for days! You can't expect me to let you off the hook for such things!"

Loki's face contorted into something that almost appeared inhuman, and he could not keep his anger in any longer. Just like with his boss's car, the spiders, all of the mischief he pulled- he had to have some kind of outlet. Even if it meant making Christmas dinner chaos... even if it meant forcing the truth out into the open on their dining room table. "I don't expect you to let me off the hook! But I don't expect you to just ignore me either! It's like I don't even exist when I'm here!"

Odin grew an expression that was equally as ugly as Loki's, all of the emotions that were once hidden beneath the mask of Christmas spirit only moments before. The battle-worn father attempted to speak, but Loki would not stop, could not stop.

"I'm sorry, all right?" Loki screamed, ripping the antlers off his head. "I'm sorry for what I've done wrong! I'm sorry I can't be Thor!" Each of them stopped and stared at the youngest son who stood up at the table, his chair scraping back on the wooden flooring violently. Thor taken aback from the exclamation. "I'm sorry I can't play football and I'm sorry I can't be the perfect student, I'm sorry I can't be what you _want!_"

The room was then silent.

While he had used his silver tongue to throw out every word to use against his father, Loki still felt like he was bursting at the seams. Ready to implode, as the world so often made him.

_I need to get out. I need to get away... out..._

Taking one last glance at the table before storming away and out the front door, Loki forced himself into the freezing winter night. He did not care he had just left them behind, he could barely feel it. All of his actions growing aggressive, he yanked the green sweater over his head and threw it into the dirty snow of their front lawn. It was as if he was so overcome in his wrath that nothing else could possibly reach him.

He thought of driving out to the bar, drinking himself dead, and forgetting about everyone else. Without anyone else to hurt then- he only wanted to hurt himself. Destroy himself, and indulge in all of his feelings of worthlessness. Although the more he thought about it- the more it was a worse idea. The bars would be filled with more Christmas related things, and that was the last thing he wanted. Drunk bikers and sharks with no families and no lovers to be with other than each other, all singing and chowing on Christmas specials. The thought of joining them made Loki sick.

As he stumbled down his driveway, he climbed into his car and sat in uncertainty, knowing exactly what he was desperate for, what he _thirsted_ for.

_There's Natasha..._

_Right across the street._

He was paranoid about his feelings over her, and he hated admitting it, but he needed someone... and that someone was the girl who was strong enough to raise above her own problems. It was not a good time for him to be left alone or with strangers, and now it seemed everyone was a stranger but her...

_Fuck it,_ He thought eventually. _I want to be with her._

* * *

Thor sat alone at the table then, staring down at the steaming ham. He heard Odin and Frigga murmuring to each other in hushed tones from the other room they had retired into as old fashioned christmas music played from a different place in the house.

He looked up and around at the tacky christmas decorations he so desperately tried to hang everywhere, at the dinner that was supposed to bring them together, at the stupid sweater that was a size too small that he forced himself into. He wanted his parents with him, he wanted his brother with him.

For the first time in a long time, Thor felt tears roll down his cheeks, and the young boy who always would appear to be so strong cried.

* * *

Frigga approached her husband in the other room carefully as he sat in a large armchair, his face hidden in his hand.

Odin was weary, and it broke Frigga's heart to see. He simply looked so exhausted, as if fighting with his son was what really took age from him.

"We have to tell him soon." Odin told her tiredly as Frigga sat down on the armrest by his side with grace. Her eyebrows rose at his words, and she felt pain as the image of her broken spirited son flashed before her eyes, his rage filled eyes and grimace.

"Tell him? But, Odin... He's only a boy... it will only make matters worse. He will only feel more different than he already is."

Odin shook his head, gently moving to hold his wife's hand.

"He must know. He must know the truth."

* * *

Natasha had gotten the call from her adopted parents that they would not be able to make it home for the holidays three days before Christmas itself. It would have been the first time she saw them in two months, and even though she was not close to them- it did not take away her sadness for their absence.

There was something about spending Christmas alone that separated it from other occasions. An empty house, no decorations, no one to laugh with, tell stories with, or sing drunk and silly carols with. Natasha decided she would not even try to have Christmas spirit, even if it seemed everyone else did.

She remembered going on a run in the freezing weather a few days ago, and passing by Loki's house, only to find Thor outside getting into the Christmas spirit, quite literally. Instead of putting lights on the bushes and trees outside, he somehow only managed to compile them on himself.

"SEASON'S GREETINGS NATASHA!" He called from the lawn, a grin on his face as he waved vigorously to her.

Natasha paused in her workout, and wheezed as she could not help but laugh. Running in the cold kept her breath short, and Thor got the impression that she was injured when seeing this. He lumbered over quickly, dragging strings of lights behind him, and breaking a few golden ball ornaments on the way.

"Are you alright, Natasha?" He asked in complete seriousness and she was hunched over, grabbing her stomach.

"I'm fine," She choked, trying to smother the grin that was growing on her face at Thor in a santa hat. For a moment he looked like a child- so excited for christmas and counting down the days, decorating because he was in the spirit to do so.

Natasha definitely believed Christmas could be a great and beautiful thing, but for her... it just reminded her how lonely she was.

Tony had offered for her to come over for the Stark manor for Christmas dinner with his family, even Pepper would be there. Steve also asked her in his polite way, and Bruce had asked her shyly. Her friends always knew she spent Christmas by herself, and they always would give her invitations to join them with their families. But that was the thing- it was their _families._ Natasha did not have that, and she felt wrong intruding upon theirs, something that was actually real for them. It would only be another place and different people she still could not connect to.

So on christmas eve, it was just herself and a bowl of instant noodles.

Natasha sat at her kitchen table, vaguely hearing the sound of christmas music from another house or playing from a car outside. Tuning it out, she poked at her noodles in a pair of black jeans and an oversized sweater that appeared like a dress on her. In that moment, she wished she had taken up Tony's offer. Or Steve's, or Bruce's. Anything would be better than just sitting there as she was doing, not even wanting to turn on TV because terrible christmas specials would be on every channel.

When the doorbell rang it echoed through the entire house, and Natasha whipped her head around in uncontrolled curiosity. She began to walk over to the front door as if it could be a trick- as if it might just be a prank and she'd still be alone.

Her heart rose up into her throat when she opened it to find Loki, standing there in nothing but his jeans, boots, and a thin tee shirt. He was shivering in the wind outside, his pale skin seeming to glow against the stark comparison of the night.

"I know it's Christmas, but please," Loki looked to her, desperate, running a hand through his hair nervously. "Please just talk to me? For a little bit? I just need... someone..."

Natasha was surprised, and looked back into her empty house for a moment as a lame attempt to hide her momentary dumbfoundment. _Loki had his family, even if they do ignore him... _"Yeah, yeah. Of course... just give me a minute, let me get my boots."

She felt her stomach churn in anticipation as she dashed back into the hall, snatching her favorite combat boots from the coat closet, and yanking them on.

Loki stood awkwardly on her doorstep, peering into her home. He saw a view of the kitchen, and was saddened to see a half-eaten bowl of ramen noodles at an empty seat. Suddenly his thoughts from before, when he was sipping vodka in his room seemed invalid. He did not really know what it felt like to be alone on Christmas, because even if they were dysfunctional, he always would have his family, have Thor.

_She has no one..._

"Alright, let's go." Natasha could not help but feel slightly excited. A human being had showed up at her house to see and talk to her, after all. The fact that it was Loki helped, too. But despite of this, Natasha could not ignore the crazed look in his eyes, like a wild animal that had just busted from a cage. It was familiar- the one he would get whenever he felt the need to act out.

Natasha would never have left him alone tonight even if she was busy and had people to be with.

"Come on," Loki said, spinning around and striding to his car quickly, Natasha following close behind. Soon they were skidding out of her driveway in the black piece of junk, and Natasha stifled a yelp as she dug her hands into the car seat. Loki drove aggressively, bent on getting as far from his house as possible- away from his problems. He felt anger in his blood, burning him and urging him to lash out.

When they finally parked on a deserted intersection, Loki slammed his head back into the headrest, grabbing the ridge of his nose with his pale, slender fingers. A vicious expression lined his features, and he squeezed his eyes shut as if in agony. He wished he had brought his vodka with him.

Natasha remained silent, too worried to speak out loud. She remained curled up into the seat holding her arms and hands close to her chest, waiting for him to explain.

"It's not like I'm defective, right?" He blurted out, his hands grabbing onto the steering wheel then, knuckles turning white. "I make mistakes, but I'm still his son, right?"

Natasha watched him, eyes wide and unblinking as he ranted. She understood it was her turn to listen.

"I don't understand what I ever did to make him not care, why he acts this way towards me... he hasn't always been like this, not when I was a kid... He won't even look at me anymore!"

Loki's voice was rising, but it did not matter. They were in the car on an empty street- where no one would hear him but Natasha. He was frantic, but this time, he was allowed to be. Natasha was like a free-zone for him, no matter what emotions or things he needed to feel, needed to confront and get out of his system.

Natasha recognized this, and felt touched by the trust he put in her.

"It feels like everything I do will just never be good enough- like no matter what he won't approve..." Loki stared ahead out to the road, so wound up he could barely hear what he was saying. "I won't ever be Thor! I can't be Thor, it's impossible. And it's not like I haven't tried before. I try to get close to what I think he'll want from me, but no matter what it never works... I'll always just be wrong in his eyes... a problem... a mistake..."

Natasha watched Loki as his chest heaved up and down from his rapid, angry breathing, and his eyes glaze over with tears brimming at the edge.

"I can't be what he wants."

She felt that this was not one of those times when Loki needed someone to assure him, when he needed someone to comfort him and coddle him. He needed a release, and she would take it on for him. This was not just an angry teenager complaining about their problems... this was a boy, trying desperately to be a man, and breaking down because of it.

Loki shut his eyes, and Natasha had never seen someone like they were in such silent pain- such deep anguish. It showed on every crease and line of his face, it was almost shocking. After those last few words he were quiet, and they simply sat together on the abandoned road. They both did not care for Christmas, but it felt right that they were with the other for it.

Soon enough, a light snow began to fall. After a long while Loki's breathing had settled, and the rage he had felt before now left him with a strange hollow feeling, almost numb. This girl was like salt to his wounds, even just her presence was enough for him.

Natasha watched the phases of his emotions play out right before her, and never had she believed one person could feel anything as intensely as she did... and now she stood corrected. It only made Loki seem so much clearer to her- so much more easier to read and understand. He was broken, just like she was. He could not connect. Neither could she... unless they were with the other.

Natasha looked at the glowing green numbers on his dashboard that showed the time after sitting there for so long, 12:04 in the morning. She looked back out the frosted window, and into the silent night that had no stars. She could picture what it would be like in one of those happy, functional families' homes as of now.

"Merry Christmas." She said softly.

Loki did not say anything, just took the car out of park gently.

They were quiet as he drove back to their houses, which did not take long. He stopped in front of her house on the road, wishing she did not have to leave him. Once again they were left to part.

"Thank you." He whispered, too worried he would blush if he looked her in the eye. Loki still clung to his pride.

"Do you have somewhere to go?" They both knew Natasha meant somewhere that was not a rundown motel or an apartment above a bar.

Loki nodded numbly.

"I'll always be here, you know that, right?" Natasha needed to make sure he understood this, that she would always welcome him. Whenever he felt like hurting others, hurting himself, she would always accept him.

"I know."

Nothing more needed to be said.

Before he knew it, Natasha had slipped from his car and began walking back up the driveway, an odd feeling in her gut as she tried to piece together what had just happened.

* * *

When Loki walked back through the front door of his house, silence greeted him. Odin and Frigga were probably in a different room, but that was something he definitely wanted to avoid. He immediately headed upstairs to his room, feeling too tired for anything or anyone. Loki could not even summon the feeling of surprise when he walked into his room to find Thor there, waiting.

Loki did not know what to expect from his brother, after clearly ruining his favorite holiday. In his large, oafish hands was the green sweater, now ruined, wet and frosted over from sitting in the snow. Loki waited, looking up into the face of who would not reveal any sensitive emotion.

After ten minutes, Thor crossed the room and hugged him.

No matter how many problems he caused, or how much he was hurt by him, Thor would never give up on his little brother.

Never.

He would always show him love, even if no one else would.

* * *

Christmas passing was like the aftermath of a war... which soon left New Years to arrive.

Natasha was so over these holidays, but floated through them anyway, still slightly hazed from what happened on that Christmas. She still was not sure if she felt happy or sad over how it turned out, and felt slightly worried. She had not talked to Loki since then, but she had spoken briefly with Thor- and it seemed things had settled down, even if Loki had not told her about it.

It was New Years Eve, and she was getting ready for Tony's annual party with all of their friends. It happened this way every year: the infamous playboy would always sneak booze from his father's liquor cabinet, and they would all drink to the holiday. Well, not Natasha. She refused to, deciding to stay clean after her past habits with alcohol.

Natasha was not excited, not exactly. New Years was never her favorite anymore, since she always ended up being the only sober person there. She was happy to be around her friends, but could not fight the feeling that she wished she would be with someone else...

Although as someone who built walls naturally, she tried to repress these feelings that had been planted inside of her and kept growing stronger. Having feelings for someone was never something she would see as a good thing- ever. It could compromise you, hurt you. It was always too risky. She tried to remind herself of these things.

It was when the countdown had begun when she realized this was useless.

Natasha stood on the balcony outside of Stark's ballroom in the freezing weather, ignoring the goosbumps on her arms from wearing a sleeveless party dress. The others were inside partying and joking around- most likely breaking some expensive furniture in the process. Pepper was giggling uncontrollably around Tony, and everyone else was loose and cheerful. Connected with each other, feeling lightheaded but happy.

Yet Natasha remained alone. Disconnected. Too involved with her own thoughts that would run wild.

_She would turn to peer inside, and she would be in awe at what she would see. _

_Loki, standing in his full glory, walking towards her through her group of friends who seemed completely unaffected by him. Unlike the last time she had been with him, he had his usual smirk, that devious charm that always radiated off of him._

_Then he would be on the balcony with her, close to her. Touching her._

"_Loki?" She murmured softly, her breath showing in a pale mist when she exhaled. "The others might see..." His hands played with one of her loose curls as he sometimes did, and she suppressed a gasp when his lips trailed the curve of her jaw. Natasha shuddered, his touch making her feel something she had never known before._

"_It doesn't matter," Loki told her gently, grinning as the clock struck twelve, the countdown cheering from the television from inside, hearing all of her friends celebrate and the couples kiss. "Happy New Years, Natasha..."_

_And with that he kissed her, tender, warm, sending a current through Natasha in the dead of winter. They melted into each other on the balcony, Loki holding her close to him. She felt so thrilled, heated- this was what she wanted all along..._

Natasha shook herself out of her fantasy, blushing furiously at what her daydreaming had brought her to thinking about. As if worried someone would know what she was thinking about, she whipped around to see the others still inside, oblivious to her.

This time the clock really did strike twelve, and she heard Tony's drunken yells and saw Peggy and Steve kiss, as well as Thor and Jane. They all cheered and shouted, and the popping of a champagne bottle was heard. "Happy New Year!" Tony shouted, and Pepper's manic laughter followed. They were too drunk to notice she wasn't there.

There was no tall, dark, and handsome coming for her through the gathering- no one to kiss her. Natasha could not shake the blush or embarrassment that burned inside her from her unintended daydream.

She had never fantasized about a guy before.

She looked out off the balcony as her friends' celebration continued inside, staring to the other houses next to Stark manor. There was probably other parties with other couples, other friends happy, boozed up and feeling so light and carefree.

Natasha wondered if she was the only person sober, feeling heavy, cold. Not depressed or sad, just there. Existing separate from others.

Snow fell around her as she stood, still thinking about the boy she kissed in a fantasy... and she found herself wishing that it was real.

* * *

**CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY MY LOVES**

**AND ITS IN THE FORM OF A MEGA MONSTER CHAPTER.**

**So i think I love this chapter the most out of all of them. Mostly because while I have a unyielding love for loki, i also have an unyielding love for Thor- and it was so much fun writing his parts and point of view. Sam for Odin and Frigga, and there were some parts that were just TOO MUCH fun to write. What did you guys think?**

**Also- i forgot to reply last chapter, but I believe someone asked how many chapters there would be and when Loki would kiss nat, haha.**

**As for chapters- I don't know. I have the whole story planned out, but often times I decide to add something in between and that sort of thing. So there's no way of knowing. I do not intend for it to stretch to like 40 chapters or something, if that is what you're wondering. But i also sort of have a sequel, and possible threequel in my crazed and unorganized head.**

**and as for the kiss... well I can't tell you that just yet.. but who said it would be loki kissin nat, hmmm? ;)**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW I LOVE YOU ALL REVIEW**


	16. Chapter 15: Drowning Or Waving

**Chapter 15: Drowning or Waving**

* * *

**So we move, we change by the speed of the choices that we make.**

**And the barriers are all self-made, That's so retrograde.**

**Are you drowning or waving? I just need you to save me.**

**Should we try to get along? Just try to get along...**

**I am alive, I'm awake to the trials of confusion create.**

**There are times when I feel the way we're about to break,**

**When there's too much to say.**

**We are home now, out of our heads, out of our minds.**

**Out of this world, out of this time... out of this time."**

**~Bush, "Out Of this World"**

* * *

Loki was bent over the hood of car, his hands greasy as he tugged and wrenched at an engine. It seemed this was all he ever did nowadays, since he had taken on double the amount of shifts at the garage he used to have. Double the amount of his asshole Boss who never ran out of different insults and names to call him. After Christmas, Loki had gone to work so often so he could be away from his family, and isolate himself further from them.

It was now halfway through January.

If he had to be honest on how he was coping, Loki would not know exactly how to answer. There were too many conflicting emotions, so many different facets to his turmoil, that it seemed he sometimes felt nothing from blotting it all out.

Natasha had certainly helped him on Christmas, simply from being there, being someone who listened to him for once. But this did not patch up all of the anger and bitterness he still felt for Odin. There was still a raging animal inside him, still desperately trying to find a way to the surface... he did his best to hide it with his grin like he usually did, with the exception of Natasha. Although even despite of this... it felt no matter how much he could smirk or laugh, it would still somehow show on him. The best way to describe it was a scar. Loki was hurt as he always was, and the problem was only temporarily closed off, leaving raised skin and an obvious fault.

He could not decide whether or not he wanted to reopen the wound.

Part of him wanted to destroy, to give Odin hell, to try and force him to understand what he's done all these years, through all the neglect. The other part wished he had nothing to do with it, wished he felt nothing at all, wanting to just close himself off from everyone and everything around him.

Things weren't _so_ bad, not yet. It helped that Thor still welcomed him home that Christmas night, even fixed a small plate of food from dinner for him at the early hour in the morning, still in his silly red christmas sweater. His older brother stayed with him even after he had passed out, worn and exhausted from everything he had felt and said with Natasha with the slight hum of vodka still in his bloodstream. Loki woke up that morning to find Thor sleeping in the corner of his room on the floor, he had eventually fallen asleep after watching over his little brother for as long as he could.

While Thor still accepted him, Loki could not say the same for his parents, which was because he still did not know how they felt at all.

Loki had grown to be very skillful at avoiding them at all costs. He did not eat dinner with them anymore, or stay in normal living areas in the house. He locked himself in his room, and Thor would bring him food he did not care for eating. Once he even climbed out of his bedroom window to avoid going out the front door, and possibly walking by them.

There were a couple nights when he had turned to Tino and his open apartment, but had not spent time in the bar or with the gamblers. Tino and the other guys had teased him from restraining from these activities, punching him in the arm and claiming he had gone soft, often making him feel even more irritable.

Odin and Frigga made no sudden moves to speak with their youngest son, too worried they would set him off again. Loki, of course, took this as more reason to be angry with them, more reason for him to believe they did not care for him. What he did not know was that they held something much more painful from him, and had since that last fight, been trying to figure out a decent way to tell him. Their house had turned into a time bomb, but one that was worse than any other- mainly because no one had any idea what would actually happen when it exploded.

The only thing that really kept Loki feel somewhat alright was a certain girl with hair like fire and eyes that could see straight through him. He hated the fact that he had become somewhat attached to her since Christmas, hated that he had grown to rely on her... but he could not help it.

So often he felt happy around her- normal, even. While his pride felt humiliated to find such comfort in another person, Loki could not help but track her down to find her and talk to her, be around her. It did not feel right calling it a crush, or saying that he simply _liked_ her. Natasha was the only person who had ever managed to accept him, and see eye to eye with the trickster that everyone judged before knowing.

Even from the beginning, they had always been this way.

On the other's level.

No matter how much his ego would set off alarms, angry and embarrassed that he felt a frenzied desire for the girl, he could not deny his feelings. His insecurities of worthlessness and mistrust only made him more prone to be with her- to make sure she was always there. Never had Loki been _close_ to someone, not really... not like the two of them were. Everyone he had ever known never touched him like she did... and it became normal for him to grow paranoid, nervous, and desperate to _know_ she felt the way she did.

Loki had grown to visit whenever Natasha worked night shifts. He'd buy a drink with his fake ID easily, and wait patiently until her shift was over before either taking her out somewhere or driving her home. Whenever they would go out he would usually take her somewhere silent- a rooftop, a parking lot, a silent road or a park in the late night. They would sit and often talk for hours. There were nights he remembered when she would sort through his various CD's from the floor of his car, turning each one around to read the tracklistings with those analytical and intelligent eyes. At one point she would gasp and grin, holding up a certain CD is triumph as he watched her in a haze, a crooked smile on his lips for the girl.

"I love this band!" Natasha would say, and feeling completely free around him, she would play the CD in excitement, turning up the volume as they sat together in the music. She would sometimes let out one of those light and contagious laughs- another one of those secret things about Natasha that no one knew but him.

Loki knew she would kill him (literally) if she ever found out he used this adjective to describe her, but she looked _cute,_ adorable even, sitting there in his leather jacket wrapped around her. He found pleasure in the idea of her wearing it... as if it were his mark. He would chuckle as she felt no need to harden herself or hide around him, revealing such a wonderful person underneath that barely anyone ever saw.

There was one night that they drove out together after a long day at school, the weather freezing but the sky dull. Loki had decided to park on a quiet road that was farther away from the town, and they talked and talked. Sometimes they lapsed into silence, but it was not awkward. Soon enough the sky darkened because of the winter times, and Natasha smiled as it happened.

"Come on." She said, opening the car door and walking outside.

"What? Why?" Loki questioned, narrowing his eyes as he watched her form move around the car through the windows, with that grace she always had.

"Just come on. Stop whining."

Loki sighed and stepped out of his car only to find Natasha perched on the back of his car, sitting on top of the trunk with her legs crossed underneath her. The moon was a sliver of light in the sky, still managing to illuminate her and shadow the creases of her face, the curve of her cheekbones and fullness of her lips. Her fiery red hair fell all around her like a blanket, and eventually she looked over her shoulder for a moment with a sassy smirk.

"Come here. Sit."

Loki quirked an eyebrow and strode over there, climbing up on top of the trunk to sit beside her. He reclined on his back, shutting his eyes as he laid against the back glass window of his car in his jeans and tee shirt. After a few moments he pulled out a cigarette from his pocket, and lit up. The embers glowed a soft orange in the darkness, lighting up the sharp features of his face as the smoke curled a soft gray against the black of night. Natasha did her best to ignore how he looked as he did all this, and instead looked up to the sky.

"You should open your eyes, you know. The stars are beautiful tonight."

Loki frowned, his eyes still closed. "I don't really care for the stars... it seems like I've seen them too many times." After another bout of silence, Loki sat up suddenly, eyes open and looking at Natasha dead in the eyes. "Do you ever feel like you don't fit? Like I do?"

The girl regarded him curiously, never getting quite used to the way he would say these sort of things aloud. It was as if he had no filter, and nothing stopped him from pushing boundaries.

"Yeah." She had said honestly. "I never feel like I fit." Loki nodded, understanding, and both looked at the other with their unwavering stares. "But I think that might be something everyone feels... I mean... how can anyone _really _feel like they fit? We can't be the only ones who feel this way..."

They did not feel like talking much after that, after both equally feeling the doubt in Natasha's words.

Loki would always have that usual smirk, darkened with mischievous eyes as they'd talk about the little things or the big things. Natasha knew that this was not how Loki felt- that grin was only a cover. She knew that even if he did not always speak of home, it was still something that was wrong and breaking him apart. He was walking a thin and dangerous line, and Natasha had promised herself she would be there to spot him in case he fell or came close.

Natasha recognized that Loki needed her after the first few nights he visited her, and the feelings it gave her were indescribable. She did not need him- Natasha never _needed_ anyone. She had simply grown to _want _him, and that was something much worse in her eyes.

His grin and his smirk made her feel lighter, even more free since she finally turned on the Bitch Squad. The way he looked at her, talked to her, understood her in a way no one else ever had... how he was the first to confront her openly about it. Loki had twisted her world and changed everything- destroyed her walls and forced her out of her shell. At first she only tried to harden herself and block it out, tried to hate him- but soon enough she learned that she could learn to trust, learn to welcome another inside. She _wanted_ to be around him, she _wanted_ to talk to him. Natasha could still remain alone, but she did not _want _to be, not when he was out there.

Neither had ever admitted it, but it had become a common and mutual addiction.

They loved the other's presence.

Once Loki came in on a dead night at the restaurant, and he was low again- in that place that always seemed to push him in the wrong direction. Nothing had happened at home or anything, it was just one of those moments when everything seemed to crush him from inside. While Loki came off as tough and powerful, he could be unbelievably weak because of his insecurities- and Natasha had seen it in his eyes once he walked inside. She always saw everything.

Her boss had let her off early after she had managed to bat her eyelashes, feigning an innocent girl who had too much homework that night. He had patted her back in sympathy, and she ignored when he fingered her bra strap, the perverted old man. All she knew was that she needed to get out to the waiting area of the restaurant where Loki was, where he was too close to the edge. He needed her.

They drove out together and eventually parked in a quiet place once Natasha had slipped away from her boss, and for three hours they sat in complete silence. Loki just stared out through the windshield as Natasha looked to him, understanding the deep crease in his brow line and the angry twist of his lips. She noticed everything he did- even the smallest things such as when he would blink rapidly, as if pushing back tears.

At the end of that night before Natasha climbed out of his car to walk back into her house from the driveway, she reached out to him. Loki had shut his eyes when he felt her small but soft hand gently brush against the stunning cut of his cheekbone, caressing where Loki felt a ceaseless pounding in his head from stress.

Not a single word had been said.

There were some nights when Loki did not speak to her at all when she worked, but only visited simply to watch her. See her there. Sometimes he just needed an assurance that she was there, that she would always give him that rare warm smile only meant for him. It would make him feel for once that he was not bothering her or being a burden to her because of his desperation for her.

For once in his life, even through all of the times he would rage and destroy and lash out, Loki was truly scared of his emotions.

* * *

Back at school, Natasha often felt as if she were walking on thin ice.

It was slightly difficult being Principal Fury's good eye when she was also friends with the school's crowned delinquent. It was also slightly difficult having a group of friends who hated him when you were having those annoying warm and fuzzy feelings for the guy.

When her friends had come to a truce to accept Natasha being in contact with him, it really meant them ignoring any sort of conversation or subject that would come close to mentioning it. They would pretend not to notice the leather jacket she would almost always wear, or other obvious things- such as when Natasha would tell them she'd be late because she was busy with _something_ else, or that she did not need a ride because she already had one.

It had gotten increasingly awkward, especially since she was now hanging out with Loki quite often, regularly, to be exact. Natasha was worried. She knew that eventually a day will come, and something in the group will snap- forcing her to reconcile for the two different paths she took. Tony and Pepper were still paranoid. Steve was still stern, like he always was. The others remained silent most of the time, until one of the days after coming back from break.

Natasha was surprised to find Thor, bidding farewell to Jane after lunch one day to run after her and catch up as they headed back inside for the next class.

"Natasha!" Thor called out, jogging lightly to catch up with the girl already rushing to get to her next class, for once not walking with his girlfriend.

Natasha turned in surprise when she heard the booming voice of the blonde athlete lumbering towards her, wondering what he could want.

"Hey, Thor. What's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you about my brother."

Natasha covered up her surprise and shock, and only tilted her head in confusion. It only occurred to her just then that Thor had never been involved in the group's attempts to separate her and Loki from each other, considering that Loki was his brother and Thor was the only one besides her who did not hate the school bad boy. There was still a chance she could avoid this topic with Thor, and she felt slightly guilty for beginning to lie to her friend. "I don't really talk to your brother, Thor.."

While Natasha thought Thor was not aware of what was happening, she could not be more wrong. He was well aware- people just tended to overlook his capacity.

The first time Loki sneaked out of the house and from him was well after Christmas, and, too curious to stay put, Thor had eventually followed. The older brother had expected to watch him come across something suspicious, a bar or an alley to release his anger, something that would make him feel an inner pain that no one but Loki could summon.

Instead, he watched in awe as his black junk car pulled into the restaurant that Natasha worked at, and, after a couple hours, left with her by his side. From there he watched them, and although parked at a distance, he could see his brother smiling. Really smiling. It was unlike anything Thor was used to and the last thing he expected, and he could not help but stare as they drove off together.

"Natasha, I know." The usually chipper and joyful Thor said seriously, looking down at her with wide blue eyes. "I saw it." After a pause, he added, sounding slightly offended. "And do you think I do not realize you wear his jacket?"

Natasha sighed and tried not to blush, knowing her chances of ignoring the situation were crushed. Time and time again she had attempted to return his jacket to it's rightful owner, but time and time again Loki refused. Natasha suddenly felt guilty for assuming Thor would not notice- _how could he not? _It seemed like everyone noticed. (Especially her friends, who just chose to stay incredibly quiet and sensitive towards the subject.) She was not going to question how he knew or what he saw, only decided there was no where to go but forward from here.

"Alright," She said quietly. "Then what did you want to say?"

"I know that most people... and our group of friends... don't like him at all." Natasha did not say anything at Thor's careful choices of words. "I just wanted to thank you for what you've done for him. For once he's been... he's been coming home at some point in the night and he hasn't been drunk, or physically hurt after causing trouble, because he's been with you." Thor told her, making Natasha feel like a dwarf as they walked the crowded halls together. "And I wanted to ask of you to continue seeing him, please. He needs it more than he'll admit."

She was not expecting this. Thor must have taken her silence for misunderstanding, and he went on, in his honest and genuine way.

"I'm... I'm not enough for him." A sadness was buried deep in his voice and eyes at this. "I wish I was, but I'm not. But he cares for you... it's something about you. When he comes home after seeing you, he doesn't seem as angry as before. As if he has been calmed down, at peace for once..."

Thor searched Natasha's face eagerly as they walked.

"My brother does not let people in, Natasha. He rejects everyone, but you... he lets you in." A pause. "Please don't break him... this is the first time he's seemed happy about something.."

Natasha stopped in surprise, looking up at Thor.

"I won't." The powerful girl said gently. "You have my word."

Although both of them knew there was more to be said about the situation. It was not this simple, and Natasha was the one who threw the truth out into the open, something both of them were aware of but did not want to say.

"I think if you need to worry about anyone breaking Loki," She said. "You need to worry about Loki himself."

* * *

**AHHHHHH BACK AGAIN**

**I'm sorry for how long it took :( this chapter was hard and annoying as balls to write, and i'm sorry if its slightly disappointing. But the song i used in this chapter i love dearly- and i think it's a great blackfrost song. check it out.**

**ANYWAY**

**100 REVIEWS 100 REVIEWS 100 REVIEWS OH MY GOD ERRH MAH GAAAD 100 REVIEWS WHOO WHOO WHOO PIZZA NINTENDO WHOO WHOO WHOO LETS GO**

**I love you all so much, seriously. keep reviewing, keep telling me what you think! I'm so sorry for breaking some of your hearts with the last chapter haha.**

**ALSO I TOTALLY GOT THE AVENGERS ON DVD THE COMBO PACK AHHH ITS SO GREAT AND SO MANY BLACKFROST FEELINGS I WAS PRETTY MUCH ROLLING AROUND ON MY FLOOR DURING THE INTEROGATION SCENE HOLY CRAP I JUST LOVE NATASHA SO MUCH WHAT A BAMF AND SO MANY LOKI EMOTIONS LIKE DAMMIT WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO EVIL BUT UGGHHH **

**It was only slightly awkward because i was watching it with my mom, but it's s'ok.**

**so great. watched it last night. watching it again today, except with joss whedon's commentary because joss whedon is my god.**

**and brace yourselves, next chapter is GONNA BE CRAY**

**and i'll be posting it soon cause i already wrote it ;))))**


	17. Chapter 16: First And Always

**Chapter 16: First and Always**

* * *

**_"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." ~Stephen King_**

* * *

"Your friend is here." One of the waitresses said as she popped her gum noisily, seeming almost annoyed at her coworker having visitors come in to see her... especially visitors as attractive as Loki was.

Natasha looked over her shoulder and felt a smile grow on her face as she saw him in the doorway of the restaurant, straight posture and all. Loki donned his usual grin, clad in his denim and boots, and what she had speculated to be his favorite band shirt. She felt her stomach churn in nervous anticipation, something she would make sure never actually showed, and she gave a quick wave to him as he casually took a seat at the bar.

When Natasha first saw him walk in, she desperately hoped it could be one of those nights when they would drive somewhere and talk, and not one of those times when he would just come in, not say a word, and leave.

"Earlier than usual." Natasha murmured as she walked past him, giving drinks to a different table. As she winked over her shoulder at him, she felt an inner satisfaction when she saw the side of his lips curl up in a mischievous smile, continuing to watch her as she walked away. She only had two tables tonight- a family of five with younger children, and a drunken middle aged man who had grown more obnoxious the longer he stayed. From where Loki was sitting, he could easily see who she was serving.

"Thank you darlin," The drunk man slurred as Natasha served him his god-knows-what number beer. Whenever she came near him, her somewhat decent mood dampened instantly... and something else took hold. Something she often never felt. Natasha nodded politely, and hurried away from him. In all honesty- really drunk people who were much bigger than her had the tendency to worry her. This man was no different.

Crinkled suit from after a day at some shithole office, and a rusted wedding band around his grubby and sticky finger. The man was shorter, but still had a huge build. He could easily restrain someone, and it was clear to see that he was stronger than most of the men in the restaurant. Ready to hop on any woman near him only for his own pleasure. He stank of alcohol and cigars, and something rotten that Natasha could not put a finger on. Possibly egg salad. But, what was most disturbing was that he could get away with it... and he was completely uncontrollable, even to a master manipulator like Natasha. Natasha was definitely strong- much stronger than other girls she knew- but she was no match against a man whose enormous hand could fit around her waist and rip her in half with little effort.

It was not the man that scared her... it was his potential. What he _could_ do.

Once she brought out the family's main courses, Natasha managed to slip away from her job for a moment. She stopped to talk to Loki, who was gingerly sipping a beer, his elbows propped up on the bar as his slender figure was hunched over- appearing like some kind of jungle cat. Natasha felt embarrassed to realize her stomach felt strange, as if it were jumping around inside of her.

"That man is disgusting." Loki said darkly, his eyes flickering towards the table where the drunk man grumbled and burped.

Natasha shrugged indifferently, not willing to admit the man gave her a horrible feeling in her gut. But Loki noticed this indifference anyway, as he always did, and suddenly his hands were strong on her hips, bringing her much closer. He had turned in his chair so her hips fit perfectly in the gap between his knees, the denim of his jeans slightly catching at the thin black material of her shirt. Natasha tried not to panic at the intimate gesture, and tried to block all of her rushed and frantic thoughts.

For some time she had managed to ignore the desire she had found for Loki since New Years, and it had been going well. She still had that default system built into her- the one that told her to be careful and to prevent any intimacy with someone- it just so happened that Loki and herself had already grown quite close. The more and more they were around each other, the more these simple yet intimate gestures would ensue, and no matter how much Natasha had been touched in the past- nothing compared to this.

"Has he done anything to you?" Loki asked seriously, his green eyes boring down into hers as he leaned in closer, his nose inches from her own.

"No! Of course not." Natasha stated firmly, worried by the wild look on him that had been growing stronger since he first set eyes on the scumbag. It was all too familiar.

"Don't play with him," He murmured. "The tips aren't worth it. You're more important."

Natasha knew he was right. This disgusting man was too dangerous, especially for her act. Her job was now the only place where she kept on her mask at all times- and in a way, it still forced that exhausting and destructive part of her to remain inside, even after all of the progress she had made. It was how she made her tips, her money, and even if she hated it... she still could not help it.

"I know."

Loki gazed at her for a moment, seeming to finally realize how physically close they were, but did not move immediately. The pair of green eyes flickered downward in surprise as he focused on the rising hem of her shirt for a moment, his eyebrow quirking up when he met Natasha's gaze once again. His hand rose to her waist for a moment only to rise further and tuck a loose curl behind her ear, an interesting habit he had begun to pick up. Natasha was still.

"Hey you- girl!" The drunk man was shouting again.

Natasha turned away from Loki in irritation, sure she could have accepted and returned the tender moment if she was only given another minute. She had no idea what could have possibly happened, but what she did know was of how acutely aware she was of his hands still holding onto her hips, the slender fingers having no intention of letting go. The drunk man raised his empty beer bottle in the air. "Another!"

Loki had to release her from her grip, and watched in frustration as she scurried into the kitchen to get the asshole another beer. He was deeply disturbed by what he was seeing tonight, and it made a darkness grow inside of him that felt cynical and deadly.

Seeing the man treat Natasha as an object- as just a woman's body, as a mat to wipe his dirty feet on infuriated him. He now saw and understood Natasha as someone independent- someone free, someone beautiful and meant to hold her own ground. He saw her above others. It was her nature, her power. She was no longer the girl who relied on the world around so she could play off of them and hide behind them. He had managed to pull away so much of her mask and her walls, not even realizing how the girl underneath would effect him.

This man was destroying what Loki loved most about her.

He watched Natasha as she came back out of the kitchen with a beer in hand, looking tired and not putting on any smiles for the repulsive drunk. The sweetness that was usually there with customers was gone, replaced with a weary sass. There was a concern in Loki's eyes, as if a wild animal were cautious to protect their mate from potential threat.

Natasha just wished the man would pass out, that way her boss would have to deal with him, and she didn't have to deal with his perverted and wandering eyes.

The world felt like it had come to a complete halt when she felt him slap her ass with his beefy hand, chuckling as if she were a toy he could play with after she placed the beer on his table.

Natasha heard the high pitched screech of a chair, and she forgot about the man instantly at the sound, knowing too well what it was. She moved quickly to where Loki was at the bar, who was standing and furious- with eyes that looked ready to kill.

"Loki, no!" She addressed him quietly, putting her hands on his shoulders and pushing him back in his chair. She dug her nails into his shoulders when he tried to move under her grasp, and tried not to feel unsettled at the sound of the guttural snarl that ripped from his lips.

"That son of a bitch," He seethed, his eyes savage as he looked at the man who still laughed in his booth, slapping his hand on the wooden table's surface, as if it were a funny joke. "I'll kill him..."

"Don't." Was all she said, trying hard to hide her discomfort and fear of the drunk. If Loki saw it, if he knew it was there, she worried he really would hunt the man down. "He's not worth it."

"No, Natasha. It's not him. You're the one that's worth it." Loki's hands moved to hold her face, looking at her fiercely. "I can't sit here and watch him treat you like that. You don't deserve it. You... you're _above_ him. You deserve respect. And if he won't give it to you..."

"Just calm down." Natasha said softly, taking his hands in hers and removing them from her face but still holding them. She felt desperate to diffuse what was building within Loki- and was worried at his harsh and aggressive words. "He's just a drunk asshole. I'll be fine, really. Don't do anything stupid..."

Loki gritted his teeth, and looking into her pleading blue eyes before nodding reluctantly. "Fine. But if he touches you one more time..."

"He won't."

They both were silent for a few moments, still holding hands. Both gradually realized how they wanted so badly to be closer than this, to just get the other in their arms. It was a strange realization for both of them, and, as most teenagers do, they both backed away, too nervous to act on impulses. Natasha gently tugged her small hands out of his grasp, silently cursing and applauding herself at the same time, and stepped back into the kitchen to catch her breath.

* * *

An hour passed and the man still remained there, slobbering and even more unpleasant than he was before. The family had left a while back, leaving Natasha a generous tip, having seen the drunk man and knowing what she had to deal with. Most of the other people had cleared out also, and it was almost closing time. Loki remained at the bar, bitter and paranoid. The bartender, someone Natasha had managed to become somewhat of friends with over time, was already counting his tips and wiping down the glasses. He seemed to take notice of the situation too, and like Loki, was not very pleased.

"How old are ya, darlin..." The man asked Natasha as she cleared the plates and bottles off of his table for what felt like the tenth time.

"Too young for you." Natasha replied curtly, quickly moving to put the dishes away.

Then she felt an abrupt hand on her arm, and she let out a gasp when she was yanked back towards the table. "Don walk away when ahm talkin to ya..." He grumbled. "Is it yer boyfriend over there? Is that why?" He pulled her closer to him, until her front was pressing slightly into his side and his own front as he sat in the cheap pleather booth.

"Let go!" Natasha whispered urgently, an alarm setting off in her head. Natasha was always perpetually suspcious of people- always ready to use her skills to block them out and keep them out. But this... this was an invasion without her consent. She thought of Loki pushing himself over the edge, and of what he would do to hurt the man- consequently hurting himself. "Let go, now!"

One hand slid up her thigh, the other up the flat surface of her stomach, rubbing and groping her in places she did not want to be touched. Not by him. The girl who built such high barriers and walls against others was being intruded, and never had she felt so helpless... so scared. A man was going as far to force himself into her, to invade her, and Natasha hated how defenseless she was then. His hands eventually graduated from rubbing to squeezing.

She suddenly did not feel any objection towards Loki beating the shit out of him.

Natasha could fearlessly face bullies, her friends- anyone. She could lie and pretend and trick, but she could not win against something that could not be controlled... something she could not work to her own personal advantage. Something with no conscious.

The grizzly facial hair scratched against her cheek as he pushed her closer to him, the stench of alcohol drowning her. His voice was gruff when he whispered filthy things in her ear, and Natasha felt tears sting her eyes as she dropped the empty beer bottles in her arms, letting them smash on the ground and echo through the empty restaraunt. She tried desperately to push away, but could not. She banged her fists on his chest as best as she could, definitely leaving bruises, but to no avail.

"Forget yer boyfriend, girl..." He told her, and he grabbed her face in his hands, squeezing her jaw and making her grunt, more so angry with the pain than actually feeling it. "Yer gonna scream for me tonight, darlin,"

As quickly as he had grabbed her and groped her, Natasha was free of him, and stumbling backwards from the booth.

Blinking away tears and making sure they did not fall for others to see, she looked up to find Loki. He was holding the man up by his collar on the wall beside the booth, looking astonishingly tall before the huge but short man, whose feet were dangling inches above the floor. Loki's pointed nose was so close it touched the man's, his teeth bared and exposing the part of Loki everyone feared.

The man choked and sputtered, using some choice words to describe Loki, but he didn't flinch. The darkness and cynicism in his eyes made Natasha panic, and as much as she secretly enjoyed seeing the atrocious man suffer, she would not let Loki get himself in too deep.

"Loki, no! Stop!" Loki didn't look back at Natasha when she spoke, only when her small hands found their way to his waist, pulling him away from the drunken slob. "Think of what you're doing!" Natasha balled the soft material of his tee shirt in her hand and tugged him farther, putting herself in the space between the two men. The drunk collapsed back into the booth, slightly incapable of movement for endless moments after Loki jumped in.

Loki blinked a few times, pure rage and hatred still embedded in his eyes, but this time there was a fear too, as he looked down at his hands that were close to strangling a man. He vaguely remembered when he broke another man's wrist, the sound of multiple voices telling him he was a monster. Clenching his hands into fists, his breathing got loud and unsteady. "If I hadn't been here, he would have-"

"I know." Natasha said, sounding just as dark herself, dropping her shaking hands from his waist. She looked to Loki for a moment, and suddenly, as he found his self control once again, Loki felt the same fear Natasha had for him... for her.

When she was capable, her power was so much more than anyone knew or understood- and Loki could not help but merely stand and stare as Natasha spun around to the drunken man gurgling behind her in an instant, watching as her fist connected with his running pink nose.

Natasha could still feel his disgusting hands on her, touching her, and even seeing the man's nose start to bleed after she hit him did not hold her back or rupture any sort of guilt within her. She tried to go again, to show him exactly what she was capable of after him restraining her, an eerily calm nature to her strikes. Natasha felt angry and insecure,_ threatened_, never once encountering a situation of someone she could not turn the tables in her favor. The fear still embedded in her, she took a graceful step towards him with unpleasant intentions, but a pair of hands stopped her.

The girl was yanked backwards, her hair flying in front of her face like a mass of crimson flames as she still attempted to make the man who groped her pay.

_Loki?_ She thought wildly, surprised he would hold her away. _But If I weren't already doing this, Loki would be doing it himself..._

That was when she heard the trickster's voice bellowing with an anger that sounded similar to her own, "let her go!" and she felt the familiar finger toying with her bra strap. Of course. It was her boss.

"_Let go of me_!" She hissed, and since her boss expected nothing of her, Natasha managed to slip out of his grip easily.

When she looked up to try to understand what was happening for the first time, she found what was left of the restaurant had gathered around the scene. The other waitresses looked like they were in shock, obviously thinking about what would have happened if they were in Natasha's place. The bartender had come out from behind his workspace to grab the arm of the drunk man and hold him down, trying to get him to pay the bill and leave, and also to stop shouting profanities. Many included some horrible sexist remarks about Natasha. A couple of the bus boys were restraining Loki after he had attempted to go after Natasha's boss once he saw his hands on her.

Natasha turned to face her boss, who stood at the head of the group with a sour look on his face. "I'll see you in my office, Natasha." Her boss said coldly, already turning away to walk towards the back. Natasha was breathing heavily, strands of her wild hair in her face as she turned to face Loki.

"Stay here." She told him sternly, staring him down with blue eyes that had chilled, seeming so cold they could lower the temperature of a room. The muscle in Loki's jaw twitched considerably as he grit his teeth, wanting to obey Natasha but also wanting to go after the asshole who had caused this entire problem. That anger, that rage, was on the rise again... and he knew that this was only the calm before the storm. Loki knew Natasha wanted him to try to not be so much of a delinquent for his own sake, but for this... never had he been so desperate to destroy something, to rip anything apart. Loki watched in dismay as he saw Natasha leave him alone- with the others, and worst of all, himself.

Trying to steady her breathing and find her usual cool and collected composure, Natasha followed her boss to the back of the restaurant where his office was. It took complete self control to keep herself from turning back to the drunken man who was to blame for the trauma Natasha kept seeing and feeling as she walked, and to bite him as the widow would.

Instead, she remained completely silent, unflinching even when her boss slammed the office door behind her once they were both inside the tiny room.

"What were you thinking, Natasha?" He exploded angrily, his bushy mustache moving and face turning pink as he shouted, a look much different from his usual smug smile when rubbing the different waitresses' shoulders. "You know company policies! You don't punch customers!"

Natasha narrowed her eyes until they appeared to be slits, and stared at the man before she replied looking directly into his eyes. "It was abuse. Sexual harassment." She could not manage to get the disbelief out of her voice towards her boss's complete lack of understanding. He shook his head in exasperation, rolling his eyes.

"Maybe you did something without realizing, led him on-"

"He was drunk," Natasha interrupted harshly, taking a step forward, and feeling the same edginess from before. "And married."

"It doesn't matter!" Her boss bellowed, raising his hand to point a menacing finger at her. "You work for this company, and you follow our rules! What is so hard to understand about that? And the customer always comes first, Natasha!"

Natasha stared in shock at the absurd meaning of his words coming out of his mouth, and many things began to run through her head. If it were any other girl working, who did not have Loki to pry her away from the drunk man, or the nerve enough to stand up for herself, she would have been trapped. The disgusting man would have gotten away with everything, and her boss... he would not have even blinked.

Natasha thought of the feel of his hands on her body, intrusive and unable to stop. The way she could not fight back. Getting to a part of her she did not want anyone to recieve unless she trusted them enough to share it with them. She thought of his blatant possessiveness- the way he believed to own her because his brute physical strength could force her down, because she could not reason or trick him. She remembered his repulsive words, grunted like an animal in her ear. _Yer gonna scream for me tonight, darlin..._

And her boss had thought it was _her_ fault.

It struck her that this job, this forsaken place was still holding her down. It forced her to keep her mask as a part of her, to hide and lower herself to worthlessness... and it was everything she had been trying lately to leave behind with her past. In the end it would only hurt her, control her- just as the Bitch Squad once did. This job was no different, something that had snuck up on her when she was young, and took yet another piece of herself away.

"That's where you're wrong." She finally told her boss after a bout of silence, gaze unyeilding. He scowled and began to move forward, until Natasha held up her hand to stop him...and he did. It was probably because of the look in her eyes. "I am my own woman... first, and always."

Natasha took the notepad for taking orders out from her back pocket and tossed it down on his desk. "I'm done with this."

Her boss stared at her in shock before his face contorted into a nasty grimace. "You think you can just walk out of here? After all this time? After all these years? After all we've done for you?"

The corner of her lips tugged up softly, and Natasha smiled at a man who had not only toyed with and misunderstood her, but other workers too. No longer would she be a victim. "Watch me."

From there she turned on her heel, leaving another part of her past behind... another fragment of her mask.

* * *

When Natasha walked back out of the office, the rest of her coworkers were still waiting in a group by the empty tables and booths. Natasha wondered if they thought everything was normal and alright, or if they heard her quit from the back room. The bartender stepped forward, his face weary and tired. "We finally got him to pay and leave," He told her, gesturing to the booth where the drunk man once was. "He should be gone by now."

It was incredible how easily everything slipped from her mind when she did not see a certain face amongst the group. "Where is he." She spun around, looking wildly at different spots in the restaraunt. "Where did he go?"

"Well, we don't know..." The bartender began slowly, a note of concern in his voice as he watched her panic.

"No, not the drunk. Loki! My friend, he was just here..." Natasha felt like things were spinning, thinking of all the horrible things he could be doing because of his lack of control. How he would give in... and how he could do some serious damage.

"He slipped away while you were gone." One of the waitresses said, shrugging as if it were not a big deal.

_No. No, no._

Putting whatever was left of the restaurant behind her, Natasha broke into a sprint out the front doors without another word said. It would be the last time she ever saw those people, her boss, the tacky decorations hanging on the wall and the shine of the polished wooden flooring. In that moment, she could not bring herself to care at all.

Bursting out into the parking lot, Natasha shouted his name into the night, desperate for any kind of sound or reply to tell her that her rebel boy would be there, not causing harm. She wished she could see his tall form slink into view from around the building, a lit cigarette between his fingers and a grin on his lips. This, however, did not happen. Instead, Natasha was met with endless moments of complete silence, a dreadful feeling that coiled and retracted unconfortably in her core.

That was when she heard the voice.

It was not Loki's, as much as she prayed it would be. It was rougher, and did not have that silky tone and clever mind behind it. It was slurred and angry, sounding as if it were coming from someone with no particular conscious or no rational train of thought. Natasha froze once she heard it, knowing the direction it was coming from- only a few cars away from her in the lot.

The man was furious, still intoxicated as he shouted and yelled- but not at anyone in particular. He did not realize Natasha was there with him- so dellusional that her shouting before had not even reached him in his state. After minutes passing of her hearing him ramble, Natasha managed to take a few cautious and soundless steps forward as a ghost would, peering in on what had happened. Her heart slipping into her throat at what she saw.

The man was kneeling on the pavement next to his car... if you wanted to call it such a thing. The windows had been smashed in, leaving shards of broken glass on the ground and inside on the car's interior. The tires were slashed viciously, the sides keyed and stabbed- forcing the cheap paint job to chip off.

The work of only one man.

* * *

**Okay, so I feel the need to explain myself about certain parts of this chapter- just to make sure we are all completely on the same page, so please bear with me.**

**This was one of the first chapters I actually wrote for the entire story, because I knew I wanted it to happen. But, I found myself really nervous when posting it. I got worried that it might come off with a soap-opera crazy drama vibe, which is not what i ever wanted for the story. (Which by no means am I saying this kind of treatment of women and teenage girls only exists in those medias- it is a very real and very terrifiying thing that can happen to anyone, and to males too.) But yet I was still worried what you all would think about it, if it would seem unrealistic to you all- because one of my biggest concerns is making Marvel High not seem realistic for a high school AU. **_**BUT**_**. I had my reason for still putting it this chapter- and let me explain why.**

**When I write, I can do story and plotlines just fine, but my strongest suit is characters. And in Marvel High- where it's two vastly different and similar people colliding as the plotline- it heavily relies on character development. You can't have two characters interact with each other unless you can understand the interaction, and what it means for them individually. Even though it ends with Loki's rage- this is a Natasha chapter by far.**

**I once read in an article- and I will try to find it and post it on the next update incase you're interested- about Natasha and her fear, or the "chinks in her armor." Apparently after the avengers came out, there was criticism of Natasha for being scared of the hulk in the movie, specifically the scene during the attack on the helicarrier when she was hidden in the engine room, close to breakdown. The article went on to explain how the fact that Natasha fears the hulk does not make her **_**weak-**_** it only helps explain her more. And also, my reason for adding this chapter- **_**she should be**_**. If you think about it- the hulk is the real opposite of Natasha- and it is everything she cannot beat. Hell, she could even outwit Loki, but she can't face the hulk, because the hulk is something she cannot **_**manipulate. **_**The hulk cannot be charmed, reasoned with, or tricked. It is essentially a rage monster. And since Natasha is just human, she is physically no match for him. **

**Natasha always wins whenever she creates her own environment, where she can mold and control. The hulk is uncontrollable- and she has every right to be scared of it. (Who the hell wouldn't?) So- when writing my story, I wanted to show some sort of parallel- something that showed that Natasha had fear- that there was something she could not control, because EVERYONE, no matter how strong and powerful they can be, has a chink in their armor somewhere. Considering that I cannot add a gamma ray mutated rage monster into the story, I went for something that was more in our world- an uncontrollable drunk who has terrible intentions. (And on a side note- don't compare the drunk man to the hulk _too_ much. It's obvious Natasha would never lash out at bruce for his problem- i just needed something uncontrollable that could match up to the hulk's power in this AU. This story obviously has much different factors than the avengers.) **

**B****y no means am I trying to make Natasha look weak or like a damsel- because she is certainly not. I felt this chapter needed to exist, because it **_**needed**_** to show another facet of her and her wonderful character. This _includes_ her faults, her fears, the things she loses to- and better yet- how she fights back- whether it's a sucker punch to the face or jumping back to save Clint Barton from mind control. How she loses, and how she rises, even if it means she's still scared in the end. Not only does it shed more light on her, it also helps shed more light on the relationship she begins to build with Loki.**

**okay so wow I am so sorry that was the longest thing ever holy crap sorry. Sorry. but anyway PLEASE REVIEW PLEASE PLEASE ESPECIALLY THIS CHAPTER.**

**Also- i'm truly sorry for again taking some time to update. It really has not been easy. I'm in some of the toughest classes at school and have a full year job, not to mention other things to juggle. I wish I could update as often as possible- but I often can't. And I'm so sorry for this. But I can promise that there has never been a time nor will there be a time when I leave the story hanging, no matter how I feel. I will always make sure I post for you guys, whenever I can.**


	18. Chapter 17: Bloody Knuckles

**Chapter 17: Bloody Knuckles**

* * *

**"If you're under the impression I'm alright, I guess you never noticed, I guess you might have known...  
I've been holding this together for so long, but I guess you might have noticed.  
The beast within the burden is all mine. A product of his father, a slave to his pride.  
I feel I need to reveal my true stripes, but the bitch of all this trouble here waits behind the wind to find out.  
You set me up to leave me, You wanted to feel, shallow love, shallow lives.  
With every word, you speak of what you wanted from me.  
I'm sinking more and more into my lies. Now home is just a pinprick in the vastness of my life.  
Feel the pressure, feel the pleasure, Feel the pain, you're not alone. Feel the pleasure, feel the pain, Feel the pain.**

**Realizations, I am not what you thought I was. ****You change directions everytime someone judges us.**  
**In moderation, what was once us now never was, ****You change directions everytime someone judges us."**

**~The Academy Is... , "You Might Have Noticed"**

* * *

Natasha coughed and wheezed as she walked up to the front door of her house, her lungs burning and head spinning after sprinting home from work. The image of the smashed car would not leave her, and she immediately looked to her neighbor's house across the street only to find the familiar black junk car missing.

She unlocked the door with shaking hands, and was relieved to leave the darkness of the night, but narrowed her eyes when she found all of the lights on already. Feeling frantic and paranoid, Natasha desperately tried to remember if she had left them on or not, and face palmed when she realized she could not remember.

Her thoughts were jumbled and everywhere, even if she did not show it outwardly.

Moving soundlessly to the coat closet at her side, Natasha quietly opened the door and pulled out a baseball bat that she kept hidden there for intruder purposes. Cocking her elbow as she held it in the air, she carefully stepped forward, ready to swing at anything that moved near her. Natasha took no chances- never- and especially after this night, she would not put anything past anyone. She was hyper aware and alert as she walked down the hall, slowly turning into the kitchen.

"Natasha!"

Her body froze when she heard the familiar voice, and when her eyes eventually made the connection, too. Still holding the bat up, Natasha stared on in shock at the steaming cup of tea on the kitchen table along with an expensive suitcase, and the man sitting comfortably in the chair at the head of the table.

"Ivan?"

Suddenly she was trapped in an embrace, the baseball bat clattering to the floor. She could not hide her disbelief that her adopted father, Ivan Petrovitch, was hugging her after so long of not seeing him. Needless to say in was strange for her, not only because human contact was the last thing she wanted to experience in this moment, but also because Ivan acted as if this were normal. As if they shared a hugging sort of relationship, which Natasha did not have with anyone. Unless it may be a certain dark haired, green eyed boy with daddy issues that was currently rushing through her thoughts, in which case, Natasha was quite open to hugging.

After a few seconds in the embrace, she felt the need to shy away from the sign of affection. The drunk man came to mind, and Natasha once more thought of his hands that had violated her. Starting to find it hard to breath, Natasha slipped out of her adopted father's gentle hug, feeling shaken.

"I managed to book a flight last minute for a few days," Ivan told her. "You're mother couldn't make it, she had to stay in London to make the deal. But I figured I could surprise you once you once you get home from work..."

Natasha said nothing, almost paralyzed by the insanity this night had brought on. Ivan noticed, despite his usual obliviousness.

"Are you alright, Natasha? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

Natasha blinked a few times and shook her head, placing a palm on her burning face.

"No, no. I'm fine." She lied. "Sometimes walking home in the dark just gets to me..."

* * *

It took an hour to get away from Ivan and his stories of travel, and in that hour, Natasha's anxiety did not cease. There was so much happening inside of her, so many emotions and thoughts and fears rising. It made it worse that she also had to make an effort to hide it from Ivan at the same time.

She needed to find Loki.

What he had done brought a lot of things into question for her, something that kept her from sleeping at all that night. She simply laid there in the dark, eyes open and unblinking as they stared at the ceiling. Downstairs she could hear Ivan shuffling around, probably finding comfort in being back at the home that he does not actually live in.

The next morning she woke up to the smell of pancakes.

Walking down the stairs, she found Ivan behind the stove, making stacks of the fluffy high cholesterol cakes, and welcoming her with a smile. "Morning, Natasha! Sleep well?"

Natasha shrugged and lied. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Here, have some pancakes. I've made more than enough for the both of us."

Ivan moved to place a full plate at the seat of the table that she always used to sit in as a child, when they would still stay home with her, when she was much too young for their traveling to leave her alone. When they resembled somewhat of a family.

Natasha poked at them with a fork, but could not will herself to eat. Ivan didn't notice. There was more empty conversation, and Natasha could not help but feel awkward, on top of everything else.

"You can stay home today if you want," He suggested. "We can go see a movie. I can take you shopping. A father-daughter day!"

"No thanks." Natasha said immediately, but regretting her quick answer when she saw the light in Ivan's eyes dimming slightly. "No it's not that-" She began, grasping at the right words, but only finding lies to cover her fault. "I just have this big test today. I studied all yesterday for it, and I just want to get it over with."

Ivan smiled. "Well, that's my Natasha. Always so concerned about her schoolwork."

Natasha managed to scrape out a weak smile, and looked to the clock to save her from more of the strange, out of her usual morning routine conversation. Fifteen minutes earlier than her usual time to leave.

"Well, I have to go now." She said, standing up from the table and grabbing her bag. Her combat boots squeaked on the floor as she hurried to the door, impatient to escape the place that should be considered her sanctuary. She barely heard Ivan's cheerful "good luck" when she shut the door behind her without looking back.

* * *

Natasha marched her way into school, and having put her momentary fear and anxiety behind her, had a new found drive and determination. She felt angry with herself for not having been capable to sleep the night before, for not being able to bury what she felt. This has never happened to her before- being so worried that even sleep was impossible. Whenever something like this would happen in the past, she used to have such an easy time forgetting it, pushing it down and ignoring it.

It struck her that now- since Loki had happened- she would never be the same.

He brought out emotions and feelings inside of her that revealed so much.

People parted the way in the halls when Natasha walked through, probably because of the deadly look in her eyes as she sought out the school rebel. Even though most of the people in the school knew Natasha had since changed from her former self, they did not doubt her power or potential. Part of them would always remember her for what she was.

Natasha cursed aloud when she reached her locker after walking around different halls multiple times, Loki nowhere to be found. He was hiding from her, she knew it. He knows and understands what he did, and he also knows how she'd react. Feeling like she had failed, Natasha had to head to first period and endure the school day until lunch, when she could try to track him down once more.

Her friends definitely noticed her behavior- and questioned her.

"Natasha... are you okay?" Bruce was the first to ask about it in advanced physics in a soft and quiet tone, hoping not to draw so much attention to the others around them when he asked. "You're reminding me of myself when I get angry." He joked.

Natasha looked over at him, being forced to break out of her train of thought. "What?" She asked him, confused at Bruce's sudden affinity for confrontation.

"As in you look like you're about to murder someone in cold blood with your eyes and set the school on fire." Bruce said, and once again restated the first question slowly. "Are you okay?"

Natasha felt embarrassed, not realizing her anger had shown so easily. No wonder Tony had not made any snide comments when he saw her that day.

"I... yeah." She replied, relieved when the teacher caught them whispering and told them to face forward and pay attention.

Later in French, Pepper, of course, had to say something.

"Natasha, you look like Satan."

Pepper was peering over at her with worried eyes, as if still trying to decide whether or not she should have spoken aloud. Natasha gazed over at her with a dead stare, one eyebrow raised to show she was not amused. "It's nothing."

"Are you sure? Because really... you look scary."

"It's nothing." Natasha repeated, an edge in her voice that she wished she could hide. Pepper quieted, turning away from her friend and once again listening to their French teacher ramble about subject was allowed to drop from conversation, but it did not leave Pepper's mind.

* * *

When the bell for lunch finally rang, Natasha practically leaped from her desk in class to the halls, out on the prowl once more. She had asked Thor if his brother was even here, and she got a confirmation. Loki _was_ just hiding from her... but everyone knows that you never have much time when the Widow is hunting you.

It took her five minutes until she finally spotted the longer dark hair, a head taller than anyone in the hallway with dominance in his posture.

She came from behind when she managed to grab him by his shirt collar and slam him into the wall. There was a group of freshman girls present when it happened, and they jumped in shock and stared before scurrying away, their brown bagged lunches hugged to their chests.

Once Loki got over the general surprise of being assaulted, he tilted his head back to rest on the wall behind, a grin on his face.

"It's alright, I like you best when you're feisty." He chuckled, keeping his hands hidden in his pockets, and making no moves to fight or be freed from Natasha's grip.

"Quit with the bullshit." She hissed, trying her best to ignore his words of choice and to stop a blush from rising to her cheeks,

The grin slipped from Loki's face, replaced with a boy who was much more tired, much more unpleasant. "Fine." He said in a low voice, finally starting to shift under her. Natasha then loosened her fingers and let go of his shirt, but the two still stood close to each other. It was as if they needed to be an inch apart from each other to communicate, the two of them being such intense people. It caused a heat to grow between them that was impossible to extinguish.

"You promised me," She stated, Loki looking away at her words. "You promised me you wouldn't."

"I couldn't help it." He shot back.

"Couldn't help it? _Couldn't help it?_ Loki, you trashed the guys car! Slashed his tires, keyed it! How could you have not _helped it?"_

"I don't know, okay? I don't know!" Loki sighed impatiently, yanking his hand out of his pocket to run a hand through his dark hair. "I wanted to. I wanted to hurt him, just liked I wanted to hurt those stupid girls before. It just happens. It's something inside of me, It's what I do... I just...hurt. I hurt people..."

Natasha stared up at him before her eyes caught on what he was hiding before, and she grabbed his hand before he could pull away. The flesh of his knuckles was shredded and broken, raw with dried blood. Loki made an attempt to shake her off and put his hand back in his pocket, but Natasha was too quick with an iron grip, and whenever he tried to move his hand he felt pain.

"You punched them out, didn't you?" She murmured, looking down at his hand. "The windows. You punched them out yourself."

Despite their height difference, they always managed to look the other in the eye.

"You wanted to do the same." He said darkly. "You wanted to hurt him as much as I did."

"But I didn't." Natasha stated firmly.

"But you wanted to," He murmured. "And you would have, too. Don't tell me you wouldn't have took the key to his car, slashed the tires. Made him pay. You wanted to."

Natasha was silent for a few moments before speaking again. "Maybe I would have, I don't know. But I know that when I ran from that restaurant, it wasn't to hurt that man. It was to find you. Because for some ridiculous reason I thought you would stay there and wait for me to come back out of the office and be there-"

"You don't trust me?" He interupted, sounding almost offended.

"I wish I could trust you!" Natasha said angrily, her eyes set on him "We tell each other the darkest parts of ourselves, you know and understand parts of me no one can even touch, and I care about you too fucking much, but I still can't even trust you! I think I can, and I expect something, but then when I turn my back you destroy everything in your path!"

As she looked up at him, Natasha felt even more angry that she still had that inner urge to kiss him, to be with him. Even through everything he could do, she would always think back to the boy who changed her, the one that spilled out his heart in his car with her listening, the one who freed her from her mask. She hated how capable he was of being good but never was, how maybe if she had been there and stayed with him he would not have acted out the night before. She still wanted him, so much, more than she should, and this desire never left her. But she could not, would not let these things slide.

Her words stung him, and Loki felt guilt weigh down on his shoulders as he looked at the girl that had changed so much of his world for the better, who he had once more upset and let down. "You can trust me." Loki hated how he sounded like he was pleading.

"Then prove it!" Natasha gently let go of his hand, and took a step away from him, breaking their intimate bubble. "Because there's only so many times you can pull this shit." She shook her head. "They could find you for this. There's clear proof you were there that night. The police could figure it out."

His green eyes felt so heavy on her, his voice thick with something she tried to convince herself wasn't pain. "Will you report me?"

Natasha pursed her lips, thinking for a few moments before replying. "No. I won't... not this time. But don't think that changes anything. I've made my choices on how to live, Loki. It's time you started making yours." Natasha began to back away slightly, resisting her urges to stay close to him- to force herself closer to him.

Loki felt fear once more. He knew that what he had grown to care about most could now easily slip away. Natasha was not one to stand around and wait for someone, let alone a man, and she would not succumb to him. Loki felt the childish need to run to her, but held back, his pride and ego being much too strong. She was right... he needed to chose his path, and walk it.

"Talk to me once you decide."

Loki looked to her, no smirk or cover up. There was a sorrow in him, and both could see and feel it. She turned and walked away with her chin up, rounding the corner, out of his sight.

Natasha still felt anxious, still felt angry, wanting things to be simple for once. She thought about how maybe, being alone, or being in some stupid, vapid, shallow relationship would be easier. W_y does everything about this, the two of us feel us right, b__ut is on some level still wrong?_

Natasha was not lying about how he knew her... she knew him, too. They understood each other. But the way he functioned- being an agent of chaos- it would eventually destroy everything. If that would be the case, Natasha needed to keep her level head.

At the same time, Loki had managed to get her to feel so many things like no one else, and keeping a level head is easier said than done. Maybe in the past she would have been able to stay with reason, with logic, to be cold- but this was getting much harder to do by the day... all because of him.

Natasha still could not decide whether this was a change for good or bad, just like their entire relationship.

What she did know though, was that it was definitely a bad thing when she rounded the corner of the hall to find Pepper, Steve, and Tony, widened and angry eyes as they stood, having listened to Natasha and Loki's entire conversation.

* * *

"What the hell, Natasha!" Pepper squeaked, waving her hands around. "I knew there was something up with you today! I knew it!"

Natasha had managed to usher them away from the halls and outside to the courtyard to talk, where their group had clumped together to confront her. More like snap at her. Jane had lured Thor away to Mr. Selvigg's room to learn more Astrology for the time being, to avoid him behind apart of the discussion about his younger brother.

"Listen guys, you're not involved, please just drop it."

"No!" Pepper stomped her foot for emphasis. "We've let it go all this time, because we figured you can take care of it. But then we walk in on that, you two cuddling against a wall as you scold him for committing a crime! And not for the first time this has happened!"

"It's complicated." Natasha stated, feeling frustrated and slightly confused. So much was happening with no rest, one trigger causing an outbreak of events. "Please just back off. It's between me and him."

"We can't, Natasha. Not if he's broken the law." Steve said, his arms crossed over his chest. "This is serious. Slashing tires and trashing a car is illegal, and he should be reported."

Those words made Natasha feel numb, coming from someone as honest and genuine as Steve, and she did not know how to react. She just did not know anymore. Loki had done wrong, yes, but she could not deny the fact that she felt for him. And even then, she was hoping that when he does make the decision- that he would chose her. But now her friends even sided with the logical part of her reasoning.

"Please don't report him..."

Pepper looked at Natasha, sadness in her eyes. "Natasha, we know you really like him... but we're going to report him. We have to. That man's car was in the paper this morning, they're trying to find who did it."

Natasha suddenly felt desperate, thinking of what would happen if Loki was caught. They could really send him away- put him in a place for delinquent youths because of how dense his record was. Or his family and house- it would make things so much worse then. Odin surely would not be happy. Loki would only lash out more... it would only hurt him more, and the others he would decide to take it out on.

"No, please don't! Don't." Natasha placed her head in her hands, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to think of a way her friends would listen to her.

_What could make them hold back?_

"Don't report him. If you don't then... then I promise... I'll stop seeing him."

* * *

**Hey everyone! Sorry this took so long to put up, if you can imagine, it is sort of difficult to follow up last chapter. BUT. speaking of the last chapter...**

**I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH OMG. **

**I was so worried and for like the first day after I put that up I didn't even look at any reviews because I was so nervous but then i did and AAHHHH you guys are just the greatest seriously i love you all. you are the greatest reviewers in the world. this story is for you guys.**

**I apologize for the cliffhanger, but I couldn't help it. I had to. It was there, I just had to take it.**

**Also, on a side note, last night I watched the movie Donnie Darko for the first time. And holy sweet Loki, it was possibly the best decision I have made this entire school year. If you have netflix (it's on watch instantly) or if you have a way to watch it, GO WATCH IT. IT IS SO GOOD. IT IS TOO GOOD. If you have a friend who has netflix, hack into their account to watch this movie. Seriously. do it. DO IT**


	19. Chapter 18: Down

**Chapter 18:**

* * *

**"The drops of rain they fall all over. This awkward silence makes me crazy.  
The glow inside burns light upon her, I'll try to kiss you if you let me.  
This can't be the end...  
Tidal waves they rip right through me, tears from eyes worn cold and sad. Pick me up now, I need you so bad.  
Down, down, down, down, It gets me so down, down, down, down, it gets me so...  
Your vows of silence fall all over. The look in your eyes makes me crazy,  
I feel the darkness break upon her, I'll take you over if you let me.  
You did this..."**

**~Blink 182, "Down"**

* * *

When he watched her walk away from him that day, Loki had never felt more scared.

His insecurities all rushed inside of him, picking at him, giving him every reason to give in to them. _She doesn't want you... not like you want her. She cares for her friends more... she thinks you're wild. Uncontrollable. Dangerous. A monster... that's what you are, a monster..._

Loki was shocked he even felt this much- cared so much about what Natasha thought of him, or what she said. It was when he felt the risk of losing her that forced him to reconcile with his emotions.

When he got home, after working his way into his house quietly to avoid Odin and Frigga, his first instinct was to get to the bottle of Vodka hidden in his closet. The glass felt comfortable in his grasp, familiar, and he coughed after taking a few violent swigs.

Stumbling into the bathroom, he gazed into the mirror with blinking and watery red eyes, and stared at something he had grown to hate indefinitely. His dark hair was tousled in every direction after him tugging and pulling on it, black strands falling over his face. Scowling at the bottle in his hands, Loki felt somewhat defeated when he realized the liquor did not make him feel any better than he did before.

Resisting the urge to punch out the mirror and shatter his reflection, Loki turned away, and dragged his feet as he walked back to his closet. He put the bottle back it the crinkled brown bag before slumping down against the wall, his head hanging low under his propped up knees as his hands went back to clutching and pulling at his hair.

Loki didn't know what to do.

_I've made my choices, Loki. It's time you started making yours._

Natasha was right. He needed to decide.

The short while when he promised her he would stop, he did. He avoided triggers, like Tino's, or interacting with his parents. It wasn't so bad either. Instead of acting out and letting himself get too angry, he would just find her- cling to her, confide in her. Even though it bothered him how weak it made him appear... he loved knowing she would always be there. The thought of her no longer being with him, of him simply observing her from afar like he once did hurt. He wouldn't, couldn't be able to do that.

The worst part was knowing that if he motivated her enough to do so- Natasha could easily live this way. She was so strong, so resolute. If she thought he was trouble, she had enough self control to stay away from him. But Loki was not that strong, and he knew it. He got stuck on things, circled around things, and could never let it go.

_So I guess this is when I make my decision..._

Loki sat still, thinking.

I _could keep trying. Keep pushing and just stay on her leash. Fall into her instead of burning and crashing like I've always done. Maybe Natasha was right? Living that way might just destroy me in the end._

Loki squeezed his eyes shut, multiple voices forcing their way into his head to be heard.

_But maybe it's best to destroy yourself. Everyone seems to think you're a monster anyway, Natasha probably does too. Remember the look in her eyes when she found you today? Remember the look in the eyes of all those people in the past, the ones that watched you as you hurt others? No one trusts you, they probably never will. Maybe you're just an agent of chaos. A menace of society. Maybe you're hopeless. No chance at all for change... and as if you could ever deserve her, deserve anything remotely close to her. Look at what you've done. It's too late now, isn't it? Too late... _

_...But you need her._

Loki finally faced it.

_You need her so much. There's no way to deny it- you know now, you need her. There might be no hope for you, but right now you don't know that. What you know, too well, is that she is worth every feeling of weakness, and every insecurity._

Loki opened his eyes, which he was confused to find wet and stinging. He pressed his palms into them for a moment, as if trying to rid his eyes from the fact that he had been crying. He still felt a slight buzz from the vodka, but finding composure, he managed to stand up even though his legs felt weak.

The clock read six, and Loki did not know whether or not Natasha would be home. It didn't matter. He knew it was time.

Ignoring if either Odin or Frigga were in the rooms, Loki walked down the stairs and through the kitchen and den to get to the front door. He felt his parents there- but did not look in their direction or give any slightest notion that he cared they were there. It was an exhilarating feeling, but his nervousness overpowered any emotion in his system. Stepping out of the house, Loki found himself in the pouring rain. Moving quickly to his car with purpose, Loki had no hesitation in turning the keys in the ignition and skidding out of the driveway, then proceeding to pull into Natasha's.

While he knew his decision and had every intention of telling it to Natasha, the feelings of paranoia and terror were still present as he stepped up to the front door, dripping and cold from the rain. With a shaking hand, he knocked on the door, and waited for a few very long minutes.

What he did not expect was a man to answer the door, much older with wrinkles and creases around his eyes, and a dark mustache above his lip. The man seemed surprised by Loki, and was blunt when asking him, "Can I help you?"

Loki's quick mind pieced together the puzzle, assuming that this must be Natasha's adopted father. He did not have time to question why the man was here and actually home, and he cautiously wandered into the territory of protective fatherhood.

"Is Natasha home? I... I need to talk to her."

* * *

After lunch ended that day, Clint approached Natasha after the group had confronted her. He talked in hushed tones, concern in his eyes.

"You really like him, don't you?"

Natasha looked at one of her best friends, and shrugged in indifference. "I don't know," Was all she said, and Clint sighed as he knew she wasn't telling him the whole truth, as always. Clint knew Natasha was wonderful at lying and maniupulating, it basically used to be her profession, bit even he could see her now.

Clint grabbed her arm before she could slip away into the rush of the halls, pulling her a little closer so only she could hear him. As a natural reaction now, Natasha immediately felt the instinct to kick him in the groin, but held back. She had to remind herself that Clint was not that man at the bar... she could still keep control her. "I can tell you like him... a lot. More than I knew. You don't have to do this, Tasha."

Natasha looked him in the eye, and understood how her friends expected her to be angry, mad with them, and did not shy away from showing it. "Yeah, because you guys really give me a choice." Without another glance, Natasha yanked her arm away. Even though Clint was only trying to help her, she distanced herself from him, too frustrated with everyone around to let in some light in the dark.

_Don't report him... if you don't then... then I promise... I'll stop seeing him._

Natasha felt strange since those words left her mouth, as if her body had suddenly weighed thousands of pounds more- and her bones could not hold her up any longer. She didn't know this feeling, and, declaring it foreign and confusing, she hated it.

It was ridiculous to think how easily life could change and transform after a single event, or a single action on someone's account. She felt somewhat stranded, stuck in a hole, and the one person who she knew would pull her out was the one she had driven away to question their relationship.

So she pressed on through the rest of the day, her friends (with the exception of Clint) giving her silent approval for her decision made at lunch.

"It's for the best." Tony had told her later, letting her witness one of those rare moments when it would appear Tony Stark actually had a heart. His brown eyes wide and unblinking, Tony almost reached the same level of Puppy that Thor usually did. It hurt to see the sincerity in him.

Natasha did not meet his eyes, angry but defeated. "You're probably right."

Once school ended, Natasha did not have the comfort of finding Loki in the parking lot smoking his cigarettes, getting that thrill whenever she would see him waiting for her. It had been a couple of weeks since she had started getting a ride from Loki to and from school, abandoning her own car in the driveway of her home. She loved listening to his music, she loved that car, she loved being around him.

But the black piece of junk nowhere to be seen, and Natasha began to walk back home alone, the feeling in her stomach dragging her down.

Ivan was overwhelming once she got there, constantly wanting to do things together as a cheerful father and daughter would. He even asked Natasha to bake brownies with him, something Natasha could not even begin to express her complete lack of interest in. She was used to being alone, and claiming that she did not feel well, Natasha shut herself away in her room to keep it that way. After changing into lazy clothes, Natasha indulged in an old habit. The view from her window showed Loki's house, and in complete silence, Natasha remained perched at the window, watching.

The black junk car was parked in the driveway.

Hours passed.

She saw Thor and Jane enter and leave the house, seeming fine, driving off somewhere. She could see Odin through one of the windows reading a newspaper for a while, but the youngest son of the family could not be seen, and his car stayed in place.

When a torrential downpour began, Natasha still observed. As she sat alone, her thoughts grew. _Maybe I was too harsh before? What if he doesn't chose me, and chooses destruction instead...? You think you know Loki, but then what if you don't? What if you single-handedly caused your relationship with him to unravel and fall apart?_ Natasha was not one to get insecure, and her endless thoughts bothered her more than anything. She could not help but feel her stomach drop when she saw Loki stumble from the front door, rushing to get into his car.

As if she were a cat, Natasha twisted off of the narrow windowsill and jumped to the ground, not making a sound. Everything she had been feeling the past day was really manifesting inside of her now, no longer at rest from when she simply watched her neighbors. From the corner of her eye she could see Loki's car pull into her driveway, and not giving any care what she looked like, Natasha hurried from her room when she heard the doorbell a moment later.

Ivan Petrovitch gazed at the boy before him, who had unblinking red eyes and an edge to him. Even if Natasha was adopted, Ivan still felt no different than any father would, including being suspicious of a dark, handsome, and incredibly sketchy teenage boy at his doorstep. "Let me check if she's home-"

Suddenly there were footsteps heard from inside, and her voice called out. "Ivan!"

Loki peered in eagerly, and caught her eyes almost immediately once she came into view at the end of the hallway. Natasha stopped short for a moment, as if processing that he was really standing outside her house in the rain, understanding in her eyes.

"Ivan, I have to go." She said, already opening the coat closet to her side and pulling on her black boots. Natasha didn't care that she was just in leggings and a tank top- she knew Loki had made his decision, and she needed to know. Grabbing his leather jacket off the hanger, she slipped into her favorite article of clothing before rushing out the door to where Loki was, not bothering to give Ivan a decent explanation. "I'll see you later, alright?"

Grabbing the brass handle herself out of Ivan's grasp, Natasha pulled the door shut with a slam. The two of them immediately made their way to Loki's car in silence, knowing too well what was to come.

* * *

They stopped driving after only ten minutes, at first neither made any move to speak first. It took nearly five minutes for Loki to understand that she wanted him to speak first. He shut his eyes and opened them again, trying to ignore her unwavering gaze coming in from his side.

He forgot how small his car was, and how close they actually sat near each other.

"So... I thought about what you said."

"Didn't seem to take very long," Natasha murmured, worrying at how Loki was avoiding her eyes, not even looking to her. She wondered if her forcing him to decide really did force him away from her. _It's not like it's the first time, Natasha. You always shut people out._ She tried to ignore the voice that kept picking at her mind, but found it harder the longer she did not know Loki's answer.

"You're right." He said. "It didn't take long."

The tension in the car escalated, and both suddenly found breathing to be a labor. Loki focused on inhaling and exhaling for another couple minutes before continuing. Natasha noticed a different feeling coming off of him, not that usual wild and raw power, not that dark dominance. It was something else.

"I don't know if it's possible. Or if I can be... strong enough for this. I do what I do because I'm weak. I'm weak, Natasha, not like you... You're so strong." Loki paused for a moment after forcing those words out. "I don't know if I can handle a change like this. But I've decided that I need to try, really try this time..." Natasha stared at him, her silence egging him on to continue. Loki felt so exposed- something he hated, and he could still feel more of his honest thoughts spilling out of him, the mischievous boy with the cynical grin nowhere to be seen. This was what was underneath. What only Natasha could manage to lure out.

"I need you." He said abruptly, turning to her with a passion in his eyes. Everything was coming out now. "I need you with me."

Natasha's lips parted, not saying anything. Loki kept going, moving closer to her in the small car, edging on the side of his seat.

"I need you like I needed you on Christmas... and I'm going to still need you more if this is going to work... because I don't know if I can do this, I don't know if I can stop hurting others, acting out... because it's all I've ever done and to be honest I don't think I'm capable of more, but I know that I need you. I need you more than anything."

Natasha felt struck, paralyzed by his words and his confession. Never had anyone spoken to her like this- never had she thought she could mean so much to someone. Usually she never let anyone get close to her enough to even develop these kind of feelings. What was even more crazy to her was that she returned them- she felt so much for this boy. It was undeniable.

Loki blinked his bloodshot eyes a few times, desperate for her reply. He rose his hand to touch her face, to push that loose curl behind her ear, but paused when he remembered his hands were still healing, still contorted and caked with dry blood. The rain pounded on the roof, and the two of them were left to simply look to the other.

"Please say something," He whispered, feeling his constant fear of rejection kick in, his constant paranoia of not being good enough. It acted as a parasite, and in this moment it was eating him alive. "Natasha... please say something. Anything."

"... I believe in you." Natasha said softly, looking at his hand that hung between the two of them, too shredded and torn to touch her. Instead, she lifted her own hand to brush against the hollow gap of his cheek, before making her way up to run her fingers through his hair. Loki shut his eyes, and tilted his head into her warm touch. "You are capable of doing this. I know you are. You aren't bad... well. Not all of you, at least."

Natasha joked, trying to get some hint of that smirk, or even just a smile on her face. When it didn't work, she knew she had to tell him about what happened, and figured she'd better get it out now. "My friends heard us talking today... they know about what you did. They wanted to report you..."

Loki's eyes snapped open, and he turned to stare at her.

"I told them I would stop seeing you." Natasha said carefully, gazing at the little water rivulets of rain as they traveled down the windshield, avoiding Loki's penetrating green eyes. With those words, Loki felt something in the deepest part of him snap and crumble down. In that moment he felt everything at once- all of his insecurities imploding, telling him_ I told you so_. It all felt so strong, so painful, that he felt numb- even to her gentle fingers still tangled in his hair. Natasha saw this in him, and quickly spoke once more. "I lied."

With their faces inches apart from the other, Loki moved in slightly to rest his forehead against hers. He couldn't believe how easily her words or her actions could drive him crazy, make him feel so much in such short time, even in thirty second intervals.

"But you said-"

"I said that I've made my choices. And I have. I'm not giving up on you. Even they can't change that."

Natasha was not the type to put faith into anything, especially relationships, so how was this different? _How was he different?_

"You... make me feel alive." Natasha murmured, speaking the answer to her own question aloud. Loki's eyes shined so bright, and so close to her. She could feel his breath, see it too- but somehow in the middle of this freezing winter rain, she felt warm. Loki's lips hovered over hers, willing to end the space between them, to break barriers as he always did- causing a riot, this time within her. A chaos rising in her heart.

But, no different from the restaurant, after endless moments intimate words and gestures, the two of them realized how close they were to the other, and the default in their systems had them pull away. At first neither knew what to do, until Natasha blushed and turned her head away slightly. Both felt disappointment but would not admit it, but Loki managed to find some pleasure in the color rising to her cheeks and her lame attempt to hide it. Natasha rested her head on his shoulder instead, and Loki tensed at first at the beautiful girl now against his chest, before settling down and beginning to love it. The tension from before had somewhat disappeared- Loki had managed to get the truth out, and they had pushed through the roughest part of seeing each other that night.

"We can't talk anymore- at least not in school. Not when they could see us. They can't know... at least not for now."

Loki sighed, and Natasha bit her tongue when she felt the ghost of his lips on the crown of her head along with his soft murmur. "I hate having to hide us."

"Me too." Natasha wished there could be an instance when her two different worlds could coexist, Loki and her friends, together. She could not help but feel a small hope growing in her chest that maybe, if Loki was willing to change, her friends could accept him. Even understand.

Although when remembering the looks on their faces after discovering things Loki has done reminded her that a day of peace would not be for a while, no matter how desperate she was for it.

_My worlds are in a massive collision, and I'm just pushed up against him? Almost kissing him?_ Although she didn't want to, Natasha pulled away from Loki. Slipping back into her seat, Natasha still felt as if the blush was in her cheeks, and she could stand how it make Loki look somewhat smug. Well, more smug than he usually is. A flyer on the floor of his car caught her attention, and she clung to the new topic of conversation once she picked it up.

"Soft Black?" She asked curiously as she read from the crumbled piece of paper. "Playing near here?"

Loki blinked a couple times before he processed Natasha's question, seeming almost embarrassed by it. He ran a tentative hand through his hair, a nervous smile flitting across his face. For a few moments after such a reveal of emotions from before, Loki merely looked like a teenage boy. Not hardened or cynical, not with darkness in his eyes. He was nervous- bashful even- to this subject, and Natasha felt a small smile growing on her face knowing he really did try his best to impress her.

"Ah... It was a flyer I picked up at the bar that night...after when I smashed..." He paused awkwardly, but rushed on when he saw Natasha's expression drop. "I wasn't drinking or doing anything. I just went there to crash at a friend's place because I didn't want to go home. And I saw that flyer- for Soft Black, that band I know you love-" Ntasha's knowing smile was now what made Loki feel bare. "-So I took the flyer, thought maybe I could get us tickets to see them... but when I checked online, it was sold out already. They like running smaller shows..." Loki shook his head, frowning slightly. "It's stupid, I know-"

"No, no." Natasha smiled, secretly loving the way he remembered even the smallest things about her like her favorite bands. "I would have loved to go, it's not stupid."

Loki looked at her, and sighed, slamming back into the headrest. "How am I supposed to do this if I can't even believe in myself when trying to buy concert tickets?"

Natasha smirked, but was soft and calm when she replied. "When you get like that, or angry, just find me. I'm going to be here."

The words of comfort came though, no matter how simple they were. While Loki still felt scared and nervous, more insecure now from showing weakness, he had to put stock in what Natasha said. A promise to be there for him, what he really needed, especially now. What needed to be said had been said, and now the two of them did not have voices eating at them in their heads. They had each other.

After a few minutes Loki sat back up and opened his eyes, his hands turning the his keys in the ignition. The drive was short and quiet, the only sound being the rain. Soon he rolled into Natasha's driveway once more, this time with the girl Loki cared so much about slipping away from him.

Instead of running to her house from the rain, Natasha walked around the car and leaned over to peer at Loki, as if the weather had no power or effect over her. As if she were a force of nature herself. He rolled down the driver's window, meeting her gaze.

"You have to take it back." Natasha shrugged his leather jacket off of her back, feeling sadness in the pit of her stomach as she handed it to him. Loki took in without a word, and placed it on the passenger seat. Neither could deny how upsetting this was for them- both finding immense pleasure in Natasha wearing it. Natasha loved knowing he had given a piece of himself over to her, and Loki loved seeing his mark left on her.

Seeing her there, leaned over and squinting to meet his gaze through the downpour, her fiery hair matted and sticking to her skin drove him mad. Without his jacket, she now had nothing to cover herself with, left only with a tank top and leggings. He wanted to see his leather draped over her shoulders, but knew now it could no longer be. "Natasha," Loki had to speak louder over the rain.

He couldn't stop thinking of that moment in the car before, when they were so close to what they each desired, but she turned away. He wanted so badly to go there, to smash down the next wall of their relationship, and everything about the two of them told him she wanted it as well. That color in her cheeks, she had to.

Acting on his impulse, Loki reached out and his fingers brushed against the wet skin of her neck, drawing her in closer to him. "You need to stay warm somehow." Goosebumps rose on her skin as Loki eased her head lower to where his was, his pointed nose touching hers as his lips came close. Their breath meshed together in the night air as a pale mist before being impaled by droplets of rain. They could feel the other too well.

"Natasha... Natasha! It's about time you got home, do you know how long you've been gone? And with no explanation?" Ivan was standing in the doorway of her house, shouting from across the yard with his hands in the air.

The two teens froze, and Loki took on a dark look at the interruption. Natasha bit her lip, and pulled up quickly. "I'll be right there, Ivan!" Looking back to Loki, Natasha reached out and ran a hand through his hair one last time, not feeling at all strange in doing so. "I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

Loki nodded, not bothering to hide his disappointment with a grin. Tonight had been so much to him- even his smirk could not make it to his lips.

As Natasha rushed back into her house and into Ivan's rambles and nagging, she clutched at her bare and freezing arms. She thought of Loki choosing her over his mischief, how he made his decision. _Things are going to change, aren't they?_

She thought of what had just happened, how they got pretty damn close to sucking face, similar to quite a few of her embarrassing daydreams.

_But now the two of you have to hide. From everyone. _

Natasha hated how things could seem to look up, while at the same time she was digging a deeper hole.

* * *

**Hey guys! FINALLY GOT THIS UP! FINALLY! Sorry for the wait :( School has literally been a bare knuckle boxing match and I have been losing miserably, and while this chapter was fun to write it was a hela frustrating.**

**So yeah. this chapter. uhm. So the cliffhanger was kind of a bitch move on my part, but I couldn't help myself. Got a little sad reading some reviews of people thinking Natasha would give in so easily to her friends... :(**

**speaking of her friends, you guys have an awful lot of feelings about them hahaha. I'm trying my best to make them still as likeable as possible because I love them avengers dearly- just please keep in mind that they do have good intentions. And they also kind of had good reason. I mean, think of it in a matter of perspective. We clearly see the inner workings of Loki- but they don't. And honestly- if I were them I would be pretty scared for Natasha too. Loki's a pretty scary dude, and even when we know that sweet lil side to him, he's still scary sometimes, and incredibly unbalanced. Remember when he broke that guys wrist? And even if the drunk guy was a dick, what Loki did was still pretty illegal. Just sayin. **

**Also, chapters and chapters back when they were in gym class and I named the school's football team the chargers and i realize now that I TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE NAMED THEM THE AVENGERS DAMMIT and now ugh i feel so stupid and incompetent BUT LIKE SERIOUSLY HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THAT GLORIOUS OPPORTUNITY**

**but anyway,**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I cannot believe we made it to 149! IT IS MADNESS. SUCH MADNESS. Give me predictions! thoughts! fangirling! everything! i love you all!**


	20. Chapter 19: Mind And Matter

**Chapter 19: Mind and Matter**

* * *

"And remember his hair?" Maria joked, elbowing Natasha playfully. The girls laughed and giggled as they walked around the mall together one day on the weekend, floating through different stores and boutiques. "He seriously needed a haircut."

_The hair I run my fingers through. The hair that always falls in his eyes whenever he tilts his head down, the hair he always pushes back impatiently with his pale and slender fingers, but is too stubborn to get it trimmed._

Natasha blushed at her friends' jokes, feigning embarrassment as she lied. "I can't believe I ever liked him."

Pepper had woken her up that afternoon via calling her house phone continuously until Natasha had answered, rolling out of bed in the same clothes she may or may not have been wearing the night before. "Someone stayed up late," Pepper had laughed, and a more than inappropriate comment from Tony was vaguely heard in the background, followed by the sound of him whining after Pepper hit him across the head.

Natasha quickly covered for herself, telling them that she had been doing some extra credit paperwork for Fury. Her best friend did not think much of Natasha's excuse or the fact that she had slept until twelve, not suspicious of the truth at all- that she had been out with Loki the entire night before.

Pepper had chirped on about how they were all going to the mall, and Natasha had no way to refuse to these invitations nowadays because that was the sort of thing Pepper would be suspicious of. At this point- Natasha wasn't supposed to have any other reasons to be absent from these events. Ivan had left after a week of staying home in January, back to wherever her adopted mother was to work on more business together. Loki was believed to be out of her life, forgotten and buried- that she now had no one else but them.

A couple months had passed since Natasha and Loki had begun to hide their relationship from the world and her friends... if that was the correct term for whatever they had. And even though April had started and the snow and ice was melting from the ground, the changes in the weather did not change anything regarding Natasha's strange and confusing love life.

She had once more become accustomed to lying. It seemed when Natasha thought she had lost most of her mask- it was only found once more. Hiding her emotions and what she actually felt once more, the horrible routine of manipulation and control. Natasha had never felt more uncomfortable around her friends than she did now- and as much as she loved and cared for them- she hated how she had to live in two different worlds, as if she were slowly but surely splitting into two different identities again. Who she was, and the different faces she could force herself to wear.

The day after Loki's confession Natasha had met up with her friends at Stark Manor, all of them waiting for her to arrive. They were all gathered in his lush den, with faces that would suggest they were attending an intervention, looks of worry and anticipation for what Natasha was going to say.

* * *

_Natasha stood before them, dressed in black; and as she felt numb inside, her face wore a look of distress. Her eyebrows contorted and the girl still looked beautiful even when she pretended to be breaking down. It seemed unbelievably real. __She even forced a couple tears to escape from her glassy blue eyes as she told them, "It's over. I ended it."_

_ Pepper had hurried over immediately and hugged her friend, her thin arms holding on tightly as the other girls followed in suit. Maria hugged her, someone who always seemed so unattached to affection showing she indeed possessed it when there was a friend in pain. Even Tony hugged her, no snide remarks coming from him that day. _

_They did not feel saddened by what they believed to be the end of Natasha and Loki- because they all thought they had done what was right by participating in it's destruction- but it did not stop the pity from growing in their eyes. What they saw was a girl who was heartbroken, finally ending it with a boy she cared for because he was a bad seed, a trouble maker._

_ They had no doubts, and unknowingly tangled themselves in Natasha's web._

_The only person who did not say anything to her was Clint, who stood off to the side, observing. His face was passive, colder than it usually was, and the pity in his eyes seemed to be for something other than everyone else's._

_He later approached Natasha once the others stopped fretting and fussing over her with their, "things will be alright's," and "it's for the better's," and pulled her aside. Everyone else would have simply assumed it was because of their friendship, Clint wanting to give her some words privately._

_"You aren't telling us something." He spoke lowly._

_"I don't know what you're talking about." Natasha hated playing the game with Clint, but knew it was necessary. For protecting Loki from the law, to calm her friends down. The look in his eyes made her question if he was even one of the puppets on her strings at all._

_"No, Natasha. You do. You wouldn't do this. You wouldn't just cave in."_

_The two of them stared at the other, Natasha refusing to give him any idea that he was actually right, and Clint angry and wanting answers. Although when Natasha got the chance to slip away when Pepper called her name, she did, easily leaving Clint behind to play the role of a heartbroken girl._

* * *

Most of her friends were pleased with the new arrangements of Natasha's love life. Most no longer felt worried to say so or talk about it, like the girls she was at the mall with now as they shopped, and the guys who had no problem teasing Natasha for her taste in men. All except one.

It was ridiculous of Natasha to forget about Thor- about what they once talked about regarding Loki and herself. Since he was always pushed away from any interventions with their friends, it slipped Natasha's mind that he would know what happened- and probably be most affected.

It did not stop him from finding her, and as Natasha sorted through her thoughts walking around the mall, she felt her stomach sink remembering what had happened. Thor was most clear in her mind, the heartbreaking anger and confusion in his eyes when he pulled her aside after lunch one day, the usually cheerful boy nowhere to be seen.

* * *

_Natasha was surprised at his grip on her arm as Thor pulled her away from a carefree conversation with Bruce and Tony, and it struck her when she saw the look on his face. It was the first of February, three days after Loki and Natasha had "broke it off." The look in his eyes and the grimace on his lips was all she needed to know from someone like Thor- who was quite often cheerful and charismatic- that Loki must have lied and him their cover up._

_He was sensible enough to confront her away from where her friends were, but did not stop for any other students. They looked stricken when hearing Thor's rage, and walked along quickly to avoid getting in it's path._

_"How could you?" He asked furiously, his blue eyes resembling a hurricane when he spoke. "Loki has told me everything, how you two decided to never speak again! How you said you did not want to see him anymore! You promised me, Natasha! You promised you would not hurt him or leave him! He needs you so much, and you know how he is! How he can get! Stop acting as if you do not care for each other- I know you do!"_

_Natasha was in awe at Thor's fury, and not knowing what to say. She wanted so badly to tell him the truth and relieve his panic, but could not risk it. Thor could tell Jane, and Jane would not keep such a secret- especially if it was something as destructive as this. If anyone found out, hell could so easily break loose. So instead of speaking back to the older brother of the boy she was still secretly seeing, Natasha remained silent._

_"You were the single greatest thing to happen to him, Natasha, and now he'll go back to what he was! We'll lose him now, really lose him down whatever path he was on before! And I can't do anything about it, Because you and I both know that I'm not enough for him!"_

_She watched as he turned around and stormed away._

* * *

Natasha felt guilt in her heart when she recalled those moments, the pain Thor was burdened with because of his brother. She wished things could be simple, could just work out. That her two different worlds could coexist- but they were only spreading farther apart with this new act they created.

Now Natasha was doing what she does best, slinking around beneath everyone's noses with the boy whom she claimed she would never speak to again, her feelings for him only growing stronger as the days went by. And here she was in their local mall, lying through her teeth to her friends about how "over" him she was, while waiting for later that day when he usually picks her up in his car to take a drive.

Natasha was ripped from her thoughts and memories and back into reality when she heard someone adressing her.

"Well, now we know, Tash." Peggy said breezily, shrugging in her vintage blouse and matching skirt as they all sat in the food court, sipping on drinks brightly colored and packed with sugar and eating deep fried food.

"Know what?"

"What you like."

Natasha frowned for a moment, eyeing each of her friends as they nod in silent agreement at Peggy's claim. Maria, Peggy, and Pepper smirked, while Jane just shook her head at them. _What I like? What does that even mean?_ Seeing the confusion evident on Natasha's face, Peggy went on.

"Well, we've never seen you interested in a guy before, Tash. And it's not like guys haven't been interested in you... you just knock them down whenever they come near. But not Loki." Peggy grinned, and winked at her. "You like'em bad. You like a monster in your man."

Natasha stared at them, unsure of how to reply, but pulled herself together after a few moments, smiling sheepishly. "I guess I do."

Pepper rolled her eyes, sounding like an overprotective mother when she talked. "Well let's all just hope that whoever the next boy is, he is the kind of bad that doesn't commit crimes and partake in illegal things..." The girls continued to chat and eat in casual conversation, but Natasha tuned them out, thinking of what Peggy had said.

_You like'em bad... you like a monster in your man._

Natasha was lost in her thoughts once more, her friends having resurrected her relationship with Loki to her attention. It seemed everything always led back to it, and Natasha often found herself thinking about it all more than actually doing anything.

_Maybe that was the root of things, how it all started. Maybe it began because when you saw him, you did not see his handsome features first- you saw his darkness. The same darkness you feel you've always carried._

_The monster in him..._

_While there was darkness, there was also his willingness to push further, to dig deeper. His chaos, his capability to unravel things and reveal as well as hide. __A bad boy at best._

_But the monster in Loki... isn't entirely Loki. You know that. And even if it is all that your friends know, you will always know better. Loki is still just a boy- unlucky enough to be born in this darkness just like you... but in the end he's human, he's hurting. __The darkness brought you together, but it was the pain that really bonded you. Both of you suffering and drowning in the world around you, but neither of you fitting into it. It grew from there, whatever it is._

_And now after all this time, all of these obstacles in this game between the two of you, you both are somehow managing to fight off the demons that forced you to collide._

_Caging the monsters in each of you._

The night with Loki in his car, when he told Natasha he needed her, when he almost kissed her... Natasha had truly seen the other part of him in it's rawest form. Underneath the crazed child and rage-filled monster her friends could only see, she found a boy promising he would try to change.

And so far, things had been going alright for them.

Loki still avoiding triggers like his family, and while he still held that air of dominance and wildness to him- Loki had not committed any crimes since his decision. At least, none she knew of. What she did know was that he would seek her out when he got over his pride enough to know and accept that he needed her, and she would be there like she swore.

They did their best to see each other as much as possible, which often ended in them being with each other at night or during the earliest hours in the morning, at times when no one could find them. Natasha felt as if she were betraying herself by lying about the two of them. She hated seeing him in the halls at school, sitting underneath his tree every lunch, and having to act as if she did not care... as if they were not what they really were. They had grown so close at this point that she felt angry even thinking about not seeing or speaking with Loki, or honestly ending what was between them.

Natasha had no idea what to call this, it was completely unknown territory to her. It was clear her friends assumed they were once a couple- implying things that couples do. They did not know exactly what the two of them were, no different from Loki and Natasha themselves.

_Friendship? No, that's ridiculous._

_Friends don't almost kiss all the goddamn time, Natasha. Like that time in the rain, or in his car. Stop pretending and denying that it isn't happening. You both get so close to the other, foreheads touching and feeling the warmth of the other's breath... but then something will interrupt you, or one of you will pull away from that boundary to be broken. Friends don't do that. Friends would not want that. __Friends don't touch each other like you do, with wandering hands. Not with the tenderness you have, the gentle caresses._

_Friends don't flirt the way you do, the power play, the tension between the pair of you. Always trying to get dominance over the other, all the while with sweet and suggestive talking..._

_Friends don't daydream about the other. Don't have dirty thoughts about the other, thoughts about being hot and sweaty with a lack of clothing, unable to pull away from the other..._

Natasha snapped out of it when she heard Pepper's voice, fighting every bodily urge to blush after that last thought. She damned her hormones to hell, trying to get the imagery of Loki shirtless and more out of her head.

"Hello? Earth to Natasha?" Pepper was waving her snapple in front of Natasha's eyes, the freckles on her nose wrinkling at her friend's lack of responsiveness.

"What-? Sorry!" Natasha quickly looked up to meet Pepper's gaze, and the rest of the girls who were all standing up from their chairs at their food court table, the trash from the food they ate being thrown away. She had been completely out of it all through lunch, her pizza barely touched on the greasy paper plate.

"Come on, we're gonna walk around some more."

Natasha threw away her food, finding herself to be lacking an appetite anyway. Getting lust filled thoughts of Loki out of her head proved to be a challenge as the group walked around some more, and Natasha instantly felt more grumpy because of how hormonal and teenage her thoughts and emotions for him made her feel.

_Well, I guess that's what you get when you let your heart win for once, Natasha. A riot. Chaos inside of you. Your heart._

Although her thoughts took another wild turn when the girls spotted the formal wear store. Pepper went off the handle, either dragging by excessive force or giving none of them any other choice but to go inside with her. Maria groaned, but Pepper hushed up any complaints before they were said aloud.

"Guys, this year we have junior Prom. And it's only in May, it'll be here before we know it! We should start looking for dresses now!"

Natasha actually enjoyed looking around the store, and to her own surprise- felt some excitement for Prom this year. She had always found it an absurd notion, and she hated dances... but something was different this time.

Even though her world was separating like an oil and vinegar salad dressing, she could not help but hope that maybe by May, things could be sorted out. _Maybe by May, you could fix things... and maybe he would go with you, and you could actually be together. As a date, in front of everyone... and things could be alright._

Her hands ran across the shiny material of a beautiful green dress, making her think of Loki's eyes, and for a moment she pictured him in a tuxedo (A change considering what she was just picturing him as only moments before.) Natasha loved formal wear for what it was worth- and found it fun to sometimes dress up in something other than her black combat boots and jeans. The idea of wearing a stunning gown to match him- the idea of the two of them even sharing a limo with her friends and getting along seemed like a fairy tale told to children.

This small hope in her remained small.

Natasha knew, all too well, that life was not a fairy tale.

* * *

Loki was in his house the same afternoon as Natasha wandered the mall with her friends, making phone calls and pacing back and forth in his room. He was possibly on the periphery of success, getting a hold of something he thought he could never have, talking with Tino and some of the other guys down from the bar.

Thor was in his room with him- a frustrating habit for Loki that his older brother had recently picked up. Ever since the estranged day in which Loki had lied and told Thor that him and Natasha were over, he had started following Loki around, watching over him, and staying with him whenever he was in the house like an apprehensive puppy would.

Loki was not stupid.

He understood what Thor was trying to do, his desperation to always be around him and watch him. Thor knew what Loki had grown to value most- Natasha. He naturally assumed since it was to be believed their relationship was over that Loki would lash out and burn the world, destroying everyone and himself in the process. Which, Loki knew, would probably happen if he really did lose Natasha.

But, as Thor and everyone did not know- Loki and Natasha were far from over.

_Not like it would ever stop him..._

"Who are you speaking to?" Thor asked eagerly from his spot on the floor, his muscled arms crossed against his chest.

"A guy I know. Tino. It's possible he can get me concert tickets last minute for something I thought was sold out at some place up North, you wouldn't know it..."

"A concert?"

"Yes, Thor, a concert. You know those things people go to for fun? To listen to music?"

Thor scowled, appearing like a small child when he muttered, "I know what a concert is."

Loki was waiting on hold, still pacing back and forth. Thor grew quiet for a bit, until he could not stand the silence any longer. "Are you going alone?"

"Yes."

"I could go with you if-"

"No." Loki said immediately.

"Are you sure? Because I'll go if you want-"

"Thor, no." Loki thought of how his older brother would be like at this kind of concert- a fool. He could even picture him smiling goofily at a scene with people that did not enjoy goofy smiles at all, not understanding why it made a difference. The crowd there would not appreciate Thor's monstrously tall form either, who would surely want to be by the front, directly in front of the stage. Besides, Thor obviously didn't know- he planned to take Natasha with him. It was her favorite band.

"But Loki-"

"Thor, just stop." Loki snapped, anger in his eyes as he glared down at his older brother. Thor was taken aback at the flare in Loki's attitude, only growing more worried and anxious for his brother- and it showed.

Loki groaned and squeezed his eyes shut as he rose his hand to grab the bridge between his nose and forehead, trying to find his level head. Loki sighed before opening his eyes to meet the clear blue of Thor's, trying to find some way to explain. Quickly speaking a few words into his phone, he hung up on Tino. He hated seeing Thor like this, so upset and concerned for him. "Thor, it's not..." _Damn his way of looking like a wounded puppy._ "It's not you, alright? Trust me? I'm okay. Really, I'm fine. I'm just going out tonight with a couple of my buddies, I'll have fun. I won't do anything stupid. Okay?"

Thor gazed at his little brother for a while, confused and trying to find some way to understand this behavior. It was obvious how much Loki cared for Natasha- he had seen it, he had felt the effect of Loki growing warmer and happier, even. Now he no longer has Natasha with him, and he seems fine- something that shouldn't be possible. Something Thor knew could not be possible.

"I'm going to go now, alright? I'm going to check out Tino's to make sure it's all set for tonight. I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll be fine." Slowly, Loki began to back from the room with his hands in the air and a smirk on his face, before vanishing from Thor's sight.

He watched as Loki's car pulled out of the driveway and drove off from the window, suspicious of his brother and his behavior. Thor was not to be underestimated because his jolly personality, and he knew that there must be more to what happened between Loki and Natasha than he was told. If what he had been told were true, Loki would have been broken beyond repair... not driving off to have safe fun at a concert.

Thor stayed in Loki's room long after Loki had left, still even when Frigga peered in quietly to try and speak to her son about the youngest child in their family now that he was absent. While they had not spoken in a while- Frigga and Odin still loved Loki and wanted to know how he was doing, concerned as any parents would be. Their only connection to knowing these things was Thor, who was part of both sides enough to be an messenger.

"Is he alright?" Frigga asked gently, leaning against the door frame of the room, gazing at her eldest son who still stood looking out the window.

"I don't know."

* * *

Natasha was at home once more by the end of the afternoon, comfortable with the solace she found in her quiet sanctuary. Being around her friends and pretending for too long really drained her, and she felt great holing up in her room and reading or doing yoga. She had not realized how much she enjoyed her personal time until she had to spend that forsaken week with Ivan back in January, and now held great value for her independence in her private home.

She was eating dinner when she got the call from Loki on her cell, and she answered immediately, disregarding her mouth filled with ramen noodles. Coughing a little after she forced the instant dinner down, Natasha tried to sound as casual as possible. "Hey, what's up?"

There was rustling on the other line, eventually accompanied by the one and only Loki. "Are you free tonight?" Was the closest she got to a hello. There were other voices in the background, men, laughing and whooping. Natasha grew curious, and stood up to put the empty bowl from her painfully digested dinner in the kitchen sink.

"Yeah. We agreed nights is now our time to see each other if we see each other at all, of course I'm free." She wondered if Loki could feel her grin through her voice.

"Good. I'll pick you up at nine."

On the other side of the line in his run down apartment, Loki felt Tino grab his shoulder and shake him a bit, teasing him along with all of the other guys he was with- as if speaking to someone of the opposite sex was voodoo. He had managed to secure the two of them tickets to see Soft Black, a band both of them loved. Loki remembered her surprise when seeing the flyer in his car a couple months ago, and how disappointing it was thinking the show was sold out and that they could not find a way in... and he smiled.

"We going somewhere?"

"Maybe."

Natasha attempted to pry. "Well, how will I know what to wear?"

"I'm not telling you where we're going. Takes away from the glory of it." She could picture the grin on his face as he talked, his voice smooth and eloquent as if always is. "Besides, don't worry about what to wear. You look good without even trying."

With that, the phone line went dead, and Natasha was left to stand alone in anticipation. Rushing up the stairs to get ready for wherever she was going, she began to dig through her closet for something other than the baggy pajama pants she was wearing. Looking out to her neighbor's house through the window, Natasha wondered what was in store for her.

* * *

**I'M BACK! FINALLYY! INTERNEEETTTT! INTTTEEERRNNEEEEETTTTT**

**I'm so sorry for the wait... but in case i've never mentioned, I hail from the lands of New Jersey, and because of hurricane Sandy I only got power back this afternoon. Nothing too terrible happened in the town I live in, and we were very lucky with the lack of destruction, but no electricity was THE WORST EVER. (Not to mention my birthday was tuesday so that sucked.) In fact, almost everyone still has no power- I have no idea why I do. But hey, now i can update for you guys! The past days have been so frustrating knowing that I had so much free time and I couldn't even type or do anything, or update for you guys, and I couldn't even leave the house to try and clear my head. I hate writing in notebooks but I resorted to it. BUT ANYWAY, CHAPTER 19 IS HEEEREE WHOO WHOOOOT**

**In case anyone got confused- this chapter jumps around a bit. If a section is entirely in italics- it's a flashback/ memory. If it's just italics in a normal passage, it's either Loki, Natasha, or thor's internal thoughts. I'm sorry for the lack of song lyrics and if it's choppy or if there are some mistakes throughout it- I just wanted to hurry to get the chapter up so i may have missed some things. Excuse my paramore reference in that once part... IT WAS JUST GREAT I HAD TO TAKE IT**

**Review as always! I love you guys! You iz da best**

**And because of the storm, I don't even have school until the 12th. (CRAZY RIGHT?!) I am off to plow through Supernatural, Doctor Who, Parks and Rec, and Sherlock on Netflix and alternate with writing more for y'all! yyaaaahhhoooo! Except not really, because I'm a dork and I love learning and I miss school already :'(**

**but anywho You guys are going to looove the next chapter.. I know it :) Fun stuff will be fun! More action!**


	21. Chapter 20: Animal

**Chapter 20- Animal**

* * *

**_Both my eyes went black, all the ash inside my blood kept on building cause my heart caught fire. I_****_f I break my back, if the smoke fills up my lungs, I'll keep howling in a jungle choir._**

**_I am an animal, I am an animal now. I_****_ am an animal, and I feel, yes I feel like an animal with you._**

**_With every tear through the carcass when the blood keeps on flowing until the heart gets drier. _****_Still, sick, or scared, just some bones left in the mud and the hair that grows after the pulse gets tired._**

**_I am an animal, I am an animal now. I am an animal, and I feel like an animal with you._**

**_Sweep the debris and I got stuck with something sharp. _****_Something sick is sticking through my scars. It rips through skin, tearing rib away from rib. I guess you got to keep a famished heart._**

**_I am an animal, I am an animal now. I am animal now, and now I feel, yes I feel like an animal with you._**

**_~ Soft Black, "I Am An Animal"_**

* * *

"Yes, Jane, I'm heading over now," Thor spoke into his phone, grinning at his girlfriend's persistence. The sky had gone completely dark, with only a few stars scattered across the wide expanse of sky. The massive blonde football player trotted down the stairs of his house, ready to leave after concluding that Loki would not be coming home any time soon, and that it was a lost cause to wait up for him. He might as well go spend time with Jane, someone who brought him peace. And who always bought him poptarts.

No one ever seemed to notice how worried and saddened Thor could get on his own regarding his brother. Mainly because he often made himself be cheerful and jolly for the sake of others, and for them not to feel burdened by his grief. But he just could not shake his concern for Loki- it just didn't seem right.

_He should be broken... beyond reason._

As Thor waved goodbye to Odin and Frigga who sat at the kitchen table together, discussing something in quiet tones, he made his way to the front door, but froze once he got close. Through the glass window panes he could see headlights flash in the darkness, Loki's black car driving back down the street. He expected the car to recklessly roll up in their driveway, but was shocked to see it skid to the house across from their own.

Thor watched with widened eyes as Natasha came from her front door, a smile on her face as Loki waited for her, resting against the side of his car. The two of them held no hostility, no bad blood or anger. They seemed happy.

With his eyes pressed against the glass, Thor stared at them as Natasha jumped into Loki's car, and as the two of them drove off in the same direction Loki had came.

A grin soon replaced his agape mouth.

* * *

Fitted jeans and a tee shirt is what Natasha chose to wear, along with her trusty combat boots. She considered wearing a dress or something more formal, but decided it was wise to make sure she'd be most comfortable. And besides, Loki had told her not to worry about it... _You look good without even trying._

Natasha waited inside by her front door as nine O' clock drew closer, anxious and more curious than ever. Loki loved doing this- surprises. She supposed this sort of thing was his new way to let off steam, considering that he was on probation from slashing tires and filling bitchy girls' cars with spiders. Since they only had this kind of time with each other now, both looked forward to these experiences.

Soon enough the black junk car pulled into her driveway, the headlights shining bright as he stepped out, a crooked but wide smile on his face. Natasha rushed through the door, grinning as she sauntered down the walkway.

Loki stood, grinning as he slouched against his car, resembling something like a jungle panther. The moonlight made his pale skin stand out against the stark darkness around them, and the shadows found their way to cling to him. Natasha couldn't deny the fact that he looked damn sexy in his leather jacket and black boots, and felt the sudden desire to wear that jacket like she once did.

_Well, I guess it wouldn't be so bad to wear it... while he does at the same time..._

"Get in." He stated, jerking his head to the passenger seat.

Natasha quirked an eyebrow, coming closer to the boy she only found more desire for the more she spent time with. "Everythings closed... it's past nine."

"That's when the fun starts. We have a show to see." Loki's grin grew wider when Natasha's jaw went slack.

"You're kidding. How? It's been sold out!"

"I know a guy." He stated simply.

Natasha wanted to hug him, but kept control over herself, knowing it would only lead to awkward almost kissing instances that had become quite normal for the two of them. She couldn't stop the smile growing on her face, or the tight feeling in her gut. If it weren't for the fact that they were hiding, everything would have felt right.

"I should have dressed in something better-" She said, sighing at the thought of going to see a band she loves in the same clothes she used to wear to work.

Loki tilted his head as he stared at her. "You look perfect." She hoped he couldn't see her cheeks turn as crimson as her hair in the moonlight. The flirting being tossed between them had now become constant, and both of them found immense pleasure in teasing and playing with the other. "Now get in, or I'll carry you to the passenger's seat."

Natasha didn't feel the need to object to him carrying her, but was just too excited and giddy that she hurried to the other side of the car and practically threw herself inside. She heard Loki chuckle as he opened his door and sat down too, the only person who had ever seen this side of Natasha.

She felt comfortable in his car- and settled back into her seat, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her head on her knees. It smelled like him.

"Ready?" Loki asked as he took the car out of park.

Natasha felt an honest smile reach her lips.

"Hit it."

He turned the wheel and skidding out of her driveway, going faster than the speed limit on the deserted roads as they made their way to the concert.

* * *

The car ride wasn't long- seeing that Loki had a tendency to drive faster than legal, and soon enough the two of them were standing outside the bar, in crowds of other high school and college students waiting to get in.

A few men cat called Natasha, to which she and Loki both flipped them off with no hesitation.

"This way," Loki murmured in her ear from behind her, and she felt a gentle hand on her waist as he led her to where they needed to go to get in. They maneuvered the crowds together, and moved off to the side of the building near the back doors.

A group of boys stood in a group, each smoking a cigarette, a couple with beer bottles in their hands. They looked older, maybe freshmen or sophomores in college. Possibly drop outs. "Loki, man!" One of them called happily, breaking from the circle to greet the two high schoolers. His long blonde hair flopped around when he walked, and Natasha instantly noted that he was intoxicated by some sort of substance.

"Tino," Loki nodded, grinning as they drew closer. Natasha was unbelievably aware of his hand still on her waist, holding her closer to him than she normally would be. She wanted so badly to snake her arm around his waist too, but could not bring herself to do it.

"This the girl?" Tino asked, gesturing to Natasha.

If Tino's comment had been embarrassing in any way to Loki, he did not show it. "The one and only." He stated simply, smiling sheepishly at the remark. "Natasha, this is Tino. He's the guy who's getting us in."

"How do you do," Tino said formally, even bowing low in a mocking way of greeting. He took Natasha's hand and placed a light kiss on it. Natasha blushed and smiled tightly, and tried to tug her hand away from him as politely as possible without seeming rude.

Tino laughed and took the rejection well. "I see you're still his girl anyway, even after meeting someone as charming as me."

Natasha tilted her head and quirked her eyebrow, a sly smile tugging on her lips. "Sorry to disappoint." Tino held his fist to his heart as if her rejection hurt, but the mood was light, and they were all easy to joke around with.

"Here," Tino switched the subject, taking two tickets out his jeans pocket and handing them over to them. "You guys can get in at this door- avoid the lines."

Loki seemed lost in thought, so Natasha took them and thanked him, dragging Loki to the side door Tino pointed out to them. When they walked inside, it was much darker, and the stage was in clear sight with a bar off to its right. The only lighting was dim at best with a yellow glow, making all of the people there seem shadowed and hidden. Masses of people were already piling inside, and the techie's were setting up the instruments for the band to begin.

The two of them waited off to the side, leaning against a wall. Loki still had his arm tight around Natasha's waist, hugging her to his side, and his mind seemed to be off in a different place.

"So you're my girl?" Loki asked after a few moments, gazing down at her as his fingers played with them hem of her shirt. Natasha smirked, and allowed him to pull her closer to his side. The leather felt nice against her feverish skin.

"If you play your cards right."

Soon enough there was a crowd with the amount of people filing inside the small bar, and the band walked on stage, grabbing their instruments and starting to play.

The steady beat of the drums filled the room, and the bass soon followed, low and shaking the ground. Adrenaline pumped through their veins, and Natasha felt her heart beat above the noise. They were opening with her favorite song.

"Come on!" Loki yelled as he moved, grabbing her hand and pulling her forward to the stage. The crowds were shouting and dancing, trembling the ground from the inside. The lead singer started to run his fingers across his guitar, the loud sounds coming off rushed and electric, nasty even. He moved to the microphone and began shouting the words to the song, everyone in the audience screaming along to the rhythm.

Loki and Natasha found themselves joining them with no thoughts, letting the music take them. They stayed close to one another, and Natasha could barely contain her happiness to the point that she began to dance, feeling loose and free for one of the first times in a long time. The floor shook with the beat from the heavy drums, and the lead singer let his lyrics fill the room.

_Both my eyes went black, all the ash inside my blood kept on building cause my heart caught fire. If I break my back, if the smoke fills up my lungs, I'll keep howling in a jungle choir._

There was something about letting loose around the other that tied them closer. Natasha almost never let herself have this much fun- not since before she changed. Too often now she was more rigid, more dry, more unwilling to let go of her control. It was something personal- something none of her friends had even seen. The wildness she exposed was something she was trusting Loki with, something he realized was not just a simple reaction to the music.

_I am an animal, I am an animal now. _

Her gut tingled when Loki moved closer to her from behind, and wrapped his arms around her waist. They both screamed the words together, feeling so comfortable in the midst of chaos together.

_I am an animal, and I feel like an animal with you._

Natasha could feel him grin as he rested his chin on the crown of her head.

Loki felt so unbelievably happy, so lucky. Every guy at the concert was eyeing Natasha, wishing that they were him. That wasn't why he felt happy or lucky, not in the least bit. Sure, it did make him grin wider, but what really mattered was the fact that he was indeed holding Natasha Romanoff in his arms. She wasn't fighting him, she wasn't teasing him.

She was _allowing _him to hold her.

She wanted to be there, and for the first time Loki knew the amazing feeling of a crush being returned. She was just so high above him, _at a completely different level than him_, Loki constantly thought to himself. And she chose to stay in his arms. Not Thor's, not any other man at the concert- Loki's.

_I am an animal, with you. With you._

* * *

Jane looked at Thor curiously, who donned a huge grin as he came over her house to spend time together. They sat together on her roof as she pointed out different constellations, and either he or she would know which ones they were. It was almost a game the two of them loved to play- because never had they met other people who liked astronomy so much, aside from Mr. Selvigg at school.

"You seem... really happy today." Jane commented, smiling up at her boyfriend as they both sat huddled underneath a blanket. "At least, more than usual."

Jane had noticed that recently while Thor smiled and laughed, he seemed sad. As if there was something bothering him deeply, and Jane was sad to know there was little she could do to change this. She knew about how his life at home was not very pleasurable, knowing the ongoing feud between Loki and his parents, but never pushed him to tell her anything he did not want to share. Now he seemed at such ease.

Thor shrugged and smiled, and put an arm around her. "It is just a very beautiful night, that's all."

* * *

When the last song was finished and the set was over, Natasha felt slick with sweat. It was unbelievably hot in the small bar, all the while being packed in a tight crowd and being pressed close against Loki. (Which, she did not find any reason to complain about.)

She felt the hair near her neck wet and sticking to her skin, her wild curls feeling thick and heavy as they blanketed her shoulders. Looking up at the stage as the band said their goodbyes and thank you's, the energy quietly died down, and she finally felt the effects of having danced and screamed for the past couple hours. Loki's hands grasped at her hips before moving to stretch wide over her stomach, sending a shiver up her spine. She felt his lips brush against her ear as he spoke over the sound of the buzzing crowd.

"Come on, let's get something to eat."

Natasha nodded, and felt his hands vanish from her waist to hold her hand, and the two of them navigated through the mass of people until they reached the back doors. The chilly night air was like being plunged into a bath of ice, and Natasha gasped when it hit her. She shuddered and reveled- the cold feeling fantastic against her skin, and she paused to enjoy it. Loki stopped when he understood Natasha's need for air, and they stood by the back door together.

"Someone's looks a little heated up," Loki teased, moving closer to her as she rested against the wall with her head tilted back.

"I don't go to concerts that often," She breathed, her head falling forward when she felt his arms wrap around her waist, and for whatever time it was that night, Loki dared to pull her close once more.

"Never thought I'd see the Black Widow so flustered," He smirked, his lips somewhere near her jawline, his breath warm against her skin. Natasha ignored the rapid beating of her heart when she punched him in the chest, somewhat playfully, but it did not stop Loki from wheezing when he laughed.

Suddenly there was a wolf whistle from next to them, accompanied with the sound of a door swinging open and shut. The two teens looked up to see Tino and his friends also walking outside for air, new beer bottles in their hands. They laughed and teased Loki, and Natasha couldn't help but laugh too when one of them exclaimed, "Jesus Christ Loki, how did you manage to land a chick like that!" Loki smiled smugly and did not move away from Natasha at all, but did lift an arm to let his middle finger point upwards to the sky.

They all laughed some more, and Natasha couldn't help but find amusement in the down to earth and happy nature in Tino and the boys. They were just so goofy and unconcerned with anyone around them. It was probably because of drugs, but it was entertaining regardless.

Loki turned his head away from them, and blocking their view of Natasha and his face, he rested his forehead against hers. "Natasha, I'm sorry-"

She shook her head, grinning. "Loki, it's fine. No need to apologize." The boys ooh'ed from behind them like school children, and she bit her lip to keep from laughing, especially when Loki turned slightly pink. He looked like just a boy then, embarrassed and insecure about his actions. Natasha pretended not to notice, knowing it would wound that ego of his. "But what you suggested about food earlier sound pretty great."

Loki grinned, and it was one of those moments when they once again became aware of their physical closeness. For a moment Natasha thought he was about to kiss her, his eyes lingering over her lips- but he then pulled away slightly, pulling her with him. "Let's go."

With hands held, Loki and Natasha began to rush away, waving goodbye to Tino and the guys before getting back to the parking lot. They all still whistled and laughed as they left. Natasha grinned as Loki remained a light hue of pink, but as he looked down at their hands every now and then- there was a new assurance in his grip. When they let go, it was only because they were getting into the car."Your choice." He said as his car rumbled to life.

"A diner."

* * *

Shiny red plastic booths and a static juke box playing elvis songs is where they ended up, a little joint off a random exit on the highway. They were seated by an older waitress that looked incapable of smiling, who introduced herself as Linda when handing them their menus before shuffling off.

Loki looked devilish with wild eyes, grinning as Natasha thanked her.

Once Linda's back turned away from them, Natasha felt an array of powder assault her, and she gasped when she saw the insides of a sugar packet in her hair and piled in her lap, some of it even stuck in her eyelashes. She looked up to find Loki, still grinning, an empty paper packet held between his teeth. "Oh, no you didn't!"

Natasha snatched at the small container at the end of the table and grabbed a couple splendas, managing to open five and successfully get them all in Loki's hair after a long and silent battle with Loki's arms trying to stop her.

"Seems like you have a bad case of dandruff."

Natasha could not believe this was actually happening between them- a condiment war. Loki always managed to find some way to cause chaos.

He shook his head, but was still grinning, trying to get her back. Natasha laughed as she tried to stop his counterattacks and push his hands filled with salt packets away, all the while trying to not cause attention. "Loki, stop!" She choked, trying so hard to keep her laughing from getting the best of her. "Seriously! Loki, Linda's coming!"

When he saw the dragging feet of the one and only waitress that night, Loki immediately pulled back and shook the splenda from his hair, the powder getting everywhere. Natasha yelped as it the mass flew towards her, but coughed and bit her tongue when Linda approached them.

Linda stared at the obvious sugars and salts all over the plastic sparkled table, and eyed both of the teenagers wearily. "Is everything okay?" Her voice was nasally, and not sounding as if she found them humorous at all.

Loki looked up at her with his hands clasped together on the table, a charming smile gracing his lips. "Splendid, Linda."

Linda narrowed her eyes at Loki, and it could obviously be seen that she assumed him to be trouble. Natasha continued to bite her tongue and lips to keep herself from cracking up as Loki ordered them a plate of french fries, acting incredibly sophisticated and mocking for being in a diner.

They stared at each other from across the table with their eyebrows wiggling, both waiting for the next battle to be waged. Natasha loved the way Loki's hair was starting to fall to the sides from being pushed back, looking disheveled because of her splenda bomb. He seemed to find her amusing too, because every now and then he'd chuckle and shake his head. Soon after that the plate of french fries came out courtesy of Linda, who placed them at the center of the table.

Both stared at the food for a while, until Natasha took the first fry, and popped it into her mouth. Loki took the next.

Natasha took the third, and instead threw it high into the air until it landed in her mouth from above. The challenge had been made. Loki gestured to the basket, and understanding, Natasha took a fry and prepared to throw it in the air for him to catch.

He missed in a dramatic attempt, making Natasha snort as the fry catapulted behind him onto the black and white tiled floor. Loki's eyes widened in disbelief when he heard the sound she made, and Natasha's hands flew to her mouth. He burst into a fit of laughter, as Natasha blushed red and hid her face in her hands at the sound she never knew she was capable of making.

After a volatile "SHH!" from Linda, the two of them managed to somewhat calm down.

Before either knew it, they were off to games again.

Loki balanced a fry on the tip of his nose before letting it fall down into his mouth, which in turn Natasha balanced a fry as a moustache above her lip before managing to get it to balance on her tongue. Which in turn, Loki could not help but retaliate with two french fries being put under his upper lip, making him appear as a walrus. Both of them lost it then, and Natasha wiped tears from her eyes as she tried to get the image of Loki cross eyed with french fry tusks out of her head.

Linda seemed to be quite frustrated by then, eyeing Loki and shaking her head at him, automatically assuming it was the bad boy in the leather jacket and boots causing the mayhem. (Which, it partly was.) Natasha managed to sneak Loki's utensils away with her own when he turned to wink at Linda from across the room, and pucker his lips in a kiss. She also sneaked the utensils from the tables around them, managing to successfully hide them in her lap.

"I think Linda's into me." Loki joked, turning back to face Natasha.

Natasha sighed dramatically, tossing another french fry in her mouth. "Tell me, should I be worried?"

Loki grinned. "Maybe. Linda really seems to have a shining personality."

Natasha rolled her eyes and shook her head, and as Loki turned back around to tease Linda, began to stick the knives, forks, and spoons into the side lining of the seats of their booth. The silverware jutted out, crooked as they punctured through the cheap plastic material and into the walkway. When she was done with the fine work nobody noticed, she also helped him finish the fries.

"Hey, I guess Linda is interested. She's heading over right now." Natasha said innocently, twirling a fry in a massive blob of ketchup.

Loki grinned and turned to look at the waitress coming closer to them, but was not expecting the hostile look in her heavily made up eyes.

"You! You did this!" Linda pointed a finger at him, before waving her hands around and gesturing to the utensils stuck into the lining of the booth. "Do you think this stuff is cheap?" Loki looked at the booth's new decoration and up to Natasha, shock and amusement in his eyes. His widow had once again managed to trick and control, this time with tacky forks and knives- and he loved it.

"Linda, let's act like adults-"

Natasha laughed at Loki's attempt at smooth talking his way out of it, but Linda was getting real tired of his shit. "No, I am done with you kids! All night you've been causing trouble and making a mess in this diner! None of you have any respect nowadays-" Natasha was fighting every urge to giggle as best as she could at the look on Loki's face.

"Please Linda," Loki put out his bottom lip and widened his eyes, making Natasha snort for the second time that night.

"Get out!" Linda demanded. "And don't come back!"

In defeat, Loki left a twenty on the table, and the two of them slid out of the booth to leave. As they walked out with Linda muttering inaudible words behind them, Natasha swung her hip to bump against his playfully, and Loki grinned as his arm snaked around her shoulders. She felt like she was going to implode, and was turning red as they took the walk of shame.

When they made it outside, they let out all of their laughter.

* * *

"That was cruel," Loki pouted. "Linda was so mean."

After the drive home at the early hours in the morning, Loki was now walking Natasha back up to her front door.

"Please. She just can't handle the troublemakers."

"But you can." A wicked smile reached his lips, and they came to face each other, with Natasha's back to the door. She managed to be just as slick as Loki, not denying his words or replying to them either.

Neither could believe how wondeful the night had turned out to be- even though they both found themselves exhausted and worn down. Natasha, for one of the first times in her life, had honest and true fun- nothing more being needed other than Loki and his silly tricks. They never knew they could manage to have such a fantastic time simply being with the other there. So often all of their other friends made it seem like either alcohol or stupid things were needed to have a good time- but they had managed to see how wrong that claim was. Both being so used to closing off and shutting out such experiences, were both in awe at the stirring in their heart towards the night's end. They did not want to say goodbye or any of it end.

Feeling confident with himself for once, Loki stepped forward and reached out a hand to push a loose curl behind Natasha's ear. She smiled as his eyes trailed her lips once more, before reaching her eyes momentarily. There was no way she could have moved before his face swept down to kiss her on the cheek. Natasha's face burned red, and she bit her lip- lamely attempting to hide the shit-eating grin that was growing on her face.

He stepped away, strangely serious for the sweet action he just pulled.

"How am I playing the game so far?" He asked, patiently waiting for an answer as he stood apart from her.

"You're playing your cards just right."

* * *

**GOT DAT CHAPTER UP! WHOOT!**

**Holy crap this was SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE. It's awesome to write funny goofy trickster Loki as opposed to angst filled violent trickster Loki. I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. LOVE IT. OH MAN. SO MANY FRENCH FRIES. And the song "I am an animal" by soft black is FANTASTIC. It is so good for rocking out, and this chapter would not exist if I had not listened to it one day, and thought it would be great for the story. ****I can't really tell if this chapter if fluffy? or if it's too happy go lucky.. I don't know, either way I'm pretty satisfied with it so BOOYAH**

**Thanks for the belated happy birthdays, you guys are the greatest and you make my day!**

**Remember to review! Art thou burdened with glorious feels?**

**I hope so because it was certainly my intention**


	22. Chapter 21: Calm Before The Storm

**Chapter 21: Calm Before The Storm**

* * *

**"No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave, No matter how many breaths that you took, you still couldn't breathe.**

**No matter how many nights that you lie wide awake to the sound of poison rain... **

**Where did you go? Where did you go? Where did you go? As days go by, the night's on fire.**

**Tell me would you kill to save a life? Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?**

**Crash, crash, burn, let it all burn, This hurricane's chasing us all underground.**

**No matter how many deaths that I die I will never forget, No matter how many lives that I live, I will never regret.**

**There is a fire inside of this heart, And a riot about to explode into flames."**

**~ 30 Seconds To Mars, "Hurricane"**

* * *

A groan escaped from Natasha's lips when she woke up the next morning on her stomach, rolling over in her bed only to find her body and legs tangled in the sheets.

Her phone was vibrating on the small side table next to her bed, with a persistence that could only be Pepper. Blindly lifting her arm to get it, Natasha tried not to sound too disgruntled when answering.

"Pepper?"

"Natasha, hey! Are you ready? We said we'd all go out today, remember?"

Natasha smashed her head back into her pillow, angry she forgot about her friends when she ran off with Loki the night before for a concert. The bleary red numbers on her alarm clock read nine thirty, only five hours of sleep, and with tremendous effort she lifted her head once more.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course I remember."

Pepper kept going, and Natasha just put her on speaker and tossed her phone onto the carpeted floor, letting her chatter as she untangled herself from the sheets and slipped out of bed. Natasha was still wearing the jeans and tee shirt from before, now feeling dirty after such a long night. There was probably still sugar and salt in her hair and encrusted in her scalp.

"So just drive over now, asap. And then Tony said his dad wouldn't be home later, so then we could just crash at his place because you know, his dad doesn't really care what we all do so Tony said-"

She rolled her eyes at how oblivious Pepper was to her and Tony's relationship- it had gotten to the point where Natasha and all of their other friends wanted to forcibly put them together. It could be seen in both of them whenever they were around each other- already acting like a married couple.

The same was for Clint and Maria, who had also become incredibly frustrating. It was clear that they were interested in each other, with silent admiration and subtle comments- but both were the types to stay more reserved and not speak of it. As Pepper rambled on, Natasha began to feel jealous- something she _hated._ It was a childish and silly emotion, but she could not help it. The couples in her friend group did not have to hide. They could talk to each other in public, show affection and not be scrutinized. They didn't need to lie or wear any masks, they didn't need to pretend and tear themselves apart to stay on both sides.

Natasha padded around her room quietly, stripping off her shirt and jeans as she went along, about to take a shower. Before making her way to the bathroom, Natasha stepped over to her window carefully, as if Pepper would be able to detect her movements through a phone.

Gently pulling the curtain open a crack, Natasha could see Loki's house across the street where it always was. His black car sat in the driveway, at peace, and Natasha smiled to herself, feeling like a stupid teenage girl whose hormones were out of whack. Without realizing, one of her hands rose to touch her cheek. She blushed and pulled it away quickly, embarrassed at the instinct when remembering the kiss Loki gave her there the night before.

With the warm and humiliating feelings Loki always brought her, it was always followed soon after with grief. They could go out at night in secret, they can laugh, be free and wild together... but the next morning would only remind Natasha how that is not really her life. It's the part of her underneath the mask, the one her friends never see when they call to wake her up. When they tell her how happy they are for her, believing she let go of Loki.

If Natasha were to be honest, the double life was wearing her down. Maybe in the past, when she was still accustomed to wearing the mask, she would have no problem with it. But since Loki had come around and pulled out what was hiding behind it- the mask did not fit the same. The more it burst at the seams, the more it would hurt her.

She couldn't live this way much longer.

"Natasha? Hello? You still there?"

Natasha spun around to face her phone on the table, as if she were caught at the sound of Pepper's question.

"Yeah. Still here."

* * *

Loki laid in bed for hours, his eyes open and staring at the ceiling, arms crossed over his bare chest. It was well past the time he had dropped Natasha off at home, in fact, it was late in the same morning, a time when he should have been out of bed already. But something about what happened before, that night- made him stay, half covered by the thin bed sheets.

_You're playing your cards just right._

Loki rose his arms above his head and stretched himself out on the mattress, still trying to get a grip on what had happened. So much more than what they were used to, the closeness with no thinking or regretting, the ridiculous games and flirting. Out of range from their town, families and friends, as if they were just two teenagers. He had held her in his arms, and watched her as she danced free.

He sighed in frustration, pressing his hands into his eyes.

Loki couldn't deny how much he wanted her now, feelings that grew exponentially every day they snuck away and hid. It was ironic, out of everything in his life, what made him the most happy and what drove him the most mad was her. His insecurities and worries, his paranoia- it always led back to Natasha. It seemed he was always desperate for her approval and acceptance- the only difference was that unlike his Father, she actually gave it to him. It was the most glorious feeling for him- but it seemed because of her taking in that madness, it only led to more evolved insanity.

Aside from their clandestine relationship, things were great. Fantastic, even. And that alone, was enough to make Loki worried he would mess it up.

Suddenly the door opened, with Thor's blonde and smiling face peering in.

"Loki? Still sleeping?"

"You can come in Thor."

The oldest brother bursted inside in a flash of red flannel, closing the door behind him before he sat down on the end of Loki's bed. Loki pulled himself up, groaning at the change in position, only to look face to face into Thor's wide grin. He had apparently decided not to shave, and had a good amount of blonde scruff growing all along his jaw and chin.

He frowned as his brother looked at him in adoration, asking slowly. "What is it?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."

Thor was so happy to know about Loki and Natasha, so unbelievably thrilled that what was believed to be nonexistent was still there. Although, not as daft as he sometimes appeared, Thor knew the two of them did not want him to know for some reason, and that in time, Loki would tell him when he found it best. He would respect that- not even speaking of the secret to Jane. However- there was one person he intended to share the confidence with.

Loki rose an eyebrow at Thor, who could not stop smiling, and rolled out of bed with a sigh. He picked up a shirt from the floor, and tugged it over his head lazily.

"You know, you might want to shave. People might mistake you for a lumberjack."

Thor laughed, not at all offended by his brother's comments. "Ah, Loki. Always joking around."

The younger brother stared at Thor's carefree oblivion, feeling the urge to ask him whether or not he was drunk, but knew it was no use. Starting to feel increasingly uncomfortable, Loki grabbed his boots from the floor.

"I'm going to go out."

"Right. Out." Thor shook his head, grinning. Loki rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah... Out."

"It's a beautiful day." Thor added, his chin propped up in his hands as he watched his brother shift uneasily, automatically assuming he would be spending time with Natasha.

Loki didn't know why Thor was acting especially goofy today, but at his comment he unknowingly mirrored the neighbor he had so many feelings for. Walking over to his window, Loki pulled open one of the curtains and looked out across the street, feeling strangely light and unsure.

He didn't know if it was the memory of Natasha and her touch, or knowing he would see her soon. Or if it was the nagging in his head, screaming and shouting about how he needs to be careful not to lose her or what they have, because ruining things is all he ever does.

_Maybe this was just how it works. Having someone like her... there was no need to worry... right?_

"Yeah... I guess it is."

* * *

A couple days after the concert, Natasha's group of friends decided to all go out to dinner and walk around the more popular parts of town. They figured they would catch a movie later, or something like that. Natasha was reserved and cold, mainly because she was so exhausted from barely getting any sleep the past weeks.

The only person that really saw this was Clint, but as per usual, he remained silent, walking on the edges of their massive group. Tony led the way, being, well- Tony. Steve followed close behind, often telling Tony to calm down and quit making a scene. Everyone else was just talking as usual, and Clint was quietly satisfied that he got to spend time with Maria, who walked beside him.

They both did not find the need to fill every gap of silence with consistent chatter, and he liked how she never sunk lower than what she believed in. Maria came as she was, which was one hell of a girl. He thought that maybe- tonight- they could get closer somehow. With these plans in mind, it was easily the last thing Clint Barton expected when Thor approached him, Jane following him in confusion.

"Hey- Clint. Can I speak with you?" Thor put a hand on his shoulder, a hopeful smile on his face.

Thor and Clint had never been especially close. They liked each other and respected each other, but they never really grew a bond like most different people in the group had. So, it was not bizarre for Clint to be surprised and somewhat taken aback by the enormous football playing teddy bear interested in talking with him. Maria raised an eyebrow, looking from Thor to Clint but not speaking a word.

"Yeah, sure." He frowned as Thor motioned for him to follow him in separating from the rest of the group, who barely noticed. Jane looked at him, questioning, but Thor simply told her with a charming smile. "We just have to talk about a school project."

They had no classes together.

Jane smiled and accepted his words, and Clint played along and nodded, his face remaining passive as the two of them branched off from their range of hearing. "Thor, what's going on?" He asked, a frown embedded in the crease of his brow, as he looked back at Maria anxiously.

"I found something out that I was not supposed to... that none of us are supposed to know. But I think it's right to tell you, because you care about Natasha, and you can be trusted." Thor paused in his hushed words, and peered over at the others to make sure they weren't watching. "Natasha and my brother- they're still seeing each other."

Clint stopped short.

"You're sure?"

Thor nodded in all seriousness. "I saw, and they don't know I know. But we can't tell anyone else. They're happy together."

Clint knew Natasha had not told the entire truth the day she claimed their relationship was over. Ever since that day the two of them had been strained in some way, because both of them knew deep down that Clint was right when he confronted her about it. He always thought it was not like Natasha to give in to anyone or any group of people that tried to overpower her, and he couldn't help a small smile reach his lips when he looked back to see her walking along with the group, acting as though nothing were wrong.

Clint did not know or understand much about Loki, but by the look on Thor's face regarding him- it was easy to tell he trusted and believed in his brother. And obviously, Clint trusted Natasha, and even though he had been the one to see the most horrible parts of her from the past- he believed in her now.

"You're right." He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'll help you keep watch."

* * *

Two weeks later as April was close to an end, Loki listened to the blasting static of the television at the bar as he played pool with Tino and the guys.

_"-And the storm will hit tonight! It will be a big one, folks. It might be smart to fill up your tank with gas, to make sure you have candles and flashlights-"_

He frowned up at the newscaster who seemed so cheerful and happy to be sharing the news of a possible disaster to hit Marvel and a couple other towns. It was a freak storm, coming out of the blue- seeing as the spring was not really a storm season.

"Loki, get your head out of your ass. It's your turn."

Giving the boys the middle finger as he pulled his eyes away from the television, Loki sauntered around to the part of the table where he had to make his play. They laughed, punching him in the arm and slapping him on the back, something they often did since meeting Natasha.

"Thinking bout the girl?" Tino asked, wiggling his eyebrows as he sipped from a beer.

"Her name's Natasha." Loki said dryly.

One of the guys walked by with two beers in hand, stopping at him and holding one out. The gesture was friendly enough. Loki turned his head as he was hunched over the pool table with his cue in hands, and gave the offer a deadly glare. The simple yet lethal stare was enough to make the boy back off hastily, keeping the second beer to himself. This did not go unnoticed.

Tino laughed at Loki's expression, throwing back his head as he did. "Man, the girl really does have you on a leash. Not drinking or anything."

The guys snickered, and Loki felt his constant urge to explain himself for acceptance push it's way to the surface. "She's worth it."

"Well, yeah. But do you think she thinks the same for you?"

Loki's eyes narrowed, and executed his play perfectly before standing up straight. He snaked closer to Tino, almost forcing the two of them to stand off to the side with the dominance he held in his stance. The boys just kept playing, ignoring the two people missing from each of their teams- knowing that doing so would interfere with Loki. Even though they knew he was on probation, none wanted to take any chances.

Loki's insecurities festered and manifested within him, growing much larger at Tino's innocent words. "What do you mean?" He asked darkly.

Tino, for once in his life, seemed uneasy.

"Come on, Loki. A girl like her? She's worth it. Every second, I'd imagine." He cocked his head, a sad and nervous smile on his face. "But girls like that... they don't pick the guys like us. We're the ones they have fun with- but they don't take us home."

In that instant, Loki could have hit him, brought an unbelievably amount of pain into Tino's life with his bare hands. His words were lighting a fire within him, and for a moment of blindness, Loki wanted to destroy him like he used to destroy others. But, he held himself back, gripping his pool cue with white knuckles.

_She cares about you, she does. Doesn't she? You could swear she returns the feelings you have for her, despite the monster you are. At first she didn't, but now, you had both ended up caring for each other more than the other intended. He wasn't just someone to have fun with... right?_

The thought of unrequited love horrified him.

_But what if it wasn't so? She was just as much as a master liar, manipulator, and pretender as you. The only person who could possibly outsmart you could only be her. Maybe she really did have no intention of welcoming you to her home, or ever letting you in enough to chose you. Remember what you are?_

_You're a monster._

_And maybe this was all a game._

Loki couldn't hide how bothered he was by it, and it slowly began to pick at him. He held himself above Tino and the boys, their lifestyles...but when it came down to it, Loki wondered if he was much different from them, from the usual scum of the Earth.

_No. They don't want break and destroy people. They don't find amusement in playing games with people. You aren't the usual scum of the Earth. You're worse._

He thought back to the night of the concert, the way Natasha responded to him, and the words she told Tino when he kissed the back of her hand when he asked if she was still his girl.

_Sorry to disappoint._

They had so much fun the night of the concert- something that neither were used to. She chose to stay with him at his highest, and she would always stay with him when he was at his weakest, too, regardless of her friends... The way she touched him. The piece of Loki that believed refused to give in to what his delusions kept telling him, what fuel Tino was giving them.

_Tino doesn't know what he's talking about. He's never been close with someone like Natasha, he's never been that lucky..._

"You're wrong. She's picked me." Loki did not bother to keep the anger from his voice, the muscle in his jaw clenching as he got the words out.

"But for how long, man? I mean maybe you got lucky. But she picks you when you're on a leash, holding back- and she is worth that, obviously-" Tino paused, and sighed. "But you really think you can stay on a leash? That you can do it? Right now everything is great and dandy, fine. But I've seen you, Loki. What you've done before. Breaking that asshole's wrist, the car? She might be able to restrain it for some time as long as you try, but can you?" Loki was silent, avoiding anyone's eye contact. "And you know, she ain't gonna touch you if you get off the leash. You'll just be one of us again."

"I'm nothing like you!" Loki denied viciously, making Tino take a couple steps back.

The rest of the gang stopped playing pool, observing the two of them as Loki was now holding his cue in the air by his side, something that could possibly end in disaster. The room had grown quiet.

"Hey, man, calm down. I'm sorry." Tino held up his hands, understanding the danger of making Loki too angry. They didn't put it past him to snap. "Listen, maybe you should leave...go home for a bit. I'm gonna go upstairs and burn, alright?"

Loki felt blinded by what he felt, ready to lash out if any more words were said. It was when he thought of Natasha and his promises that the small part of him still fighting against his self-doubt came through. His pool cue clattered to the floor. His hands grabbed at his on his scalp and he tugged angrily, his eyes squeezed shut with his head down. His madness did not cease.

_Look at you now- look how close you were to destroying them. It's in your nature. You would have enjoyed it too, just like smashing the car, watching the horror on those girls' faces when the spiders overflowed from their cars... like any other monster or animal would._

_No, no- no!_

_Don't give in, don't give in. Natasha said she believed in you, that she'd be there for you. You made your decision, remember?_

"Loki? You alright?"

Tino inched forward in concern to the lost boy that so often turned up on his doorstep, but was sure not to get too close. The others only backed away, some even telling Tino in hushed tones to leave Loki be. That there was nothing they could do.

Lurching forward like a creature about to attack, Loki suddenly rushed away from the group. He needed to get out and escape from the bar- somewhere that had seemed much too small and hot inside. People parted and inched away as he tore through the bar to find the exit, apprehension on their faces for the sharp and dangerous boy. Loki saw in each of their eyes as he passed- horror and fear exaggerated, inflated, but it was enough to plunge his mind back into darkness again.

_Monster._

Once he bursted through the back door he gasped for air in the darkness of the night, but did not slow down until he made it to his destination in the parking lot.

Tino's car was old and battered. Loki could also tell the machine had many kinks and broken parts- mostly because Tino usually spent his money on alcohol and weed instead of repairs. It would be easy to finally strike and tear it to pieces once and for all. Loki felt the edge of his keys in his pocket, the ridges of metal. He lifted his hands before him and stared at the white scars on his knuckles, raised and discolored skin. It wouldn't be too hard to break it open once more. It might even be nice.

_Feel that? You still want to. Smash it, destroy, rip apart. You thirst for it..._

_Don't Loki. Don't do it._

After a few long moments of being caught in an internal battle, Loki turned away, putting his face in his hands and fighting not to sink to the dirt ground as his head pounded. This was way too close for him- and he needed to get out before he lost everything.

Feeling worn down and crippled, and as much as he hated it- weak, Loki backed away from Tino's car, and kept moving away until he made it to his own. The only thing that kept him from breaking back into his hands being Natasha, and the look on her face when she told him to make his choices.

* * *

Loki took one last glance at the darkening sky before stamping out his cigarette with the heel of his boot aggressively, something growing in the pit of his stomach as black clouds spread above. Thunder could be heard in the distance, and once in a while lightning would flash across the sky. The storm kept coming closer. Voices still echoed and rang loud in his head as he walked up the driveway of his house, making him more vulnerable than ever.

Opening the front door soundlessly, Loki slipped inside his house to be met with shouting, none other than Odin and Frigga. He stood in the hall unnoticed, watching the two of them in the kitchen as an animal would observe a threat. It had been months since he had come in contact with his parents, Thor mostly acted as his guardian now. But Thor was not here... and this was not just any domestic argument.

"It isn't time, Odin!" Frigga cried, throwing her hands in the air and not at all nervous to face off with her husband. "He isn't ready for this! He's just a boy!"

From the open door Loki could see their figures move around and pace, until he came to stare at Odin's solitary back with Frigga facing Loki himself, but she was much too riled up by the fight to notice her son behind her husband.

"It's been too long." Odin said angrily. "We have waited too long! We should have told him when he was a boy. It would have been easier for him. Frigga, Loki deserves the truth!" Frigga sighed in exasperation, but froze when she finally looked over Odin's shoulder to see her youngest son watching.

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open, as if trying to find the right words to somehow hide or excuse the words that had just been exchanged. Odin followed his wife's eyes and turned around to see Loki, understanding and pain in his eyes.

"Loki-" Odin began, but his dark and bastard son cut him off.

"Tell me what?"

* * *

**Sorry for the wait! i am now back in school (yay? neigh? I don't even know?)**

**Anyway- yeah so this is kind of an enormous transition chapter, but I WILL be back soon with what's next. This is an enormous part of the story that I have been waiting since the beginning to finally post, so I feel really proud and also thrilled for you guys to read it.**

**But I am so sorry, I forgot to inform you guys a major shitstorm was coming. Warning for the future, when things get fluffy... it usually means all hell will break loose. like right now.**

**I'M SO SORRY I LOVE YOU GUYS BUT I'M SO SORRY PLEASE REVIEW SORRY**

**-Runs and hides under a rock-**


	23. Chapter 22: A Child In The Rain

**Chapter 22: The Storm Part 1: A Child In The Rain**

* * *

**"I think I saw you in my sleep, darling...**

**I think I saw you in my dreams, you were stitching up the seams on every broken promise that your body couldn't keep.**

**I think I saw you in my sleep, I think I saw you in my sleep, darling...**

**I think I saw you in my dreams, you were stitching up the seams on every broken promise that your body couldn't keep.**

**I think I saw you in my sleep.**

**I thought I heard the door open, oh no, I thought I heard the door open but I only heard it close.**

**I thought I heard a plane crashing, but now I think it was your passion snapping.**

**I think you saw me confronting my fear, it went up with a bottle and went down with the beer**

**And I think you ought to stay away from here**

**There are ghosts in the walls and they crawl in your head through your ear."**

**~La Dispute, "Such Small Hands"**

* * *

"Tell me what?" Loki repeated, staring down his two parents before him.

Loki bore down on them, his eyes on fire as his two parents backed away when he made it to the kitchen's doorway. Odin looked at his youngest son in surprise, having never seen such a fierce and dangerous look in his eyes.

His entire day had built up to this now. Tino and the guys making him question everything, the bar and the people there, when he almost broke his promises. Loki, only seeing the twisted version of things, only saw appall and disgust in his father's eyes when he came close enough.

It pushed him off the edge.

"What is it," Loki shouted, advancing on them. "What are you keeping from me?"

Frigga stumbled backwards before grabbing onto the kitchen table to get balance. Blinking tears away, she sat down in one of the chairs trying to breathe. She wanted so badly to take in her son, to hold him, but Frigga understood too well that it wasn't possible now. It was now time for one of her worst fears to come to life before her- losing one of the few people she loved.

"Loki, calm down-"

"Don't tell me to calm down," He hissed, his fists clenching and unclenching as he faced off with his father of the same height. His thin frame was nothing compared to Odin's build, but it didn't stop Loki from trying to match it. "You've been hiding something, haven't you? What is it?"

The tension was suffocating, and each person in the room had to struggle to keep calm with whatever was rising in the air. The two parents were silent, almost too astonished to reply, before Odin sighed. "Maybe it would be best if we sat down, we could talk."

"I like standing just fine."

The father accepted this answer, and remained standing to be eye to eye with his son.

"There... has been something.. we've been keeping from you. We intended to tell you when you were a boy, but we thought you were too young, that you couldn't handle it. then.. but as you grew older, time passed, and it never seemed like the right time..."

Odin felt his heart pound as he began to tell his son the truth, filled with strife as he looked into the wild and terrified green eyes before him. They grew confused at his words, and more at his silence.

"What is it," Loki whispered, fear in his heart when his father paused. "Tell me!" Loki's yell echoed and shook through the house, the raw and thick voice desperate for an answer as the house rattled from thunder. Rain pounded on the windows, the roof, and the lights flickered as the storm raged outside.

The silence that was met with his plea only made Loki more scared for the answer, and tears began to brim in his eyes. In that moment, even though he was tall, dark, angry, and clad in leather, Loki appeared to be exactly what he was.

A boy.

It took another crack of lightning and a boom of thunder to make Odin finally speak, wishing he could avoid the pair of troubled eyes waiting for answers. "When Thor was already a few months old and too young to possibly know, we had driven out of Asgard for the holidays. A town called Jotun. It was freezing in the winter, brutal, and one night after we had eaten dinner out on the town- we heard something coming from an alley once we left..."

Odin cleared his throat, and behind him Frigga cried, putting her face in her hands.

She knew this day would one day come.

"It was a child. Just born. Smaller than usual, at first we thought it could have some sort of problem, but it didn't- it was just weak. Abandoned, crying, no match for the world around it. We tried to find out if it was anyone's, we went to the local hospital, the police, everywhere, but found nothing. The baby was unnamed, alone, and needed a home. So... we took you in."

Loki stared, his silver tongue failing him.

"I'm not... you're not..."

Frigga finally stood from her chair to try to embrace her adopted son, but he held out his hands and made sure she could not come close to him, backing away from human contact. Frigga's motherly instinct was crushed, and her hands still remained held open in the air, as if still hoping Loki would let himself go to them. "You lied to me." He whispered, his head exploding from the thought of it, his life, the truth. "You lied..."

"We didn't want you to feel different." Frigga said softly, trying to diffuse the situation and calm Loki down. "We wanted you to feel normal. Like any other child!"

"Normal..." Loki tried the word, but it felt wrong on his lips. "Normal? You didn't want me to feel different from others?" Breathing became a labor, and his heartbeat quickened the more the truth sunk in. "Well you've just done a great job, haven't you?"

"Loki, that's unfair-"

"All I've ever felt is different! All you've ever made me feel!" He shouted, baring his teeth.

Memories were resurrected, fresh in his mind, more fuel to the fire.

As children, Odin never showing up to any of Loki's concert recitals in the school band- he only ever went to Thor's sports games to cheer him on. Every child had their father in the audience, all except him. Frigga would support him, but there was always a piece missing. When he had quit the band in anger and frustration he tried out for soccer, basketball, baseball... but back then, he was too small to be any good at it.

How Odin never paid much attention to Loki's perfect grades every year, but whenever Thor managed to get so much of a B on an exam, he would be rewarded.

Loki had tried to get his father's attention so often as a kid, it always led to his mischief. Playing pranks. Getting into trouble. He had hoped it would make Odin talk to him more, even punishment would be fine, as long as he was acknowledged somehow. But back then, and even to this day, all he ever received for his desperate attempts was coldness, just a simple and silent disapproval.

Loki remembered years of neglect, of feeling unworthy, not accepted. Being ignored or forgotten, and it didn't even matter whether it was intentional or not. It had happened. And now, finally, he was going to confront it.

In that moment the sound of the front door opening and the high pitched whistle of the wind was heard. The door closed after, followed by heavy footsteps in the hallway. Thor came into the kitchen with a smile on his face.

* * *

Thor was driving home from Jane's, both deciding it was best for him to leave before the storm really hits. As his silver jeep thundered down the road, Thor couldn't help but feel light despite the weather. He loved spending time with Jane, obviously, but he was also still riding the cheerful wave of Natasha and Loki secretly being together.

He felt guilty thinking back to when he had approached Natasha to tell her off for thinking she had let the relationship end, but knew it would not be wise to apologize and inform her that he knew. However this was not too horrible for Thor to bear, because in the end he knew the two of them were happy.

Their lives at home may be unpleasant and broken, but he was thankful his brother had someone he trusted enough to really let in. Natasha made Loki's days brighter- even when he was feuding with their parents or isolated at school. For this, Thor felt he would always be somewhat in debt to Natasha, for everything she has done for his brother. It also made a part of Thor happy despite all of his other problems- even when his family seemed to be falling apart.

The storm brewed above his head, thunder and lightning rumbling as Thor pulled into the driveway of his house, a bounce in his step when he jumped out of the car and strode up to the front door.

He had not expected that when he would open the door, he would enter a war zone no different from the weather outside.

* * *

"Hey, just got back from Jane's-" Pausing at the sight of Loki and his parents in the same room, Thor wished he could grin and be happy towards the reunion. This was not expected in the least bit. Usually when he came home, Loki was holed up in his room or completely absent, and his parents were in the living room or working around the house.

His first thought was to celebrate- his family had finally come to terms. They had finally faced each other, and things would get better.

But this hope was instantly crushed when he saw the looks on their faces, that this was not a happy matter, and it was too much of him to assume it ever could be. What he found was his mother in tears, his father with no expression but grief in his one eye, and his brother appearing to be on the fringe of a breakdown. Loki had that look- the dangerous one- as if he were a caged animal desperate to get out. Thor's smile faltered as rain drops from outside rolled down his face and arms, matting his hair. "What's going on?"

"It's him!" Loki hissed, pointing a finger to his confused older brother. "It's always been him, hasn't it?"

"Me?" Thor looked at each of the three people before him, trying to figure out what was happening. Loki did not reply to him, however, but only advanced towards his adopted mother and father as a predator would with it's prey.

Odin remained solid. "Thor has nothing to do with this Loki, this is between us-"

"No, no it isn't. All of this time, all of these years, it's always been Thor! You've always favored him!" The boy did not let his tears fall, he did not let the weakness show. They only filled his eyes, blinding him and making everything blurry. "It all makes sense now, why you give him all of your attention, give him everything! I'm just a piece of trash from an alleyway, aren't I? Something you pitied? Something found and taken in because you felt guilty for something like me... it shows... No matter what you say, no matter how much you might claim_ to love me_, I'll never be him! I'll never be your blood! And it shows! I feel it, every day!" Loki's eyes were rabid and his voice vicious. "How could you ever love me?"

Odin shook his head, a deep pain in his eyes. "You twist our words..."

"You are our son, Loki! You always have been!" Frigga insisted.

"No," Loki lifted a hand to point to Thor. "He's your only son."

Thor couldn't believe the words he was hearing, what was coming out of his loved ones' mouths. "What are you talking about?" He asked angrily, stepping in between Loki and Odin. "What is going on?"

Odin opened his mouth, but Loki's insanity and paranoia was much quicker.

"You." He whispered. "You're in on it... you've known this whole time."

"What? Loki, do you hear what you're saying? What you're all saying?" Thor addressed the room, his hopeful blue eyes searching every face for answers, before turning back to the teenage boy falling apart at the seams. Thor grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, disturbed at the lack of strength he felt there. "Loki, you are my brother. You always have been!"

Loki's green eyes stared up at Thor, wide and unblinking, glazed over and past reason. He was limp under his grip, and his mind was broken. "No. No... I'm not. I never was. You aren't my brother."

Loki's palms met the center of Thor's chest and pushed- forcing away the only source of comfort he had there. Shock was evident in Thor's eyes, and, shattered, he looked to his parents, hoping to hear them take his side. Denial, what he wished was the truth to be said and done. He was only met with Odin's cold stare, not disproving Loki or agreeing with his eldest son at all. "No..." Thor murmured. "It can't be."

Loki felt ready to collapse, his inner turmoil close to drowning him.

_You see now? Everything about you is wrong. Something forgotten and left behind... what are you even worth, anyway? You will never be good enough, you will never be worthy to Odin. Never be accepted..._

_ You're just scum, born that way, it's in you..._

"No, no... no..."

Loki grabbed at his hair and let yelled in rage, still forcing himself not to cry. Not here, not like this. It didn't help that Thor would not back off, he would not let him be. He was still speaking to him, coming closer- but Loki's brain was so jumbled, so lost, that he could not make to understand Thor's words. It was when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder that he looked up and lashed out, his arm swinging to hit Thor square on the jaw.

Frigga gasped and Odin shouted, but Thor just stood in shock, his hand on the spot where Loki had punched him. It swelled and hurt him, but he could not bring himself to feel the pain. The only thing he could see was Loki, completely unhinged, and making a run from the kitchen.

"Loki, No!" Thor ran after him despite the agony in his jaw, not for a second going to give up on his now known to be adopted brother.

His only thought being to get away from the people he once thought was his family, Loki did not think twice in opening the front door and throwing himself into the chaos of the storm. The frigid wind and sleet hit him, but he kept running, or more so stumbling, away from his house that was never a home.

Thor tried to go out into the storm after him, but was held back at the open door by his father. Odin grimaced as he listened to his biological son shout after the boy he loved so much as a brother, tears choking him and spilling down his cheeks.

Frigga hurried from behind them, and managed to push the door shut against the monstrous weather before beginning to sob, hands covering her face as she hurried from the hall and up the stairs.

Thor felt his heart ache, and wished for once that their family could work. Christmas was a disaster, and since then things had never been the same. Now everything really was falling apart, a once seemingly happy family now digging up secrets and honest confessions. It pained him to see Loki, his mother, and his father so broken.

"Father, we have to go after him! We have to-"

"No, Thor." Odin was worn down and weary, a powerful sadness in his voice when he spoke again. "There's nothing we can do for him now."

* * *

Terror in his blood pounded through his veins, and his skin felt numb to the icy sheets of rain coming down from the sky. Ignoring the shouts of his brother from the inside the house, Loki, wild and crazed, was more lost than he has ever been.

Lightning cracked across the sky but he could barely see it, fighting his way down the driveway, falling in the process. He didn't process the blood on his scraped hands, or where he was even walking towards. It was as if his mind had completely shut down- and now it felt as if the only functioning part of his body was his rapid heartbeat- pulsing in his ears.

Loki knew he could not go back home. It was not that his adoptive parents and brother would not take him in- they would in a moment's time. He just could no longer accept them- even think about them, it hurt too much.

Scared, vulnerable, and too immune to the nagging of his insecurities, Loki could only think of one thing... and unbelievably close to breaking from the overwhelming emotions he felt, he slowly made his way to the one place he knew he would be safe.

* * *

"Damn," Natasha murmured under her breath when she gazed outside.

The sky was stunning. A violent yellow-orange, with dark storm clouds. It seemed as if the world was shaking, the trees bending and branches shuddering as the wind pulled and yanked at them. Thunder rumbled through the air before booming, loud and uncontrollable. Lightning would crack across the sky in thin silver slivers, sometimes making the entire world flash white. Rain pounded on the roof, the only music she needed.

Natasha was always terrified of storms as a child, but had grown to have admiration for them, the fierce and wild nature of them. Although she had to admit, being home alone in the midst of one was unsettling.

She was in the living room downstairs when she heard a slam on the front door. Looking up from her book, Natasha was hesitant to go check what it was. Her house had quite a few trees around that could easily be hitting the sides of the house, but then she heard it again, this time lighter.

_Who would go out in a storm?_

The pounding continued with no pattern- and Natasha sat up from her couch and began to creep through the kitchen and through the halls until she got to her front door. She peered out the glass panel to see the tall, darkened figure slumped and resting against the door, the pale, long, slender fingers pressed against the glass.

She frowned and opened the front door immediately, welcomed by a strong draft and the freezing shower of rain. The boy swayed in the wind, as if there were no power or will in his body to hold him up any longer.

"Loki?"

* * *

**That was. Well. phew. happy I got it out of the way, domestic stuff is the worst. I felt incredibly evil writing it. I'm sorry that it reflects the movie. But you know, this sorta shits gotta go down. But hey- I can promise that the next chapter WILL BE AWESOME. I'M SO EXCITED. (But also slightly heartbreaking? i can't even tell anymore.)**

**Please review my loves! ALL OF YOU! Let's make it past 200! LET'S DO IT! Last chapter many of you seemed to disappear :'( And I love hearing your thoughts! I know I don't update every other day but please don't leave me! I promise there is so much more incredible things to happen! and i love you guys because you are all the greatest in the universe :) **

**ALSO SINCE THANKSGIVING IS OVER IT'S OFFICIALLY TIME TO START CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS MUTHA TRUCKIN YES SO EXCITED SWEATERS CHRISTMAS SWEATERS COOKIES PEPPERMINT GINGERBREAD AW YISS**


	24. Chapter 23: All Our Bruises

**Chapter 23: All Our Bruises**

* * *

**"So now tell me how your story goes. Have you ever suffered? If so, did you get better or have you never quite recovered from it?**

**Did you find your lover laying in your bedroom with another and then, did you let it hover over you and everything else well after the fact?**

**Show me all your bruises. I know everybody wears them. They broadcast the pain-how you hurt, how you reacted.**

**Did cancer take your child? Did your father have a heart attack? Have you had a moment forced the whole heart to grow or retract?**

**Or just shrink. Does the heart shrink? Tell me everything. Tell me everything you know.**

**Were you told as a child how cruel the whole world can be? Did anybody ever tell you that?**

**Tell me what your purpose is? Who it was that put you here and why? Did anybody really put you here at all?**

**And what of those necessities? Like how to cope with tragedy and pain? Did anybody ever show you how?**

**When it hits will my heart burst or break or grow strong? Is there really only one way to know now?**

**I'm not sure if I'm ready yet to find out the hard way, how strong I am. What I'm made of.**

**I'm not sure if I'm ready yet to walk through the fire. I'm not sure I can handle it.**

**Do you think if the heart keeps on shrinking, one day there will be no heart at all?**

**And how long does it take? Am I better off just bursting or breaking? Because I don't see my heart getting strong.**

**Tell your stories to me. Show your bruises. Let's see what humanity is capable of handling...**

**Tell me what your worst fears are. I bet they look a lot like mine.**

**Tell me what you think about when you can't fall asleep at night.**

**Tell me that you're struggling. Tell me that you're scared. No, Tell me that you're terrified of life.**

**Tell me that it's difficult to not think of death sometimes.**

**Tell me how you lost. Tell me how he left. Tell me how she left. Tell me how you lost everything that you had.**

**Tell me that it ain't ever coming back.**

**Tell me about God. Tell me about love. Tell me that it's all of the above.**

**Say you think of everything in fear. I bet you're not the only one does.**

**Everyone in the world comes at some point to suffering. I wonder when I will. I wonder.**

**Everyone is out searching for someone or something. I wonder what I'll find. I wonder."**

**~La Dispute, "All Our Bruised Bodies And The Whole Heart Shrinks"**

* * *

"Loki?" Natasha shouted, looking at his silhouette in the dark. Whenever lightning flashed, it would illuminate him momentarily, but not enough to read him. She had to mentally slap herself when she almost enjoyed seeing him wet and dripping from the rain, long strands of his black hair sticking to his face. "Quick, get inside!"

Dragging his feet, Loki stumbled inside her house, feeling too freezing and numb to so much as process what he was doing. All he knew was that he needed someone, and he wanted her with him over anyone else.

Even if they were a lie, even if she was pretending, even if she never really let him in.

He needed her.

"What are you doing here?" She shouted over the loud cracks of thunder as she pushed to shut her front door against the weather trying to keep it open. Loki was completely silent, his back turned to her. Flicking on the light switch near the door, Natasha walked over to him.

"Loki?" She asked nervously, his silence worrying her. "What's going on?"

She was again met with no words.

Natasha had seen Loki many times, do many things- but never had she seen him at a loss for words. She knew, immediately, that something was terribly wrong.

Temporarily forgetting she was in only a black cami and black boyshorts, Natasha moved closer to him and placed a gentle hand on his arm. Slowly turning him around, she stared in surprise at the broken man she saw.

His green eyes stared down at the floor, unblinking and glazed over. Even his posture, something he usually kept so straight and unyielding was slumped, as if unbearable agony rested upon his shoulders. The hollow space between his cheekbones and jaw shifted as he opened his mouth to speak, but blinked rapidly and shut it anyway.

"Loki, tell me what's happening. What's wrong?"

The storm outside suddenly seemed quiet- Natasha had completely blocked out the violent sounds simply because of who was in front of her. Opening his mouth again, Loki choked out some words.

"Tell me about your parents.." He said. "Your real parents... tell me... about Russia..." Loki's eyes were everywhere, completely unfocused. Natasha frowned, not because she was upset or offended by his question, but because of how strange he was acting. But knowing how much worse he could be- she understood this was a time to follow in his lead.

"My birth parents?" She asked.

Loki nodded, suddenly looking directly into her eyes. "Just talk to me..." She wasn't sure if he noticed his body shivering from being outside in the rain. "At least for a while..."

Natasha nodded, and took his hand in hers.

She was taken aback when he yanked his hand away the moment their skin made contact, recoiling away. Loki's eyes flashed around before they found a certain spot on the floor to focus on, holding his hand to his chest. Natasha could not hide how much that hurt, but it only made her realize just how serious this was.

A boy who was always so playful and cynical when flirting, always touching or caressing in casual conversation. Always willing to push further to tuck the loose curl behind her ear. He was now gone, and not even willing to be within close distance with her. Natasha began a new approach- a soft, gentle, distant attempt to lure him to come with her, as if she were communicating with an injured and lost animal.

"Come on, let's go upstairs."

The house would rattle as the storm raged on, but neither seemed to pay attention. Natasha baited him up the stairs, and he stumbled after her, having a hard time keeping his footing. Not only was there a storm outside, but also one within Loki's head, vicious and uncontrollable.

Walking into Natasha's room, she could not ignore the traces of water he was leaving wherever he walked. "You're wet..." He said nothing. "I'll get you a change of clothes, okay?"

Even though her adoptive parents were usually gone, they still have some of their clothes around for unexpected visits. Loki and Ivan were close enough in size, and after rushing and digging through the closet in his empty bedroom, she managed to find him a pair of black sweatpants and a white shirt.

When she handed it over to him once she came back into her room, he looked down at the clothes as if it were foreign. His eyes were enough to tell he was not really there. "Change in here-" Natasha lightly pushed him over to the bathroom in her room, and she stood outside the door nervously as he changed inside, as if worried he'd disappear if she did not have her eyes set on him at all times.

* * *

Loki moved slowly- he didn't mean to. His thoughts were just wild, and he did not have the power to tame them- a control he was desperate to have but could not find.

His bones felt like jelly, and as he stripped of his soaking wet tee shirt, Loki could not help but stare at his skin in the mirror as if he were looking through a microscope. He wanted so badly to turn away or shut his eyes, but could not find the strength to do it.

_Where did it come from?_

At the house before, he had wanted so badly to fall into the arms of his adopted family, let them hold him and love him.

It was too late now.

The clothes fit him easy, and for a few minutes he stared down at his wet clothing that he had just shed on the floor. Hands shaking and his head erratic with madness, he bent down to pick them up, and folded them. It was a neat pile of his dark denim, black tee shirt and boots, but he could not focus enough to feel pride towards it.

* * *

When he walked out with the folded clothes in his hand, Natasha took them quickly and put them on her dresser, still in awe at the sight of him so broken, inhuman. She walked him over to her bed and put her hands on his shoulders, gently forcing him to sit down on the sheets. Natasha again felt hurt when she felt him shudder under her touch, almost trying to shake her off. She hated how affected she was by his continuous rejections, but could understand there was something much bigger at hand. Loki only sat in silence, staring at his empty hands in his lap as he sat.

Natasha sat a decent distance from him on the edge of the bed, suddenly feeling very exposed. Her hands twisted in her lap, her bare skin prickling with goosebumps.

"What do you want to know?" She asked.

"Everything," He whispered, closing his eyes.

Branches swung outside her bedroom windows, slapping against the glass panes.

"My biological parents... they're dead. They died In a fire... I was with them, but they got me out in time because only I managed to make it. I was two years old then. The russian government placed me in an orphanage but... I lived in a much poorer part of Russia, and the systems back then weren't really that great. I suffered, and so did all of the other kids. There was always shortages of food and clothing when we needed it most, that kind of thing. I lived that way until I was about eight years old. Then my adoptive parents decided they wanted a child, and thought it would be best to get one that truly needed a home. They chose me... for some reason, they chose me... and I guess now I'm here."

Natasha felt strange talking about it, she never had before with anyone. Not Clint. Not even Ivan. It was as if she were recounting a tale of a different person from a distant land. She remembered a lot of it, yes, the painful memories from the russian orphanages- but she knew a lot of her childhood had been repressed, suffering to the point that her brain had completely rejected it and blacked it out.

Loki turned to her, and Natasha was taken aback from the intensity in his eyes.

"Do you ever miss them?" He asked her, as if searching for something specific within her that would give him the right answers.

"I don't remember them... I was too young." She admitted guiltily, looking away from him for a moment. Sometimes she wished she had a picture, just to know what they looked like. She never realized how much recounting her history would hurt, and the ache she'd feel in her chest. "You can't miss something you never really had."

Something passed over Loki's face as he stared at her then, and Natasha reached out to him swiftly, her fingers managing to caress the curve of his cheekbone. Once more, he jumped up from the bed and walked over to the window to avoid the contact, looking out into the storm. It was completely dark out now.

After ten minutes of silence, Natasha spoke again, her voice soft.

"Loki, why did you want to know? Why are you here?"

He shook his head with his back turned to her. Natasha could tell he was staring across the street to his house. When he turned around, his eyes were blinking away was not just pain- not what she saw right there. It was loss- as if there was something he had always had was now gone.

Natasha had always been quick, and her mind analyzed what he was doing, his questions, and the context of the situation. She thought of Loki's family, and how different he was from them. Not just physically, but it was as if everything to their very cores clashed with the other. Him and Thor were opposites, and Odin was an entirely different problem. How they seemed to treat him, and how much it killed him inside. If Natasha had not known- she would not ever assume Loki was related to his family at all.

Suddenly something clicked inside her head, as if her brain had been slapped. Walking back to the bed slowly, Loki sat down next to her again, his eyes avoiding the view from the window.

"Loki... Odin and Frigga... are they...?"

She couldn't bring herself to say it aloud, but she did not even need to. The wordless breakdown Loki had after she uttered those few words was enough of an answer. On her bed he sat, his fingers clawing at his scalp before moving to cover his face as a sob ripped through his body.

"How do you do it?" Loki asked, his face still hidden in his hands. "Not knowing where you come from? Not knowing who you are?"

Natasha looked at him, blinking away tears. Seeing him so broken and so unbelievably insecure seemed to snap something inside of her. She moved closer to him on her bed, and reached over to take his hands in hers.

Loki did not shy away or run when she touched him this time, his legs rendered useless and not capable of even getting far. His defenses were completely down, his walls, and this girl he decided to trust with it was now crawling deeper under his skin.

As Natasha removed his hands from his face, she saw his eyes glossed and tears falling down the sharp curve of his cheekbones to his angular jaw.

"I don't know." She murmured, looking into his eyes. "But whoever they were... you aren't defined by who your parents were, or what your bloodline is. You are your own person, Loki. You make your own choices, remember?"

He nodded weakly, but Natasha could still see he was not any less hurt.

"They didn't want me."

The bitterness and hate in his voice was unsettling, and Natasha let go of his hands to hold his face instead. He tried to look away, but she forced him to look at her.

"You don't know that." She stated firmly, staring down his green eyes, hoping the truth would get through to him.

"No, I do. Because it's like this everywhere I go, with everyone. Odin, Frigga, Thor... your friends. I'm just trash... just trash. They either don't want me, lie, or don't care... No one does, they never did." Loki paused, and squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. When he opened them he saw Natasha much closer to him despite the rage and danger growing in him, her body brushing against his, and her head dipped so their foreheads pressed against each others.

She did not hesitate at the threat he could pose- she felt his darkness, and worked to extract it.

"I care." Natasha murmured, and she felt his shaky breath inhale and exhale.

"Natasha..." Loki whispered, as if he were relishing the sound of her name. His lips hovered over hers, and her arms slid up to his broad shoulders when his arms circled around her waist, hugging her to him in an embrace.

Suddenly, they both felt strangely whole.

The gaps they both had felt as if they were never there- the hollowness of their hatred and pain was filled with the warmth of the other's breath, the understanding they had for each other. It was nothing like either had ever felt before.

It was peace.

Loki let more tears roll down his face- and for the first time he wasn't humiliated by them. Odin always held such judgement for crying- for showing weakness... but Natasha accepted it. She did not judge or fault him for it. His head was buried in her neck, the tender skin soft again his face. Never had he wanted to be so close to someone until now, never had he wanted to close her in so tightly that they would become one.

Natasha finally felt connected- entirely herself. Being with him had not made her give up a piece of her identity as so many high school relationships did, it only unveiled parts of her she had never shown anyone. She was not a question mark around Loki, no mystery, not pretending or acting, not what everyone else wished her to be. She was Natasha Romanoff.

The two of them stayed like this for a while, simply finding comfort in each other's presence. Lightning cracked outside her open window, and the storm carried on. Rain pounded on the roof, and tapped on the window, but neither paid any attention to it, and did not care when the lights flickered for the last time before going out. The only source of light they had was the vague and hazy glow from the moon.

The wild and hectic weather outside only seemed appropriate to them.

A storm surging around them as they remained still and calm.

Hours passed, and soon sleep overcame both the teenagers, and they both fell back onto the unmade sheets- Loki still dressed from head to toe, and Natasha in nothing but a tank top and underwear. They remained wrapped up in each other, arms refusing to let go. As they dreamed and grew deeper into slumber, they would only hold on tighter.

* * *

The storm had died in the early hours of the morning, leaving a mess in its wake. Trees had fallen down and taken some electrical wires with them, and people were wandering outside of their houses in the afternoon in silent awe as they looked upon the damage.

Not all, however.

There were two teenagers still asleep this late.

A colorless sunshine filtered through the window, and the sky was a pale blue, borderline grey. Natasha and Loki were bound together in a light doze.

Their bodies were pressed close as her head of fiery red curls rested on his chest- rising and falling with his breathing. Her leg had somehow wrapped itself around his, while her hands remained resting on his ribs, unconsciously holding onto his shirt. Loki kept his arms held tight around her waist, making sure the girl could not drift away from him, and found comfort in her steady breathing.

It was as if it were their town that suffered from the massive revelations and emotions they had both felt the night before.

Loki was the first to wake up.

Opening his eyes slowly, as if sleep never actually took him out of the pain and hurt he had been feeling all along, he was taken aback as he remembered the night before. Looking down at Natasha curled on top of him, he found himself shocked at the situation at hand.

Loki was surprised to feel happiness invade him, finding a way in through the suffering and pain the truth of his heritage brought. He couldn't help but think about how he wished this could be every morning, waking up like this.

Except while the girl in his arms made him feel this way, the feelings of hatred and agony still fueled him, and he could not help but see the face of Odin, Thor, and of Frigga whenever he closed his eyes.

Natasha believed in him, and he cared so much for her because of how she accepted him. But what if she's wrong? He thought to himself.

What if he really was his true blood?

The monster from the alleyway, the one everyone was afraid of? Maybe he's like this because he's no different from his bloodline? If he would always hurt and abandoned those he loved, desert them, just like his real parents did to him? When they didn't want him...

"Hey..." Loki snapped out of his internal thoughts at the sound of her voice, awake and with him. He gazed down to see Natasha's blue eyes watching him, her chin propped up on the flat surface of his sternum.

"Good morning," He murmured faintly, beginning to run his fingers up and down her spine. Loki had been afraid to touch before- but something had changed once they finally did. She made him feel better in the midst of everything, and he could not ignore how she managed to do this.

Natasha suppressed a shudder as his hand would touch her so easily, sometimes making contact with her bare skin. They both felt no need to unwind themselves from each other. In fact, Natasha let herself be bold and push herself closer this time.

"The storms over..." She said curiously, looking out the window at the destruction of their town. Loki shut his eyes for a moment and laid his head back.

"No... we're only in the eye of the hurricane. The real storms far from over."

Natasha pushed herself up for a moment, straddling his hips, and moved her hands off his abdomen to frame his face. It was almost a subconscious movement. "Are you okay?" She asked him seriously, staring into his eyes.

Loki couldn't help but love the feel of her against him, how well her body fit into his. A heat began to grow in his stomach, spreading to every inch of his body, and it seemed she just kept pushing closer to him.

"I don't know." He admitted, his hands moving to her hips. It was the truth, Loki did not know how he felt. It still seemed that it was all some kind of joke, a prank, an illusion- everything he understood and knew- but it wasn't. The problems with his family were a reality.

He played with the hem of her underwear, but it was not strange to either of them. It seemed that now, after last night, the physical closeness between them was not even thought about or considered. They both felt this mutual need to touch the other- to be attached in some way. It was not weird or hormonal, it was a desire both of them had grown to want desperately. They were both just so comfortable around the other- it seemed natural.

"I'm here." She stated firmly, her mouth pursing in the way it always did when she regarded something serious and important.

One of Loki's hands stayed on the dip between her hip and her thigh, while the other slid up to tangle itself in her curls. The skin on skin contact made him shudder, prickling on his spine. "I know," He whispered, and had to restrain himself from acting upon the heat in his core as she leaned down closer to him, their faces inches apart, only growing closer by the second.

"Loki," She uttered, and he felt the warmth of her breath when she spoke, holding back a moan when he felt her small hands move up and under his shirt to press against his skin without thinking. Natasha molded to him, and as much as he wanted to closeness they had, the feeling of her was driving him mad.

The sound of his name on her lips sent him over the edge.

He wanted more, needed more.

Loki slid his hand under her shirt and rode it up, grasping her waist.

Their lips came so close to touching, and they both came so close to giving into their most primal, most animalistic instincts that they had both been feeling for a while.

The last thing either of them believed would happen was Tony Stark bursting into her bedroom.

* * *

**Wow. I feel so happy I finally made it to this point. I've had this chapter written, sitting and waiting since before I even wrote the prologue, and I'm pumped about it. I really hope you guys like it.**

** and Donna Rose, Happy Birthday! :) Hope this is a good enough present! Also, your username is so fabulous it makes me smile like an idiot.**

**237 REVIEWS! 237 PEOPLE! OH MY GOD! 237! YOU ARE ALL THE BEST! Nothing makes my day more than you guys :) ****PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE!**

**I'm sorry for the blubbering last chapter... and I'm also so sorry for this cliff and everything... BUT I COULDN'T HELP IT. Sorry if there are mistakes! I barely edited cause I wanted to get it up on here!**


	25. Chapter 24: Guilty As Charged

**Chapter 24: Guilty As Charged**

* * *

**"Angel in the court room, eagle on the ceiling.**  
**My baby's sitting front row, witnessing my hearing.**  
**I tried to burn the record book collection, I tampered with the local lie detection.**  
**I'm guilty as charged, you know I'm guilty as charged, go on and punish me.**  
**But if I gave you what you're asking for, you wouldn't want it anymore.**  
**If I gave you what you're asking for, you wouldn't want it anymore.**  
**So I won't, no, no, no, no, no I won't."**

**~Chairlift, "Guilty As Charged"**

* * *

"GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!" Tony shouted, strolling in as if it were normal. "Turns out my place is the only place with electricity in town, so we're all heading over there to hang out-" He stopped short, his brown eyes widening at the scene before him. "Oh..."

"-Tony? Is she in there?"

A group of voices and footsteps were heard from the hallway, and in came Pepper and Maria. They had the same reactions as Tony, completely taken off guard by the image of Natasha and Loki looking more than comfy. Natasha silently cursed at herself for ever showing her friends where the spare key to her house was, and it took all of her control not to shudder when she felt Loki's hand grasp harder around her waist, as if by instinct trying to keep her closer to him.

_I guess you never thought one day you'd be sneaking around with a guy behind their backs..._

She could feel a blush spread across her exposed skin as her friends stared on. Pepper frowned, confused and angry at what her friend told her no longer existed.

"Oh my god."

Natasha immediately took action, twisting and leaping off of Loki and the bed, rushing to where her friends stood near the doorway. She hated the lack of warmth she felt once she was no longer near him, and the absence of his body. "I can explain." Even though this was the biggest problem she often worried about, Natasha remained calm.

"Yeah, you better." Tony remarked, clearly showing he was still stuck with the image of Natasha and Loki together. Pepper shook her head vigorously, hurt in her eyes as she spun around and rushed from the room. Maria watched her go, and giving one last disappointed look to Natasha, followed after.

The springs of the bed creaked, and Loki had stood up to join them- not bothering to hide his frustration at Tony's interruption, and- with a war still being waged in his heart and mind- looked incredibly threatening when doing so."Why, see something you like?"

"If by something you mean one of my best friends straddling a psychopath, then no, I don't see anything I like. At all." He replied flippantly, the typical Tony Stark look in his eyes that dared Loki to go further.

A look passed over the dark haired and unstable teenage boy's face, and within moments he advanced with nothing less than aggression in mind- logic twisted and contorted. Without having Natasha close with him as she was before- he was only pushed further into his rage. Words spoken to him in the past resounded louder than Tony's, all of the insults and names people had found to suit him best. It all led back to what Loki had grown to believe he was- trash from an alleyway. He did not care if it was Natasha's friend or not- it did not matter. Tony Stark was just another face in the midst of them all.

"I am not a psychopath." Loki growled, but was stopped from bearing down on Tony by Natasha's hand pushing firmly on the center of his chest. She stood between the two boys, not finding herself in the best mood either. The testosterone in the room did not help.

"Don't." Was all she said, it was firm, a warning, but it was enough to make Loki withdraw, the muscle in his jaw clenching. He fixed her with a steady stare, confused and delusional. Part of him urged to act on the desire to attack Tony right then and there for looking down upon him, and another part knew how much that wouldn't be right.

"Natasha, I-" Loki shook his head, shutting his eyes and a hand grabbing his hair once again. Natasha moved closer to him, her hand raising to take his own, and keeping it from yanking and pulling at his scalp. They ignored how they weren't alone.

"Stop," Her voice was softer now, her fingers trailing down his neck to rest once again on his chest. It made his skin burn. "You're going to hurt yourself." He looked down at her, and Natasha winced when she saw how he was not at all healed from last night, even after what had happened between them. Loki had felt whole for a short time in the rain and thunder, vulnerable enough to be held in her arms and feel somewhat safe... but the world had caught up with him.

And if there was anything Loki could not handle, it was the world and the people in it.

Tony coughed loudly behind them, and the couple both turned to give him vicious glares. His hands were on his hips, his foot tapping impatiently. Natasha sighed, and turned back to look up at Loki.

"I need to talk to them... find Pepper..."

Loki nodded, his eyes still caught on Tony before consequently flickering to the window where his house was across the street. A couple trees had fallen down in their front lawn, and Thor's car was gone from the driveway. No doubt looking for him.

Natasha picked up on this, and used the gentle force of her hand turn his head to face her once more. "I won't be gone for long, okay? Wait in here."

Without thinking or so much as considering it, she stood on the tips of her toes to place a light kiss on Loki's forehead, shutting her eyes and letting her lips linger there for a moment. They both felt it then- remembered it- the closeness from before and how they almost caved in.

But, as he always does, Tony Stark found the need to make his presence known.

"Nice, guys. I would tell you two to get a room, but, seeing as I spoiled that little scene, I can't, can I?"

Loki could not even find the capability to chuckle at the look Natasha gave to him when she spun around on her heel, or when she charged at him. "You. Don't even start." Without any hesitation, Natasha grabbed Tony by the ear, and dragged him out into the hallway.

Loki was so far away from everything, still having not processed that they had been discovered. His core felt numb, and his skin barely felt the kiss Natasha had just given him. The comfort he found the night before in her words, her body, her presence, was drifting away farther- and soon he could scarcely remember it. All that he could remember was the stern face of Odin, the truth about his bloodline, the ceaseless and distorted feeling of abandonment. It was a dangerous feeling, and Tino's words sprung back to him through the chaos.

_But girls like that... they don't pick the guys like us._

_We're the ones they have fun with- but they don't take us home._

_She picks you when you're on a leash... you really think you can stay on a leash? That you can do it? She might be able to restrain it for some time as long as you try, but can you?_

_And you know, she ain't gonna touch you if you get off the leash._

When he saw Natasha walk from the door, he saw her choose her friends over him.

* * *

Clint sped down the roads in haste, his knuckles pale as he gripped the steering wheel. The roads were hectic because of the storm and the lack of power. That morning, he had gotten a very informative text from Maria.

For the past couple weeks he and Thor had worked quietly and subtly to lead the group's point of interest away from Natasha. They had agreed it was best to help keep her relationship more hidden as she did, since it would be much better hidden than in the open and forced to end. They couldn't count how many times they had convinced the group otherwise to go to her house or to call her. She wasn't aware of their quiet help and push- but Clint knew well that Natasha was clever- and no matter what happened, she could find her own ways to play along and pretend.

The two boys had worked together well for people who had never been particularly close, but it seemed now that their work did not pay off at all. Clint wasn't sure exactly what had happened to cause all of this, but knew that he had never heard Thor speak the way he did when he had called earlier. The sound of the guys voice when he had told him the group had walked in on Loki and Natasha together- it was something else. At first a relief, as if he were expecting something different, soon followed after panic.

Both knew they should be there. Natasha would be cornered, and Thor had informed Clint in all seriousness that Loki was not in a position to be threatened. They broke quite a few traffic laws getting to Natasha's as quickly as possible- and had both managed to park on the road alongside her house within minutes apart of each other. It only became more real when they saw Pepper, Tony, and Steve's cars there, too.

Thor sprang out from his silver jeep once it stopped moving, his usual cheerful expression nowhere to be found. There was only a grimace and circles beneath his eyes as he walked with a mission up her driveway. Clint followed in step, neither saying a word, but both knowing that inside was a different kind of hell than what Thor must have felt the night before.

* * *

Natasha vaguely processed Tony's bitching and yelping, but continued down the stairs and down the hallway before letting go of his ear, finding more people in her kitchen.

Pepper was seated at the table, still looking in shock as Maria stood beside her. Steve and Peggy leaned against the kitchen counter on the other side of the room, also sharing disbelief for something they did not see, but had to accept as true. Bruce stood off near the corner, looking as if he wished he was not there. Jane was beside him, surprisingly without Thor beside her.

Tony was holding on to the side of his head where his ear was, appearing childish when he got angry. "What the hell, Natasha!" He stumbled to where Pepper was, his hand instantly finding it's way to rest on her shoulder.

"What, me? What about you guys! You just come barging into my house?" They had become used to the worn down, tired Natasha that they had been around for the past couple months. The one who kept things hidden from them to keep things easier, but was splitting herself in two in the process. Now this was different- two of her worlds colliding- but not in the way she would ever imagine. It was silly to think the storm had been over- the weather was only a prelude.

"Well, maybe we wouldn't have if we had known you'd be screwing around with Loki!" Tony waved his hands around, gesturing to the fact that Natasha was still only in her underwear. Steve burned red at this, and turned around to Peggy sheepishly, who rolled her eyes at her boyfriend.

"You would assume that," Natasha shot back. "You guys don't know anything about what happened."

"Oh, really? Because it seemed pretty clear to me."

"Either way, I don't see how it's your business at all."

For the second time that morning, other unexpected guests bursted in from the front door.

Clint and Thor looked braced and ready for action, alarmed at the people in the kitchen. Everyone stared at each other for a few moments, before Natasha groaned, and her fingers began to massage her temples. She muttered something about getting a new lock on her doors before Thor paced into the kitchen, grabbing Natasha by the shoulders. He did not even look to where his girlfriend was at the other side of the room. As much as he loved Jane- right now something else was at hand.

"Where is he."

She sighed and shook her head, ignoring the other people around. "He's upstairs-" Thor already began to turn around and walk back down the hallway, but Natasha stopped him by slipping around to block the doorway. "Thor, don't. He's not ready."

"I need to see him." Thor's blue eyes were not clear, but more like a storm, uncompromising and fierce. Suddenly the brothers showed some sort of resemblance- both raw with power when desperate for what they care about.

"Not now." Despite their massive difference in size, Natasha did not falter. "I know you want to see him. You will. But right now you need to give him time, or things will only get worse." The rest of the room looked on in confusion at the words exchanged between Natasha and Thor, and, who could have known, it was Tony to speak first after.

"Talking about rock of ages, aren't we?"

Thor spun around. "Say what you want about him, but he's my brother, and now isn't the time for your sass."

"Well maybe if someone would tell us what was going on, I would try to put my sass away." Tony challenged the football player much larger than himself. Natasha stepped between two boys once again to keep them from bickering.

"Alright, fine! Last night, Loki had issues with... what was going on at his home," She paused, and glanced over to Thor. "He had nowhere to go, so he came here. Okay? He needed my help. That's it. That's all."

"So was it last night?" Pepper stood up to stand beside Tony, her shrimpy arms crossed across her chest. "How long have you been lying to us?" She asked, her face appearing much older when she wasn't smiling like usual. Her lips were a thin line. "When did you two happen again? It was just last night, right?" When Natasha looked at Pepper, guilt hit her hard. She still loved her friends. They had been the ones to welcome and accept her when she had been in the gutter. They were just worried for her- for the threat Loki could pose.

"... It never ended."

Pepper's eyes widened considerably. "What?" The rest of her friends mirrored the same expressions. "You've... you've been lying to us this entire time?

"No!" Natasha covered for herself automatically, but as she looked into the faces of the people she cared so deeply for, she knew it was time. This was when she pushed through and told them the truth for once. How she felt. It was finally her chance to take off the mask. "...Yes." Natasha then sighed, dropping her hands from her hips.

Many of them spoke all at the same time, including multiple snide comments from Tony, but it was Pepper who summed up all of the confusion with a question. "How?"

"I don't know, it just happened!" Natasha's voice raised in exasperation. "I never meant it to happen in the first place, but it did! And I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry if you can't deal with it, but I can't go back. I can't turn away from this now!"

There was no shouting after that, no teeth bared. Only silence. They all looked to the girl with crimson red hair, whom they had believed in and fallen into her web, someone they so rarely saw show so much expression. For once they really could see her.

Pepper looked at her friend sadly, seeming to catch on before anyone else. "You really care about him, don't you?"

Natasha ran a hand through her curls. "You guys don't know him like I do... like Thor and I do."

"Do you trust him?" Steve spoke this time, his arms crossed over his chest as his blue eyes settled on her.

At first, Natasha hesitated. It was expected, at least knowing what Loki was capable of. But when she knew she had to give the team captain an answer, she thought of everything her and Loki had been through. The highs and lows, the breakdowns. How last night, when he was most vulnerable to everything- he had chosen to come to her.

"Yeah. I do."

Natasha had dreamed of these two worlds learning to collide for so long- to be able to exist with the other. _Maybe this is the chance you've needed,_ she thought. _This is finally it. _"Look, I know you guys don't like Loki," She began carefully. "But... I do care about him. And I trust him. And I'm not going to end it with him. He's... been doing better. He's stopped causing so much trouble... it's only fair you guys gave him a chance. A fair chance like you would for anyone else. You all did the same for me."

Her friends stood in silence for a few moments, all unsure of how to reply. No one expected Bruce to be the first to speak.

"Sure." He shrugged, and fumbled with his hands. "It's not like I've never been called a freak before." Tony looked to one of his best friends, and eventually rolled his eyes.

"Fine."

Pepper was obviously bothered by the concept, but reluctantly agreed also. Clint cleared his throat, trying his best to ignore how his best friend was in her undergarments. He only needed to give a single nod without much hesitation. Maria followed suit. Thor did not need to do anything for everyone to know his answer. Peggy popped her gum.

"Well, then. We give Loki a chance, then." Steve concluded to the room. "Invite him to lunch on Monday... but," Natasha narrowed her eyes, knowing there would always be a catch. "We still know everything he's done. He's still broken the law. And just because you trust him, doesn't mean we do. If he does anything out of line, to you or anyone, don't expect us to give him another chance."

Natasha felt wary at Steve's words, but nodded. She couldn't help but feel somewhat relieved over the compromise.

_Maybe things can work out after this. It could go great, maybe they'll really like Loki. I mean, you've grown to care about him so much, right? You can't be the only person to grow to be this way..._

"Well... I guess since you're busy," Tony said slowly, putting emphasis on the word busy. "We'll get going. You're still welcome to come around to my place for the cable." The group shuffled uncomfortably in the kitchen, all of them knowing coming Monday a change would be in order, and that no matter how Loki decided to behave, something would happen.

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom, really quickly." Pepper stood up and walked from the kitchen. Her hand fell on Natasha's shoulder before leaving, a soft and gentle gesture for her friend, but her smile was not very convinced.

* * *

Loki stood at the foot of the stairs like a shadow, listening to the raised voices coming from downstairs in the kitchen. He felt like a child, sneaking around to know what the grown ups were arguing about. It only made him feel more incompetent, as if he wasn't to be taken seriously enough for a conversation about himself. He heard his brother say some words, and his blood simmered at the sound of his voice.

_Brother isn't the word for him anymore. He isn't your brother. He never was._

_Don't forget that._

He couldn't help but tense when he heard Natasha yelling.

_"I don't know, it just happened! I never meant it to happen in the first place-"_

After a few minutes it got much quieter, softer words exchanged between Pepper and Natasha, but he couldn't hear them well enough. What Loki did not know was that they were exactly what he needed to hear- how much Natasha cared for him.

He heard footsteps in the hallway downstairs and Pepper's faint, "I'm just going to use the bathroom," from downstairs, and soon enough he had locked himself in Natasha's room once more, nervously sitting on the unmade sheets, hoping his quick movements weren't heard from downstairs. Under normal circumstances, Loki would not so much as care. But the more time passed, the more his mind regressed.

If Pepper had really been going to the bathroom, her footsteps would have faded from turning once upstairs, away from Natasha's bedroom. However- this was not Pepper's intention at all, and Loki sat completely still as he watched the doorknob of the room turn quietly, before the door creaking open and she slipped inside.

Loki did not say a word, and the two of them stared at each other for a few moments before Pepper spoke first, her arms crossed across her chest and her chin held high.

"Listen. I don't know what's going on between you and Natasha, but it needs to stop." He understood why Tony Stark likes her so much. She spoke exactly what she means and thinks. "I've never seen her act like this, and I don't know what you did to her. But Natasha doesn't play girlfriend or do love. She could probably forget you in minutes, as if she would actually care so much about a guy. It makes no sense that she would even talk to you." Pepper did not back off or even pause when Loki stood up. "I think we both know Natasha. She's the greatest. And we both know she deserves the best. So quit wasting her time."

Loki could not speak or reply, his silver tongue failing him, and just stood motionless as Pepper turned and walked from the room. He thought back to what he heard Natasha shouting about before from downstairs.

_I don't know, it just happened! I never meant for it to happen in the first place..._

Her words broke him, having not truly hearing them in their context, and without a rational mind. What both Pepper and Tino had said was now real for him, along with his insecurities, a nightmare coming to life all because of misunderstood words. The memory of Natasha telling him that she cared was distant, and even then- attacked by his paranoia and ripped apart by his mind.

_You always thought you were never good enough for her._

_Now you just know it's true._

_And she probably wouldn't care if she lost you, either._

* * *

When Pepper had come back downstairs from using the bathroom, the group of friends eventually left Natasha's house, saying their goodbyes, and a couple apologizing. All except Thor. Jane understood, and simply hugged her boyfriend before leaving with Pepper and Peggy.

The massive blonde teenager still stood in the kitchen, anxious, desperate to see his brother. Natasha had expected this, and it was only fair, but she knew she had to turn him away.

"Please. Just let me talk to him."

"Thor... I'm sorry. But... it's really bad this time. I've never seen him like this at all... you could be a trigger."

Thor looked down at that, his broken heart clear on his face when he understood that his presence or attempt to comfort could only send Loki off the edge. Loki was still a little brother to him, no matter what their parentage was. It was even hard for Natasha not to be torn up from the upset puppy before her.

"I don't know when he'll want to go home again, or see you guys. It might be a while. Just tell your parents he's safe here with me."

Thor nodded, his head hung low as he turned to leave. His eyes gazed up at the staircase before he walked from the front door, wanting so badly to defy Natasha and go to his brother. But he knew, too well, that Loki did not want to see him.

Once finally at ease in her own home, Natasha sighed, and tried to sort through the insanity that had just occurred in her home. Her and Loki's relationship was no longer underground, it was in fact, possibly going to be accepted by her friends. They had been given a chance, a real and honest chance, and she smiled to herself as she walked back up the stairs.

_It might even be good for Loki._

_To see that people can accept him, that there are people that don't necessarily hate him. This could be exactly what he needs, even though his family was broken_.

Natasha also blushed when she remembered how they were interrupted, what they were close to doing. She moved faster when she thought of Loki sitting alone in her bedroom, waiting for her to come back.

It seemed today was filled with an endless amount of surprises, because Natasha had not expected her bedroom to be deserted once she opened the door. The bedsheets were still wrinkled and unmade, her room exactly as it was before, except with the window wide open and her curtains shifting in the wind.

She called out his name a few times only to get no reply.

Natasha felt a strange settling in her stomach when she walked across her room to the window, and peeked out only to see the black junk car nowhere to be seen on the street.

* * *

**BACK AGAIN!**

**I am so so so so sorry for the wait. I honestly had the intentions of updating on tuesday, but I sort of got really sick and left school early and everything. apparently when i have a fever i can't form coherant sentances. Like in school that day when my anatomy teacher wrote "no" on the board for some reason I thought it said "the" and I got so confused because I was like but there's no t, no h, and no e. So how come it doesn't say the? **

**When I finally figured it out I felt really incompetent.**

******And then once I found my sense again, crazy stuff went down in my regular life and delayed EVERYTHING.**

** But anyway, it's here! WHOOT! a changing is a comin! please don't kill me! I'm super sorry if this chapter is really choppy and jumps around. I had a lot of crap I needed to fit into it, haha.**

**i also calculated and made little timelines in notebooks and things and I estimate that the story will indeed be done in maybe five or six chapters. craziness! AND OH MY SWEET NORSE GOD, 263 REVIEWS! 2.6.3. R.E.V.I.E.W.S. **

**BRB CRYING I LOVE YOU GUYS! please review!**


	26. Chapter 25: A Portrait In Grey Scale

**Chapter 25: A Portrait In Grey Scale**

* * *

_**"Lie to me like you used to.**_  
_**Tell me everything is how it should be. Lie to me, did you have to?**_  
_**Because in the end it never matters what I think.**_  
_**And I can barely tell the sky from the shoreline, and I can see myself reflected in your eyes**_  
_**And this was all a dream, and it's coming back to me,**_  
_**A portrait in grey scale, a perfect betrayal,**_  
_**And I can't even breathe with this weighing on my chest.**_  
_**You knew me at my best.**_  
_**Now I can't even stand on my own."**_

_**~ Tigers Jaw, "Plank vs Tank vs Submarine"**_

* * *

Natasha checked her phone once more, her stomach and shoulders starting to feel heavy as lead when she saw the empty screen light up, no missed messages or calls that she was so desperate to see, only the goofy background of the same friends she was sitting with now for lunch.

Her hands moved to pick at the hem of the dress she wore that day, the soft fabric settled over the blades of grass in the courtyard. She had even pulled her wild hair back and worn stockings, but found that trying to make this occasion more special by dressing nice was not an option when nothing ever turned out the way you planned it to be.

Again she looked at her phone to find nothing.

"Maybe he's not coming." Steve shrugged, taking another bite from the burger he bought in the cafeteria for lunch. Her circle of friends were much more quiet today, glancing at her with obvious worry, as if she were a powder keg ready to explode with something as simple as a spark from a match.

"No." Natasha shook her head. "He's coming."

Loki had fled that Sunday without leaving a trace, and Natasha had never felt more anxious than when she wore a mask. It was clear that Loki was not at all safe anywhere he went alone- without her to hold him back and keep his head on his shoulders.

The boy was not just broken by the world he lived in... he was shattered.

There was a part of her that was convinced she would see him in the morning, pulling up to school in his black junk car or slouched against her locker, that devilish grin on his face, having already suppressed the truth he had found out. Overly flirtatious and swallowing his anger instead of acting on it.

But this time, things were different.

And she had not seen his wicked grin anywhere.

Natasha had sent him quite a few texts and multiple calls since then, stating how he could come to lunch on Monday, how her friends had decided to give them a chance. This was it for Natasha- what she had been hoping and waiting for. A chance to merge the two sides to her- to finally coexist and stop hiding and splitting herself in half. They could be together there. He wouldn't have to be alone, and soon enough they really would see that he's more than what they think. She wanted so badly to see him making snide comments with Tony, jokingly making Pepper and Jane uncomfortable, at peace with his brother.

She wanted it so badly she could see it, taste it, remember the feel of being able to wear his leather jacket once more- this time as a symbol, an emblem. That wild child, the trickster, was really hers. Not a secret piece of her life hidden or ignored by everyone.

_Hers._

"He has to come." Natasha repeated steadily.

_He has to come._

Thor had finally come to join them a couple minutes later, distressed when he sat down next to Natasha with a thump. "He isn't sitting under his tree, I checked. His car isn't in the lot. He's not here at all." The two of them both knew what this meant, but refused to acknowledge it. Natasha shook her head, and tugged at the neckline of her dress, her skin suddenly irritated.

"No, he'll come. He has to... He has to."

After another 20 minutes passed, the bell ending lunch rung loud.

Natasha barely heard the sound.

It was Pepper's gentle hand on her shoulder that urged her to move, the only person willing to approach the confused girl on edge. "Hey," She said. "We have to get to class." There was something about Pepper, her voice, her eyes, that was off that day. No one seemed to realize it was guilt.

Natasha remained sitting.

She thought of all the messages she had sent him. The voice mails. She hated how stupid it made her feel, how incompetent and so unlike her. Sitting with her legs tucked beneath her in one of her favorite dresses, Natasha made a lame attempt to hide her embarrassment and shock "He didn't..."

"I know." She replied softly. "I know, Sweetie. Come on, let's go."

Standing up was a rush, and Natasha swayed a bit until Thor grabbed hold of her arm to help her stay balanced. He was just as upset as her, and did not make any effort to hide it. However, the girl with hair like fire would not let another support her- not now, not in this state- and she quickly yanked her arm away from Thor's grip, the only person who could possibly empathise her now.

"Get off me," She muttered, raising a couple fingers to her temple and shutting her eyes.

_He always answers. He's always been there, whenever you want him or need him. Whenever he needs you, which almost all the time._

_That upright posture and chilling smile that curled at the ends, and those constantly guarded eyes except for those rare and beautiful moments when he shows what's underneath._

_The boy who cried in her arms only a couple nights ago, who hated the world and the people in it, but wanted their acceptance so badly._

_Where was he?_

The rest of the group looked on awkwardly, unsure of what to do for the two hurt friends before them as other students rushed by them to get back to school. Peggy and Steve almost seemed pity them, already recognizing the loss Thor and Natasha were experiencing, but not knowing any kind of similar pain. It didn't take long until Peggy tugged on Steve's hand gently, and the two of them began to walk away to their next period class without a goodbye. Bruce, Maria, and Jane were silent, being great at not engaging. Clint's eyes were narrowed as he stared on.

Tony, of course, was none of these things, and strode up beside Thor and Natasha, slinging an arm around Pepper's thin shoulders, who had gone to tentatively hold Natasha's hand as a friend would.

"How rude. Rock of Ages stood us up."

Feeling touchy due to the rejection she never had to deal with before, Natasha whipped around to face him, turning from comatose to fierce in a matter of moments. "No. There must be a reason he's not here."

Tony stopped joking around and being an ass when he saw her, and eyed Natasha with the same caution as everybody else. "Maybe he's not the boy you think he is."

"I know what kind of boy he is, more than you do," Natasha said harshly. "And he always answers."

A quiet and knowing whisper hissed in Natasha's head, making the girl who was so unaccustomed to trust and emotions feel numb.

_Not always._

Ripping her gaze from Tony's, she picked up her back from the ground and swung it over her shoulder aggressively, trying to find any kind of excuse for Loki not being there when walking off, and clinging to any reason for him to betray her trust.

_There must be a reason._

* * *

Pepper frowned, and jabbed Tony in the ribs, forcing his arm to fall away from her shoulders. Thor had walked away after Natasha, along with all of their friends, leaving only the two of them in the courtyard.

"You didn't have to say that." She crossed her arms over her chest, and beginning to walk back inside the school. Tony's eyes widened and his eyebrows rose, quickly moving to walk next to Pepper like a hyperactive puppy.

"Say what, the truth out loud? That the dick screwed over Natasha?"

Pepper sighed.

"Well... you didn't have to act like that. She was upset."

Tony narrowed his eyes as they walked back through the side doors together, swept up in the mass of students also heading to next period. "You aren't telling me something. What aren't you telling me? You always tell me everything."

"I may have... made a really big mistake. May have."

When their group had found the estranged couple together that morning after the storm, Pepper had not taken Natasha seriously when she said she cared for the boy.

It wasn't a crime to assume it was just high school hormones.

But it was just then at lunch when Pepper realized that there was no way Natasha, the amazon, the Black Widow, gets plagued or bogged down in hormones.

Pepper's heart broke when she had heard the sound of her best friend's voice, confused, unaccepting of the fact that Loki wasn't there. Denial was something she had never seen in Natasha- and neither was the vulnerability of her eyes. It was strange, and having always seen Natasha as someone so unbreakable and strong, she really did not like the bizarre change.

What was worse was remembering when she had told Loki off, and while in her anger, Pepper did not even realize how he wasn't fighting back. All he gave her was a blank stare, an empty shell looking back without anything to say in defense for himself, because now she knew- everything she said he had actually believed in.

I think we both know Natasha. She's the greatest.

And we both know she deserves the best. So quit wasting her time.

Tony rolled his eyes. "What could you have possibly done, Pepper?"

"Well, I don't know. I may have... said some things to Loki the other day. And I think it may have made him not show up. I judged him, badly."

"Oh, come on. He's a scummy guy!"

The two of them reached their lockers, which, freshman year, Tony had requested to be next to each other, and stopped to watch the rest of the students rush by. Pepper had thought of something just then, distraught by what she found to be true.

"But people say things like that to you too! How many times have we met other people and they just assume you're an asshole?" Tony Stark shrugged and looked away, trying to avoid Pepper's gaze as she nagged the boy that she had cared for after so many years. "But we both know, and so do our friends, that you aren't just like that. You can be an ass, but you're also sweet and stupid, but good..."

He smirked. She punched his arm, a blush spreading across her freckles.

"But the point is that others don't know that. And what they think now, without knowing you... is wrong."

"Just because I'm secretly filled with a sweet and sugary center doesn't mean Loki might be."

Pepper sighed. "But you saw Natasha today..."

"Relationships begin and end, it happens."

"Not for Natasha. When was the last time we saw her like a boy?" They both paused for a moment, thinking, before Pepper threw up her hands in exasperation. "There isn't even a last time. She never has liked a boy!"

A look crossed Pepper's face, something between determination and compassion, the tall and lanky girl standing up straighter in her pencil skirt and button up blouse. Tony saw this, and groaned.

"No... I know that look. It's the Pepper look."

The bell rang for next period, but neither cared if they were going to be late.

"We need to fix this... I need to fix this."

* * *

Natasha sat, perched on the thick edge of her window sill, watching the house across the street with her phone clutched in hand. She had left a few more messages after lunch, being confused and slightly demanding, worried about where Loki could possibly be.

After everything that had happened to him, she was apprehensive of where he had been all this time, because she had not seen his black junk car anywhere. Natasha had thought by now, that when he could not handle the world, he would just stay with her like he did before.

She didn't know what his disappearance meant, or what it could possibly be.

It was night when she finally saw his car speed down her street, abruptly stopping on the side of the road outside her house, parked crooked.

Natasha leaped up, having expected this. She was already in her black boots and coat, bounding down the stairs soundlessly as she yanked open the front door. A smile reached her lips, and she felt a thrill knowing Tony was wrong in what he had claimed before.

_He always comes, eventually._

Natasha pictured his grin, his flirting, the way he stared. Maybe they could even pick up where they left off. He would tell her how he physically couldn't make it to lunch, that he was sorry, but was ready to try again. He could still be hurt by the world, but both of them would know she was there for him. They could drive off together, like they always used to, talk for hours, and she would be bold enough to grab his shirt by the collar and pull him closer.

And, being a quick learner, it would take him no time to respond.

Still in denial, Natasha rushed to the black junk car and opened the door to the passenger seat. It felt surreal, having waited so long to find him once more since the storm, that she couldn't help the anxiety when slipping into the passenger seat. Her heart skipped a couple beats when she saw him sitting there, and tried not to grin too wide or too obvious.

This was a lot harder than she anticipated.

If there was anyone she couldn't pretend with, it was him.

However, her smile quickly faded.

Loki didn't say anything, sitting in his leather jacket with his hands still on the wheel. Natasha peered over at him, not sure where to begin. He looked much worse than he did before- as if it were a virus spreading in him, or a parasite using him as a host. His skin was sickly, pale and yellow in a way Natasha had never seen, shining with sweat. His eyes seemed not to have any color- only dark and bloodshot.

Her eyes caught on his hands, the fingers gripping the wheel.

_Grasping at your bare waist as you pushed closer to him, the sheets rumpled and eschew. Moving to touch the other's skin as much as possible, every second, both fascinated with something neither of you had really felt before- true passion. You whispered his name and you felt the heat, you watched his eyes turn darker_.

"Hey," She said gently, knowing it would not be wise to immediately bring up his family, or if things were better, which they obviously weren't. "You... you didn't show up today." Her voice broke, and she couldn't hide. Not around him, not when she truly began to trust him, decided to put her faith in him. "I haven't seen you..."

Loki did not reply, he didn't look at her.

"Did you get any of the messages?"

Natasha hated how she sounded, so desperate. Maybe she was. It surprised her that she was still being this way- as if caring, human emotions, was something to swallow and forget. She felt unstable without understanding, without knowing completely what was going on- nothing for her to have a grip on or to control. This was why Natasha never got herself deep into relationships- never trusted anyone.

Because if she ever did... they had too much power to harm her.

"I mean... the plan was for you to come to lunch with us, you know, so we can show them how you aren't what they think... But I can try to find another time we'll all be together, I guess they just have to deal with it, so..."

For the first time in a long time, Natasha felt honest and raw insecurity. His lack of response, of anything, infuriated her. That day her trust in him was tested, enough to wait on him- and here he was now- only making her feel more vulnerable.

"I mean... Prom is coming up." She looked away and out the window. "I think you'd look great in a suit..."

_You had told him that you care, and neither of you could hear the cracks of thunder or the branches of trees slamming against the house from the outside. He had cried in your arms, clinging to you. He had let you in. You both had felt something incredible... didn't you?_

_He couldn't have forgotten._

Natasha wanted to find that closeness they had, that affection- but now he would not spare her a glance. It hurt her more than she thought anything ever could.

"And I thought maybe we could go."

"... So, what? I could just be your pet?"

Natasha stared when the words came from his mouth, cruel and vicious. Not the boy from two nights ago, the one she was sure she had finally gotten to- underneath all of those defenses- just as he had done to her.

"I... what are you talking about?" Instinctively, she reached her hand out to touch him, the cut of his cheekbone, but he recoiled away at her caress. "Loki," Her voice didn't hide the hurt she felt. "What's going on?"

That was when she noticed the smell.

Sour and heavy, alcohol, and he was drenched in it. "Don't touch me." Loki slurred, teeth bared and rabid eyes turning to her. "You know what's going on. Don't act like you don't know."

"You're drunk." Natasha stated, shock in her voice as she watched his eyes dart around. "You promised..."

Loki laughed, but it wasn't charming or charismatic as usual. It was something else entirely.

"Sorry, doll. You can't stop it. You really thought you could keep me on a leash forever?"

Natasha blinked. "Come on, let's go inside- I'll clean you up. You look sick..." She inched closer to him, reaching out once more to take his hand.

"Why?" He growled, moving away from her. "So you can show me off to your friends? Put me in a suit, live in your fairytale ending? No real parents, but managed to live with a good, tranquilized pet to play with? Sorry if I decline the request."

That was when she felt the change in her. Natasha narrowed her eyes, no longer willing to be gentle and soft, no longer capable. Her natural instincts came back to her. "What are you talking about?" His voice, his eyes, she felt herself hardening, growing cold as stone under his threat. Regressing towards the beginning, unfeeling, forcing her walls back up after making the grave mistake of keeping them down.

"Stop lying!" Loki shouted, eyes wild. Natasha was silent, now understanding why so many people were afraid of him. This anger, this rage- when he used it against others- it was terrifying. Everything her friends had told her and warned her about now made sense.

The worst was that he knew, even when under the influence, exactly how to strike at her core. Loki understood what made her tick, he knew how to destroy her from the inside. And the delusioned boy, who had been battered and bruised so many times, felt justified in doing so. Thinking of tainted and false memories his mind had concocted, Loki let his words slip out with every intention of hurting her.

"Everything that happened, it wasn't real! None of it mattered, did it? I can't believe I actually thought I... thought I... I loved you," Loki spat, a caged animal ready to attack. "Sentiment! You are nothing but a stupid little girl too afraid of the world around you to show yourself, so you manipulate others because you know no better. You were once no different than me, and you think making me a better person will change anything? This is basic sentimentality, this is a child at prayer. Pathetic! You think you live by a different code, something that makes you better than what you used to be, that makes up for the horrors... The red in your ledger, your past, everything you've done... it will never go away."

Natasha felt paralyzed for once in her life as she heard all of the words she hoped she would never have to. As she looked into the eyes of the boy she thought cared so much for, she saw someone else. Something else. Tony came to mind, his sassy remark now making Natasha feel she had been a fool this whole time.

_Maybe he's not the boy you think he is._

"You're a monster."

"And you brought him here, sweetheart."

Loki stared at her, anger in his eyes, waiting to see how he broke her with his silver tongue. He wanted to see the girl cry, fall apart, annihilating the twisted and deranged idea of her in his head. Although ff what he thought Natasha was now was close to being true, maybe he would have found a weak person breaking. But Natasha was not the girl his sick mind had come to believe in. She was ice, she was fire, and she was uncompromising in the face of danger.

Natasha opened the door to the car, her skin burning as she finally thought she understood the truth about Loki. "I'm leaving him here, too."

Without looking back, Natasha walked from the car, standing up straight and keeping her chin held high, because that's just what she was, strong. Loki was confused as his drunken eyes watched her go, once more proved wrong by the Widow. Both forced their anger and desperation for the other down, Loki with too much pride and Natasha with too many defenses and walls.

It was only once she was inside her empty house, returned to her quiet and lonely sanctuary that Natasha let the pain from the betrayal show. Back against the door, hand still gripping the door knob, she did something she had never done before.

Natasha Romanoff let a tear run down her cheek.

* * *

**chapter 25~ finally!**

**So you guys know how it gets in school before winter break? How all of your teachers for every class decide it's the greatest jolly good time to cram as much possible work, tests, and quizes into your schedule? Well that's sort of my life right now. Sorry it took so long to update! but just sit tight, my last day of school was this friday, and I can promise during my break i'll be able to update and write much more :)**

**also- i don't know if you guys listen to any of the songs i have lyrics for for most of the chapters, but if you don't- i highly suggest you listen to this one. it's a great song. And not only did it freakishly fit well into Loki and Natasha's relationship at this point- it's great for anyone to really relate to. Tigers Jaw is a rad ass band. and sorry if the parallels between the movie and what's happening now are sort of funky, and also if there are some mistakes! I uploaded this pretty quickly and only skimmed over it for editing**

**And this chapter was very Natasha oriented, but next chapter, i promise, will be completely centered around your favorite bad boy. see what he's been up to ;) And also please don't kill me.**

**277 reviews! holy guacamole you guys are so great. keep hanging on! so many things I have in store for you guys, ahhhh i get so exicted thinking about it :D **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW PLEASE! LET'S HIT 300, BOOYAH!**


	27. Chapter 26: Haze

**WARNING. THIS CHAPER SORT OF KIND OF HAS SOME SENSUALITY. IT'S NOT M RATED MATERIAL BUT IM JUST SAYING THIS BECAUSE IT'S LIKE WOWSA KINDA RISQUE SO YOU KNOW FIGURED I'D TELL YOU IN CASE YOU AREN'T INTO THE WHOLE WHOA RISQUE STUFF.**

**BUT I'M PRETTY SURE YOU ALL ARE LOL**

**BUT JUST IN CASE**

* * *

**Chapter 26: Haze**

* * *

_**Feels like the walls are closing in on me, I'm suffocating, I can barely breathe,**_

_**And you've got me right where you want me.**_

_**This is the side of you I've never seen, you're not the girl that you used to be,**_

_**And you've got me right where you want me.**_

_**You always know, how to bring me down.**_

_**Let's just face it now, I'm never changing.**_

_**You are my world, my everything. You stupid girl, you're gonna be the death of me.**_

_**So let me go, just let me be. You stupid girl, I love the way you're killing me.**_

_**~Framing Hanley, "You Stupid Girl"**_

* * *

He barely felt the wheel under his fingers as he drove down the roads, aggressive and uncoordinated from the bottle he had drank from not long ago. Traffic laws were disregarded.

Loki vaguely heard frustrated cars beeping behind him, probably because he was going much slower than the speed limit due to his intoxication. He would swerve dangerously, in and out between the white and yellow lines of the road, but the chaos he created did not matter to him anymore.

_These stupid, insolent people._

_You have nothing now._

The imagined horror and disgust on Natasha's face when she first saw him would not leave his cluttered and crowded mind, how he thought he saw her looking at him no differently than anyone else, a freak, a monster.

Worthless.

The day after the storm, after Pepper had unveiled a false truth to Loki- he had snapped. Out Natasha's window, running home without being seen. He had circled his house before breaking through the side window and slinking through hallways when no one was there, maddened with desperation and rejection. He busted into Odin's liquor cabinet in the downstairs basement.

Odin only took these drinks out for special occasions, unless Thor would once or twice ask if they could drink some of the wine with dinner. Whenever he would have a victory during the football season, or even get a decent grade. Odin was always willing to celebrate these things. Although Loki was never allowed to touch it, no matter what perfect grades he got.

_Only for the sons he actually loves, remember? You are not even his son, just a charity case. Don't forget it. All these years, he lied to you._

In a fit, a few of the bottles were thrown to the farthest wall from him, glass smashing into shards and flying in every direction. The deep colors of the wine stained the floor and spot on the wall red, and finding pleasure in it, Loki threw a couple more.

He needed this, this chaos, the bitter taste, the burn of whiskey down his throat. Loki desired the numbness, the wild buzz, the extra push to tear the world apart with his bare hands and unfeeling mind.

So he drove far away, he drank from different bottles, and the danger grew within him. Messages kept making his phone go off, calls and texts, and he grimaced when he saw who they were from.

The root of his problems, the knife in his back, everything he knew to have worth.

_She never cared, she lied. Betrayed you. It was an act, remember?_

_Why would she ever care for you? How could she ever care for you?_

_This is not real, it is some sort of trick. Some manipulation._

_It's what she does best..._

_You still want her._

He remembered the pull in his chest when he read each message from the screen, paranoid and wary of her intentions. The trust he had let her have only a couple nights before was now in question, Loki's walls were strong and weak all the same. Blocking out what was truly important, and letting in what would kill him.

Drinking his own poison.

He had parked in the lot of the bar crooked, taking up two spots, but no part of him realized or cared. The tacky neon lights glowed in the darkening sky, illuminating the building and beckoning Loki inside. Music was playing from inside, something heavier, and he wanted to indulge himself in this dizziness, to forget the expression on Natasha's face after he tore her down, to forget Thor, Odin, Frigga. Isolate himself from the life he once had.

A party raged inside, mostly college kids or older, but Loki did not seem out of place. He held such dominance and power in his stance and eyes that no one dared to challenge him anyway.

By default he stumbled his way through the bar to get upstairs, where the real party was happening in Tino's apartment. One of the bottles slipped from his palm when climbing the steps, falling and smashing to the concrete ground. Someone yelled, and a girl screamed when it happened, but Loki kept moving, having already forgotten he was holding a bottle at all.

* * *

Through shaking vision Loki walked through the open door to Tino's apartment, finding more people squashed into the smaller space. There was a heavy band playing in the corner of the room, set up with speakers and amps, and people crowding around. More drunk laughter and smoke from cigarettes and illegal substances hung in the air, the wasted and torn up people of the world having all crawled to the hole in the wall where they would be accepted to some extent. It was their right of passage, their way of escape.

Tino stumbled away from a the masses when he saw Loki at the door. "Hey, man! What are you doing here?" His lost but genuine smile could not hide the fear in his eyes at the sight of the violent and unstable boy. Tino was obviously under some sort of influence, swaying dangerously as he gazed up at Loki in confusion. "You okay, dude?"

"Fine," Loki stated, grabbing a random cup off a shelf against the wall and drinking whatever was left inside. He shuddered,and let his eyes roam to watch the different people around them, darkened with the urge to somehow tear it all apart.

"Hey, man, what are you doing?" Tino put a hand on Loki's shoulder as he watched him grab more cups and drink their remnants, even a bottle from the floor. "What about Natasha?"

Tino barely realized what was happening when Loki turned around so quickly to slam him against the wall, holding him by the neck with wild eyes, teeth grinding together.

"_Don't ever say that name,"_ Loki hissed, watching someone he so often called a friend choke and sputter. The skin under his hand was turning red, the same color he felt and the same color the lights seemed to give off.

Letting go with no warning, Tino collapsed to the carpeted ground, gasping for air. Loki stared down at what he had done, and then to the palm of his hand still held out before him. Now he could see the faces of those around him, the unsaid horror, backing away and turning to each other to avoid any contact with the monster.

_With you._

Loki shook his head and drunkenly rushed away and into another room, a child running from consequences and only looking to avoid his problems, picking up more cups and bottles as he went.

Everything and everyone was a blur.

* * *

It didn't take long until Loki saw what he wanted, or, what his the hole in his mind thought he was missing.

His eyes settled on her from across the room, a predator targeting a kill.

The girl appeared bored, holding a half empty red cup at her side, twirling her wrist in circles and watching the substance inside move. It was only a few minutes later when she looked up to see Loki, watching her from the shadows in the corner.

He grinned at her; wicked and sinister- and not understanding who she was communicating with- the girl returned the smile. She fingered the red curls that fell down her back and chest, biting her lip in the dimmed lights as the party raged on around them.

It wasn't long until Loki stalked over to her, only one thing in mind when he closed her in, placing a hand against the wall on both her sides. Her hands immediately moved to grasp at his hips, run along his chest, playful and urging as she laughed into his neck, pulling him closer. Their hips to dug into the other's, and in no time her long, manicured nails were balling the fabric of his tee shirt in her palm, and pulling him away through the house until they found an empty bedroom.

She giggled at Loki's animalistic growl when he threw her onto the sheets, and then gasped when he came down on top of her, his tongue forcing entry into her mouth.

Names weren't important.

Soon enough the thin material of his shirt was discarded on the floor, and his slender fingers made their was to unzip the front of her shirt, greedily biting at any of the exposed skin he met along the way. Her denim shorts followed after, revealing the pink lace of her underwear.

She whimpered when he bit down on her bottom lip and teased her. Loki loved having the girl beg for him, yearn for him, so desperate for approval that he would gladly accept this. He wanted to make her moan, make her scream and writhe beneath him, because he wanted to know he was needed. He was wanted. He could do something right.

Boundaries and the lines between right and wrong did not exist to him anymore.

When he felt her hands slide down to unbutton his jeans, unhesitant and uncaring, Loki stopped. The girl underneath him whined, touching him and kissing his neck, hoping he would come back.

But he couldn't.

Squinting, Loki now saw what the girl was. Her hair was not red, but dyed and curled tight with product, deep black roots showing an inch thick. Not real. Her face was powdered to be fair, fake eyelashes with thick makeup to give depth, too. Her face was pretty with these things, enough when drunk, but Loki felt the urge to throw up when it hit him.

This was not the girl he wanted.

Not at all.

He pushed himself up on his knees, blinking to try and see his surroundings better, without there being several of everything. It was not a success, alcohol still pounding strong in his blood, rendering him completely out of control.

"Come on, baby, what's wrong?" The girl purred, propping herself up on her elbows, and inching up closer to him. "Nervous?"

He didn't want her fingers brushing against and grabbing at the skin on his hips, he didn't want the smell of her now stale perfume near him. Her fake head of red hair snaked her way up to him once more, lips moving quickly to bite down on his collar. "Don't." Loki grunted and took hold of her wrists to keep her hands from wandering, a wave of nausea rolling over him when he thought of the girl he really did want.

_How could I?_

Natasha's small but knowing smile flashed before his eyes, her crystal blue eyes that would watch, analyze, think. The pure fire and energy she carried when she chose to expose the deepest parts of her, a force to be reckoned with- the same one that had pushed far down enough to his iced over heart. The weary sass, the wise mind that was almost always ready to take on anything, any threat that encountered her, any danger- no matter what the cost was... because she has seen things, felt things, come to understand things that no one could ever imagine.

_She had come to understand you, all of the chinks in your armor- she probably knows what you're doing now behind her back in a lame attempt to replace her._

_The Black Widow._

Loki knew very well he was wrong in what he had said before. Natasha was not just a stupid girl, not a pathetic child at prayer... she was everything.

_And you lost her._

"Wanna play rough?" The girls smile was no longer sweet, or anything real for that matter, as she kept trying to advance on him.

"No." Loki's voice was hoarse. "Get out."

The springs creaked when he fell of the bed, desperate to move away as much as possible from the imposter on the bed. His body spasmed, and the carpet was then suddenly wet under his palm, probably from him throwing up most of the drinks he had that night.

"I don't like this game," He heard her pout, followed by the sound of her bare feet padding on the carpet to come closer to him. It was when she straddled him on the floor that he lashed out, unable to contain it any longer.

_"I said leave!"_ Loki roared, channeling the most terrifying side of himself when he thought of when Natasha was once doing the same thing this girl was doing now.

_The night of the storm, the night everything spiralled._

The girl fell back, shocked at his rage and outburst, before her face contorted into an ugly scowl. "God, what's wrong with you?" She made a noise of disgust before standing up hastily, grabbing the small articles of clothing that she had discarded on the floor. "Fuck you! I'll find someone else-"

Her words did not completely make their way into Loki's head as he laid on the floor, now unable to move. There was vague sounds of her, "waste of time!" and "Loser!" She kept yelling, angry as she wiggled back into her dress and shoes, still furious as she stormed from the room and slammed the door.

Loki felt heavy, weighed down by the substances he forced into his body and his viral thoughts. The loud sounds of music were still blasting through the apartment, making the ground pound and vibrate beneath him.

It didn't take long until Loki began to cry, wishing so badly he was not there. He was angry and confused, and humiliated by his desperation to run back to his home... back to Natasha. Loki wanted her so badly, he calm composure, her gentle hands. Her embrace. But the madness in him buzzed, whispering awful things.

_She doesn't want you, she never cared..._

_Why would she, you're scum..._

_You lost her!_

_She left..._

_Look at you here, worthless..._

_Your true family didn't want you either..._

Sobs shook his body until his world went hazy to black.

* * *

**Back again! Helloooo! So, this chapter was fun to write. kind of. I didn't mean for it to run sort of short, but I promise the next few chapters are gonna be full of bulk. i'm sorry if that pushed the rating and some people felt uncomfortable? i'm also sorry for it being totally terrible since it was Loki not with Natasha? (Backs away slowly with hands up...) If you guys think i should change the rating, I will, no problemo, just let me know.**

**also, forgot to wish everyone a happy holidays! so, happy whatever holiday you celebrate! :)**

**please review! we're so close to 300! SO CLOSE!**

**4 CHAPTERS LEFT WHAT DO YOU THINKS GONNA HAPPEN AHHH AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H**

**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA**


	28. Chapter 27: Coming Down

**Chapter 27: Coming Down**

* * *

**I take as much as I can get, I don't take any regret.**  
**I close my eyes to conjure up something, but it's just a faint taste in my mouth.**  
**I think I'm coming down, I think I'm coming down.**  
**By tomorrow I'll be leaving, by tomorrow I'll gone.**  
**If you want to tell me something, you had better make it strong.**  
**'Cause I think I'm coming down, I think I'm coming down.**

**~"Coming Down," The Dum Dum Girls**

* * *

"What about this one?" Pepper asked hopefully, lifting the sequined dress off the rack and holding it up to her friend. "You'd rock it."

Natasha's wary eyes gave the dress a glance, before she shrugged and looked away. Her friends stood around awkwardly, giving each other worried but subtle looks as they all held different gowns under their arms. Pepper's weight shifted from her left to right foot uneasily, and losing her hopeful smile, she put one of the numerous dresses she had offered to Natasha back on the rack.

Junior prom was in less than a week now, and it had been a week since Loki and Natasha had their fall out. It was obvious to everyone that things were now... different.

Natasha stared out of the glass windows in the outlet store, blank with her arms crossed over her chest tightly. Other people moved around her, but she did not notice or feel them. It was impossible, with all of the thoughts and emotions in her mind still taking control. There was simply not enough room for all of it. Her friends were constantly trying to get her to communicate with them somehow, to show more than nothing, Pepper especially, but to no avail.

The first day it seemed normal for this to happen, a girl who was turned on by a boy she liked. No one questioned it. But none of the group of close knit friends expected Natasha, the Black Widow, to still be numb to the world for so long.

They had all wanted Loki to leave her alone, but now it forced the question to come around- was it for the better?

It had made Pepper incredibly paranoid and filled with guilt, always desperate to make things better again, but feeling it would never be so. Even shopping for Prom dresses now, she could not manage to get Natasha interested, or even look in her direction.

"Natasha!" She called once more as the girls made their way around the posh store. "What about this one?" Grabbing another beautiful number off a rack.

But when Natasha looked to Pepper, she did not see a green dress, but green eyes. Menacing and broken, alluring, guarded, screaming. Her heart froze, and she stared at the shimmering emerald fabric that would have been so beautiful, if it weren't for the image of Loki behind her eyes, vicious and drunk, telling her horrible words through gritted teeth with every intention of hurting her.

"No." She said immediately, backing away. "Not that one." Pepper looked taken aback at Natasha's livid rejection, confused. It seemed Natasha had really become fond of the color since a couple months ago. It was only a few moments later that Pepper realized her mistake.

"Okay. That's okay." She hastily put the dress back on the rack, behind others of different colors, and Natasha turned away from all of them for a few moments, trying to collect herself and forget the shade of green. The sudden burst of emotion Natasha had given her would not let Pepper give in then. "But I mean, if you're going to prom, you should start looking around more." She was keeping her tone friendly, hopeful even.

"I'm not going to prom." Natasha spun around angrily, her voice cold. "So stop fucking pushing it."

The other girls were quiet as Natasha stormed away from them, walking straight out of the outlet store and into the parking lot. Pepper moved to run after her, but felt Peggy's hand grabbing her arm. "Just let her go." She murmured sadly, and they all stood and stared as they watched her car race away through the glass windows, speeding back onto the main roads to get home.

"Maybe.. we should try some of the dresses on now?" Jane said timidly, breaking the heavy silence.

Pepper, for once, did not really care for prom anymore. "Yeah, yeah. I guess."

* * *

It was lunch the following day when the bell rang, and while he was walking to his next class that Clint Barton felt thin fingers grasp at his forearm. He was surprised when he turned around to see Pepper Potts, eyes wide and anxious to talk to him.

Tony was next to her, and did not seem to share this anxiety.

"Clint. We need to talk."

Clint stared, eyes narrowing to slits at the strange couple currently bombarding him.

"It's about Natasha." Tony said flippantly, rolling his eyes at Clint's suspicion.

Those were the words that changed everything. Clint's face softened to understanding, at least as much as Clint Barton's face could, and he snuck a glance back at the grassy courtyard they were standing a distance away from.

Natasha was packing her books and the food she did not eat back into her bag. The rest of their friend group who were getting ready to leave disbanded away from her, obviously aware of the potential threat of getting in Natasha's way.

Her movements were quick and forceful, face expressionless as she stood up, paying no attention to anyone else around her. It pained him to see that she did not seem as fiery, as alive, as she used to. She was walking in the same direction where the group of three were standing, and Clint nodded, motioning for Pepper and Tony to follow him and the rest of the lunch crowd through the double doors.

"Come on. Let's get away from here."

The three of them managed to skip out on their next classes, and snagged themselves a table in the corner of the school's library. They were upperclassmen now, and even if they were not seniors, they could still get away with anything.

The table was silent despite Tony being there, which was enough to let anyone know this was serious.

"So. Speak." Clint said eventually, leaning back in his chair and keeping steady eyes on his two friends before him.

Pepper sighed, her hands unsettled in her lap as they twitched and picked at the hem of her cream colored skirt. "Well. I may have made... a big mistake."

Clint's eyebrows raised expectantly, unsure of where the conversation was going. "A mistake? About Natasha?"

They all spoke in hushed terms, knowing that if they didn't, the school librarian would not tolerate them. Clint could not understand the guilt evident on Pepper's face, until she finally told them the truth. "The day we found her and Loki after the storm... I kind of... got Loki alone and told him certain words. And I think it sent him over the edge and made him stand Natasha up... and caused them... to break up."

"You what?" Clint's voice rose, shooting forward in his seat angrily. Students from other tables looked up then, and the school librarian, Mrs. Grey, hushed them to be quiet, looking displeased.

"Silence in the library." She hissed, before picking up a stack of books and scurrying away to place them on the correct shelves.

Clint recollected himself from the temper he had from time to time, and asked again calmly but through gritted teeth. "You what."

"Hey, listen. She didn't realize it was that big of a deal." Tony said defensively, but Clint wouldn't have it.

"That big of a deal? Loki's a time bomb, did you really think it wouldn't affect him? Do you realize what happened with his family that night?" He had collected enough by Thor's not so subtle actions and behavior to know that there was something very wrong with that household, and Loki was the one that took the hit from it. "What did you say to him?"

Pepper blushed deeply, the soft brown of her freckles sticking out against the red of her skin. "Let's not go there."

Clint laughed in disbelief, and stared the two of them down. "You know, It makes sense now, whatever Loki did to Natasha. You probably _destroyed him_. You know I knew, before anyone else did. Me and Thor. We worked together to make sure you guys wouldn't find out, because of course, this kind of shit would happen-"

Tony looked like he was about to raise his voice with a snarky remark in response, but Pepper held up her hand to hold him back.

"Listen, I realize now what I did was wrong. I thought I was helping Natasha, but I wasn't at all... and I can't watch her be this way anymore."

The whole table found they could agree with that.

"You're the only one out of all of us who can get through to her." Tony added.

"I know." Clint sighed, running his hand over his short cropped hair, and doing his best to bottle up his anger at Pepper's actions. "But it isn't that simple. This isn't just anyone. It's Natasha."

Pepper looked between the two boys, before squeaking, "I think I have an idea."

* * *

Natasha looked straight ahead as she walked from the courtyard, immune to the yelling and shouting underclassmen and the seniors complaining about how much they didn't care about school anymore. One person caught her eye, walking in a different direction from her, long blonde hair and an enormous figure.

Jane was by Thor's side, her small hand held in his, seeming to try and cheer up the boy who had not smiled since everything changed. She wondered what was happening in his house that no one knew about, the secrets Odin and Frigga kept.

Natasha felt her stomach clench painfully, and she could not help the grimace that took place on her lips. The memory of what had happened between her and Thor, the day after Loki had tried to tear her apart, would not leave her mind.

_It was lunch the following day, and Natasha had not spoken at all the entire day. The group had decided to ignore the obvious problem, still talking and laughing as if everything were normal. They did not know what had happened- only that Loki did not show up the day before. But by the way Natasha was acting, something much worse had gone down._

_When the thirty minute period ended, Thor had approached her with an easy smile, hopeful, expecting a story about how things were better now between his favorite couple._

_"Natasha, is Loki doing okay?"_

_She stilled, looking up at Thor from her spot on the grass, before grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder violently. "Why would I know? He isn't at school today."_

_Thor's smile slipped away, and he blundered around to keep up with Natasha's quick pace back inside the school's building. "I do not understand... I thought he was with you?"_

_"He's not."_

_"What? Why?"_

_"Because he left, alright?" Natasha's voice rose and she came to a stop. "He got a hold of some liquor and left, I haven't seen him since. And from how he was acting, I don't know if I ever will again." Her voice shook now, and the sound of Loki's cruel voice rang in her ears._

**_You are nothing but a stupid little girl too afraid of the world around you to show yourself, so you manipulate others because you know no better. You were once no different than me, and you think making me a better person will change anything? This is basic sentimentality, this is a child at prayer. Pathetic! You think you live by a different code, something that makes you better than what you used to be, that makes up for the horrors..._**

**_The red in your ledger, your past, everything you've done... it will never go away..._**

_"What do you mean, he left? I thought you were taking care of him!" Thor was distraught, once more looking like a kicked puppy left out in the rain. But Natasha was hard and cold, her skin thickened and felt nothing when she lashed out on Thor._

_"I tried, Thor! I let him into my house, I let him stay with me through the night, I gave him everything I had! And you know what he did? He used everything I feared against me in the end, and left as if it didn't matter! You talk as if this were some kind of job assigned to me by you, but it wasn't. I fucking cared about him, too, and now I'm left alone as I always have been. So don't you fucking dare, try to tell me how I've done wrong!"_

_Now Tony's cheeky voice came around, **maybe he's not the boy you think he is.**_

_Natasha stared at the shock on Thor's face, hurt on so many levels for so many different reasons. "You mean to say... you guys are not...?" Kids in the hall were looking at them now, standing still in the center of a rush._

_"Letting people in means getting hurt." Natasha swallowed the emotion she had shown, and felt her face level out and find composure. "I guess I had to learn the hard way."_

Shaking herself from the memory, Natasha shut her eyes, wishing the people and world around her were not there. Loki had not shown up to school at all in the past week, and she hated the feeling she got when she thought about where he could be.

She knew too well.

* * *

Clint stood outside Natasha's front door for a few minutes, knowing too well she was definitely watching him through a crack in her curtains. Even though they were close, he rarely ever went into her house.

Natasha's home was like her mind- a strict sanctuary, not to be shared or public. He did not feel worried when turning the knob of her front door, and stepping inside. Clint had a mission.

The silence was chilling, the house much darker than the awake and alive world outside, all of the lights kept turned off. It was an eerie feeling, so empty, even though he knew Natasha was there, and she was simply waiting for him to find her.

Clint made his way up the staircase slowly, trying to ignore how the second floor of the house was only darker than first, with the exception of the thin line of light coming out from under her closed bedroom door.

He reached for the knob, exhaling when he opened the door.

Natasha sat on the edge of her bed, legs crossed underneath her, arms wrapped tightly around her abdomen. The only light came from the natural sun through the open curtains, pale and white, showing all of the dust particles suspended in air. She did not look up at him when Clint walked inside.

He stood there awkwardly, waiting for Natasha to turn to him and say something, anything, but no words came. She was completely still, eyes staring forward, no expression. Nothing bothered him more than seeing her like this.

With his jaw clenching in frustration, Clint pulled the chair away from the desk in the room, dragging it over the carpet before placing it to face her directly. He sat down, face stern, and arms crossed across his chest.

"Tasha." Was the only word that came from his lips, low and concerned, as a brother would be for a younger sister.

Natasha finally looked to her best friend, curled up on the edge of her bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her eyes held so much in, dead yet flaring with what she was not saying aloud. She tried to block out the look on his face, the silence and understanding between them.

"I'm sorry," She muttered. "I'm sorry for doubting you guys."

Clint frowned, and leaned forward in his chair to let his elbows rest on his knees. "What are you talking about?"

It took another minute or so for her to force out more.

"You were all right. Loki was trouble... I should have just listened to you guys when you warned me. Followed orders."

Clint knew it was not the right time to tell her what really happened, not if the plan was supposed to work. It was not his place, or his job to owe her the truth. It belonged to someone different. Right now, what mattered most, was her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly, still keeping his eyes set on her even if she looked away then.

"Fine."

"Natasha." Her jaw clenched, and Clint could see her fingernails dig into the skin of her palm as her hands balled into fists. "We both know that isn't true."

"I've been compromised." She murmured, finally showing some sort of expression on her face, something between anguish and pain, something a fallen soldier would wear after a battle. "I wish I could just shut him out, shut out everyone. Stay cold and keep everything together like I used to. It would be easier..." The monotone of Natasha's voice told too much, her steady stare on the carpet. She could not move. "I want to hurt him, show him how much I don't care. How he didn't get to me. I wish I could hate him. But I can't. And somehow it's so much worse."

Clint was silent as Natasha opened up, and knew this was a time in life when his silence was dearly needed.

"I can't stop feeling." She whispered, shutting her eyes. "He changed everything. He made me make myself whole. I can hide it all I want, but I can't stop. It won't stop."

Moments passed as neither of them talked, and Natasha simply sat in the company her friend that she finally decided to trust. With what she had lost, she felt there was no part of her left to lose, anyway.

"Do you need anything?" Clint asked softly, after twenty minutes had passed.

Natasha shook her head, eyes still squeezed shut. "Time."

Clint nodded, and stood up from his chair, walking to where she sat. He crouched down a bit to reach her, and planted a gentle kiss on the top of her head, in the fiery curls that had not been brushed. It was in that moment that the two of them fell into the other, and Natasha hugged her best friend tightly.

Clint heard her soft "thank you," in the nape of his neck with her arms wound around his shoulders, holding him close to her.

When they finally let go, the two of them looked at each other with an understanding, with a respect, and he nodded with no words before walking back out of the door of her room. Clint had done what he knew he could only do for the girl, and it made him happy enough.

Now, he had a much bigger and different problem to tackle.

* * *

Loki felt carpet beneath his back, as he had the past few nights, with the exception of one hardwood floor. He groaned, trying to shift his body, but only feeling a constant pain in his skull. A glass bottle was still pressed to his palm, half empty, but he was so used to this feeling that it did not make much of a difference.

Voices were soft in a different room of the apartment, the aftermath of a party, people waking up, feeling either pain or embarrassment. Some did not even care.

But this boy, he would always feel.

There were still a couple black splotches in his vision, and he tried to sit up, but failed. It was easy enough to understand he was in a bedroom, there may have been a half dressed couple on the bed still sleeping. He hoped he had not been involved in that at all, and felt heavy when he realized he could not remember anything from the night before, no different from any other day this week.

Suddenly the voices in the other room picked up, and loud footsteps could be heard from the hall. Every hit made Loki's head pound harder, and too dazed to make any sound, he shut his eyes and tried to block it out.

But they only came louder, and much, much closer.

Soon enough he felt a hand on his chest, balling the fabric of his tee shirt into a fist, and yanking him up from the spot on the floor. Loki opened his eyes slowly, vision fogged up and hazy, to see the stony stare of Clint Barton standing over him.

"Get up." He said.

* * *

**I'M BACKKK FROM THE ABYSS AND I FEEL TERRIBLE**

**I am so sorry it's taken so long to update, again, i feel really horrible about it. I didn't realize it had been three weeks. Lately I have not been capable of doing anything outside of school or the people around me, and the past weeks have literally been coming home from school, passing out, waking back up and doing all of my schoolwork, and then sleeping again and repeat. My mom thinks I might be getting mono. +some really wierd ass stuff has been happening in my life, like whoa I don't even know what to do. (Possibly a love interest? Which never happens?! WHAT DO I DO I WRITE LOVE STORIES I DON'T ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE THEM?!)**

**Also, I've taken up a strange habit of actually leaving my house and doing things?! WhaAat?**

**Anyway, chapter 27! ooooohooooooooo a cliffhanger! Review! Tell me how ya feeling. Please excuse any mistakes, I hurried to type and post if for y'all. Three more chapters left ;) Predictions! I will update as soon as possible!**


	29. Chapter 28: Some Assembly Required

**Chapter 28: Some Assembly Required**

* * *

**"If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am.**  
**And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again, You can tell me how vile I already know that I am.**  
**I'll grow old, start acting my age, It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.**  
**A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone, and it hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone.**  
**Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget**

**If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state. You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way.**  
**And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.**  
**It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.**  
**So call it quits, or get a grip. You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed.**  
**Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.**

**You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold.**  
**Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close.**  
**You are second-hand smoke, You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins, holding on to yourself the best you can.**  
**You are the smell before rain, You are the blood in my veins."**

**~ Brand New, "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot"**

* * *

Loki didn't even have enough to slur, "What do you want?" when Clint yanked him up by the collar to stand on his own two feet, and splashed a glass of iced water into his face. "What-" Loki gasped, eyes snapping open completely as he shook his head violently, sending water droplets everywhere. "What the fuck!"

Clint didn't say anything, just kept a strong grip on the boy's shirt despite the significant difference in height. He dragged Loki out of the room and through the apartment, ignoring his stumbling and falling beside him. Other people from the party the night before stared at Clint's aggression and scattered, assuming it was something drug or gambling related. They parted as the two went by. Tino nodded quietly from the kitchen once they reached the front door, now holding a pack of ice up to his eye where Clint had persuaded him to tell him where Loki was.

"Let go of me!" Loki shouted. He would have been much more intimidating if he could manage to walk, but he tripped and swayed as he was dragged around. There was still alcohol left in his system. "Let me go!"

Clint sighed deeply as he pulled the stubborn drunk through the downstairs bar, before opening the doors leading to outside and letting go of Loki roughly, causing him to fall to the pavement of the parking lot.

Loki laughed, grinning from ear to ear as he pushed himself up slowly, holding up his now red palms, scraped and cut. It matched his scarred knuckles, and he couldn't help but chuckle darkly at the irony. "What?" He asked harshly. "Here to fight for the girl's honor? Did she send you to get me?"

Clint frowned at the confused and delusional boy beneath him, frustrated. "I'm not here to fight you, and she didn't send me."

Loki spat on the ground, trying to get the nasty morning taste of vodka from his mouth, and squinted up at Clint painfully in the morning sunlight. His dark hair was wet, strands stuck to the sides of his face and neck. "Then why are you here?"

"Do you love her?"

_"What?"_

"Do you still love her?" Clint repeated, arms crossed across his chest.

Loki blinked slowly, and after a few moments his eyebrows pulled together as he sat on his knees. Every drunken and uncontrollable emotion that could have possibly hit him did, and Loki didn't say anything. The desperate attempt to find some kind of comfort like Natasha, to drown himself in alcohol until he could forget everything around him, and seeing now how it was failed. The grin fell from his lips, and he no longer was the menace, the boy who had just seemed so wild on the ground.

He was weak.

And he was broken.

Clint saw and knew, holding out a hand to the broken mess on the ground.

"Come on. You need to sober up."

* * *

Clint ordered the two of them black coffees at a cheap diner nearby, and stared at Loki intently as he didn't touch it.

Loki did not make any attempts to hide his disgruntled feelings, looking torn up and worn down in dirty clothes and greasy hair, unbrushed and not kept from the past couple days, and recently drenched in water. He had shadow on the sharp cut of his jaw and chin, leading down his neck. When they had been driving to find a place to eat, they had passed by the same diner he and Natasha had once gone to after the concert that now seemed like a faded story that belonged to someone else.

"What about that one?" Clint had asked, but Loki answered immediately.

"No. Not that one."

It seemed wherever he went, Loki was bombarded with the thought of her, and he could no longer tell if it was only in his head, or truly everywhere. Before, it would have made him so filled with rage, so dangerous. Now, he could not find any feeling inside to lead him to that. Loki had reached the climax, that now he was too numb, too vulnerable to do anything else.

The horrified expression of Natasha listening to the words he told her clashed with the memory of her laugh from that night at that one diner, sugar and salt crystals in her hair and eye lashes. It seemed so long ago, and Loki was not too broken up when Clint distracted him from the memory of a better time in his life.

"So, what do you think?" The stony boy asked, drinking the black coffee without breaking eye contact. Loki could not tell how Clint felt about anything, even if he liked him or not as a person. It gave him that usual urge to crack the safe and solve the riddle like he did with Natasha. He could see how the two of them would find friendship in the other.

"What I think?" Loki said warily. "I think it's absurd."

"Why?"

"She hates me." Loki said bitterly, looking down into his full cup of coffee and seeing his ragged and small reflection, his now sober mind still creating wild and delusional thoughts, only not acting on them.

_Remember everything you said to her? You know you do. How much you must of hurt her. How could she possibly care for you after that? How can you even think you're worth her time after doing that? She probably doesn't care. Just like how Odin and Frigga must not have cared..._

"What if I told you she doesn't?" Clint asked seriously, tilting his head at the boy who so easily shot himself down, who was the most talented liar but still did not realize when he lied to himself. It was still strange to think about how he was actually having a conversation with this boy, this legend- this broken myth.

"You can't know that."

"I've seen her. I've talked to her. She hasn't dealt with it in the way... that you have," Clint shook his head slowly, trying to push away the image of Natasha sitting on her bed, eyes dead and staring forward. "But I think this could work. We all think it should work."

Loki grimaced, and with pale and thin fingers, finally picked up his cup to take a large gulp of the strong drink. "I don't know. Maybe this is just how it should be." He looked out of the window, avoiding Clint's unwavering gaze. "You don't know what I did. You don't know what I said to her."

"No, I don't. But I know how she cares about you, and I can't stand to see her like this. Besides," Clint took out his wallet from his pocket, tossing a ten dollar bill on the table. "Not to be blunt, but you have nothing else to lose, right?"

Loki smirked at Clint's subtle humour. "I suppose you're right." He sighed, and let his head fall back. Clint could hear him mutter "fuck" from under his breath, running a hand through his greasy hair before he looked back to him. "So what do we do now?"

* * *

Loki immediately regretted his decision when he realized Clint's car was pulling into Tony Stark's driveway to enter his notorious house. It was the spot in Marvel everyone knew, because it was pretty noticeable. It was probably considered a national landmark, it was so huge. "I should have known everyone would be involved." He muttered, starting to feel the steady pound in his head from the expected hangover.

"Hey, it was their idea. They all want to help."

Clint could picture it now- all of them waiting in the den for him to arrive with Loki. Pepper giving them the talk of how they had to be nice, and try to make this work, no matter how much they may either be terrified of Loki or how much they feel he isn't a good guy.

Loki grunted and said something inaudible, his head dropping low to let his filthy hair cover his face. He was trying to keep his paranoia at ease, but he could not stop panicking, wondering if his brother was inside. He did not want to face Thor in this way, not after everything that had happened, not since it's been a week since he's had any encounters with his family.

They must know where he's been, and it hasn't been with Natasha.

_What you've been doing._

"Who's in there?" He asked, anxiety slipping out into his voice despite his attempt to hide it as they climbed from the car and began to walk. Clint seemed to get it, but did not make it obvious.

"Just Pepper, Tony, Steve, Jane, Peggy, Bruce and Maria."

Loki nodded, feeling somewhat less tense, but felt it grow once more as they finally stepped up to the front door and walked inside. He had never felt so out of place, his dirty boots stepping carefully onto the perfectly polished floors.

_Scum only making the world worse, much better off without him there._

A voice echoed through the house, polite and british, welcoming them. Loki jumped when he heard it, but Clint just chuckled at his startled reaction. "Hey Jarvis. They're downstairs, right?" Loki stared in disbelief at Clint as he replied to the voice casually, and as the voice answered him as if it were normal.

"Yes, sir. As per usual."

"Thank you, Jarvis."

It was silent after that as Clint led the two of them through the enormous and spotless kitchen and finally to another door in an ornately decorated hall, with stairs leading down. Loki was hesitant, worried, becoming quite conscious of how awful he must look. There were no reasons for Clint to be trusting him then, or for anyone to for that matter. He could barely remember the past week. The more he tried to think about it the more it slipped away, and it made his skin itch, crawl, _what have I done?_

And now he was about to enter a den filled with people who hated him, but were now apparently ready to give him a chance.

He could hear music playing from the bottom of the steps as he and Clint walked downtairs, some kind of rock, AC/DC, and soon enough he could also hear Tony Stark singing along. Then there was the louder voices of Pepper and Steve, too, complaining, and asking him to turn it lower or to change it.

Loki's heart was rapid, and he grit his teeth as they reached the last step, and then the floor. He kept his head down, but knew well that he had to look up, face them. He thought of Odin then, his stern voice from childhood, who would always tell him and Thor that they must be strong, they must. He bit down on the inside of his cheek, and looked up, partly hating himself for it.

It grew quiet then, as they stood in the room, Tony no longer singing and there being no more whiny complaints about the music. Just AC/DC blaring and making the entire situation much more awkward and slightly comical than it needed to be.

"He's agreed to the plan." Clint finally said to the silent people in the room, standing beside Loki with his arms crossed. He felt as if he was his only protection, and still could not believe he was even standing side by side with him. There was no way Clint could decide whether or not this was still a good idea even as it was in motion, or if he was even standing on the right side. What he knew was that if this worked, it would mean Natasha being happy. And he would not compromise until that happened.

Loki met all pairs of eyes that dissected him. The hands at his sides balled into fists, feeling the need to be aggressive with the lack of response he was getting, but could not find the conviction. His skin itched, it made him insecure. But he did not lash out, he only caved into himself. His eyes met shortly with Pepper's before she quickly looked away, standing next to Tony Stark. Steve and Peggy were on a couch together, Maria stood off to the side with Jane. Bruce was leaning against the pool table, and was the first to speak.

"Hello, Loki," He said softly, nodding his head to the boy on edge. Everyone else murmured a hello in greeting then, not rude or mean, just carefully. They did not know what to say, how to interact with Loki after everything they had all been through. It was easy to all agree on trying to befriend him to some extent so this plan would work, but it was much easier said than done.

They had all known, down under their judgement and bias towards the relationship, that Loki and Natasha should be together. Accepting that was not an simple change of mind, not after everything they had watched Loki do, and after seeing Natasha so changed and hurt. Even after accepting it, there was still a barrier, a wall, that they all needed to crush in order to reach each other. It was vital.

Tony was the first to jump into the pit of awkward, with no shame, of course. "We're ordering pizza... so if you want you can stay for a bit before we all go." He said it in his typical flippant way, which can easily come off differently than Tony may or may not have intended.

Loki then stuffed his hands in his pocket, pushed his shoulders back, and tilted his head slightly as the two of them looked at each other from across the room. In the instant of being challenged, Loki could find enough in him to still release some testosterone. The two boys made the room tense, with the same amount of superiority and dominance displayed. It was a strained moment, and as the others looked between the two of them, they then all felt as if the entire idea would fail just because they wouldn't be able to get along.

However, Loki did what no one was expecting, and smirked. It was too weak to be cynical or menacing. "Well. As long as I don't have to listen to AC/DC the entire time."

The room finally breathed, and everyone looked at Tony as a grin broke out on his face, pleasantly surprised and almost excited, having found someone who he could bounce snarky comments off of and have them returned.

"Well, what would you suggest?"

Everyone stared as Loki shuffled over to the speaker, and as his pale fingers traced Tony's stack of CD's. Eventually they seemed to find something they liked, and slipping the disk from the middle of the stack without any trouble, he inserted it into the massive stereo system the Stark home had. It was low but fast beats, with a guitar rapidly playing its notes, and a singer's slowed and sometimes slurred voice. Tony's raised an eyebrow in surprise, and looked at Loki in almost an awe.

"The Strokes, huh?" He grinned. "Wasn't expecting that."

Loki shrugged, suddenly shy at the warm reaction he got to his choice of music, and just smiled weakly, stuffing his hands in his pockets once more. They could not hear Steve whisper to Peggy on the other side of the room, clearly distraught. "This music isn't any better."

* * *

Pepper had been hushed since Loki had first arrived in Tony's house.

She was sure the plan would work, and she was positive that if anyone could get Natasha and Loki back together, it was her with the power of the group. But she was scared and apprehensive, because fixing that problem did not necessarily mean fixing the problem between her and Loki.

Pepper knew she had fucked up.

And she knew it would not be something forgotten easily, regardless of how much she wanted it to be. There was no way she could take the words she had said back inside her mouth, or erase Loki's broken face from her mind. It was a relief to her right then and there when Loki had come down the stairs that he did not openly attacked her, or rightfully screamed at her for what she made him believe.

It was after Tony had thrown himself in Loki's path, in which resulted in the two mischievous boys weirdly bonding, when Pepper knew it was her time to make a move. The music Loki had chosen was playing loudly, and Steve made more openly frustrated comments about it to Tony, who responded to the pressure situation with snark.

Loki was quiet in their group as the two boys butted heads, looking down at his hands with a frown, the expression his face would often be in whenever he was not spoken to. Pepper seized the opportunity. She slowly walked her way over, and nobody noticed.

He didn't look up at her when she came to face him, and Pepper was hesitant when she spoke. "Uh...Loki?"

His head snapped up in surprise, confused for a few short moments at the attention. She could see the process of realization in his eyes as he composed himself, but did not grin or smile like he was already doing with Tony. He was tensed. Guarding himself.

"I'm sorry." Pepper said, her cheeks flushing red with the light brown freckles over her nose. "I was wrong. I hope you know that, right?" Pepper felt awkward and lame, but kept talking in fear of Loki's unreadable expression. "I was angry, and I thought you were what I should be angry at. I lied in the moment because I thought it was for the better. I was scared of you. Natasha does still care about you, and she couldn't forget you. She hasn't. And I'm sorry... I think you and... and Natasha should be together. I shouldn't have judged you. I'm sorry."

Loki felt so foul and worn down, and could not understand how after he had done exactly what it meant to prove Pepper's words about not deserving her best friend, she was now apologizing and believing in him. He grew softer for a moment, and the only reply he gave was the steady nod of his head to her, showing he understood and accepted everything she was saying. What he did not expect was the tiny ginger girl to attack him in a hug, her thin arms only managing to wind around his waist like a tight rubber band.

At first he was frozen, not only in shock at Pepper willing to touch him, but also for the pure human contact. The last time he had been physically touched that wasn't aggressive or with the intention of hurting him was probably when he was last hugged by Natasha, whenever that was. And the girl, who he tried to replace Natasha with. The memory made him shudder.

It was then that the others finally noticed Pepper and Loki, and grew quiet as they watched the two with the most tension come clean. Loki did not know what to do with the long and gawky girl hugging him other than to hug back, letting in the warm comfort. He forgot how great it could feel, even if he felt he was not worth hugging.

As quickly as it had happened, Pepper broke away, blushing furiously as she crossed her thin arms over her chest and cleared her throat. "So, yeah." She squeaked. Loki couldn't help but smile, which she returned before turning to shuffle away to stand next to Tony, who made a cheeky comment about how cute the scene was.

This did not help the color leave Pepper's face.

* * *

Bruce Banner eventually moved away from the pool table to join the group of them who had migrated to the couches in the den. As of now, they were all managing well together. The conversation was light, however, and was casual yet cautious. They all never left the topics like teachers or Marvel High, not touching on anything sensitive. They were all just finding a way to somehow communicate with each other.

Loki was still very noticeably uncomfortable most of the time. He was constantly touching his hair and pushing it in different places, scratching a single spot on his arm, wringing his hands. Although the others chose to ignore these obvious movements, and knew it was anxiety, worry, and fear. Tony still started conversation as if it was not so, trying to include Loki as he included Thor on the first day of school.

It was as if the dark haired boy had a switch that he would turn on and off. When going unnoticed, he would slip into how he really felt. When spoken to, however, and when given the possibility of letting that sass and cynical charisma come out, he would let that charming and devilish grin be exposed. The more he realized that other people seemed to not only accept this playfulness, but enjoy it, the more easily it would reveal itself. No one had realized how much and how easy it was for Loki to grow on them until he did. Just as he once did to Natasha.

Bruce still remained off to the side, however, and did not take part in much conversation no matter how much he was starting to like Loki's presence, or no matter how much he wanted to talk with this interesting person.

He instead watched Loki interact with different people. The boy did not touch any of the pizza when it first arrived, even though he looked like he needed it in his system. It was Pepper who had literally forced a slice into his hand, telling him that he needed to eat something after he had told her reluctantly that the last thing he could actually remember eating was a bagel a week ago.

It was maybe a few months back when Bruce had realized something about this prone to trouble child, but he had kept it to himself. Everyone had been in such a frenzy when it was let out that Natasha was so close to this boy, the one who had the tendency to lose his head, and to lose his control.

Bruce had realized, very quickly, that he was no different from Loki.

For the longest time, Bruce had blamed himself for his inescapable problems. The anger he would feel, the actions he did thereafter that he could never stop. It was not fair for him to face up to these things. Although as time passed, and as he found this wonderful and strange group of friends, he learned how to be better. To control what everyone believed was impossible.

He was silent as he stared as Loki managed to crack some kind of witty joke, and as Tony bursted into loud and obnoxious laughter. It was in these very brief moments in which Loki would display some kind of confidence, enough to pull off such a joke, before settling back into himself, and hiding under his skin, still wary of the group he was surrounded by.

Bruce knew, and he thought.

Maybe this entire time, no one knew how to accept him because they did not understand him. Maybe all of the things he had done was motivated by something he couldn't control, an anger and rage sparked by an outside force that he could have never stopped if he had wanted.

The only thing this boy ever needed was to be accepted, you could see it in the spark in his eyes whenever someone would so much as acknowledge him.

Bruce smiled as he took his glasses off and took out the cloth from his pockets to wipe the smudges off. He had a hypothesis, and had come to his conclusion. This boy was indeed no monster, just as he himself was no monster. He was just a boy.

A boy trying to find his footing, just like he used to be.

* * *

After the group of them had managed to get through three boxes of pizza, it was time to act on the plan, the entire reason Loki was here at all. "I think we should all get going," Clint suggested, having stood by Loki's side through the entire session. "The store is probably going to close soon."

Pepper nodded. "You're right. We should go now."

Everyone started to stand up, grabbing their coats and bags. Loki remained seated on one of the chairs in the den, a little struck by the sudden movement, and knowing what he was really about to get himself into. "You ready, Loki?" Tony called as he started to strut to the stairs, Pepper scurrying after him, and the group slowly but surely moving after. "Time to get fabulous!"

The dark haired boy's hands turned to fists once more, and he stood up reluctantly, unsmiling and not excited to really get this machine moving. Clint could see the nerves, and placed a hand on Loki's shoulder.

"Come on, I'll drive you."

Loki avoided Clint's eyes when he asked the question. "Can I maybe... stop at home first?"

Clint nodded, knowing too well what that really meant. "Of course."

* * *

Loki's heart was in his throat when they pulled into the driveway of his house, and put the car in park. He barely heard Clint say, "I'll wait in the car. Come out when you're ready."

He did not say anything. When he moved, it felt as if his body was stuck in some kind of warp, or as if the world was then put into slow motion, and he was just gradually making his way to opening the car door, step by step, to his old home. His lungs were not breathing the way they should be, and his line of vision was blurred to see nothing but the front door.

It was surreal, and strange, and he almost knocked when he realized he could just walk inside. His hand slipped on the knob a couple times before he could manage to turn it. The door swung open and creaked on its hinges, revealing an empty hallway leading into the kitchen. Loki almost turned around and just sprinted back to the car, telling Clint to step on the gas and drive away while they still could.

But he was found before he had a chance to escape. Thor's face came into view, standing in the open doorway between the kitchen and hall with a frown on his face, wondering why he had heard the front door open.

The two boys stared at each other from the distance of the hallway.

Thor looked as if he had finally started breathing after hours of being suffocated once he saw his adopted brother, his body caving in slightly as his lips managed a smile of relief. Loki did not move, did not smile, he was too nervous to do anything.

_Not after what you've done. Not after finding out the truth about them- the people who used to be your family..._

Just being in the house was painful, seeing the empty couch in the den that Frigga would always lay and read books in, the chair Odin would always read the paper. The kitchen behind Thor, where everything spiralled out of control.

"Brother," Thor said, and the enormous boy moved forward too quickly for Loki to evade his bear hug. He was still torn, a part of him wanting to tear away, to hold on to his anger and unleash it on his adopted brother. But Loki had seen and felt so much in the past few days, that he swallowed his pride, and found enough strength to wrap his arms around Thor, too. "I've been so worried!"

"I'm sorry," Loki muttered, letting the comfort of the embrace in. "I'm so sorry."

He felt tears brim in his eyes once more, just as they had been doing so much lately. His knees felt weak and his body felt like jello, much smaller than Thor's bulking build. Loki allowed himself to be held, even though he knew it meant showing weakness, or how vulnerable he was.

A bizarre feeling curled in his stomach when he realized he didn't even care.

It didn't matter.

For so long, part of his problems were rejecting those who tried to care about him. To be stubborn and refuse to let go of his dominance and power complex. He pushed away Thor so many times, too many times, and even now when he knew that they weren't blood related- Loki loved the boy he grew up with.

The material of his dirty black tee shirt was wet on his shoulder where Thor rested his head, and it didn't take long until Loki noticed Thor's flannel under his head was wet, too. "I'm sorry," Loki gasped, his body heaving now. "I'm so sorry..."

Nothing was a better release than sobbing. While Loki loved and needed Natasha- nothing could compare to his family letting him back in.

After a few moments of remaining in an embrace, footsteps were heard from the kitchen. "Thor? What is it?"

Frigga's head appeared in the doorway, eyes widening in shock. She dropped the vase of flowers she had held in her hands, the ceramic shattering all over the wood floor. The small and delicate white flowers that it had contained fell also, drowning in the puddle of water now left there. Frigga let out a shriek, her hands flying to her mouth as tears immediately began to stream down her cheeks, the mother stunned to see her youngest son once more.

At the sound of something breaking, Odin soon showed up next to Frigga. There was no big reaction, no tears from him, only the most desperate his voice could manage to be. "Loki?"

The youngest son froze, and stared at the two parents from over Thor's shoulder until Thor stepped back and to the side, forcing Loki to completely face them with no brother to block it.

"We thought you wouldn't come back," Frigga cried, the most beautiful and relieved smile breaking out on her face, her cheeks wet. "We thought we had lost you!"

The more Loki stood there, the more he knew he was not ready for this, and how he should not have come here. But he was not ready when Odin and Frigga flipped his entire world inside out, and he had to all the same.

_If you don't do this now, you never will._

She tried to move over the broken pieces of vase to get to the other end of the hallway, but Loki held up his hands, and took a step back. Frigga's smile slipped, and she was hurt by his silent rejection.

"I'm not ready." Loki said quietly, but the air was dead, and everyone could hear his words clearly. He looked to Thor hopefully, and found the blonde head bobbing up and down, understanding. "Just because I'm here doesn't mean I've forgiven you. It doesn't mean I've forgotten what you've done. Things have changed. They're different now. And you can't expect me to come back and go back to the way things were before." It was only an echo of the cold and cruel voice he had. Loki frowned, and sucked in some air. "I love you both. But I can't do this yet."

Loki met Odin's gaze, who took on these words with heavy guilt. The father looked at the boy he had raised. He looked like a wreck, as if he had been thrown down into hell and back. Odin respected the boy, and knew he owed this to him.

He was lucky his youngest son had even chosen to come back at all.

"Then why have you come here?" Frigga asked.

Loki didn't know what made him tell Clint to drive here instead of straight to the store. It didn't occur to him until he had got there. He shifted and began to move towards the front door left open, stepping back outside. "I came here for my brother."

Loki needed his help to pick out the right tux.

* * *

After ten minutes, Clint watched as Thor and Loki both walked from the front door left ajar to his car. He did not know what he should have expected, but it certainly wasn't to see the two brothers together, to see Loki not being vicious and Thor being as cheerful as he used to be- but Clint asked no questions when they got in the car.

"Ready?" He asked, turning the car back on after sitting in the driveway for so long waiting.

"Ready." Loki said, whatever had just happened in that house made his voice seem calm, a new glint of determination restored in his eyes that looked as if it belonged to the Loki from the past. "Let's go."

* * *

Tony rolled his eyes and yelled once they finally made it to Men's Wearhouse, the group of them having been waiting up for Clint's car to roll into the mall parking lot outside the store. "It's about time! What did you do, stop for drive through?"

There was no more complaining when they saw who else was in the car with Clint and Loki. Instead, they all just moved as quickly as possible into the formal wear store to avoid any kind of confrontation over domestic issues they were not apart of.

The fitting room took a while, seeing as Pepper had grabbed every single possibility off the racks and thrown them in Loki's hands, who felt uncomfortable holding such nicely pressed and cleaned suits. "Me and the girls are going to run and get the dress. You guys figure out the suit, I know you look best in green but you're going to wear all black, okay? And if you aren't sure, text me pictures because-"

"God, Pepper, we can handle it." Tony cut her off, and waved his hand. "Go get Natasha's dress."

Pepper's lips pursed into a straight line, and she huffed a "fine" before turning to follow Peggy, Maria, and Jane, who had already begun to walk away to get to the different store in the mall.

"I still don't know how you managed to convince her to go to prom with you." Steve muttered as the guys all stared at the girls as they left. Tony smiled cheekily.

"How do you _think_ I convinced her to go to prom with me?"

Tony teased Steve for blushing for a considerable amount of time as Loki tried on different suits with the guys waiting outside. Each time he would come out, Tony would wolf whistle, and the others would mumble awkward words of advice. When he changed, Loki could not help but note how this must be what it felt like to be a part of something. To have friends.

"That's it. That's the one." Tony shouted, pointing wildly when Loki came out of the dressing room for the eighth time. Clint shrugged, Steve nodded in approval, and Thor glowed.

Loki looked down at himself, but did not really find a difference in any of the suits. It was gradually hitting him that he had chosen to be a part of this deal, and that buying a suit was the last thing to worry about in this plan that probably would not work.

_But you have to try. _

_You have to try for her._

* * *

When the guys made it to the register, the girls were already walking back into the store, Pepper lugging a heavy bag with the large logo of a prom dress store.

"We got it! They still had it on reserve for us." Pepper said, an obvious look of pride on her face. "I'll keep it in my car for now, but I think we're all gonna get going. I need to get home for dinner."

Everyone else seemed to have the same dilemma, and most waved and said their goodbyes before heading out to their cars. Steve and Peggy left arm in arm, Bruce left alone. Jane went with Peggy after kissing Thor goodbye, who refused to leave Loki's side. It took both convincing from Loki and Clint to get Thor to go and wait out by the car for Loki to pay for the suit.

At first Loki did not realize that there was one person in the group who had not left yet still standing there with him, while he was fumbling with his wallet once the man behind the counter read the price of the suit aloud.

It was more expensive than he realized.

Loki pulled his hands out of his pockets, embarrassed to find no money. He tried to hide his face with his dark hair as he went through his wallet again, hands shaking. There was nothing there, he knew, but something about trying again made him feel less pathetic.

"I thought..." Loki muttered. "I thought I had something on me..."

But there wasn't, and he knew it. He had spent all of his money on beer and alcohol.

After a few more awkward moments of him desperately searching his pockets once more, Loki felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw Tony Stark standing behind him, no snide remarks or sassy expressions. No jokes. Just a credit card in his hand.

Loki shook his head, but Tony rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about it." Tony gave the man behind the desk the card with a charming smile, and the two teenage boys stood together in silence as he paid.

"You still aren't going home, aren't you? You don't have anywhere to go?" Tony asked at last, his wide and unblinking brown eyes making Loki unsure of what to expect. He didn't need to answer for Tony to know the answer.

"You can stay at my house for the time being. We have a lot of extra rooms."

Tony Stark did not know what compelled him to do this, or to be so gracious to someone who had such a record. He supposed maybe it was because he had a record to match, only he had the luxury of not being exposed and trashed for it. It would be a lie to say he did not genuinely enjoy Loki's presence- at least when he managed to make jokes that could level his.

He knew how badly he had treated him before, but did not feel that same dislike anymore. Rock of ages had grown on him.

The bag with his suit was handed over the counter to them as the cashier man thanked them, and told them to have a wonderful day. Loki could not understand Tony just as much as Tony could not understand himself, but eventually nodded slightly.

"Thank you."

* * *

**Firstly, I'd like to say that I am so unbelievably sorry. ****I'm so sorry for how long it's been, there's really nothing I can say to justify myself. I left you guys hanging and it was stupid of me, because I chose to dedicate myself to this fanfiction and I put it on a delay. **

**The only thing I can tell you for some sort of excuse is that life grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me through the grinds. **

**Lately I've just kind of been pushed into the real and pretty crazy world. Whether its preparing for the SATS, actually taking the SATS, the HSPAs, visiting and researching colleges, or other schoolwork- I've been sucked up into a wormhole. There was also a whole two weeks in which I didn't have internet at all because my mom switched networks and it ended horribly. It was a fiasco. And also my school does this thing every year called battle of the classes, which I was in charge of, which completely became my life for a solid month up until last Friday.**

**...And remember how i mentioned i might have a love interest? yeah... well, it's kind of legitimate, which is not at all what i was expecting, because this kind of stuff literally never happens to me. But it did. I'm still really in shock about all of it. He's wonderful, and I'm so incredibly happy being around him. B****eing in a relationship is so bizarre, and I'm sorry that the whirlwind my life has been lately has kept me from my writing obligations, especially at a cliff hanger. **

**But I will tell you now that I never, ever, ever had any intentions of leaving you guys there. From the beginning I've had this entire story plotted out, and I would never give up on it, or leave you guys. I know that doesn't make what I did any better, so now a****ll I can do is hope you enjoy the chapter, and tell you that there's going to be 2 more. **

**I'm sorry, once again, for everything. And I hope you guys know that you really are the greatest, and I've missed you all. You are my motivation. And you are all the single reason this story has even come this far at all. I hope you enjoy this long monster chapter, and still let me back into your usual fanfiction readings.**


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